AN:/This is the longest chapter I've ever written for ANY story! Maybe and maybe not but this has been weeks in the making. Mind you that the 'taped' show was written mostly before and during Summer Slam.
Coldplay's "The Scientist" is playing softly in the background as we see Iccess sitting in the booth surrounded by flowers.
KaibaslilDevil walks into the booth.
KaibaslilDevil: I'm back!
Iccess: Oh hi.
KaibaslilDevil: Gee, thanks. Why aren't you playing something loud and bass heavy and why all the flowers?
Iccess: Because I need to unwind or at least sleep and well, incense gives me a headache so sue me.
HermioneLilyPotter walks in.
HermioneLilyPotter: She's still pissed off about Summer Slam?
KaibaslilDevil: Yep.
Iccess: I've reviewed the tape 15 times and I have no clue how that sludge hammer got in the ring!
There's a knock at the studio door.
Iccess: HAIU get that!
KLD/HLP: HAIU?
A little robot comes to Iccess beeping something that sounds suspiciously like 'cookie'.
Iccess: Here's a chocolate chip and a raisin. Go answer the door.
HAIU (pronounced Hi you lol) goes away to answer the door.
Iccess: HAIU is a little robot I invented in my spare time, Hyper Active Intelligence Unit. He's a cute little robot isn't he? (AN:/And now appearing in Azrael's Revenge of the Idols!)
At the door....................
FedEx Dude: Delivery for the hosts of Slayerettes Den?
HAIU: Tilts head in confusion
FedEx Dude: Are you going to sign for it or what?
HAIU: blank stare
FedEx Dude: Uh, dude?
HAIU: blank stare cookie?
FedEx Dude: confusion I don't have a cookie
HAIU: Cookie
FedEx Dude: I don't have a cookie.
HAIU: Coo-kie.
FedEx Dude: I......don't.....have......a.........cookie
HAIU: COOKIE! Begins to look angry
FedEx Dude: scared Uh.................... sweet mother of...............
HAIU jumps on the FedEx Dude and begins beating him senseless
FedEx Dude: Screams of absolute terror
HAIU retrieves the package and closes the door leaving the FedEx Dude outside beaten and bloody. He returns to the booth and hands KaibaslilDevil the package.
KaibaslilDevil: Thanks, I think. Have a cookie. She hands HAIU a cookie
HAIU: hug Cookie! He goes off somewhere out of sight.
HermioneLilyPotter: That was odd.
KaibaslilDevil: There's a note attached. 'Dear Slayerettes, thought you could use a day off so I sent you a copy of your lost episode signed some person' That's vague.
Iccess: Oh no. I thought I burned that tape!
HermioneLilyPotter: Guess not. I guess we'll run it. As usual we have no guest. We're on in 5....4......3......2......1...............
KaibaslilDevil: I suppose you know who we are by now but if not I'm KaibaslilDevil and my co-hosts are Iccess-America and HermioneLilyPotter and this is Slayerettes Den!
HermioneLilyPotter: We have a treat for you today. We're running the special Summer Slam edition of Slayerettes Den, otherwise known as the lost episode.
Iccess: Enjoy.
Static............................................
St. Anger' by Metallica is blaring through the speakers as Iccess is talking on the phone with Charlie.
Iccess: WHY does this happen to me?! I have no guest for the show!
Charlie: Yes you do.
Iccess: I do? *goes to look in the hallway* Charlie, what are you talking about? No one's here.
KaibaslilDevil walks into the booth
KaibaslilDevil: Hey Iccess! Who ya talking to?
Iccess: Charlie.
KaibaslilDevil: Hi Charlie!
Charlie: Oh, hi KLD. Like I was saying Iccess......you DO have guests.
KaibaslilDevil: Oh really, who is it?
Charlie: the main event at Summer Slam
Iccess: How'd you manage THAT? *Thinks* Charlie, you didn't kidnap them did you?
Charlie: Um......
Iccess: CHARLIE!
KaibaslilDevil: Randy Orton?
Iccess: We can't get charged with a felony can we? Where's Norma?
HermioneLilyPotter walks into the booth
HermioneLilyPotter: Hey guys! Show start yet?
Iccess: No, I'm still negotiating several guests. Goes back to the phone Okay Charlie they can be on the show.
Charlie: You won't regret it.
Iccess: Oh yes I will.
HermioneLilyPotter: Okay get ready. We're on the air in 5.....4.....3....2....1.....
KaibaslilDevil: Hello everyone, this is another episode of Slayerettes Den and I'm one of your three hosts, KaibaslilDevil.
HermioneLilyPotter: I'm HermioneLilyPotter
Iccess: And I'm Iccess. This is not just ANY episode of Slayerettes Den but the special Summer Slam Edition!
KaibaslilDevil: Yep, Summer Slam is on Sunday live from the America West Arena in Phoenix, Arizona.
HermioneLilyPotter: The matches include: Matt Hardy vs. Zach Gowen, The Fatal Four Way with Tajiri, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, and Rhyno for the U.S. Championship, Rob Van Dam vs. Kane, Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff, Undertaker vs. A-Train, and Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWE Championship.
Iccess: But we're not having any of them on the show because we wanted to focus on the main event: THE ELIMANATION CHAMBER. Yes, 6 men being Kevin Nash, Goldberg, Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels, Randy Orton, and current champion Triple H, surrounded by cold hard steel.
HermioneLilyPotter: Considering we don't want them to kill each other before Summer Slam we have put them into individual steel cubicles. We can hear them; they can hear us, and each other.
KaibaslilDevil: So without further delay, here are our guests; Randy Orton, Kevin Nash, Goldberg, Chris Jericho, Triple H, and Shawn Michaels.
Jericho: You ass clowns better let me out of here!
Nash: Well at least its radio.
KaibaslilDevil: We just had a camera installed.
Nash: *sulk*
Orton: Yeah what's up with you kidnapping us?
Triple H: I agreed to do another show.
All: What were you thinking!
HermioneLilyPotter: All of you SHUT UP!
Silence
HermioneLilyPotter: Now you won't be able to talk until I turn your mic on.
Iccess: Let's get this show on the road. My first question is for Randy. Glares at KLD Randy.........
KaibaslilDevil: Are you single?
HermioneLilyPotter: *giggle*
Iccess: -_- Why we can't have any remotely attractive guests on the show........or at least the one's she likes. Next question is for HBK. And Ash you know he's not single. (Turns to Shawn) You came out the champion in the last Elimination Chamber at Survivor Series. Do you think you can repeat that success?
Shawn: Well I am the Showstopper, HBK and there is no question that I will walk out of the Elimination Chamber the champion.
HermioneLilyPotter: Sorry HBK but there are 5 other guys who may be able to refute that. Let's here from one of them: Chris Jericho. What makes YOU think you can walk out of Summer Slam champion?
Jericho: Well I, Chris Jericho, the Ayatollah of Rock n' Rolla, the Highlight of the Night, the King of Bling-bling, have something 3 of these assclowns don't and that is experience in the Elimination Chamber. And then there is something that only I possess.
KaibaslilDevil: An incredible high level of arrogance and a less than tolerable presence?
Jericho: No. This gorgeous mane of gorgeous hair which I defended in the hair vs. hair match on RAW (8/18/03)
Nash: *Smashes a dent in steel separating wall*
Jericho: EEEEKK!
Nash: *maniacal laughter*
Iccess: Since Jerky seems too terrified I'll do it. Monky roll the tape.
*Shows Jericho getting the pin. Then shows him butchering Nash's hair*
Jericho: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
KaibaslilDevil: You *beep* you cheated! Hey what's with the censorship?
Iccess: It's radio. Besides, of course he cheated, could you imagine him without his hair?
KaibaslilDevil: Actually I can, thanks to Kevin. *laughs*
Iccess: I believe Y2J originally used that type of slide show during his feud with Benoit but that's another story...........
Jericho: What she's trying to say is that all the Jerichoholics would morn the loss of the lion's mane known as my hair. I am after all a big rock star.
Phone Rings
HermioneLilyPotter: Hello you're on Slayerettes Den.
Caller: Yes, speaking of rock stars...........when's Fozzy coming to Arizona?
Jericho: Why in the heck would we come to Arizona? I mean...Fozzy?
Caller: Oh come on man, we all KNOW you're Mongoose McQueen.
Iccess: Oh come on Charlie we're going to have enough theories on the show already.
Jericho: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Charlie: THE PICTURES! I mean I took one of you in the ring and another one of you in Cleveland and there exactly the same except for in the concert picture you dyed the ends of your hair pinkish.
Jericho: You can't prove anything! I'm just the bands resident stalker.
Charlie: sigh you know what forget it for now but I will not rest until I prove you're Mongoose McQueen of Fozzy! Iccess right the story idea down. Click
Iccess: Whatever. Excuse my friend......he belongs in an asylum. As I was saying seeing him without his hair would be traumatizing pink or not.
Jericho: Listen Alex, Rachel, and Noreen, I have no idea how you managed to kidnap the living legend but...... SHOCK!
Iccess: New Game! It's 'Be nice to me or you'll get a rather unpleasant 10 Watts of electricity surging through your body. Understood?
All: Yep.
Iccess: Good. Nash would you like to join Chris in the play pen. We have a lot of knives, scissors, shears........
Nash: You mean I get to turn Jericho into Chris No-Hair-icho?
Iccess: No, but if Y2J isn't cooperative I might just let you.
Nash: laughter
Iccess: We have a call from Katy! You're on the air!
Katy: Hi guys! I just wanted to say, JERICHO WILL PAY FOR DESTROYING KEVY'S HAIR! YOU CHEATED AND................
Jericho: Look KIMBERLY........
Katy: Katy!
Jericho: Whatever. I won he lost. He needed a change anyway......and another dye job you could see a little grey on the side.
Iccess: Jericho! I'm going to let you go and let Ashley AND KATY after you.
Jericho: I'm not afraid of Kelly and Amanda Iris.
Iccess: HAIU!
HAIU: Cookie?
Iccess: See the blonde in the booth with long hair? He has some great chocolate chip cookies for you.
HAIU: COOKIE!
HAIU enters Jericho's booth
HAIU: Cookie?
Jericho: I don't have any cookies assclown.
HAIU: COOKIE! Growl
Horrific screams of terror are heard coming from Jericho's mic.
HermioneLilyPotter: So Randy, how do you feel about being a chump, a patsy, the fall guy? Basically to insure that Trips walks out the champion.
Randy: I....................
Phone rings obnoxiously loud
HermioneLilyPotter: Who is it now? Do we have caller ID on this phone? You're on the air!
Caller: Randy Orton knows that his soul purpose is to make sure that H comes out of Summer Slam the champ. WOOOOO!
KaibaslilDevil: HANG UP! click
Iccess: What would be so wrong with having Orton as Champ? I mean, he is one of the best new comers no matter HOW annoying. He has the talent and gimmick so why not let him have a go? The "Legend Killer" has the opportunity so..................
KaibaslilDevil: You're agreeing with me?
Iccess: Better him than Goldberg He doesn't have anything in common with the great champions of the past and present. He doesn't have the charisma, the right gimmick, the experience, the looks don't help either, or at least an actual persona. He's a hype and his move has been done to death.
Charlie: ICCESS!
Iccess: How'd you get here so fast?
Charlie: Thank Greyhound.
Iccess: I'd rather not.
Charlie: Anyways you've had your hour. I have to get them back to Vince before he notices they're missing.
Iccess: What about Mongoose King of the Assclowns?
Charlie: We can say he had a little accident with his hair dryer and electrocuted himself.
Iccess: That'll work........this is Iccess for KLD and HLP saying my bet is with Goldberg or Randy Orton! And whoever wins gets another slot on the show!
More static................................
KaibaslilDevil: And that was the lost episode of "Slayerettes Den".
Iccess: I'm regretting that whole 'winner gets slot on the show' thing.
HermioneLilyPotter: Looks like Triple Nose will be returning for a record 3rd show?
Iccess: Afraid so. I told Charlie I would regret it.
HAIU: Cookie?
KaibaslilDevil: Oh no. I think its best we get off the air now. Till next time. Our next PLANNED guest shall be Triple H for the third time and I've been planning a surprise but I refuse to tell Iccess.
Iccess: Until next time, life is a conspiracy, get used to it because I did.
END SHOW.
AN:/THAT was 9 pages long! And it took 3 weeks to do but I've done it. No Mercy is being held in Baltimore pretty soon and unfortunately I CAN'T GO! This is the FIRST PPV they've had here in 9 years. I barely could get a seat for RAW so naturally it'll be sold out. I've finished doing my screaming so I'm basically over it. Maybe they'll come back when I'm 23........ or at a time when I haven't blown the cash I've been saving for tickets!*sniff* Review people. You spent so long reading it and I spent a good portion of my life writing. If either KLD or HLP read this tell me which one of you is next and what your doing.
