INTERMISSION (2)
Again, with 'Bill & Ted'…
(The phone booth pops up in the middle of a grassy knoll, but with a cloudy gray overcast overhead. Alex and Dave step out and look around.)
ALEX: Dammit, Dave. You have to look up the numbers you're dialing in. Next time, we might end up in the middle of a dino free-for-all. Or maybe even in the middle of a monster truck rally. That would not be good and we won't have enough time to dial before we're smushed!
DAVE: Alright, alright. I'll remember. First let's find out where we are now.
ALEX: (grabs the phone directory and begins flipping pages) Well, I figured we must have ended up in the movie 'Ice Age' since there were computer-generated mammoths coming at us.
DAVE: Right.
ALEX: What were the numbers you just dialed in?
DAVE: (looks at Alex with a blank expression) Uh…
ALEX: You… don't… remember??
DAVE: I think there was a one… and a five… definitely a five in it…
ALEX: How many numbers did you dial?
DAVE: Seven?
ALEX: GREAT!! Just great. You know, I never swear because it's against my morals, but now that I'm here with you, I may just break my own rules. If you don't remember what numbers you dialed in thirty seconds, I'm gonna hit you with a truckload of pain!!
DAVE: OK!! OK! Just think of this! We must be in England or thereabout because of the overcast, right? I mean, the British Isles is supposed to be pretty bleak.
ALEX: Yeah, I see your point, but we've only seen five minutes on one day. This might just be one day. Not an entire week, you know.
DAVE: Well, I tried.
ALEX: (still flipping, lands on a page and begins to read) Hey, what about this one? "Set mostly on green grassy knolls in bleak weather – typical weather for Scotland – this movie will keep you on the edge of your seat with realistic violence and gore…" Oh, I hope that's not where we are.
DAVE: (looking over at the next hill in horror) I don't think we have a choice. What title did you say?
ALEX: 'Braveheart.' Why?
DAVE: 'Cause I can see a bunch of men in kilts and blue face paint coming right for us!!
(They run for the booth and Alex flips a few pages and yells out a few numbers that Dave dials. The booth disappears and reappears in a black and white setting at the base of a stormy mountain.)
DAVE: (not opening the door for fear they might run into another angry army) Where are we now?
ALEX: Um… (looks at the page) We're in the movie 'Young Frankenstein' with Gene Wilder and Madeleine Kahn. It's a comedy made in 1974.
DAVE: But then why are we in black and white?
ALEX: It was supposed to add a sense of the time period it was meant to be in. The main character was supposed to be the grandson of the masterminded scientist, Dr. Frankenstein. The grandson thinks the doctor was a crackpot and doesn't want the inheritance from him, but eventually follows in his footsteps to try to create another creature from the dead. He ends up doing the same mistakes that the doctor made. It's supposed to be a real classic comedy and one of the top hundred movies.
DAVE: That doesn't sound too bad. Let's get out of this booth, stash it someplace where no one can find it, and go check this place out.
ALEX: Sounds like a good idea.
(They step out and drag the booth over behind a nearby tavern, hiding it behind a conveniently large bush.)
ALEX: Hm… That was a bit too easy. I guess we should take it as a blessing. Alrighty then, where to?
DAVE: Ooh, look!! (pointing to a tavern) A bar!! Let's go!!
ALEX: But we're not old enough to drink…
DAVE: Who cares?? (runs directly to the tavern and slams into the door, not realizing it was closed)
ALEX: (doubles over with laughter as Dave falls over backwards) You idiot!! Hahaha!! That was… so stupid!! (can hardly breathe from laughing so hard)
DAVE: (rubbing his head and climbing cautiously up onto a bench) Oh, will you just shut up? Ow…
ALEX: (calming a bit down) Well, maybe we should go to the castle for some medical attention. It says that the Frankenstein guy is a doctor.
DAVE: Fine… but you'll have to drag me… My head is killing me…
ALEX: (groans and begins to walk towards the gate, leaving Dave behind)
DAVE: Hey! Wait!! (chases after)
(They walk towards the gates and find that there is a huge lock and chain over the bars between them.)
ALEX: Well, forget going up there. That would have been the first bit of fun all day.
(small rumble from behind… they don't notice)
DAVE: Man, we have to find a comedy that will actually be fun that won't harm us, you know? 'Cause what I remember about most comedies is that they involve a lot of bodily harm and emotional stress to the main characters and those around them…
ALEX: Really? In comedies?
(Low rumble from down the street… neither hear it)
ALEX: Are you sure?
DAVE: (thinks) Yup. In all the comedies I've seen as well as the ones Kelly's told me about… Always a little bodily harm.
(Rumble gets louder)
ALEX: Hey… do you hear that?
DAVE: Hear what?
(Rumbling gets louder and a large mob-like crowd emerges from down the street led by an exaggerated crippled Nazi-like general.)
ALEX: That. (points to mob)
DAVE: ……… Oh.
NAZI GUY: (spitting when he talks, emphasizing the X's and S's of every word) Excuse me, but vat are you doing at zis establishment? Who are you? Do you have anyzing to do vis zis monster fiasco?
ALEX: Ve're tourists! Ve – I mean, WE just got here! We have absolutely nothing to do with the monster thing!
DAVE: Yeah, nothing!
NAZI GUY: (leering at them with his eyeglass) I do not zink so! I zink you are a major part of zis fiasco! Qvickly, my mob-type follovers! After zem!
DAVE and ALEX: Oh, shi~~t!!
(Mob people begin to chase after zem… er, I mean THEM… and they reach the booth. Dave jumps in and reaches for the phone, but Alex blocks him while shutting the door behind them.)
ALEX: Oh, no you don't. We're gonna know exactly where we're going this time! (grabs phone book, flips through, finds a number and quickly dials it) We're outta here!!
(Booth disappears with a flash of lightning… the crowd stares dumbly at the spot the booth vanished from.)
NAZI GUY: Vell, balls. Alright, everyvone. Let's go after ze mad scientist!
(Mob follows after.)
Back at the Bishie Infirmary…
(Tetei and many nurses surround Kelly's unconscious body on an operating table. They have already tried waking her up with various items: gentle slaps across the face, not so gentle slaps across the face, chocolate, and smelling salts. They were just about to try their next plan…)
TETEI: Alright, nurse Zadei. Hand me the needle of adrenaline.
ZADEI: Sure thing, Tetei-sama! (grabs the needle and begins to hand it to Tetei point down)
TETEI: (shouting) Not with the point!!
ZADEI: (blushing) Oops. Hehe, sorry. (hands Tetei the needle normally)
TETEI: Alright, here goes. Random Bishie nurse, prepare her arm.
RANDOM BISHIE NURSE: (reluctantly swabs Kelly's arm and prepares it for the shot)
OTHER RANDOM BISHIES: (back away slowly as not to be noticed, and run out the door, anticipating what's to happen)
TETEI: Thank you, Random Bishie nurse. (leans in, barely pokes end of needle into her arm…)
(Kelly sits bolt upright, grabs the needle out of Tetei's hands, and throws it across the room, shattering it on the back wall. Turns back to Tetei – who notices Kelly's eyes are still closed – and punches him so hard in the face, that he flies backward into Zadei and they both go flying across the room, out the swinging doors, and into the wall outside. Those who were in the play and actually cared for Kelly were waiting outside and saw Tetei and Zadei come flying out, both knocked unconscious. Looking into the room, they see Kelly return her head to the forward position and collapse into another unconscious state.)
WAITING PEOPLE: (turn to look at each other with knowing glances) They tried needles. Stupid men…
TETEI and ZADEI: x_X zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz