Part 9
Ralph Vs. The Sailor Senshi
By Bobcat
Disclaimer: Pokemon, the Sailor Senshi, various Dragon Ball Z characters and
ideas and anything else I throw in are owned by Japanese people who I don't
know.
Location: Universe FC-1, The Hyperbolic Time Chamber
Day 1 (Year 1), Hour 5 (2 Months)
It was another featureless day in the Chamber. Several months of training were
beginning to take effect. GoChibi felt easily twice as strong as she had
before, and Phil... well, Phil was a special case. GoChibi suspected that he
was stronger than he was letting on, but she couldn't figure out why he would
hide his power. She shrugged, and continued her exercise without a hitch. This
was pretty impressive, considering that she was currently standing on one hand,
studying a Jedi Holocron that she had brought with her, and lifting several
household objects with her mind.
Normally, she would have begun the day in silent meditation. However, today she
had decided to cram in some more Force training. Phil usually uses some Jedi
trick to beat me. Putting me to sleep, throwing me around... but I'll be ready
next time! In her right hand was the small cube. From one of several ports
emanated a hologram of an older, bald man with dark skin. The Holocron was a
tiny library, filled with as many Jedi secrets as one could stuff into its
almost limitless capacity.
"Master Windu, how do I stop Phil from using mind tricks on me?"
The hologram wavered a moment. What also made the Holocron unique was its
interface system. Basically, a Jedi had recorded certain lessons into the
device. A different Master taught each lesson, and Mace Windu had recorded this
particular lecture before being slain by Darth Vader. GoChibi still wasn't sure
how the Physics Police had come into possession of the Holocron, but she didn't
particularly care.
"One must immerse oneself in the Force. Learn to see through the false
vision. One's will must be strong, and your spirit clean. Remember, any
illusion is simply that: an illusion." Again, the image froze.
Flipping to her feet, GoChibi put the item into her back pocket. "Right.
C'mon Phil, I'm ready." She gently set down the silverware and plates onto
the table in a neat pile. A yellow aura surrounded her, and her pigtail came
undone as the energies of her Super Saiyan state flowed through her.
"D'oh!" Not again! From now on, I'm just gonna let it do what it
wants. She scanned for her Godfather, and detected him several kilometers
away. She flew at supersonic speeds. The empty whiteness of the Hyperbolic Time
Chamber engulfed her.
That's odd. Phil feels weaker than he did yesterday. But that's impossible!
He's been training even longer than I have! Is he exhausting himself? Her
ponderings were interrupted as a bright blue flash filled the air. She winced
in pain at the brightness. What the... A massive shockwave struck an
instant later. Had she not been in Super Saiyan mode, she would have been
killed on the spot. As it was, she could only resist the energy wave for a
moment. She was forced to ride it for the two-kilometer trip back to the living
quarters. GoChibi flew through the still broken door and into the couch. The
green love seat broke in half and the young Saiyan was embedded in the wall.
For several moments, it was all she could do to remain conscious.
"Ow." Was that Phil? It had to be, but... he was so weak! How
could he...
She remembered Phil explaining how his technique worked. "First question:
do we use the same engine technology as the first model Ts?"
"No," she had said.
"Why not?"
"Because, they used too much gas, and were too difficult to get
going."
"My attempts to make our Chi attacks more efficient work the same way.
We've been using the same way to power up our Chi as they were using thousands
of years ago. It works just fine, but it's difficult to maintain, and the
techniques are wasteful. I'm trying to get the same effect with less energy.
Heck, if this works out, you may not have to transform any more."
GoChibi shuddered. She looked at the weak yellow glow surrounding her arm. That
attack almost killed me, but it wasn't even aimed at me! Her mouth gaped in
horror as she realized what had happened. I'm obsolete! I must learn this
technique!
In the middle (if it even had a middle) of the blank space sat Phil. His finger
glowed a light blue, but it was beginning to fade. He blew the smoke from his
hand. "Well, the Kamehameha is coming along nicely. I'm disappointed; I
thought GoChibi had more smarts than to fly into a firing zone. Oh, well. Now
to start on the Kaio-Ken." He went to work, attempting to maintain his
enhanced strength while eliminating the red glow.
* * * *
Just outside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber:
These guys are good. Ralph held five poker cards in his hand, and beads of
sweat flowed down his brow. He stared into the beady eyes of the player across
from him. He placed two of his cards on the table. "Two." The dealer
gave him a pair of cards. Yes! "I see your five, and raise you
ten." No way they have anything better than this!
"Char, char mander char! (Nothing but garbage!)" The Charmander threw
down its cards. Geodude and Poliwag each stayed in.
"Poli, Poli?" (How the hell am I playing cards? I don't got no
hands!)"
"Geo. Dude. (Don't ask me!)"
The Pokemon Ralph had picked up during one of his missions served a very important
purpose: companionship. Since Ralph was usually assigned to guard the rear, or
make sure that somebody didn't escape, or to keep an eye on things, he usually
didn't see much action. He felt that his Jedi and magical talents were going to
waste, but as long as Phil was around, the mage was always playing a support
role. Heck, I almost wish somebody would attack! As soon as he thought
it, he took it back. He was in the middle of a world where there were demons,
monsters and people who could casually vaporize a planet. He was proud of his
skills, but he knew he stood no chance against many of the inhabitants of this
planet. My only hope is to just stay out of the way. "I'm calling.
Read `em and weep, boys! Full House, Aces over Kings!"
Geodude then revealed his four of a kind. "Huh?" Not again! It
was at this moment that Ralph felt a disturbance in the Force. He held up a
trio of Pokeballs. "Everybody, return!" All three creatures were
converted into energy and sucked into the balls.
"It feels familiar. It's... under my feet?" He considered this for a
moment. "They must be at the bottom of the tower." Who could it
be?
* * * *
At the base of the totem pole stood four young women. All stared in amazement
at the structure before them. It had various hieroglyphs and images carved into
the stone structure, and stretched high above the clouds.
Sailor Venus scratched her head. "What is it?"
Sailor Mercury was using her Mercury-Computer magical laptop and scanner
goggles to analyze it. "It... isn't possible! This thing must go up for
kilometers! There isn't enough stone in all of Japan to make this!"
Sailor Mars had a pair of binoculars. "Looks like it's just one large
stone. Wonder where it came from?"
Jupiter agreed. "Yeah, and who built it? Why didn't anyone notice this
thing before?"
"Because it wasn't there before."
"Huh?" All four turned to face the voice addressing them. Stepping
out of nowhere was Pluto, the Senshi of Time. Also joining her were Uranus and
Neptune.
As usual, Mercury was full of questions. "Uranus? Neptune? What are you
doing here? We haven't seen you since that business with Sailor Saturn."
"They are here because I asked them here."
"OK, Pluto, then why are you here?"
"The timeline is in peril. We have come to repair it."
"What's causing this?"
"Some element of chaos has been causing all sorts of odd happenings for
about a week now. Look!" She made a motion, and some sort of crystal ball
appeared in her hands. All of the Senshi, Inner and Outer alike, stared in
amazement. It showed some events transpiring in New York.
* * * *
"Bah! Hulk smash funny gray things!"
The Incredible Hulk didn't know how he had ended up in the middle of New York,
but he wasn't pleased. The brutish behemoth had been leaping across the plains
of New Mexico one moment, and was transported to the noisy, smelly center of
Manhattan the next. Suffice to say, the Hulk didn't like this one bit. And
then, having a pair of Imperial AT-ST scout walkers attack him didn't improve
his mood.
Inside the cockpit of one of the walkers, Commander Jork of the Third Imperial
Division was as confused as the Hulk. They had been fighting a band of local
aliens, "Awoks" is what he thought they were called, on Endor when a
hole in the space-time continuum had opened directly beneath his unit.
Unbeknownst to him, the other members of his walker contingent were being
blasted apart in one of the various Gundam universes. More pressing, however,
was this odd green alien that could withstand several bursts from their
chin-mounted lasers. These things can take out a small speeder, and this...
creature acts like we're shooting him with Calamarian Fluffsquid! "Gunner,
try actually hitting him!"
"Sir, every shot has been a direct hit, sir!"
"Damn!" The alien leapt out, landing at the feet of walker number
three.
"Why puny humans never leave Hulk alone? Hulk smash!" With that, he
lifted the walker above his head, and threw it directly upwards. It achieved a
low orbit, and would eventually burn up in the atmosphere somewhere over France.
Commander Jork weighed his options. "Retreat!" By then, it was too
late.
"Puny humans run! Puny humans think puny guns hurt Hulk? Hulk smash!"
Jork's last thought was, "That's a rather limited
vocabulary!" Then the Hulk's massive feet crushed the AT-ST into an object
roughly the height of a manhole cover.
With nothing left to smash, the Hulk leapt away, hoping to find the solitude
that he so craved.
* * * *
Sailor Jupiter was the first to speak. "What was that?"
"I don't know. I've been guarding the Time Gate for thousands of years,
but I've never seen anything remotely like that green creature or those
robots."
"Pluto, is it a youma?"
"No, its energy isn't right. But this isn't all. Cities have appeared and
disappeared overnight. There is a Gotham City, and a Metropolis, but no sign of
Salt Lake City! People's personalities have changed overnight. For example,
President Bush of America went on the radio to address his nation, and didn't
invent a single word!"
All gasped in unison. Mercury had a worried look on her face. "How is this
possible?"
"That's exactly my point: it isn't! Some chaos is reshaping our universe,
and a good measure of it is focused right here." Pluto looked straight up.
"Any ideas how to get up there?"
Jupiter raised her hand. "Oh! Me! Me!"
"Yes?"
"We can hijack a helicopter, then..."
"No."
"Oh, please?"
This time, everybody answered in unison. "No!"
"Just this once?"
"What part of no don't you understand?"
"Ah, you never let me have any fun!"
"Excuse me." All of the Senshi turned around, weapons drawn and
attacks readied. "Calm down! My name is Sahib. I am a wandering carpet
merchant, and I couldn't help overhearing your dilemma."
"Why would we want a carpet? Stop wasting our time, old man!"
"Just for that, I charge you double for my magical flying carpets!"
"Wait... flying carpets?"
"Yes, fresh from Arabia. I can rent you a few. However, for all of you, it
will cost... five thousand yen." All immediately choked.
"Huddle!" Venus addressed the group. "Do you have any
money?"
"Uh, I have a few yen in my pockets..." Mercury accidentally pulled
out Lefty Lisa. "Oops! Wrong pocket!" She searched her right.
"Uh, I have a hundred..."
Between them, they had about one thousand. "Oh, please, good sir, please
let us have them for this much! The fabric of reality depends upon it!"
"Well, if it's for the good of the world... alright!" He accepted
their money. "You can share two."
As the Sailor Senshi floated to the top of Piccolo's watchtower, Sahib
whispered into a nearby bush. "Watto, you can come out now."
The blue skinned, flying tapir flapped his way from the bushes. "Ah, very
good! What I tell you, put a few old repulsorlifts in an old bantha-hide rug,
and the rubes come swarming to see your "magic" carpets!"
"Let's go find some more suckers!"
"I teach you well, boy!"
The swindlers moved into the thick undergrowth of the forest, out of both sight
and mind for the Senshi.
* * * *
Ralph was deep in contemplation. The two strange signals are moving away,
but those others are coming straight towards me! He ignited his lightsaber.
The red energy blade was in position to ward off any attacks.
It was at this moment that a pair of energy orbs flew towards him. One was
yellow, and the other blue. He sidestepped the yellow blast, and used his
lightsaber to bat away the other. It flew off into the ground, blowing away
several tiles. He then saw the source of the attack. Packed three or four to a
carpet, the Senshi leapt from the old rugs.
"I, Sailor Pluto, will punish you in the name of Time!"
The Outer Senshi? This could get hairy! "Look, what's all this
about?"
Mars stepped forward. "You kidnapped Usagi, you jerk! We want her back,
and now!"
Damn! I forgot about that! Sailor Jupiter had lightning streaming across
her forehead. Looks like she wants a rematch.
Pluto nodded. "Foul bringer of chaos, we will slay you for the sake of the
future!"
"Look, Lady, we're doing this to preserve the future! Just ask
GoChibi!"
"Who?"
Just great! The Time Gate hasn't adjusted for the influx of new data! She
probably doesn't even know Tux-Boy's dead! And there are too many of them for
me to just defend myself with the Reality Checker!
Jupiter had formed the lightning into a ball. "Enough talk! Let's fight
already!"
Using the Force to aid his leap, Ralph jumped over the attack. "You call
that electricity? D'undertholtes fo Zuse elend mir!" From his own hands
came a cluster of lightning bolts. It hit Jupiter. She grimaced for a few
moments, but recovered quickly. Damn! She just absorbed the attack!
"Dehas f'rifoes het musomni!" A fireball flew towards Jupiter, but
Sailor Mercury used her "Mercury Bubbles" attack to intercept it.
OK. My magic is useless. May the Force be with me. He dodged another attack
from Uranus.
"Venus Love-Me Chain!"
"Mars Burning Mandala!"
A wave of hearts and fire flew out at him. He narrowly avoided the flames, and
used his lightsaber to deflect Venus' attack towards Mercury. The attack sent
her sprawling. One down! He was surprised when she rose to her feet. What
the hell? Looks like their magic doesn't hurt the other Senshi!
Pluto lowered her staff at Ralph. "All together, girls!"
"Venus..."
"Mars..."
The sheer number of attacks directed at Ralph might have worried even Phil. Ah,
crap! Time to get sneaky! Ralph raised his arms above his head, and yelled,
"Saotome Family Desperation Move!"
After seeing Phil's power the other day all of the Senshi braced themselves for
impact. When ten seconds passed with no assault, they looked out. Ralph had
vanished.
Pluto cursed under her breath. "Spread out and find him! Groups of
two!"
"Right!"
Meanwhile, Ralph was running through the halls of the palace. He could feel
each of them through the Force. Good, they're splitting up. I can
take any one of them, but they can beat me through attrition. Gotta think...
A few minutes later, in a dark hall:
"Uranus, any sign of him?"
"Negative, Neptune. It's like he disappeared!"
Ralph was far closer than either would have guessed. He had deactivated his
lightsaber, and had now released Geodude. The logic had been that it could
withstand their powerful physical attacks. "Ready, Geodude?"
"Geo. (Yes, Master.)"
"Cut the sarcasm, you!"
When the pair of Outer Senshi reached the end of the hall, Ralph sprung his
ambush. "N'Diw sw'te ponu lalki!" The whirlwind knocked both on their
butts.
"What the..."
"Geodude, tackle attack!"
"Geo!"
The rock Pokemon rammed into Neptune's face, knocking her cold instantly.
Uranus began to summon an attack to get rid of the thing. "Planet...
oof!" Ralph, using his lightsaber as a club, struck her in the temple. She
slumped to the ground.
Hogtying the pair of Senshi, Ralph hoped that Charmander and Poliwag were
having this much luck.
* * *
"Hey, Mercury, is that computer of yours picking up anything?"
"Yes, there are two life forms around this corner… Jupiter, wait!" It
was too late; her friend was rushing headlong towards the enemy.
As she rounded the corner, Jupiter was toasted by a jet a flames. In classic
Anime style, she was burnt to a crisp. She opened her mouth, releasing a puff
of smoke. Then she collapsed to the ground.
"Jupiter! Mercury Aqua Rhapsody!" A wall of water flew towards
Charmander.
"Char! Mander! (Get off yer lazy ass, Poliwag!)" The tadpole Pokemon
leapt from above, and used its barrier attack to shield its ally.
"What are you?" Mercury received no reply from the tiny youma. (Or,
at least, she assumed they were youma.)
Poliwag added its water gun attack to Charmander's flamethrower. Still
recharging from her last attack, Mercury ended up in much the same state
Jupiter did.
Charmander gave a little victory sign. "Char Char! (Slap me some skin,
little frog buddy!)"
"There they are! Mars Fire Ignite!" The Pokemon were forced to
retreat from the remaining Senshi.
* * * *
"Hurry up, Geodude!"
"Geo! (Don't rush me, man!)"
The two groups of non-Senshi ran into each other. "Charmander? Have you
found the others?"
"Mander! Char Char! (They're right on our tails!)"
"I see `em."
"Halt, foul bringer of..."
"Aw, shaddup! OK guys, Rock Throw, Flamethrower, Water Gun!"
"Venus Love-Me Chain!"
"Mars Fire Ignite!"
"Dead Scream!"
The two waves of energy and projectiles collided. For the moment, neither side
held the advantage. However, the underdeveloped Pokemon at Ralph's disposal
couldn't hope to hold out much longer. Than Ralph had an idea. His eyes began
to glow an odd yellow color, and a similarly colored aura surrounded his body. He then began to chant.
By the Hammer of Thor,
And the Eye of Odin,
Lend me the strength of
The collectors of fallen warriors.
Valkyrie Beam!
This particular spell, hidden within the depths of the Grimorum Achrinorum, was
the most powerful attack at Ralph's disposal (It was also the only spell in
English). It was as yet untested, but it was also his only hope. From each
hand, an intense beam of yellow light flew out. The beams assumed the shape of
a horse and rider, and smashed into Venus and Pluto.
Mars stood there, shaking. Pluto was the most powerful one here! If he took
her out... Then she noticed that Ralph has panting, and was forced to lean
against a wall. He's totally drained!
Shit, I'm totally drained! As he sat down, he felt a pain on his right
side. It was like a dagger was poking into his leg. What the...It's that
wand I picked up in Oz! And a poker card! "I hope this
works!" He threw the card up into the air. "Sailor Mars Card, return
to your power confined!"
"What the hell are you doing? Eeep!" She squealed in surprise as her
body was converted into energy and drawn into the poker card.
Ralph looked at the card in his hand. It had changed from a nine to a picture
of Sailor Mars. She had an angry expression on her face, and seemed to be
looking right at him. "I can't believe that worked! Geodude, you and the
others collect the Senshi. I know just what to do with them. And then we can
take a nice, long nap."
* * *
Sailor Mercury awoke. "Where am I?" Her head was racked by a
splitting ache, and various parts of her body were covered in minor burns.
Above her was a stern looking police officer.
"You are under arrest for assaulting a Physics Police officer, interfering
with a Physics Police mission, and two counts of cruelty to animals. You have
the right to remain silent..."
As the officer began droning, Mercury's headache worsened. Maybe we should have
just left him alone. Her thoughts drowned out the list of Miranda rights being
read to her. "I'm going to need some aspirin. And maybe a lawyer."
End Part 9
What, did you really think the Senshi would win?
