This took me ages, I mean AGES!! Very fun to write though ^_^. Please read
the original fic "Kurt hands" if u haven't already because it's very funny.
Promise that this one will be just as good!!
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Jean, Evan and Kitty were sitting down in the basement of the mansion. They'd been caught two weeks earlier taping their fingers together in an attempt to understand how Kurt did things in normal life. Everyone had found out and they'd been put on probation, plus they'd all become Kurt's personal slaves. The elf had enjoyed the final part immensely
Now they'd had two weeks of his strange requests (most of them to be done while wearing grass skirts) and were seeking revenge. That's when they'd had a funny idea while playing with his inducer. Anyone could pretend to be Kurt at school, they just had to wear his watch. No one would be able to tell the difference, there was even a voice changer on his watch to add to the effect.
Of course there was one problem, you couldn't have two Kurts walking around at school.
So now they were plotting. Plotting like crazy people.
"Maybe we could drug him during the day" Evan said "And let him be himself in the evenings"
"The first thing he'd do when he woke up would be to go to the professor" Jean sighed
"The professors not here" Kitty pointed out "He's on a business trip"
"He's in Vegas" Evan corrected her "And his business is gambling, where'd you think he got the money to build this pace?"
"Well, then he'd go to Logan" Jean groaned
Everyone gave a mutual shudder at the idea of Logan finding out they'd been drugging their friend.
"How about we just tie him up?" Kitty asked
"He's a teleporter Kitty, duh!" Evan groaned
"Well, then, put him near some really big objects he couldn't port with" Kitty suggested
"Guys! This is insane!! Kurt's our friend! Why would we want to take his life?" Jean asked
"He's been controlling ours for two weeks Jean" Evan pointed out
"Ya, didn't he, like, make you wash everyone's uniforms and then take credit?" Kitty giggled
"And didn't you have to give him half the food in the mansion and take the blame?" Evan asked
Jean paused for a moment
"Let's go get that elf's ass" She growled
*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Kurt and Rogue were talking about their latest course papers (which were both unbelievably hard and complex)
"Mines harder than yours" Kurt said
"Is not"
"Is too"
"Is not"
"Is too"
"Is not"
"Is too"
"Kurt?" Rogue interrupted
"Ja?"
"Shut up"
"Already done" He was too hungry to argue today, Ororo was away and Kitty had stepped in at the last minute. As a result Kurt hadn't been able to keep any food down for two days.
"Kurt?" He looked up and saw Evan, Jean and Kitty smiling sweetly at him.
"ja?" Kurt replied lazily
"Would you please come with us?" Kitty asked innocently
"That okay with you?" Kurt turned to his sister
"Sure" she shrugged "We can continue this deeply interesting conversation later"
"So" Kurt groaned as he got up "Where are we going?"
*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"YOU GUYS ARE SICK!!!" Kurt yelled "SICK YOU HEAR ME!!!"
He was strapped firmly to a column in the basement with lots of belts. Jean Evan and Kitty were sitting about three feet from him playing with his inducer.
"What on Earth are three weirdo's planning to do with that?" Kurt asked angrily
"We're going to pose as you at school" Jean replied
"Why??" Kurt asked
"Because we're curious about what it'll be like" Evan shrugged
"The last time you got curious about what my life is like you taped your fingers together and got attacked by ceribro" he pointed out
"But this time we don't need any tape" Kitty stood up and turned on his watch, she instantly was covered with his holographic image "Ta da!"
"So, we'd better get going or we'll miss Scott's drive pool" Jean sighed and picked up her bag
"Wait a sec! You're not just going to leave me!! Have a heart!! I'll die!!" Kurt screamed
"Look, I can fix this" Evan said and picked up a tennis ball before shoving it in Kurt's mouth.
"Hurruoph!! Mrughuph!" Kurt protested
"We'll be back at three Kurt! I'm being you today! Luv ya!" Kitty waved as him and all three left.
'Doomed' Kurt thought 'I am so doomed'
*_*_*_*_*_*
"Hey Kurt" Rogue smiled as Kitty slid in next to her, Kitty didn't react "Kurt?"
"Oh Yeah! Me!" Kurt laughed
"Kurt, uhm, has your accent faded very suddenly or is that just me?" Rogue asked
"Um, nien! My accent is still German just like it vas vhen I first arrived!" Kurt said quickly
"Okay, now it sounds too heavy. Are you feeling okay today?"
"I'm fine!!" Kurt replied perkily and crossed his legs in a very...um...feminine way
Rogue and Scott exchanged a glance, a very worried one.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"Kitty," Evan leant very close to Kurt's ear "You're walking like a girl and everyone is looking at you"
Kurt turned around and saw that indeed barrages of bizarre looks were following her.
"Evan! I don't know how to walk like a guy!!" she hissed
"It doesn't matter but for God's sake! Stop wiggling you ass!" Evan replied desperately
"Oh, sorry"
*_*_*_*_*_*
Amanda looked longingly at the boy walking down the corridor towards her. She thought hopefully that maybe she could say hello and he'd say hello back. And after that they'd share lunch, go on a date. Then after a few years they could get married and have kids and they'd grow old together.
Amanda sighed happily but when she opened her eyes her dream boy was gone, in fact, everyone was gone!!
"Oh no!" She gasped "I'm late for class!!"
And with that she randomly pulled a few books from her locker and ran to chemistry.
It's surprising how much can happen from simply saying hello to someone.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_
"Hungry!!" Kurt groaned "Someone feeeeeeed meeeee!!"
No one came though, all the adults were gone and Kurt had no doubt that Logan was spending even more time with Ororo. Leaving no one to save him
"SOMEBODY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!"
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Kitty was getting very worried, she was a year above herself (literally) but that wasn't the problem. Years of being a school wiz meant that she wasn't used to Kurt's 'slouch at the back, speak when spoken to' attitude towards class. The teacher looked surprised to say the least at Kurt's sudden interest in the lesson.
It was a habit she couldn't quite seem to kick even though that was exactly what Evan did every time she raised her hand.
"Kurt! Stop it!" Evan hissed, not close enough to use her real name
"Mr Daniels!! If Kurt wants to express his new found interest in learning to the class then I see no reason for you to shush him" the teacher said silkily
"Sorry Miss" Evan hung his head slightly. Only then did Kurt notice the glares from the rest of the class.
'I hope I don't run like a girl' She thought and began to plan a quick escape out of her class when this period was over.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Lunch came surprisingly quickly for her and the three teens met away from the other X-men.
"So how's it been Kitty?" Jean asked
Kurt looked around quickly and turned her holowatch off. Kitty sighed and asked if they'd given her note to the office.
"Yep, you have a very normal but very contagious illness which is going around the mansion" Evan grinned
"Which means that tomorrow, you'll be well but I'll be sick" Jean explained
"Great! This is gonna be soo much fun!" Kitty giggled
"There isn't a single flaw in this plan either!" Evan laughed "It's completely fail-proof"
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-o" Kurt sang quietly to himself in the basement to keep him mind off food. He was soo hungry, it was lunchtime, he didn't need a watch to be told. He imagined eating all the food in that canteen and began to drool.
'No man!' he thought 'You'll go nuts if you think about food!'
"There was a farmer who had a dog and Bingo was his name-o..."
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"Yeah, this is great!" Jean giggled
"Even though a rumour's going around the school that Kurt's Gay" Evan groaned
"Ooops! Kurt's not going to like that when he comes back to school" Kitty winced.
"Kitty! There's a teacher coming!" Jean hissed
"So?" she asked
"You're supposed to be sick!!" The other two cried
"Oh yeah!" Kitty grinned and turned her watch back on "This might get a little confusing"
"Well, we know you're not Kurt but you have to remember to act MALE!!" Evan sighed .
Kurt rolled her eyes and suddenly noticed Lance standing under a tree with the rest of the brotherhood. She hadn't seen him all day and began to run towards him
"Hi honey!" She giggled and kissed him on the cheek.
A deadly silence swept over the two groups.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Lance screamed "Gay X- geek!!"
"Gay?" Kurt asked "But I'm..." then she remembered "Oh"
Before she could explain Kurt was being dragged backwards towards a bush.
"Now he's gonna try his luck with Evan!!" Pietro yelled and the brotherhood collapsed with laughter
"You idiot!!" Evan hissed "What were you thinking!?!"
"Look, I just forgot! It's no big deal" Kitty shrugged
"No big deal??? Kurt gonna get teased about this for the rest of his school life!! Nothing could be worse than this!!"
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"John Jacob Jinglehimer Prince, his name is my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout "There goes John Jacob Jinglehimer Prince!" Lalalalalala! "
Kurt was running out of songs
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Kurt was sitting in history, very bored. She had been looking forward to this lesson because Kurt shared it with the cutest boy in school.
Michael Robson!
But since her accidental kiss with Lance Kurt had decided not to tempt fate and chose not to even look at him.
Kurt suddenly noticed that something was rubbing against her calf. At first she thought it was just her bag but the rubbing wasn't constant and kept moving up her leg.
Kurt looked slowly under her desk and realised that someone was playing footsie with her! She looked up at the person who was doing it.
Michael Robson??
'It's true' she thought 'All cute men are gay!'
Michael winked at her but Kurt looked steadily at the front of the class for the rest of her last period.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"Yummy, Yummy, Yummy I got love in my tummy and I feel like loving you" Kurt whined sadly "Love is such a sweet thing good enough to eat and that's what I'm gonna doooo!"
He had contemplated eating his arm but it was still under all the belts. He'd then thought about eating the belts but they were all covered with (probably poisonous) dyes. Kurt wanted food but he didn't want to die.
And because he didn't know anymore verses to that song he just repeated the first one over and over again.
"Yummy, Yummy, Yummy I got love in my tummy..."
Droooooool!
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
if anyone thinks of anything funny Jean could do as Kurt PLEASE tell me!! I only have one idea!!
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Jean, Evan and Kitty were sitting down in the basement of the mansion. They'd been caught two weeks earlier taping their fingers together in an attempt to understand how Kurt did things in normal life. Everyone had found out and they'd been put on probation, plus they'd all become Kurt's personal slaves. The elf had enjoyed the final part immensely
Now they'd had two weeks of his strange requests (most of them to be done while wearing grass skirts) and were seeking revenge. That's when they'd had a funny idea while playing with his inducer. Anyone could pretend to be Kurt at school, they just had to wear his watch. No one would be able to tell the difference, there was even a voice changer on his watch to add to the effect.
Of course there was one problem, you couldn't have two Kurts walking around at school.
So now they were plotting. Plotting like crazy people.
"Maybe we could drug him during the day" Evan said "And let him be himself in the evenings"
"The first thing he'd do when he woke up would be to go to the professor" Jean sighed
"The professors not here" Kitty pointed out "He's on a business trip"
"He's in Vegas" Evan corrected her "And his business is gambling, where'd you think he got the money to build this pace?"
"Well, then he'd go to Logan" Jean groaned
Everyone gave a mutual shudder at the idea of Logan finding out they'd been drugging their friend.
"How about we just tie him up?" Kitty asked
"He's a teleporter Kitty, duh!" Evan groaned
"Well, then, put him near some really big objects he couldn't port with" Kitty suggested
"Guys! This is insane!! Kurt's our friend! Why would we want to take his life?" Jean asked
"He's been controlling ours for two weeks Jean" Evan pointed out
"Ya, didn't he, like, make you wash everyone's uniforms and then take credit?" Kitty giggled
"And didn't you have to give him half the food in the mansion and take the blame?" Evan asked
Jean paused for a moment
"Let's go get that elf's ass" She growled
*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Kurt and Rogue were talking about their latest course papers (which were both unbelievably hard and complex)
"Mines harder than yours" Kurt said
"Is not"
"Is too"
"Is not"
"Is too"
"Is not"
"Is too"
"Kurt?" Rogue interrupted
"Ja?"
"Shut up"
"Already done" He was too hungry to argue today, Ororo was away and Kitty had stepped in at the last minute. As a result Kurt hadn't been able to keep any food down for two days.
"Kurt?" He looked up and saw Evan, Jean and Kitty smiling sweetly at him.
"ja?" Kurt replied lazily
"Would you please come with us?" Kitty asked innocently
"That okay with you?" Kurt turned to his sister
"Sure" she shrugged "We can continue this deeply interesting conversation later"
"So" Kurt groaned as he got up "Where are we going?"
*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"YOU GUYS ARE SICK!!!" Kurt yelled "SICK YOU HEAR ME!!!"
He was strapped firmly to a column in the basement with lots of belts. Jean Evan and Kitty were sitting about three feet from him playing with his inducer.
"What on Earth are three weirdo's planning to do with that?" Kurt asked angrily
"We're going to pose as you at school" Jean replied
"Why??" Kurt asked
"Because we're curious about what it'll be like" Evan shrugged
"The last time you got curious about what my life is like you taped your fingers together and got attacked by ceribro" he pointed out
"But this time we don't need any tape" Kitty stood up and turned on his watch, she instantly was covered with his holographic image "Ta da!"
"So, we'd better get going or we'll miss Scott's drive pool" Jean sighed and picked up her bag
"Wait a sec! You're not just going to leave me!! Have a heart!! I'll die!!" Kurt screamed
"Look, I can fix this" Evan said and picked up a tennis ball before shoving it in Kurt's mouth.
"Hurruoph!! Mrughuph!" Kurt protested
"We'll be back at three Kurt! I'm being you today! Luv ya!" Kitty waved as him and all three left.
'Doomed' Kurt thought 'I am so doomed'
*_*_*_*_*_*
"Hey Kurt" Rogue smiled as Kitty slid in next to her, Kitty didn't react "Kurt?"
"Oh Yeah! Me!" Kurt laughed
"Kurt, uhm, has your accent faded very suddenly or is that just me?" Rogue asked
"Um, nien! My accent is still German just like it vas vhen I first arrived!" Kurt said quickly
"Okay, now it sounds too heavy. Are you feeling okay today?"
"I'm fine!!" Kurt replied perkily and crossed his legs in a very...um...feminine way
Rogue and Scott exchanged a glance, a very worried one.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"Kitty," Evan leant very close to Kurt's ear "You're walking like a girl and everyone is looking at you"
Kurt turned around and saw that indeed barrages of bizarre looks were following her.
"Evan! I don't know how to walk like a guy!!" she hissed
"It doesn't matter but for God's sake! Stop wiggling you ass!" Evan replied desperately
"Oh, sorry"
*_*_*_*_*_*
Amanda looked longingly at the boy walking down the corridor towards her. She thought hopefully that maybe she could say hello and he'd say hello back. And after that they'd share lunch, go on a date. Then after a few years they could get married and have kids and they'd grow old together.
Amanda sighed happily but when she opened her eyes her dream boy was gone, in fact, everyone was gone!!
"Oh no!" She gasped "I'm late for class!!"
And with that she randomly pulled a few books from her locker and ran to chemistry.
It's surprising how much can happen from simply saying hello to someone.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_
"Hungry!!" Kurt groaned "Someone feeeeeeed meeeee!!"
No one came though, all the adults were gone and Kurt had no doubt that Logan was spending even more time with Ororo. Leaving no one to save him
"SOMEBODY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!"
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Kitty was getting very worried, she was a year above herself (literally) but that wasn't the problem. Years of being a school wiz meant that she wasn't used to Kurt's 'slouch at the back, speak when spoken to' attitude towards class. The teacher looked surprised to say the least at Kurt's sudden interest in the lesson.
It was a habit she couldn't quite seem to kick even though that was exactly what Evan did every time she raised her hand.
"Kurt! Stop it!" Evan hissed, not close enough to use her real name
"Mr Daniels!! If Kurt wants to express his new found interest in learning to the class then I see no reason for you to shush him" the teacher said silkily
"Sorry Miss" Evan hung his head slightly. Only then did Kurt notice the glares from the rest of the class.
'I hope I don't run like a girl' She thought and began to plan a quick escape out of her class when this period was over.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Lunch came surprisingly quickly for her and the three teens met away from the other X-men.
"So how's it been Kitty?" Jean asked
Kurt looked around quickly and turned her holowatch off. Kitty sighed and asked if they'd given her note to the office.
"Yep, you have a very normal but very contagious illness which is going around the mansion" Evan grinned
"Which means that tomorrow, you'll be well but I'll be sick" Jean explained
"Great! This is gonna be soo much fun!" Kitty giggled
"There isn't a single flaw in this plan either!" Evan laughed "It's completely fail-proof"
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-o" Kurt sang quietly to himself in the basement to keep him mind off food. He was soo hungry, it was lunchtime, he didn't need a watch to be told. He imagined eating all the food in that canteen and began to drool.
'No man!' he thought 'You'll go nuts if you think about food!'
"There was a farmer who had a dog and Bingo was his name-o..."
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"Yeah, this is great!" Jean giggled
"Even though a rumour's going around the school that Kurt's Gay" Evan groaned
"Ooops! Kurt's not going to like that when he comes back to school" Kitty winced.
"Kitty! There's a teacher coming!" Jean hissed
"So?" she asked
"You're supposed to be sick!!" The other two cried
"Oh yeah!" Kitty grinned and turned her watch back on "This might get a little confusing"
"Well, we know you're not Kurt but you have to remember to act MALE!!" Evan sighed .
Kurt rolled her eyes and suddenly noticed Lance standing under a tree with the rest of the brotherhood. She hadn't seen him all day and began to run towards him
"Hi honey!" She giggled and kissed him on the cheek.
A deadly silence swept over the two groups.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Lance screamed "Gay X- geek!!"
"Gay?" Kurt asked "But I'm..." then she remembered "Oh"
Before she could explain Kurt was being dragged backwards towards a bush.
"Now he's gonna try his luck with Evan!!" Pietro yelled and the brotherhood collapsed with laughter
"You idiot!!" Evan hissed "What were you thinking!?!"
"Look, I just forgot! It's no big deal" Kitty shrugged
"No big deal??? Kurt gonna get teased about this for the rest of his school life!! Nothing could be worse than this!!"
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"John Jacob Jinglehimer Prince, his name is my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout "There goes John Jacob Jinglehimer Prince!" Lalalalalala! "
Kurt was running out of songs
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Kurt was sitting in history, very bored. She had been looking forward to this lesson because Kurt shared it with the cutest boy in school.
Michael Robson!
But since her accidental kiss with Lance Kurt had decided not to tempt fate and chose not to even look at him.
Kurt suddenly noticed that something was rubbing against her calf. At first she thought it was just her bag but the rubbing wasn't constant and kept moving up her leg.
Kurt looked slowly under her desk and realised that someone was playing footsie with her! She looked up at the person who was doing it.
Michael Robson??
'It's true' she thought 'All cute men are gay!'
Michael winked at her but Kurt looked steadily at the front of the class for the rest of her last period.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"Yummy, Yummy, Yummy I got love in my tummy and I feel like loving you" Kurt whined sadly "Love is such a sweet thing good enough to eat and that's what I'm gonna doooo!"
He had contemplated eating his arm but it was still under all the belts. He'd then thought about eating the belts but they were all covered with (probably poisonous) dyes. Kurt wanted food but he didn't want to die.
And because he didn't know anymore verses to that song he just repeated the first one over and over again.
"Yummy, Yummy, Yummy I got love in my tummy..."
Droooooool!
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
if anyone thinks of anything funny Jean could do as Kurt PLEASE tell me!! I only have one idea!!
