Inside the luxurious residence of Councilman Stoick Haddock, his ravishing wife, Valka, and her best friend, Frigha, were enjoying brunch together. Valka's waist-length auburn hair was in its regular three long braids. The Councilman's wife today had selected to wear a fetching forest green turtleneck with coal black trousers. Frigha wore a soft gray turtleneck and the same trousers as Valka.
The women enjoyed Valka's hot chocolate, muffins, and the turkey sandwiches Frigha had assembled. "Hmm, your turkey club sandwiches are scrumptious!" Valka praised her best friend, who grinned.
The petite young woman flicked her side braid behind her head before replying. "Not nearly as good as your hot chocolate," as she swabbed the chocolate off her upper lip. Valka chuckled at her best friend's remark. "Either way, it's delicious. So how are things going between you and Alvin?" Valka inquired as she took a chocolate chip muffin.
Frigha seemed to think incredibly carefully before voicing, "I proposed we do some couples therapy. I may be a therapist myself, Valka. Yet the rule of thumb is to seek someone else whenever a mental health professional needs mental health treatment. That way, you don't self-diagnosis due to being biased."
"Well, I agree that's a reasonable rule of thumb. So, consequently, why do you need couple's counseling?" Valka asked, confused. Frigha fidgeted a bit before answering her friend's question.
"We both have issues in our past that are hampering our marriage. We need to process our problems so we can move forward together," her redhead companion replied before taking a big bite out of her sandwich.
Valka looked highly concerned when she heard that. "You're not becoming suicidal again? You scarcely got help in time when we were in high school," as she shuddered at the haunting memory.
Frigha looked incredibly guilty when her best friend said that. "I've kept my therapy appointments, Valka. In addition, I've written in several journals since high school. I also make sure I take my medications on time. My psychiatrist hasn't adjusted my meds for the past six months. However, I do think I might require adjustment."
"Well, we all know how crucial getting appropriate treatment for mental illness is. After all, all three of my children are on the autistic spectrum. In addition, they suffer from bipolar, depression, anxiety, and ADHD!" Valka declared stressfully.
She loved both her sons and only daughter. However, dealing with three children suffering from mental health problems wasn't easy. She and Stoick vowed to do their best to get them the needed help. Nevertheless, it remained exhausting for both of them.
Frigha gazed at her friend sympathetically. Then, laying her hand over hers, she replied softly. "It's never a good stew when it comes to mental illness. From my experience as a therapist, its never one diagnosis. But several, and none of them mix well."
"All I know is challenging for all three of my children to function or maintain their relationships. I wish more individuals would familiarize themselves with mental illness and eliminate all the stigma."
"I wholeheartedly agree, Val. However, let's change the subject before we become more depressed."
"You've got an excellent point," Valka replied after she sipped her hot chocolate. "So, what else would you like to chitchat about?" Frigha desired to know.
"Well, we know Dragon City is unique because we've become our own miniature country within a more extensive nation. However, I can't say I'm thrilled with all the political violence and insanity contaminating the rest of the country," Valka replied gloomily.
"I'd have to agree. It's continuously appalling that people fall under a sociopath's spell. If you've enough charisma and know the right words? Well, people will walk barefoot into Hel!" Frigha virtually shouted.
Valka laughed, "Don't let Helena hear you use her dead name in vain. She gave up being a goddess to live a normal life. I don't think she wishes to be reminded of her past."
"Well, it's hard not to be reminded of it. We have two sets of memories from our Viking and modern lives. But yes, people should be free to be themselves.
It sickens me when individuals utilize stereotypes or label others. No one is getting hurt if someone is themselves. That especially goes for the LGBTQ community!" Frigha spoke passionately.
"Yes, none of them are hurting anyone else by being themselves," Valka nodded in agreement. She flung her plaits over her shoulder, "Nor does it interfere with others living their own lives. It's time people stop sticking their noses in other private business."
"Too many busybodies if you ask me. I also would love it if more people could see shades of gray."
"Gray, your favorite color, Frigha. Therefore, I think it'd make you incredibly happy for others to see shades of gray!" joshed Valka, to which her friend gave her a friendly punch. "OK, I deserved that. However, I do whole-heartily agree more people need to see shades of gray."
"Yes, they do. I've requested that a few of my clients read AITA stories. What might seem clear-cut in some cases? The actual answer might fall in the shades of gray. There was one I heard the other day that the commentators called the OP YTA. However, I view it more as a shade of gray."
"What exactly was the story about?" Valka asked, eager to hear it.
Frigha took a deep breath before recounting the tale. "The OP was a young man whose family was on a tight budget. His disabled mother-in-law lived with them. His daughter saved up extra money for a book fair. However, the MIL took $4 from the child to pay for cigars."
"So they called the OP an ass for being infuriated? I see what you mean that it's more a shade of gray. It's not the amount of money its the principal of the matter," Valka responded earnestly.
"Exactly!" Frigha nearly jumped out of her chair. She then went on a small rant. "I don't know if the OP lived in the US. But if the grandmother is disabled and lives in the US? She should be on social security or some other assistance.
Furthermore, cigars are not a need but a want. Also, stealing from your grandchild is wrong. Especially if the budget is as tight as he said. So you see what I mean? Occasionally who they are calling an ass, it's genuinely more a gray matter."
"Well, I think more individuals need to think about all sides. Plus, trying to put themselves a little into the other's shoes. Also, not pounce down someone's throat for having normal human reactions."
"Yep, that's for sure. Also, I wish people didn't care if the story was true or not. Even if its not, why does that even matter?"
"It shouldn't matter if its 100% true or not," Valka agreed as she refilled their mugs, "As long as someone can vent their feelings and others can relate. That's what matters. Besides, people must accept that real life will always be stranger than fiction."
"Yep, people should count their blessing if they've not been abused. Or have dealt with entitled people or had narcissistic parents. So again, simply discounting a story because you've not dealt with the circumstance themselves? Consider yourself lucky you've not been put through what those telling the stories have been through!"
"You're preaching to the choir, Frigha. Life is challenging enough without people making others feel invalidated by saying that can't be true," Valka replied in a bitter tone.
Frigha could only nod, "I've learned through my years as a therapist that your patients want to know you are actively listening. That you're an individual to them. Not another face in the crowd," she paused to sip her drink.
"It's why I do my most acceptable to avoid using generic statements. I don't want to fall into the trap of using blanket statements such as 'just use your coping skills and journal.' Or say, "Oh, it will get better, or I've it worse then you."
"No, you shouldn't say that," Valka replied firmly. Then she went on a tiny rant of her own, "I've continuously told my children we are all equal in pain. Whether it be physical, mental, or emotional, we all experience pain.
Therefore, no one is greater or lesser when it comes to pain. It only invalidates a person when you proclaim things like that. People need to know they matter, and you're not just brushing them off."
Frigha nodded again, "Plus, you can't be sure things will get more promising for someone. So don't utilize proclamations like that when it isn't true for many souls. People need to choose their words and actions more carefully."
Valka let out a big sigh, "Again, I wish they taught this in school or parents would educate their children on these serious issues. Either way, I'm glad we've had this discussion. Now I believe it's time we took the dogs for a walk."
"Yes, we should get some fresh air, and our pups get their daily exercise." So the friends cleaned up the table and used the bathroom. They then leashed up their dogs to go for a walk.
Frigha- Johanna Braddy: Princess Yue
What you shouldn't say to someone mentally ill.
1. "It's all in your head."
2. "Come on, things could be worse!"
3. "Snap out of it!"
4. "But you have a great life. You always seem so happy!"
5. "Have you tried chamomile tea?"
6. "Everyone is a little down/moody/OCD sometimes – it's normal.
"7. "This too shall pass."
8. "It's all part of God's plan."
9. "Just try to be positive!"
10. "Suicide is so selfish."
What should I say?
We admit it's not always easy to know what to say in all situations, and that's OK. Every person has their preferences. However, here are a few things you may speak to someone with a mental illness – feel free to put your spin on these as well.
"Thank you for telling me."
"Talk to me. I'm listening."
"Would you like to talk about what you're going through? If not, who are you comfortable talking to?"
"Have you spoken to your doctor or therapist about how you feel?"
"I am proud of you for getting the support you need."
"What can I do to help?"
"This must be hard for you, but you're going to get through it."
"I am there for you. You're not alone in this."
"You are important to me."
"I love you."
A lot of the time, simply listening can be helpful. However, it's also important to talk to the person in the same way you have always done – they're the same person, and letting them know your relationship is stable can be very important.
