Miko waved at the camera excitedly. "Hi, folks of Planet Earth-!"
"Miko..." A groaning voice said offscreen.
"Shh. Anyway, I present to you an extraordinary fact and fiction reveal of the Transformers, exclusively at Outpost Omega, Nevada. Today, we will tell you all there is to know about the various species collectively called Transformers. With me, I have our resident pirate-themed geek and ruler of the Seven Seas, Max Jacova!"
A disgruntled Max appeared on camera and gave the girl a harsh glare. "Out of all the ways you could have introduced me, that was terrible. Also, 'ruler of the Seven Seas?' Miko, you realize that I'm not like a pirate king or whatever you're-"
Miko placed a figure up to pause him, "-You are the equivalent of the Angel of Death. That gives me enough incentive to play up your grand entrance to the Internet."
"Ah, yes, the magnificent place where you stare at a screen for fifteen hours a day if you have the chance. Two hundred plus years to see humanity go from vast pioneers to walking screensavers. What a time to be alive for me," he answered sarcastically.
"Dude, you aren't helping your image here."
"Miko...just get on with the damn-!"
"Maxie is an expert of mythical creatures, haunting paranormal, and the focus of the subject which is the Transformers themselves. Today, Max and I will answer all your questions and your newfound neighbors hailing from planets such as Cybertron, Caminus, Velocitron, Junkion, and even the dreaded Aquatron. Max, I am going to ask you a series of questions and if you please, tell our dear audience your boundless knowledge about each."
Max looked at the camera, pushing aside the awkward angle of his weaponry on his hips as he sat down on the couch. He then gave a quick, concerned glance at Miko. "Very pleased to be here, uh, Miko. And yes, I will answer anything you desire...did...did you just call me 'Maxie' just now? Miko, I will kick your scrawny butt across this desert if I ever hear that nickname again."
Miko gave a smile to the camera which shifted to an unsure expression upon hearing Max's threat. "W-well, let's just continue, shall we?"
"Please, I'm already not in a nice mood here."
The girl sighed, "Okay, okay, let's just run through the questions. So impatient."
1. How many types of Transformers are there?
Max hummed, "Um, it depends if you count certain sub-groups or not because some are technically the same, but they have variants. There are roughly about, mm, 1,000 types of Transformers including sub-groups. Basic count would actually be about 800. Most all lifeforms like animals found on planets like Caminus or Aquatron, not counting the bots of course, don't transform so they aren't considered a type of Transformer despite being mechanical like said bots. Some non-sentients or limited sentient beings do transform so the number given is taking that into consideration.
"What I mean by sub-groups is that you have, for instance, Cybertron war frames like Megatron against civilian builds like Bumblebee. So, counting Autobots and Decepticons as sub-groups would be a classification of a type each therefore, they would count separate despite being technically the exact same. Minicons against the Common Cybertronian would always be considered separate, however, being they are entirely their own category with completely different CNA altogether."
2. Is it possible for there to be a total organic Transformer?
"This is your question, isn't it, Miko? I get the feeling some of these are specifically yours," he smirked.
"Maybe," she answered.
"This one is difficult because although it is, in a sense possible, it isn't at the same time. The problem with organic creatures like us is that most everything is comprised of bone, muscle, and nerves on top of delicate organs. So, if your body transforms, it must shift the bones through the muscle and that will brush against the nervous system no matter what. Hypothetically, it would be a very painful process. If your body isn't designed perfectly to accommodate all the places those important parts of you need to move, you would either die from the pain or another thing to consider is your organs which could potentially be popped or crushed by the movements.
"A good example of a type of organic transformation is the octopus. The structure of the octopus can stretch, can shift almost any given way and although it doesn't turn into a completely different form like you know a Transformer can do, it's one of the closest species that can come close. The reason I mainly say it isn't possible because if by some small chance anything aside from the likes of a very flexible creature like the octopus can transform, it would probably kill itself by accident before it goes into its adolescent years, not reaching adulthood at all."
3. What is the friendliest type of Transformer?
"Oh boy, that is a short list of possible candidates. In my opinion, the friendliest is a Velocitron Scout Minicon. Those little speedsters are really nice for inhabitants on a planet where speed is everything and if you're slow, the other types will yell at you. They are like the saving graces of redeemability for that planet."
4. What is the deadliest type of Transformer?
Max pursed his lips in thought. "Uh, the Common Cybertronian is unfortunately very deadly in terms of strategy and kill count out of most. However, there is a species of Transformer called an Akaripa, a.k.a. the Swansongs, who are a type of siren swan-based Seeker native to Kanjis, a techno-organic world. They may not have a kill count as high as the Common Cybertronian, but they are quite malicious and I would rather deal with anything from Cybertron than them primarily because they have a 99% mortality rate of their victims through nigh unbreakable hypnotism, with the remaining percentage the only reason anyone knows about them, whereas the Common Cybertronian has only 70% mortality rate. I know an Akaripa would kill me but depending on the faction, Autobot or Decepticon mainly, I have about a fifty-fifty chance of being murdered so I'd rather take those odds than against an Akaripa."
5. Can Transformers reproduce?
The pirate stared at the question, then at Miko. "Why?"
"I didn't ask it if that's what you're implying," the girl assured him, leading to him giving her a skeptical raise of his brows.
"You sound pretty guilty."
"Will you answer the question though is mine," she smiled.
He gave her one last suspicious glare before clearing his throat, "Yes, they can but it depends on the species how it occurs. Techno-organics are well known to be able to reproduce, given their organic-like qualities. Cybertronian and Velocitronian breeds can but there are two methods and good luck catching either doing so. They can give live birth like us, but they also have the ability to create a type of egg. In times that they aren't ready to be parents or there's conflict, i.e. a war, they will do a form of convergence and create a specialized shell to house the sparklings, the proper term for a Transformer baby, in a pseudo stasis. These eggs can hold the sparklings in limbo for about thirty years but as soon as energy depletion reaches a dangerous point, the egg will be forced to awaken the sparklings.
"This has caused some problems, as you can imagine. The Great War between Autobots and Decepticons lasted almost fifty thousand years Earth time. Many young that were put into these egg forms were stored away but given the limited time, they awoke with no one to feed them Energon to sustain themselves and, unfortunately, many offspring passed away as a result. I think after about five years into the war is when everyone on Cybertron halted any reproduction possible and just started creating life solely from the Well of Allsparks alone for battle-ready soldiers."
6. Can an organic lifeform be turned into a cybernetic Transformer?
"Uhhhmmm, yes...and no. There is a story to this, and I witnessed this myself. A few years ago, the Allspark granted a human kid who was dying of brain cancer the ability to become a Cybertronian as their last wish was to just walk among the Cybertronians for at least a day as one. It worked! The kid was a grounder by the looks of the wheels, and it seemed legit...except one problem. The kid couldn't transform. The reason why is because when you are converted into a different species, every part of your body tries to match the transfer of equivalent parts. For instance, your heart would become your spark because they are the same organ essentially. There was no organ that matched the ability of a T-cog so the kid didn't get one. The Allspark can't make an organ that doesn't exist appear out of nowhere without a reference. Transformers have more organs than humans so it was the T-cog and two other organs the kid didn't have which was also why the Allpsark had to limit his transformation to a day because one of them was vital for keeping the systems cooled.
"The same thing works in reverse for holoforms, you know the human holographic forms Transformers can take up to walk among us? Well, if you have a tail, horns, or wings, there is nothing on a human being that can mimic that, so those parts don't transition well. Instead, what will happen is after the holoform takes all the human aspects it can to make the mold of the avatar, it will search for any other specimens nearby to fill in the gaps of the transition to make those pesky features appear organic. So, if you have a dragon-like tail as a Predacon, the closest thing you can get for your holoform specs is an Earth-based lizard so suddenly you have a human holoform with a reptilian scaled tail that looks out of place. The tail exists on the Transformer, but it doesn't exist on a human. So, the opposite can occur when you don't have something when you turn into a species that does have it. Does that make sense?"
Miko gave a sudden frown, "So, you're saying if I wanted to be a Transformer, I would only look like one but not actually be one?"
Max shrugged before giving her a smug look. "Pretty much. Reality sucks, doesn't it?"
7. What is the most common Transformer species?
"Currently? That would be, mmm, I would think the Caminus' main populace, the Common Caminens. They have been undisturbed despite the other cybernetic worlds' problems and wars. They also have the largest femme bot population of all the worlds as well, a grand majority of Caminens being femmes themselves. Previously, the Common Cybertronians had the highest populace until their big war broke out."
8. What is the least common Transformer species?
Max began to laugh, "Ironically, I technically just mentioned them! Oh damn, poor Cybertronians. Their species went from the most common to least common because of that war which is really sad. They basically mass-exterminated themselves on an astronomical level and what's worse is they can't recover from that much damage, not in the next several million years unless they start reproducing like rabbits."
Miko winced, "That bad, huh?"
"You've witnessed it. How many Autobots did you know until recently?"
"Only about fifteen really."
"There you go. Less than a hundred specimens of the Common Cybertronians were known until a few years ago. That's brink of extinction level and that was also counting the Decepticons as well," the pirate said.
9. What is a Transformer's biggest weakness in general?
"This one is easy. Freezing temperatures. Most species cannot survive below direct elemental cold of minus 100 degrees. It creates ice burn and suffocates their systems causing gradual shutdowns. Of course, that's assuming you can get a Transformer to stay in the cold long enough for it to occur. They are still very resilient to such climates. Chances are they are going to leave that area as soon as possible and if you try to force them to stay, they will kill you or incapacitate you."
Miko suddenly held up a finger curiously. "Wait, if they can't survive cold, how can they survive space? Isn't that like freezing below minus 200 degrees?"
Max shook his head, "Technically, space is minus 400 degrees in certain areas but not continuously throughout the whole span of it, and it isn't a constant cold like going to Antarctica where you are directly exposed to such temperatures until you die. Space works a bit different with cold. Yes, a type of ice can form. Yes, you can experience cold but it won't produce the same results because it's in stagnant gravity and no push of the elements like wind or other factors that contribute to such conditions as snow and ice like water. Cybernetic beings like Cybertronians would die on Earth in the threshold of Antarctica where they are getting the full blast of the elements on top of cold air more so than they would in non-moving cold in space where their motion against the stable cold spot wouldn't do anything fast enough to hurt them. There's no movement of atoms for the cold to cause the problems they would suffer on a frozen planet with gravity and shifting elements despite being a few hundred degrees colder."
"Nerd alert."
10. What is a Transformer's biggest strength in general?
"Durability," Max answered. "Techno-organic, cybernetic, whatever. These guys can take a whole lot of punishment. It's honestly ridiculous how they can survive things practically no other species could. Whack to the head enough to cause the neck to bend back too far? That would paralyze, if not kill, a human being if it's done right. A Transformer? They could shrug it off like it was nothing and continue fighting."
"So, let's just say I blast Bulkhead right in the chest. You're saying that might not kill him?" Miko asked.
"You better have one powerful weapon to go deep enough to penetrate the armor and destroy the spark in one go or you aren't going to do anything except piss them off."
11. Is it possible for a human to kill a Transformer and has it been done with no exterior help?
Max gave a brief chuckle, "Aha ah, Miko, this is definitely yours. By exterior help, I assume you mean by no technology higher than a human's and no help from another Transformer. I know you killed Hardshell with Wheeljack's ship so that alone is impressive and answers the first half of the question."
Miko smiled eagerly, "And the second half?"
"It is...but you have to know where to aim. The fastest way to kill a Transformer is borderline Deadshot-level sniping skills. It's very hard to do but it's not impossible. You know how humans have the artery called the carotid, any damage to it can lead to death with about ten seconds? There is a master cable near a Transformer's spine called the critical cable and it is the main supporter of all the neurological and physical feeds from the processor throughout the body. It has several smaller stands of wiring and a pump to keep the lines cool from overheating because it does so much. Unlike the carotid, the critical cable is very well hidden, protected by armor but there is a crevice where you can see it without realizing it. It's right as the back strut merges into lighter metal and cabling that forms the neck and depending on the layout of the Transformer is its position.
"If you hit the critical cable, what will happen is by piercing the array of smaller wires within it will cause massive sparking because they are wires you don't want entangled. They don't mix and so you get this sparking and it's wrapped around that air flow cable that keeps everything cool with a specialized gas. That sparks and that's when everything goes wrong. The gas ignites and sends a pulse straight to both the processor and the spark that basically explodes both from the sudden pressure, killing them instantly."
"I take it you've killed one to know this?"
Max nodded, "I killed five like that, the first one was complete accident. I was aiming for something else and it happened to work because the bot moved. I saw how fast the damage was and so I tried again on a different Transformer to see if it was a fluke. Apparently, all Transformers have them. I tried overall with fifteen but ten of them either moved or I happened to be off from getting into the crevice where the cable is hidden."
12. Do Transformers have genitalia?
"Miko, what is this?!"
"It's a question, Davy Jones. Don't tell me you forgot how to read."
Max huffed, "You are trying my patience-Miko, this is the worst question ever you could ask."
"But does it have an answer?"
"Yes, they do but I'm not giving a full explanation of it. The fastest way to explain is Transformers either have both or one type. It's random what they get when they are created. If they wish to add parts or remove them, it's entirely possible too."
"Does that mean trans Transformers exist?"
"No, because transgender means changing from birth gender to whichever gender is the preference. Most Transformers don't have that because they don't have actual genders so it would be an oxymoron to say they can unless you encounter the very few that do. They can go by pronouns like us but it doesn't define them at all. They are a unisex species and all of them can have sparklings. The only thing that can be different is just the structure of their overall frame, like a flyer compared to a grounder, and they can change that but everything else means nothing to them. The terms 'mech' and 'femme' are only matched to whichever each bot chooses to go as, sometimes they choose neither. There is no assigned terminology really except when the sparklings are born, the creators just randomly say 'he' or 'she' until they are old enough to choose for themselves because calling a sparkling 'it' is weird and 'they' gets confusing, especially if you have more than one."
13. Can a Transformer have a relationship with a human?
Max glared again at Miko. "You know I don't like you when you do stuff like this."
"We're all thinking it, I'm just putting it down."
"Alright fine, you want an explanation? I'll give you one this time...in general, like romantically, there is no real harm I suppose. If it happens, it's whatever, in my opinion. Sexually, not possible except by Minicons...maybe. Here's why, and I think that's what you wanted to hear above all. Most all cybernetic forms are about three times larger than a human or more. Their assets would tear you apart and it would be an excruciatingly painful experience. Our bodies can only take so much. If you are being the dominant one, you aren't even going to come close to bringing any type of Transformer into an overloaded state because a lot of their sensitive areas are farther up so good luck. If your relationship is just you getting something, it's very ill advised because most types of Transformers are very greedy when it comes to pleasure. They will get pissed if you can't deliver something of equal value."
Miko narrowed her eyes and asked, "How do you know so much about that?"
"Why are you asking a question about sexuality in Transformers?"
"Why are you dodging the question?"
"I do not owe you any more explanations at this point for the audacity of this question alone grazing my presence. Let's move on."
14. What species of Transformer is the largest to exist?
"Planetborn like Primus and Unicron are the largest Transformers to exist. However, they are also physical gods so I guess that doesn't really count. The largest besides them is the titan class citywalkers like Metroplex. They are so massive and very common on Caminus that a special link was created for them to communicate with and cityspeakers, bots who were given said ability to communicate with them, were birthed from this link. After citywalkers, you have Combiners which depending on your view of things, they either are considered a full entity or they are considered just a combination of separate entities."
15. What species of Transformer is the smallest to exist?
"Ha, there's a species known as, oh you'll love this, Minibite Minicons. They are very tiny. They can take the shape of small Earth creatures, objects, and they are well known for being mischievous. They are one of the few species of Transformer that can't reproduce. They are created solely from the Well and they are more of a gimmick than an actual bot with a purpose but they are fun to be around."
"I get the feeling there's another species that's second place to that you want to share," Miko grinned.
"The second smallest is a species that reaches just to our knees and they are kind of like those toy dog breeds you see. Their literal name is Toy Minicons or Teacup Minicons as they have been called here on Earth because they have a very vibrant color scheme like you see on tyke toys. But you should see their sparklings. You can hold a Teacup sparkling in your hand and they are ridiculously cute! They are the type of Transformer you would want as a pet, not recommended though."
16. How many worlds do Transformers occupy?
Max crossed his legs and leaned back on the couch with a sigh, "How many questions are there, Miko?"
"Answer the damn-"
"Not until you answer mine. I have the rest of my ageless life to sit here. I don't think you have that time."
"50 total."
Max smirked, "Not counting current occupations they aren't native to, there are ten known worlds. There are twenty-five total worlds that includes where they occupy like Chaar and Earth."
17. Are there any invasive species of Transformer?
"Of Transformer? No, but the Decepticons were notable plunderers of any world that wasn't associated with them so maybe that counts. Of cybernetic make on the same worlds? Yes. Scraplets and Quintessons are both horrendous. One eats everything in sight like a plague of termites and the other is an armored organic species that just destroys all worlds they deem 'unfit' to exist. Absolutely crude."
18. What environments can a Transformer thrive in?
Max gestured with his clawed gauntlets, "Again, it depends on the species. The most common environment is 50-degree temperatures like metal-based planets often are. It's not too cold for them and not too warm so they thrive on temperature neutral regions the best. Some species like extremely high heat because there's less damage that can be inflicted and it keeps their fluids running smoother whereas cold, as mentioned previously, causes system dysfunction and can lead to lack of fluid movement. There are species, however, that can survive extreme cold though it's rare."
Miko interjected, "What species can survive in cold off the top of your head?"
"Polar Devisians are a Transformer species that actually lives at the poles of Devisiun, a planet colonized by Cybertronians and that used to be an organic world until they arrived. Although the planet is metal now, the weather hasn't changed much so it still snows on Devisiun, especially in the northern region and there are current Transformers that have evolved into newer species to survive it."
19. What environments can a Transformer not survive in?
"Like I said, cold environments are the worst for most of them. There is another type of environment that most Transformers wouldn't really have a good time with and that would be a lava-based area. Heat is one thing, molten areas are another and arguably, they can be just as deadly as cold because most forms of their metal would melt after a certain limit. It would take a lot though so don't expect a flamethrower to be an effective weapon against anything larger than a Minicon."
20. Is there any Transformer species that are strange?
"Yes, Aquatronians. The main species of Aquatronians who occupied the planet before the Quintessons took it over had a weird design for such a cybernetic species, and they weren't techno-organic, keep in mind. You know the Creature from the Black Lagoon? That's similar to what they looked like. Some notable features of theirs that are extra creepy are their metallic frills on their spine that will puff up when angered and their jaws have rows of teeth hidden behind normal sets along with a flap of protoform that can extend so when they growl at you, it looks like something out of the Predator series. It's very scary to see."
"You met an Aquatronian?" Miko asked.
"Yeah, they still exist. What? You thought the Quintessons wiped them out? They are sea dwellers; most types of Quintessons would drown because of their organic stature or they would need the proper equipment to go in the water. All the Aquatronians would have to do is dive in the water and the Quintessons wouldn't be able to chase after them."
21. Is there any Transformer species that has abnormal biology?
Max grinned, "I'm going to add 'other than Aquatronians' to that to give me more to talk about. Compared to most other Transformer species, the few Velocitronian species still in existence actually have a feature that makes them one of the fastest creatures in our galaxy. The ability is known as hyper-velocity functionality. Not only can they run up to a thousand miles per hour (the fastest recorded speed) but everything internal is also faster. Their Energon depletes faster because it is pushed through their systems by specialized pumps, they metabolism works faster, and if you have ever seen someone with ADHD, pretty much all the species on Velocitron acts similar to that. They are also quick talkers so you either have to be a really good listener or have a recording device at the ready so you can listen back to it."
22. Is there any Transformers species that has similar biology to anything other than humans?
"It's funny you should bring this up because Common Cybertronians actually have animal-like qualities that are noticeable once you really study them. Their traits are similar to cats, both big and domestic."
"You lie. There's no way-"
Max held up his hand and said, "Let me prove it to you. Cats have usually two or more strands of vocal cords, one makes the common noises we hear while another makes a specialized sound like purring. Cybertronians have three sets of vocal boxes. One to speak, one to make certain sounds like Bumblebee's beeping, and one is specifically for their engines. Like cats, they are mad flexible, even for a metal species. The same rule of 'If I fit, I sit' applies too. Cybertronians do take comfort in smaller spaces, especially when resting. They have extremely heightened senses like sight, smell, and sound. They can sense through their hands and feet as well like cats can with their toe pads which are also very sensitive to them; if something doesn't feel good or right, they will make their opinion about it known. This is also why they don't like organic worlds a whole lot. All that dirt, vegetation, and water feels really strange to them. Cats are the closest animal you can probably compare a Transformer to."
"Wow, never thought of that...can I get Bulkhead a giant box and will he sit in it?!" She suddenly shouted giddily.
"Maybe not a box but a hole big enough for him to sit in he would definitely like. Oh, and I forgot to mention...Transformers can purr too."
"Nah-uh?"
"Yeah-huh. It's not a common thing but if you listen close when they are extremely pleased, their engine makes a certain sound that no Earth-based engine does and it is considered a type of purr."
23. How likely is it to be killed by a Transformer?
The pirate and the girl looked at each other before the former smirked, "I don't know, Miko, how likely is it?"
"Very," she winced.
"You want to tell the audience why or do you want me to?"
She tapped her thighs awkwardly before whispering, "You do it."
"Okay, yes, it is very likely you will be killed by a Transformer for numerous reasons even if they aren't actively after you. Decepticons hate humans so they have no problem pointing a gun at one of any age. The main reason it is so easy to be killed by one is because of our size against theirs and that unless they are paying attention to you constantly, you can easily get under foot, get crushed when they fall, can become victims of weaponry with a large range that wasn't aiming for you, and so one. And then that's not even getting into how many species will actively try and kill you. Miko, how many times have you almost died by blindly going into an active battlefield?"
"...Too many to count."
He then looked at the camera while pointing at her, "And that's by luck she's still here. So yeah, being among Transformers, you need to watch your surroundings because they certainly won't or they will go out of their way to kill you, not recommended to be wandering among them without knowing which species you are dealing with."
24. How likely is it to be saved by a Transformer?
"Ha ha, I'm starting to like these questions! Heh, not likely unless it's the Autobots, but even then, only the ones on Team Prime have that rule so far which means there's a chance that the other Autobots that come here to Earth won't give a rat's ass about us until they hear the command from Optimus himself not to hurt us. Most species of Transformers don't care for organic life as much as they would be at least curious if not kinder to other cybernetic ones. But if you prove you are worth saving or show enough to gain their trust and respect, they won't have a problem with you at all...relatively."
25. What Transformer world is the worst to visit?
Max sighed, "Um, Chaar and Cybertron are actually bad compared to most others because they are pretty straightforward design-wise so there's not a ton to explore...that we humans can survive. And most of the Transformer worlds have oxygen, believe it or not, all except these two. On top of that, the war did screw up the good stuff that Cybertron had so it's going to be long after anyone watching this' life before they get everything straightened out. Pre-war Cybertron wasn't too bad. Chaar is a desert planet but it has a decent underground if you aren't claustrophobic or have issues with the crystal-lit darkness.
"Velocitron might be worse than both of them, not tourism-wise because it deals with a lot of excellent views and many speedways if you're into that type of thing, but because the planet is near a star closer than we are to our sun, it's going to be ridiculously hot all day and for a human, that would be the absolute worst to experience non-stop heat stroke and sunburns. So, in terms of tourism if that ever becomes a thing, those three planets would be quite off to where you would want to go for the best experience but then again, I can't speak for everyone and somebody will probably argue they would go regardless of the flaws...Miko."
The girl gave him an offhand glare, "Why do you assume-?"
"Because you have that look of disappointment and given you don't listen to what people tell you, I know you're going to find a way to go to Cybertron."
"Well, Jack went. Why can't I?"
The older man grimaced, "Because he had no choice having to restore Optimus' memories. That event was not a good time and you would know."
26. What Transformer world is the best to visit?
"Caminus."
Miko raised her brows surprised. "Caminus?"
"Caminus," he smiled at her. "Caminus is awesome. If you want to visit an entire cybernetic world that has great scenery, perfect temperatures, and overall great environments, Caminus is very fun. And yes, it has oxygen. It's kind of a different type of oxygen than what we have so you may feel some headaches at first, maybe a little nausea, but it's easy to get over. I went there with a Camien friend of mine and it was the best time I had in quite a while. They actually have food that is edible for humans, believe it or not. Tastes a bit funky at first, kind of like soured fruit but I've had foods way worse here on Earth so that was quite nice. They also have freshwater near the core of the planet where most of their wildlife resides and it holds no contaminants fatal to humans. It's a bit green but no different."
"I really want to go visit now."
"You should. It's a pretty good vacation spot. The only thing I have to warn is what I said in a previous question and that is you have to be careful navigating around the Transformers there. They won't have a problem with you but it isn't their job to watch out for you either, so maybe take Bulkhead or someone you can ride on the shoulder of to prevent any accidents."
27. Which Transformer world has the most species total?
"Kanjis and Devisiun have a lot of species. I can't honestly tell you how many but they're the top two contenders for sure. There's a planet in the Andromeda Galaxy called Cycloteria which is quite large and it has several species that were believes to have association with Caminus because they have similar CNA but it could be coincidence, especially since most of the Transformer worlds were at one point Cybertronian or other past colonies that just evolved into new species staying among an alternate environment for millions of years."
28. Which Transformer world has the least species total?
"Junkion," Max immediately said without missing a beat.
Miko frowned, "There's really a planet called Junkion?"
"Yes, and it has only one species of Transformer on it! Every other lifeform is a cybernetic animal. It's literally just half of a planet floating in space and it's nothing but junk. Their leader is Wreck-gar and he is just the personification of what you kids now and days call a meme. That's his entire personality and it is hilarious."
29. Are there any facts about Transformers everyone should know before encountering one?
The pirate laughed, "Plenty. Far too many to name off though I have covered a few. One particular fact that everyone should know, in my opinion, is that there is no such terminology on their side, by the way. The term 'Transformer' was created by us, humans, and calling them Transformers to their face will get either attacked or killed...or both so it really isn't the best name per say but, at the same time, they kind of get why we use that term to identify the combination of all their species. It's the same as just calling Europeans, Africans, and Americans all humans because it's the fastest and easiest way to identify our groups as a whole."
"Humans are only one species though..." Miko said slightly confused.
"It's the closest example I could think of off the bat even if it's not exactly the same. Then again, I could have said birds as a general term for the many different species of birds...I'm tired."
30. Can you have a Transformer as a pet?
Both Max and Miko burst out cackling upon reading the question. The older man wiped away tears after a solid minute. "O-ho-ho, that's funny!"
"Did the person who gave us this question not think of the logistics of how that would work?" Miko snickered.
Max sniffled as he coughed out, "No! The answer is no; both your question and this one. Aha, 'can you have a Transformer as a pet'...mmhmm, yeah, no. That's a terrible idea and you shouldn't do that because every Transformer can easily kill you. Hell, any cybernetic species can kill you, animal, sentient, or other. It's-it's like the argument of can you have exotic animals as pets other than domestic dogs, cats, horses and livestock. No, absolutely not, or least in terms of the exotic animals, you are not SUPPOSED TO HAVE THEM! Transformers, if anything, would be astounding as pets if they even let you and it would cost an absolute fortune to do. Stick with the known pets, even if you know enough about Transformers to attempt it.
"Another thing is most all species of Transformers are actually sentient beings so it wouldn't be the equivalent of a pet, it would be closer to a slave and I know for a fact there is practically no Transformer in existence that's going to let that slide. Maybe if they're into it like a humiliation kink but that's as far as that goes with them. If they aren't willing, even Optimus will kill you if you attempt to make him a pet. Not try, will. They are a very proud variety of species. That wouldn't fly. Now, would they have us as pets? That's a whole different question that I will not answer for any of you horny daredevils out there that see this."
31. Can you have a Transformer as a partner (not a relationship)?
"Miko..."
The girl grew a little concerned as he flashed a smile.
"...I think this question is for you mostly. I want to hear your answer this time."
She gave a loud sigh. "Yes, I'm partners with Bulkhead. Perfectly acceptable. What about you, Max? Do you have a partner other than that haunted pirate ship of yours?"
"Kia, yes, she is a soul-eater; a member of the falsely named Blind Death Minicon species native to Chaar because of her pure black coloring and seemingly lack of optics but in reality, the optics are just the exact same color and blends with her helm. There are only tidbits of grey protoform around the mouth and servos. Her three blue jewels on her forehead are merely natural growths. Queens have five, alphas have three, betas have two, and soldiers have one. Omegas have none. A very deadly and hive-oriented species, she is the alpha of her hive, second only to the hive queen. I found her when she was a hatchling here on Earth, turns out there was a nest of these things. Her siblings didn't make it because of a lack of Energon so my mother took her in despite neither of us knowing at the time what she was. She's been by best friend ever since and I'm the only outsider that is considered to be part of her hive."
"Why is she called a soul-eater?"
Max sneered, "Put it this way, your body can live without a soul but you'll be a vegetable in a fate worse than death, unable to think for yourself or anything. Once your soul is eaten by the Blind Death Minicon, it will either be used to create more sparklings or it'll be destroyed completely for centuries-worth of energy empowering said Minicon. Let's hope you never meet one out of my realm of command."
Miko was horrified but stunned at the same time.
32. Can a Transformer eat organic food?
"Yes, but also no. I say yes because their stomach has a disintegrating chemical that can burn down anything into a type of raw energy and it's fed up back to the spark to power it. Obviously, organic food would be burned like anything else. They don't have a digestive tract, by the way. It's just their stomach and piping that leads throughout the body. Energon has a specialized tube the body will recognize upon consumption and separates it automatically."
"And no because...?"
"Because it's not the best for them. Like, if it was the only thing available at the time or it's once in a great while, it's not going to hurt them. But if it's a constant in their diet, it will eventually make their spark and body sick and lead to various malfunctions. They are sentient organisms, but they are still, this is crude of me to say, machines. They have certain things that they need in their body for everything to work like Energon, oil, nutrient-based metals and so on. Organic food can't provide what they need so it's not a good thing for them to have. It's like making a dog vegan. Yes, a dog can survive on a diet like that if it's the only option for a period of time or you feed it a salad maybe once a week won't hurt it. But dogs need specific nutrients for everything to function in their bodies that meat or nutrient-based products like dog food provide. Take that out, your dog is either going to die young depending on when you start it on such a diet or it's going to live a miserable, sick life if it lasts long at all."
"So...does that mean I can feed Bulkhead a burger occasionally?"
"Miko."
33. Is it possible to survive in any Transformer-based world?
Max swayed his head from side to side peering up in thought. "Mm, long-term? Not really. Even if it has oxygen and water, there's a chance any abnormality in your diet from that planet would lead to various problems compared to what you're designed to eat here on Earth. Like I mentioned with Caminus, it has water and edible food for humans to survive. But to live on it for the rest of your life, I think it wouldn't provide what you need in the long run. Short-term? I think you'd be fine. Other than Caminus though, nah, you really couldn't. Unless the other planets allow greenhouses and find a suitable water source, you're basically screwed."
34. Which Transformer species is the most ridiculed/hated?
"Unfortunately, Cybertronians are."
"Really?" Miko asked shocked.
"Yes," answered Max, "because unlike most others, including the colony worlds, Common Cybertronians have a huge history of being arrogant and cruel to any species other than their natives. Aquatron and Velocitron were some of the first to cut ties with them long ago because of their bad-mouthing. They have such a bad tendency to burn their bridges because they think they are superior. Most other aliens in the galaxy see them as monsters. It's sad."
35. Which Transformer species is the most praised/liked?
"Velocitronian Scout Minicons are the most liked because despite living on the surface of Velocitron whereas Velocitron's cities reside on giant pillars and speedways interconnected above it, they are said to be the friendliest as I recall I mentioned. In fact, most Minicons across the various worlds are usually very well liked because they just have a natural nice personality to them...most of them at least."
36. Do Transformers have any known natural predators?
Max winced at the question. "Ah, depending on the world. The most infamous is the Cybertronian Apex Predator. Also, this is where the signature Apex Armor comes from. The story is basically Solus Prime found a dead Predator mech that died...probably from natural causes, and she converted its indestructible hide into a suit, as you already test drove when you weren't supposed to."
"You aren't one of my parents."
"Another notable predator type is the Leviathan from Aquatron. You ever heard of mermaids? These things are the culprits behind those myths. There's a nest of them somewhere on Earth and they used human holoforms to lure prey, sailors, into getting close before killing them. Of course, their holoforms couldn't translate the fins into human form so next best thing, fish tail hence half-human and half-fish. They can mimicry most types of vocals and they rule the ocean as a hive with the infamous Leviathan Queen as their leader. Big, nasty brute of a Leviathan she is."
"You say 'she' but I have to ask, are there any Leviathan Kings?" Miko asked concerned.
"Oddly, no. Most Transformer species are normally agender but some are not. Leviathans are unusual as they are one gender; they are only female and I know we got on the subject of this earlier. I won't explain too much about this but for some reason, all their genetics and CNA are solely female and they reproduce asexually. If you were to take CNA from almost any species of Transformer, you will have an identical pattern pertaining to what is known as the alignment strand and it's always a neutral color. If the Transformer species has male or female genders, the strand will either be red or orange. There's an all-male species known as the Ozomecta, a type of Seeker-like Transformer from Devisiun and they have the red strand. Leviathans have the orange strand. None of the Cybertronian species or other planets' have anything but the grey strand.
"I honestly just learned about it recently and I regrettably named one Leviathan I thought was a runt several years ago King Tut only to find she was female and she's grew to be one of the largest Leviathans currently at over 400 meters. That's larger than most citywalkers ever found. That's scary. I tried renaming her Queen Tut but you know how you name something, they know at least that the name means food or something good? Yeah...Queen Tut doesn't recognize the word 'Queen' so she won't come near me when she's called that. So, she is now Queen King Tut and it is hilarious."
37. Are Transformers natural predators to any other lifeform?
"Other than Cybertronian Predators being them to, of course, Cybertronians and Aquatronians being common prey of the Leviathans, not really. Are Cybertronians predators to anything in particular? No. However, there is a possibility that Cybertronians as well as most other cybernetic species do have the capability of eating us if one ever decides to. You would either have to piss them off enough to do it or if they are starving, heh heh, you're on the menu, but it's an extreme rarity any species aside from predatory based would do that."
Miko stared at him before yelling, "You mean Optimus and Bulkhead can eat people?!"
Max gestured in a peeved fashion as he answered, "Well, yes, if they wanted to, they could. Eating us wouldn't be entirely healthy for them to thrive on, that's for sure, but if they wanted to...hate to say, you could be dinner if they get it in their heads. They may be mechanical but they are still aliens, Miko."
38. Is there any species that can be mistaken as a Transformer?
Max laughed to himself, "Hey, Miko, did you ever want to develop a paranoia of objects?"
"No?" She said confused.
"I can make you very paranoid. There's a race called Engulfers, or Pretenders if you wish to call them something cooler, and they are a morphing alien race that disguises themselves as objects rather than living creatures as you would think they would do. For instance, if you approach a truck here on Earth, it's probably going to be a regular truck or a Transformer so you approach it knowing that the probability of it being a hostile Transformer is slim. Suddenly, this truck's grill breaks apart to form teeth and the windshield becomes glowing eyes and all you see is a giant organic alien mouth before it eats you. That's a Pretender. The same thing can happen if you approach a refrigerator, a house, a storage closet, and so on. They morph into inanimate objects because their intended prey would never think a simple everyday object was dangerous therefore much easier to kill said prey. Scary enough for you?"
Miko frowned, "Why would that exist?"
"The universe has some fucked up things. I don't know if you knew that."
39. Do any Transformer species have superpowers?
"Maybe not superpowers per say but Kanjians, Devisians, and some types of Cybertronians are known to have abilities related to either elements or a natural power. The best example of this is Bumblebee's frame type. He himself doesn't seem to have this, or at least he never uses it, but many with his frame type often have electric abilities and have stronger durability to electric pulses and weaponry. A Cybertronian grade taser might take out most bots but Bumblebee would have the closest resistance to its effects because of the history with the type he is."
Miko grew excited and asked, "What about Bulkhead or-or Megatron?!"
Max clicked his tongue and said, "Bulkhead's type does have higher durability than others, not a hundred percent sure that it's considered a superpower. It takes a lot to bring him down as we know and that's kind of thanks to a predecessor that was believed to exist around the same time as the Cybertronian Predator. Obviously, when something of that nature can hunt down everything in its path, natural durability might be a life saver in the long run. Megatron's type has immunity to toxins and diseases which he himself didn't realize when he took the Dark Energon to his spark. He was immune to its effects from the get-go so don't ever try to poison him; it wouldn't work. He's also a type of Seeker, if you didn't know, so he has natural abilities like high hanging."
"High hanging?"
"It means that he can shift his own sense of gravity to either get himself airborne or he could manipulate his gravitational density to do something like crawl upon the ceiling if he absolutely wanted to without requiring stabilization. All Seekers have claws hidden or present because they are designed for scaling buildings and manipulating gravity among their own body helps them reach areas other bots can't. Now, you probably won't see it with Starscream or Megatron, but they can do it."
"That's...creepy."
40. What are the most natural ways a Transformer can die?
The pirate held his chin and tapped the side of his cheek. "Can't really say old age because as long as they are maintained, they can live forever. Mm mm mm, I'm trying to think here. Um, they can die from spark failure which technically can come on at any given time. There's no explanation as to why it happens and worse, it can happen to sparklings as well. Total organ failure is rare to happen on its own, that usually comes with a disease so not that. Honestly, there's not a whole lot that can kill a Transformer without it being an injury or a disease. They are a cut-and-dry species for longevity."
41. Are there any conditions or diseases Transformers can get?
"Conditions? There's rust bumps both long and short term and some bots have an uncommon allergy to Energon so there is a specialized formula for those that can't process Energon. There's a seizure-overload disorder that is extremely rare that causes the body to have the equivalent of a heart attack but it will also send mixed signals throughout the body and will trigger overloads. Sounds like it isn't bad because you're getting pleasure in the mix. It's been reported by the few who do have it that it's not pleasurable at all. The processor becomes so conflicted on how to deal with both the pain and 'pleasure' that it'll just seize itself up and all you get is pain everywhere. Quite horrific condition."
"Dang," Miko said worried.
Max sighed, "Uh, there's not a lot of genetic conditions because of how many species' processors and bodies are built to reprogram themselves and correct certain flaws if something is wrong. Not to say no Transformer has any. There's plenty because their overall system isn't a miracle worker. Now, there are cosmetic conditions like scatter-spot stripping where color won't appear on parts of the body. It's kind of like vitiligo but it doesn't change over time. You can paint over the spots if they bother you but you would have to update it constantly because natural born armor color verses painted armor color is very noticeable and painted colors don't last under many environments Transformers live in.
"As for diseases, heh, there's little to no natural diseases among Transformers. Most diseases you will hear of if you ask any Transformer are engineered. Cybonic Plague was created by Megatron during the war. Rust Plague was created by Alchemist Prime...by accident but still. Chaar syphora, Devisiun circuit flu, Caminus caveris which is like cancer but it just tears you apart from the inside out at a faster pace...also has the highest suicide rate to its name, and there's Aquatron's infamous swiper virus which sounds funny, but the effects are terrifying. It's rabies for Transformers and it is horrific to watch someone break down with it. All these diseases still have one thing in common and that is some idiot on each planet thought it was a good idea to fuck around with various things and created a chemical formula that turned into a nightmare. Every single one."
Miko stared at him silent, then at the camera unsure of how to take the information.
42. How many individual Transformers are considered monsters?
"The definition of a monster, I'm assuming in the context of this question, is whoever has gone beyond regular broken morals and has done something so terrible, there's nothing they could ever do get off this list. Do we want a short list with just the names or the long list with reasons and names?" Max asked.
Miko shrugged, "Up to you."
"...Okay, short list it is because I don't feel like talking about it. Let's see, Unicron, Megatronus Prime, Liege Maximo, Wrathzone, Cannonblight, Artega, Maximus Magnus...not related to Ultra, Tigressa, Zera, Megatron, Trypticon, Firebird, Demon, Azmodius, Spri-wait, I can't count him. He's not a Transformer technically."
"You done?"
"No, there's about fifty more names, but I'm assuming you want to continue on so we aren't here all day."
43. How many individual Transformers are considered godly?
"Short list: No one."
"No one? What about Optimus and his Matrix?"
Max shook his head, "The Thirteen Primes are quite special, but I guarantee that it doesn't go farther than doing unnatural things because they were Primus' guinea pigs on a whole new array of Transformer types previously not seen. At first, in comparison to the relatively new sparks of that era, there were looked up at as gods. Compare that to now, those guys are not even close to gods. It's just no one back then knew what they themselves even were to make a fair comparison."
Miko frowned and asked, "Is there anyone close to godly then?"
"Yeah, Primus and Unicron who need no explanation. That would be the maximum how long that list expands to."
"That...sounds more like opinion than fact."
"Sound familiar?"
"Screw you, Max."
44. What is considered a normal Transformer?
Max rolled his eyes, "Okay...under what context would the word 'normal' be said among a giant group of species where any kind of type can be found. Literally? You have Common Cybertronians who vary in not just factions but vehicle types, structure types, sizes, optic color, color schemes and so on. Where would you place that word? What basis would that word exist and that's only taking about one species out of hundreds. This is the dumbest question I think I can confirm is here. Where would I be able to place 'normal' in any circumstance to describe any Transformer?"
Miko merely shrugged and didn't say anything.
"See, you get it! Who asked this? Who asked this? I want to know so badly who in their right mind asked something like this."
45. Are there any Transformers that have been outcasted by their own species?
"More than anyone can count, that's for sure."
46. Can Transformers swim?
Miko looked over at Max who began to chuckle. His fit increased and he tipped his tricorn hat to cover his eyes.
"Aha, this-this is going to be funny as hell to explain. All Transformers are denser than water by a huge margin because their robot modes are condensed compared to their vehicle modes. Obviously, if they hit the water, they will sink on the spot. Here's the funny part: they can swim but the only method they can is by doggy paddling."
"You're joking," Miko scoffed.
"I am not. Let me explain why. To keep themselves afloat, they need all four...or more...limbs moving constantly, and the limbs must be under them moving to keep balance. If they try to do long strokes like we humans can, there would be no support in the middle of their chassis, and they would sink uselessly. If they try to swim upright, the movement of the arms wouldn't do anything, and their legs alone wouldn't be able to hold themselves up. So, they must move in a certain way that can equally hold all that weight up in unison or else it's like walking on a tightrope with a broken leg. It's not happening. That's not how physics works for them."
"So, if I were to coax Bulkhead into getting in a lake, he'll just be dog paddling the entire time?"
"Yes," Max said smiling.
"Can we go to the lake after this?" She asked excitedly.
"...Sure."
47. Are Transformers considered better than humans by any standard?
"Not by a considerable amount, no. Most species are better in terms of defending their own. Infighting is found in all life but when they share a common threat, practically every species, regardless of their stance among each other is, will become quite brutal against foreign enemies and problems. They get mean about that too. Dealing with Decepticons alone is terrifying. If the Autobots deemed humans a threat or a problem and you got both factions against us, oh, we'd be done. Other than that...I guess I could make the argument that Transformers usually have a better form of common sense than we do. But that's getting into more the reasons why humans suck than what the question is asking."
Miko narrowed her eyes, "I get the feeling you don't like humanity."
Max simply scoffed, "It's a crapshoot in my opinion and I'm surprised we are not dead."
48. Does racism exist among Transformer species?
"Yes, but there's two types of this found in Transformers. Speciesism and racism. Here's the difference. Racism is defined as a bias for a particular race within a species; speciesism is when there's a bias of species against everything else or another species. Humans are racist because humans are one species that for some stupid reason get very nitpicky on superiority based on skin color and that some people just didn't have the same culture as others. Black, white, Native American...we're going to be here all day if I name everyone, but you get the idea.
"Now, Transformers have speciesism because there are multiple different species and they all have different powers, different features, cybernetic, techno-organic, etcetera. And there's multiple factors to determine this. Most species of Cybertronians don't like any species that is techno-organic. I am not joking. They have an incredible bias about it. Cybertronian Minicons don't like the Common Cybertronian. Common Aquatronians despise Common Cybertronians and Common Caminens. So, you have thousands of various forms of speciesism in this because none of them are the exact same species. It's funny but also sad."
49. Are Minicons considered dwarfs among Transformers?
Max shook his head, "Why are we getting so deep into this type of stuff? And to answer that, no, dwarfism doesn't exist in Transformers BECAUSE Transformers come in all sizes. Also, Minicons are an actual species. You can't label a species 'dwarf' unless you're talking about animals because at least the animals won't punch you when you say it to their face. Take this infamous example: Arcee. Arcee was born to creators who are bigger than her. She's three-thirds both their sizes at least. Her sister Elita-One is larger, Moonracer is smaller than her, and Chromia is slightly larger. So, unlike humans who have direct genetics, Transformers do not. On top of that, all four of those girls aren't the same colors as their creators. Their sire, father, is purple. Their carrier, mother, is red. Armor color can vary as well, it isn't a guarantee that they are going to look exactly like their creators."
Miko frowned, "How do you know one of them didn't cheat on the other?"
"Cheating on sparkmates in terms of pregnancy among Transformers is impossible because to have sparklings, they must spark bond to create the spark, otherwise their bodies would only create the shell of the sparkling and nothing would happen. You'd just be carrying around dead weight throughout the incubation. If you cheat on another bot while spark bonded, your partner is going to know because they'll feel it. If you cheat before you're spark bonded with your partner, your spark will reject your partner's because it will already be bonded unless the other bot who bonded with you allows a third party to join via connection by bypassing the natural restrictions which is incredibly rare.
"Now, cheating just for fun is different. You can get away with that to a degree. It's harder to sense your sparkmate doing something when it doesn't involve the spark, but spikes in spark rate can alert them to something going on. That they can feel, tread lightly. And I realize we dived into a whole different conversation than intended."
Miko nodded, "Yeah."
Max shrugged, "This is what happens when you ask a question in a question, Miko. Anyways, off that subject and back to the original, no, dwarfism doesn't exist in Transformers because they vary in so many sizes, there's no definition of what would be considered such. Maybe we should move onto the last question, and I get the feeling you saved something either really good or really stupid for last."
50. Are any Transformers autistic?
"I knew it. Dammit, Miko." Max tipped his head and bit his lip, "Um, autistic...yes and no? Autism in the human element is a condition where the brain is wired different on how it perceives, imports and exports information between both it and the body as well as between it and the outside world. A Transformer's processor has similar functionality to a human brain but it's not under the same structure. Most everything can be repaired if something is missing or isn't functioning in a processor like it should; the few things that can't be repaired are certain crucial parts so if anything happens, the bot is either brain dead or completely screwed because it would be painful without proper functionality of those parts within the processor.
"Now, there is a condition called Syncarthesis and it does occur in birth. The sparkling's processor just doesn't send the proper signals between two areas within it, and it can cause delays and sensory issues. Like I said, it is fixable with the right parts but it's the closest thing to autism that exists. I will say that there are many who decide not to fix it because it doesn't really impose much on their lives so why fix something that's not a bother? There are forms of it that have led to dangerous ailments and those that brushed with death because of a type of Syncarthesis did get it repaired by choice unless they were rendered unable to make the decision themselves.
"The reason we have a condition like autism is because in comparison to Transformers, organic life has natural permanent settings that are what they are when we're born. Autism isn't the brain straying from any preprogrammed setting, it is one type of setting in various forms, and the fact that people can't understand that and think it's some disease is sad. Yes, forms of it can be dangerous. Low functioning autism is hard and has the potential for seizures and multiple other problems."
"You are my new best friend," Miko stated with a giant grin. "What's your personal opinion on it?"
"Personal opinion? I don't like the idea that people have a sense of normality and what doesn't fit to it...like any human being on this god forsaken planet is the epitome of human normality. Yeah fucking right. Not a single person on this rock is normal so why is it a problem to leave others alone who you just don't get like a so called 'normal' person would do? Hell, Megatron had three bots in his faction on Cybertron with Syncarthesis and he treated them the same as everyone else in the army...mainly because he didn't give two shits about anybody's life really but he did a lot better than how many humans I've seen treat people with autism...I should probably stop before I go into a rant about this but that's part of my two cents. Also, was this your question?"
"Yeah," Miko admitted. "I just wanted to see if you would actually answer it."
"You're an ass," he scowled.
51. What are your final words to the audience?
"Hope this was educational and I hope I never have to do this again. Fuck you, Miko."
"Wha-?! Come on, you didn't like this?! You were getting into it!" She laughed hysterically.
"I prefer people messing around and finding out the hard way than me telling them because that ruins it for me getting to watch as their entire perspective of Transformers gets turned into a dumpster fire."
"You are not a people person, are you?"
"Nope. Bye! Hope to see you bastards never again."
Max stood up and walked towards the exit as Miko gestured to the camera then looked half-amused, half-dumbfounded at it. She then got up and chased after him trying to get him to return. The screen beeped then shut off abruptly.
AN: I don't know why I did it but I did. It don't make no sense.
