Back again, with the idiots…

(Alex and Dave run through the forest screaming from the 'Monty Python' crew who are still throwing innocent farm animals at them. The animals follow half from fright, half from interest to scare the two to death. Alex and Dave finally stop and hide behind two very out of place bushes. The animals stampede past them. After they've gone, Alex and Dave cautiously poke their heads out to check if the coast is clear.)

ALEX: I think they're gone.

DAVE: (stepping out from behind the bush) Ditto.

ALEX: This is insane. How can we lose the booth? We can't get back to the play if it's missing!

DAVE: I know that. (helps Alex out from behind his bush) But there's nothing I can do about it.

ALEX: We could try looking more, but if we see anyone, I think we should run away. The people here are complete whackos.

DAVE: Agreed. But… what exactly are we supposed to do? Where are we supposed to look? WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE WE ARE!!!

ALEX: …… Good point. Uh… got a compass?

DAVE: (sarcastically) Not on me. But I usually keep it on me in case of GETTING LOST IN A MOVIE.

ALEX: Quit being a smartass.

(Alex dusts himself off. Dave looks distracted by nothing as usual, when they both furrow their brows as they hear something in the distance. Alex stands up straight and looks confusedly at Dave. Dave glances back, worried.)

DAVE: What the fuck is that?

ALEX: It sounds like two things… on the right side (turns to his right) it sounds like an army running at us…

DAVE: Yet from the left (turns to his left) it sounds like orchestral music…

(Clanging of metal weapons nearing to one side, orchestra music from 'Moulin Rouge' to the other.)

ALEX: Does that sound familiar to you?

DAVE: Like something I heard Kelly playing during scene changes.

(Clanging steadily gets louder, an army is visible in the distance.)

ALEX: Follow it! Follow the music!!

(They both run as fast as they were before towards the music through the forest. Gradually, the two begin to notice that the forest is thinning out and turning into a dark tunnel. The trees become sparser, until they slow to a stop in a dark tunnel.)

DAVE: Uh… where are we now?

ALEX: (looking around) I have no idea…

(A bat flies overhead)

DAVE: I'm a bit nervous now…

ALEX: You and me both.

DAVE: I don't care anymore where we are! Just so long as we can get away from them!!!

(Clanging and shouting echo off the walls around them making them instinctively run away in fear.)

----

One more time…

(May, Chrissy, Shelly, and Ewan are roaming down an abandoned and dusty tunnel. May, Chrissy, and Ewan all look absolutely terrified of what they might be walking into. Shelly oddly looks ecstatic.)

MAY: (looking at Shelly in annoyance) What the hell are you grinning about!?

SHELLY: (quickly wiping the smile off her face) Nothing, nothing. I wasn't grinning.

OTHERS: (exchange glances) Right…

CHRISSY: So, why exactly are we taking this dark deserted tunnel again?

MAY: It's the only direct route to Kelly's State of Mind cavern. It's probably a hell of a lot safer than it would be indirectly with all the things crawling around here.

EWAN: (watching several spider-like creatures crawl past him – ranging from movies such as 'Minority Report' to 'Runaway' – in fear) I'm not so sure about your logic.

MAY: (rolls eyes at Ewan and whips out map just in case) We're almost there… according to the map, anyways.

CHRISSY: I hope we're close. I wanna get out of here as soon as possible. It's beginning to freak me out.

EWAN: Ditto.

(They walk a little further and come to another crossroads. May glances at map in confusion as everyone uses their flashlights to light up the signs on each tunnel.)

MAY: Uh…

EWAN: What's wrong?

MAY: Um… nothing. I just have to make sure…

CHRISSY: …Why do you look so worried?

MAY: Uh… I might have… misread the map…

EWAN and CHRISSY: WHAT?!?!

MAY: (becoming defensive) I looked at the map! I was following the map! It says to follow this tunnel and that we'd end up right in her State of Mind… but there's no picture or mention of any crossroads in between here and there…

(They all gather around May and look at map thinking they could sort everything out.)

SHELLY: We can't be too lost, right? I mean, it's her mind… it's not *that* big and confusing.

CHRISSY: Have you lived with her for 13 years of your life?

SHELLY: Uh… no…

CHRISSY: Well I have. We are pretty much dead in here.

EWAN: Are you absolutely sure that we can't get out of here?

MAY: No, no. We haven't exhausted all of our sources yet. Don't lose all hope…

(The sounds of distant screams echo down one of the tunnels getting closer and sounding vaguely familiar. Alex and Dave coming tearing through, screaming at the top of their lungs and don't even notice the group they pass. The group stares in confusion.)

CHRISSY: Wasn't that Dave and Alex that just ran by?

MAY: I think so…

SHELLY: (looking at where they came from) I don't think they're alone, guys…

(Ground rumbles as the large army of knights and animals from 'Holy Grail', mob guys from 'Young Frankenstein', warriors from 'Braveheart', and computer generated things from 'Ice Age' stampede closer.)

SHELLY: (turning and looking at the rest of them in horror) RUN!!!

(They follow Dave and Alex at breakneck speed as the groups from the movies charge after them in a cloud of dust. They stop just behind a bewildered Dave and Alex and shout.)

SHELLY: Keep moving!

CHRISSY: They're coming after us!

EWAN: There's a shite load of them!

MAY: What the hell is wrong with you two?!?!

(Alex and Dave point in front of them at the phone booth they have just run into.)

DAVE: What the fuck is *that* doing *here*?!?!

MAY: (turning back) Just get in!!!!

(They all pile into the phone booth – amazed that they can all fit inside – and slam the door shut in panic.)

ALEX: (shouting at Dave) We need to get out of here fast!

DAVE: I know! I know!! (flipping through phone book, stops on a page and stares in confusion and amazement, then types in the numbers as fast as he can) Here we go!

(Everyone else watches as the stampede is almost on them, screaming so loud they plug their ears, then the booth disappears, leaving the angry mob quiet and bewildered.)

………………………

(Not too soon later, they land in a similar looking tunnel, but luckily free of said angry mob. They all cautiously step out of the booth while May, Shelly, Chrissy, and Ewan hold their water pistols out in front of them warily.)

ALEX: What did you type in??

DAVE: It was the weirdest entry we've seen yet, and it didn't have a description, so I figured it would work…

ALEX: But what was the title?

DAVE: You're not gonna believe me… Kelly's State of Mind.

MAY: (whips around to look at him) What did you say? You just launched us into her State of Mind?

DAVE: (looking scared) Was that a bad thing?

MAY: No! (latching herself onto him in a relieved hug) This is where we've been trying to get for an hour!!

DAVE: (looks proud of himself)

ALEX: Um, question. Where exactly are we?

CHRISSY: We're in Kelly's mind.

ALEX: ………… Run that by me again?

SHELLY: Kelly passed out and we couldn't get her to wake up in time for the next act, so we figured we'd fetch her out manually.

DAVE: (struggling to get May off him) And why are we here?

MAY: (climbing down – because Dave is much taller than her) Well, when I said you were gonna venture through all the fun movies, I lied… you were actually going through Kelly's database of movies. You notice that every movie you got to was one she saw?

DAVE: But why no Ewan flicks?

MAY: …… Uh… pure chance?

ALEX: Do you think I would have survived in a Ewan movie? Hell no.

CHRISSY: Looks to me like you almost didn't survive *any* of the movies you entered.

ALEX: OK… bad choices.

MAY: It was only a matter of time until you found your way in here.

EWAN: Great. Can we leave now?

MAY: Wait, we still have to find Kelly.

OTHERS: No we don't.

MAY: Yes we do. We need to finish this damn play, or all of this was for nothing.

OTHERS: (sigh) Alright.

SHELLY: You know, she's right. I don't want to leave Kelly in here. And besides, the sooner we find her, the sooner we can leave.

(Everyone suddenly begins looking.)

MAY: (turns and looks in the corner behind her and smiles)  Found her!

(They all run over to the corner to Kelly who is crouched in the corner of the room, asleep… snoring.)

MAY: (shaking Kelly's shoulders) Kelly, wake up. We have to finish your play.

KELLY: (snort) … Huh… wha? (opens eyes wide) Hey! What are *you* guys doing here?

SHELLY: We're here to get you out of here. You've been in a sort of coma for so long now…

CHRISSY: And we need to get this God awful play over with.

KELLY: (glares at Chrissy and growls) How dare you say that. (is about to lunge at her when May stops her)

MAY: Kelly, let's just get you out of here, and then you can kill her in the real world.

KELLY: (blinks at May) You mean… I get to come out? WOOHOO! Let's go!! (zooms over to booth and waits patiently inside) Come on!

CHRISSY: (whispering to Dave) Why is she so excited to leave her mind?

DAVE: I know, it's like she never gets out at all…

(They pile into the booth and May takes the book and dials the number to get back to the infirmary. The booth flashes out of existence in a bolt of lightning.)

………………………

(Phone booth reappears in Bishie Infirmary OR just behind Kelly's open head. Tetei and Zadei are asleep in the corner of the room in each other's arms. The group steps out of the booth and some even collapse to the floor.)

SHELLY: (runs over to Tetei and tries waking him) Tetei-sama! Wake up! You have to put Kelly's head back together!

TETEI: Wha? No, Zadei, I won't role play… (blinks up at Shelly) Huh? OH! Right! (zooms over and puts Kelly back together before Shelly asks what  he was talking about)

KELLY: (slowly blinks and opens her eyes… looks around and gets excited) Hey, guys! I'm really out! It finally happened! I can run freeeeeeeee!!!! (zooms out, grunting like a crazed primate, leaving the rest perplexed)

CHRISSY: Why do I have the feeling that we just let out the wrong Kelly?

DAVE: What do you mean?

ALEX: You mean like a split or hidden personality?

(Chrissy nods)

EWAN: That doesn't sound good. Well, we'll find out, won't we?

(All go back to the stage in freaked out mutterings, leaving Shelly behind with her pack. She checks around for any stragglers, pulls her pack off and whips it open, pulling out three Chibi Ewans.)

SHELLY: Sorry guys! I didn't mean to leave you in there for so long, but it was necessary.

(Two of the Chibi Ewans pass out on the floor from lack of air, the other left panting for breath.)

SHELLY: Oh, you guys will be fine, once I get you to the stage. There you can run free with my chibis and do whatever you want. You're free!… but you still sorta belong to me. Just stay away from these few people. (gives the one awake chibi a stack of pictures including Kelly, both Lizzes, and Lauren, among others) Alright, quickly. Let me get you out of here! (picks them up in her arms and rushes spy-like out the door)