Part 5
Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead!
By Bobcat
Author's Note: Yes, these past chapters have been dark, but you can't write
about the Zerg and make it happy go lucky. Don't worry, comedy will soon
return.
Disclaimer: If you've read this far, odds are you've seen my other disclaimers.
Pick one you like and imagine it right about. here.
Sailor Jupiter awoke. Around her, smoke and a thick dust cloud obscured the
smoldering ruins of downtown Tokyo. The cloud made it impossible to see more
than three feet in front of her. Her head pounded and she had difficulty
staying on her feet. She stared at the scene in open-mouthed horror.
"Is anybody there?" She walked down what had once been Eighth Street.
A few tears began to drip down her cheek as she saw shops that she had
frequented gutted and burned. Corpses of both Zerg and Human origin littered
the ground on either side of the street. She tripped on what had once been a
Zergling's head. Already, various rats and flies were swarming over the feast.
The swarm of flies moved like a layer of skin over skull. She proceeded to lose
her lunch upon the pavement, and continued heaving long after she had run out
of digesting food. A swarm of flies flew over and soon covered the vomit as
thickly as they had the head. Controlling her reflex this time, Jupiter grabbed
a chunk of wooden debris and used it like a cane, probing the ground in front
of her.
After nearly ten minutes, she heard a groaning noise. Slowly walking towards
the sound, she saw a pile of rubble with a human hand sticking out of it. It
was contorted into a claw-like shape, as it had been when aiming the powerful
Shi Shi Houkou Dan. She rushed over and began moving the large chunks of
concrete as best she could. Years of athletic activity gave her above average
strength, but it only allowed her to move the smaller pieces. Suddenly, the
hand began to glow a bluish color. She heard a muffled yell, and a beam of
light emanated from the exposed hand. Giving a squeal of surprise, she leapt
away from the explosion. When she turned to look, she saw a familiar figure
lying amidst the rubble. She ran over, ignoring the new cloud of dust forming
around her. She came in close and recognized Phil from their previous
encounter. Warren did say he had backup, but I wasn't expecting him. She
placed a finger on his throat. Surprisingly, his pulse remained strong despite
several shallow gashes and a general lack of movement. Blood flowed from a few,
but the rest were covered in the same gray dust that filled the air.
"Would you mind not touching me? I'm a tad sensitive at the moment."
Her oversized eyes grew even larger. He's conscious? That building collapsed on
him after that explosion that leveled several city blocks, and he's conscious?
What is he?
"Don't worry Jupiter. We won." He coughed, and a small trickle of
blood escaped his lip.
"Oh God! You're bleeding internally! Don't move!" She attempted to
force him down, but he easily overpowered her, even in his weakened state.
Getting himself into a sitting position, he grinned at her.
"Not quite. I just bit my tongue. It should be fine in a minute."
He hurt himself more than that blast! "What was that purple
flash?"
"That would be the Shi Shi Houkou Dan. I basically put all of my anger and
resentment into a gigantic ball and released it. Very therapeutic, and very
deadly. Now let's go see if we can find Tux-Boy."
"Tuxedo Mask was here?"
"Yeah. He wasn't as useless as I thought he was. A very good distraction,
and brave to a fault. We have to find him fast, though. He was at ground zero
with me." He rose to his feet. "Let's go. I'm picking up a vague
power that away." He pointed into the darkest portion of the cloud.
Jupiter, although she didn't completely understand, nodded and followed him.
Trudging through the cloud, they happened upon a pair of Zerglings. They were
tearing at each other. Their eyes were sightless, having been blinded by the
extremely bright light of Phil's attack.
"Why are they fighting?"
"They don't have Kerrigan controlling them anymore, so they've reverted to
their primary function: destroy all life. If we looked, we'd see more like
them. From the looks of it, they're blind. That light was about the same
intensity a huge spotlight, right up close. I'm not blinded, because I've been
training in these techniques for years."
"What about me?"
Phil looked at her with a look of condescension. "Well, lets think about
this. Your attack is to have a lightning rod extend from your head and send out
bolts of white-hot lighting. So, you have some sort of resistance, or you'd
have gone blind years ago. Also, whatever magic you Senshi have protecting you
had to help."
"Oh."
After two minutes, they found the source of the signature. Despite the massive
energies directed towards her, it was the prone form of Kerrigan.
"Impossible! Nobody outside of a DBZ universe is that powerful!" Phil
lost his confident air and began to back away.
As Kerrigan opened her inhuman yellow eye, her entire body exploded in agony.
All her blades had been burned away, leaving six stumps jutting from her back.
Her wiry "hair" was also gone. Her right eye, having been weakened by
Tuxedo Mask's rose, had been gouged away by the beam. Her other was in perfect
condition. Already, her eye and blades were slowly regenerating themselves.
"Die!" She sprang forward towards the pair and attempted to slash
them in half with her scythes. The stumps twitched, but it had little effect.
She glared angrily at Phil. "My blades! I will eat your beating
heart!" She used her human limbs to punch Phil. With one hand, the Physics
Policeman blocked most of the blows. He reached towards his pocket for his
lightsaber, but it wasn't there.
Damn! I must have lost it in the explosion! Despite her battered
appearance, Kerrigan still had half of her power. She couldn't use any psychic
attacks, but her physical strength was unaffected. On the other hand, Phil was
almost completely drained.
Jupiter attempted to aid her ally. "Jupiter Thunderstrike!" The barrage
of lightning bolts flashed towards Kerrigan. The electricity caused her to
convulse wildly. Taking advantage of her situation, Phil landed several blows.
The attack sent Kerrigan flying. Phil gave Jupiter a sideways glance. "Can
you make another one of those?" She shook her head. "Then get out of
here!" Complying, Sailor Jupiter ran away as fast as her legs would carry
her. While his attention was divided, Kerrigan caught Phil with a tackle. The
two rolled across the ground, each attempting to strangle the life from the
other.
After it became apparent to Kerrigan that she wasn't making any headway, she kneed
Phil hard in the gut and leapt away. The blow nearly caused Phil to pass out,
but he somehow managed to maintain consciousness. The Queen of Blades smirked
at the swaying warrior. "Foolish human. Your genes will strengthen the
brood. You're futile assault has guaranteed the victory of the Zerg over all
other races." Phil cursed, realizing she was right. "When I
assimilate you into the Swarm, I can manipulate the stock of each species at my
command. It will take time, but eventually every living Zerg will have your
energy generating powers. Imagine that. An entire army of mindless drones, each
as powerful as you, or even more so, all obedient to me. Thank you."
She rushed forward, fists flying. Phil lacked the strength to launch a
counterattack, so he was forced to block each blow. However, several punches
got through his failing defenses, pounding his arms and torso. In a desperate
bid, Phil attempted to knock the legs from under Kerrigan. Seeing the attack,
she simply leapt over the attack and struck out with her own kick. It caught
Phil in the nose, shattering the bones within. Grabbing his face, Phil
collapsed, the last of his energy leaving his body. He couldn't summon the
power to stand up, much less attack. It's over. I'm dead. Great.
Just as she readied the killing blow, a rose found its way into Kerrigan's
surviving eye. Shrieking, she turned blindly towards the source of the attack.
It was Tuxedo Mask. The Mask covering his eyes was gone, and his tuxedo was
sliced to ribbons. Cuts, both deep and shallow, covered his limbs. His top hat
was also gone. He clutched his right arm, which bled freely from numerous
wounds. Phil would never know how he had managed to throw the rose with such
accuracy in that condition. Almost completely blind, Kerrigan's charge was
guided by her psychic senses. Lashing out with her left fist, she literally
snapped Tuxedo Mask in half. The top half of his body flew into the gloom,
while the lower collapsed.
* * *
Warren and Sailor Mars were moving the injured Senshi to a safer location. They
had been spared the blinding light by the shelter of the destroyed hospital
they were seeking sanctuary in. Each unconscious Senshi suffered from various
small cuts and large bruises. None of them were in any immediate danger.
Grunting in pain, Sailor Moon turned to face Mars. "Rei. Tuxedo
Mask."
An angry glint in her eyes, Mars turned to face her leader. "Yes, that
lazy bastard never showed up!"
"No, not that. He's. gone. This new enemy... killed him."
"What enemy? Nothing could have survived that blast!"
"He's dead. I just know." Tears
rolling down her cheeks, Sailor Moon was grasped by blessed oblivion.
Somehow, Mars didn't doubt her friend's testimony. May God have mercy on us all.
* * * *
Turning to face her fallen opponent, Kerrigan smirked evilly. "You should
be proud. You and your little friends have done more damage than any group I've
ever met with fewer resources. Congratulations." She grabbed a large rock,
hefting it above her head with little effort. Unbeknownst to her, Phil had been
gathering any Chi he could access in a desperate attempt to take her with him.
His kamikaze assault was never performed.
"Planet X Beam!"
A beam of energy came from the cloud, and it found the spot on Kerrigan's chest
where Phil's massive attack had struck. Already weakened by the strike, the
exoskeleton gave in to the attack. The energy burned in one side and out the
other. Kerrigan collapsed. Even the advanced restorative abilities of the Zerg
required her heart. Before oblivion consumed her, her thoughts were along the
lines of "What the hell?"
Struggling to his feet, Phil had a similar question on his mind. He turned
towards the source of the energy. Out of the gloom stepped a Sailor Senshi Phil
had never seen in any briefing.
She had Asian features, with smaller eyes and black hair. She was slightly
older than the other Senshi, but not significantly. Her uniform was the same as
the other Senshi, except her white sailor suit had black accents. She held a
long staff in her hands, and at the end was a green crystal. Presumably, it was
the source of the beam.
"Who are you?"
She struck a semi-dramatic pose. "I am Sailor Planet X! Guardian of peace
and love! And you are?"
"I'm Phil, and I'm with the Physics Police." She gave him a confused
stare. "You're coming with me." Somehow, his wristwatch was still
operational. "Hey, this is Phil. Make us a portal for two."
"What?" Grabbing her by the wrist, Phil bodily held her in place as
the wormhole sucked them both into its swirling red vortex.
* * *
Later:
After the medical technicians had given Phil a clean bill of health and a senzu
bean, he joined Chief O'Connor in interrogating the girl.
Even the affable Chief was becoming frustrated. So much for good cop bad
cop. "For the last time, you are not a Senshi! A planet has to
actually exist for it to have a Senshi, and there are only nine planets in your
solar system!"
"But I can transform!"
"You told us yourself that you found that Transformation Pen in a
dumpster!"
"Destiny led me to that dumpster!"
"Look, we've had a chance to talk to Agent Luna about this. She admits
that it took her several attempts to make fully functional Pens. Yours is one
of her earlier failures. It didn't disguise the user, potentially exposing
their identity. Also, you require that stick and that emerald to focus your
power. Another flaw that was later corrected. You have powers, but they aren't
as strong as the other Senshi."
Phil joined in. "Yeah, the only reason you got Kerrigan was because I
softened her up for you. And, while we're on the subject, you've been using
those powers for a few months now without a license. That would be about five
years in jail."
"But I didn't know! Please don't lock me up! I was just trying to help
people!"
O'Connor nodded. "That is why we
aren't carting you off to the Spice mines of Kessel right now." The girl
began crying. Understandable. She just defeated the greatest threat to her
world, and people she's never even heard of just arrested her. "Look,
I have a proposition for you. You have potential. If you joined the force for,
say, two years, I'd let you off the hook. We would compensate you for your
time. What do you say?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"No, you really don't. Report to personnel. Move!" The scared Senshi
wannabe ran quickly towards a desk at the far side of the room.
"Phil, are you sure Tuxedo Mask is dead?"
"Yeah, I already told you. Kerrigan ripped him in half. Why?"
"This makes no sense. It says right here that Sailor Minimoon will arrive
from the future some time next week. If her father is dead, how can she do that?"
"Maybe she's coming from an alternate reality? It's happened before."
"No, we checked that. She hasn't left the confines of her dimension.
Somebody else must be her father."
"Hold the phone. This Mammoru guy he used to be had no siblings. How could
the same person be born from different gene pools? Maybe we're going to send a
clone?"
"No, that wouldn't fix anything. Somehow, Sailor Moon was able to feel
when he died. It wouldn't be believable if he came back, and they'd likely
alienate him. They don't have any of his genetic material, so artificial
insemination is impossible, even if they wanted to do it. I can't figure it
out!"
"Well, Chief, is there anything else?"
"Yes. I'm putting Sailor X over there and Ralph under your control.
Permanently."
He immediately spat the coffee he had been drinking across the cubicle.
"Say what? Those rookies? Heck, they aren't even part of the force
yet!" Why does he hate me so much?
End Part 5
What? How will Chibi Usa be born without Tuxedo Mask? Why is the Chief putting
these greenhorns in Phil's charge? And will Mike discover that Denise cheated
on him while he was in his coma? These and other questions will be answered in
Part 6, The Comedy Strikes Back.
