Part 23

Of Gravity Rooms and Nobility

By Bobcat

Disclaimer: I don't know why I even bother writing these anymore. Oh well. I own nothing except the Physics Police.

Washuu's Gravity Room, Dimension FC-1-Pocket-492

Days until battle with Cell: 23

Omi awoke. The girl from the future attempted to stretch her arms to yawn, but found herself unable to move. She felt as if she was being crushed. "Dad! What's going on?"

Phil stood over her. "Well Omi, if you'd woken up before 10 A.M., you would know that I increased the gravity to its maximum this morning. We've figured out that unless you power up, you can't move an inch. I'd suggest using that little Mystical Powerup of yours." The air around the girl began to shimmer. "Good! Now, come on!" Phil pulled the blankets out from under her, sending her spinning. She attempted use her powers of flight to stop the fall, but miscalculated badly and slammed into the ground. Yet another hole into the border of the pocket dimension was opened.

"Ouch." Putting all of her concentration into the effort, Omi levitated from the hole. "So, we've just about got the gravity training done. Now what?"

"Today, we just continue training as normal. Your partner today will be GoChibi."

"But I'm way stronger than her!"

"Or so you think. C'mon!" Phil and Gohan flew off to a corner of the room. Over the past several days, Washuu's pocket dimension was becoming more and more damaged.

Omi looked at her best friend. There was something different about her today. It took her a moment to realize that she was dressed in a pink sailor fuku. Omi chuckled. "I thought you hated that ridiculous thing."

"I do!" she grumbled. "Phil said that transforming would help me unlock my true potential or something like that."

"He has a point, GoChibi. If those things give the other Senshi enough power to combat demons, then think of the boost it could give a Super Saiyan!"

GoChibi snorted. "Daddy's girl. Besides, like Phil used to tell us all the time."

"Any idiot with a sniper rifle could take out a youma. Yeah yeah yeah. Now, let's get down to business." GoChibi's hair turned blond and stood on end, while a yellow aura surrounded her. The energy ate away at the floor beneath her, and caused various bits of debris to rise off the ground. Omi raised her eyebrow. She wondered why she was using her old, inefficient transformation. She shrugged. If her best friend was going to be inefficient, then that was her problem. Omi decided to end the match quickly by catching her in the back of the head with a roundhouse punch. She was very surprised when GoChibi simply stood there. The double-fisted blow seemed to pass through the Moon Princess. She tripped and landed face first into the floor. This time, she only made a small crater.

Omi was shocked. She hadn't even seen her move. "How the hell did you do that?"

"Use your full power and I'll tell you." Omi complied, and the debris was forced upwards by the waves of power. This debris included Gohan, who was lifted out of the way of Phil's Chi bolt.

Phil didn't like missing. "Will you two cut that out?"

"Sorry!" Omi looked GoChibi in the eye. "Now, where were we?"

The two were just about evenly matched. GoChibi held a slight advantage in pure power, but Omi was slightly faster. Omi was using her superior reach to her advantage, but it wasn't enough to guarantee victory. GoChibi fell back. "Masenko!" The yellow burst of energy flew out. Omi barely managed to dodge it in time. However, while she was focusing on the energy attack, GoChibi zipped in and kicked her in the gut. She followed up that assault with another Masenko, which ripped out a large portion of the floor.

Seeing this, Phil sighed. "Washuu's not going to be happy. At this rate, we'll destroy this place before the week's over."

Omi ceased using the Mystical Powerup; she simply couldn't maintain her focus any longer. Phil turned the gravity to normal levels. GoChibi reverted to her normal state as well. "Oops. Looks like I put too much power behind that last blast."

"Yes, you did. Your lucky that we just got in another batch of Senzu beans." He placed the bean in his daughter's mouth. After a few moments, her eyes opened again.

"What happened?"

"You didn't take her seriously, that's what!"

"How did she get so strong?"

"Well, you see, earlier this morning."

The air rippled. Omi queried, "What's that?"

"That is a flashback. You see, they are an ingenious plot device when used properly. And you just ruined it. Now, like I was saying, earlier this morning."

Author's note: Flashback in progress. Fasten your safety belts.

Phil splashed Gohan with a bucket of water. "Wake up, sleepyhead!"

The Saiyan coughed and sputtered for several moments. "Wha. where am I. oh yeah."

"I'd like to talk to you about your daughter's lack of progress."

"What do you mean? She's about on par with a level two Super Saiyan!"

"Which isn't enough. You saw how easily Majin Buu took her out without absorbing Gotenks. Now imagine what Cell would do to her. We need to get her up to the next level."

"Any ideas?"

"I'm glad you asked." Phil had turned down the gravity, and Ralph had joined them.

A few minutes later, GoChibi heard Cell's harsh voice. "Wake up." She opened her eyes to see the green monster standing over her.

"Cell!?" She powered up to Super Saiyan. Her pink hair turned blonde at the roots, and she was surrounded by a dull yellow glow.

"Don't bother, girl. Phil and Gohan were unable to beat me. What chance do you have?" He pointed, indicating the unconscious forms of her father figures.

"Dad! Phil!"

"Say goodbye." He turned his hand towards Phil and vaporized him where he sat.

"No!" The blonde color extended slightly upwards.

"And now for Gohan." He leveled his hand at Gohan, and sent a similar beam, with similar results.

"Nooooooooooooo!" The loss. The anger. The pain. She couldn't deal with it anymore. Her hair stood up completely and grew several inches. The yellow aura exploded outwards, and blue tendrils of electricity began to fill it. She flew at Cell, only to pass directly through him. "What?" Ralph came out from behind her bed.

"Don't shoot!"

The Saiyan girl looked perplexed. Then she noticed that Gohan and Phil were standing next to Ralph, completely unharmed. "What the hell was that?"

Phil explained. "Sorry we had to do that, GoChibi. We figured that you'd need some sort of extreme emotion to get to the next level of Super Saiyan, so we used some holoprojectors and Ralph's Jedi mind tricks to make you think that we were dead."

"That was a really creepy thing to do! I'll have my revenge!"

"It had to be done. But look, now that you've done the transformation once, you can do it at will. This could be just what we need to beat Cell."

Flashing Forward.

Omi said, "This just doesn't add up! I'm a lot stronger than any level two Super Saiyan!"

"You've never encountered a level two Super Saiyan that knew my special techniques, now have you?"

"Well, not really."

"Very well. Power up." The lights began to put out red light again as Phil increased the gravity to it's maximum level. "I think we can all operate in this gravity at optimum efficiency now. We can now work on the Fusion Dance."

"Why would we want to use that?"

"Well, GoChibi, we're all a lot stronger, but we're nowhere near Cell's level, and we can't get there in a month. So, we just combine our strengths. Obviously, I'll be teaming up with Gohan, and you two girls will be fusing. Here's something I had Washuu cook up for us." He took out a small holoprojector, and placed what looked to be a CD on it. The quarter-sized disk began to spin around, and after a few moments, a hologram of Washuu appeared.

"This hologram is copy written and may only be used with the express permission of Washuu. Thank you." From the tiny device, life sized images of Goten and Trunks began to perform the Fusion Dance, and after a few moments, they fused to become Gotenks.

"Uh, Dad, what good will this do us? It's nice that we can watch it, but."

"You'll notice that the holograms are life sized, correct?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Basically, we climb in and match their movements. Once we can do it properly without the hologram, we'll be ready. You girls go first." They watched for several moments, memorizing every move and pose.

"Hey Phil, why do we have to do this? We've already fused before!"

"Only because we did the Vulcan Mind Meld. Cell is smart enough not to let us pull that trick again. Besides, any exercise in this gravity will be good for us." The girls climbed into the hologram, and attempted the Dance. After several moments, there was a bright flash. Instead of a competent warrior, there was an incredibly old woman standing in the center of the hologram.

"I am Omigo. Why am I so weak, dads?"

"Well, that's the other feature of this thing. It records your movements, and points out any deviations from the Dance." Phil took out a remote control and played it again. After a few seconds, he paused it. Omi's hand was glowing a dark red, indicating an error. "Here we go! Your ring finger was at a 46-degree angle. GoChibi's was a 45, right where it should have been."

"You mean that's what's causing the problem?"

"You bet. Don't worry, though. It only lasts thirty minutes. Next time, try using the Force to anticipate the other's moves. Now, watch carefully, Gohan." The sequence played again. They repeated it a few times, and eventually felt confident enough to continue.

Phil adjusted the projector so that it would play a later image, when Goten and Trunks were closer to their heights. "Good thing they had these tapes at the General Store; for some reason, they always sell out pretty quick. Ready Gohan?"

"You know it!" Moving in perfect sync, the two warriors danced at blinding speed. After a bright flash of light, Ph'lan stood there with a smirk on his face.

"It worked. Cool." The fused warrior found that he could stand in the increased gravity without any extra powerups. "Now for the weights." There was a large pile of barbells lying near what was the "southern" side of the room (the actual orientation of the house mattered little, since they were in Washuu's pocket dimension).

A few hours later:

Mihoshi was confused. She recognized two of the guests. There was the girl in the black school uniform, and the guy in the brown robe. However, she didn't recognize the others. There was an old, frail man who reminded her of that man who had called her a flake. Then, there was a portly little girl who resembled the green haired girl. She was at least as wide as she was tall. "Who are you again?"

The elderly man sighed. "For the last time, flake, I'm Ph'lan. Gohan and Phil used a technique to fuse them together to make a more powerful fighter, but we goofed. I'm the result. This is Omigo. The girls you met before did the same thing that I did, and messed it up as well. Do you understand?"

"Who are you again?"

Old Ph'lan leapt up, ready to squeeze the life from her. However, his back snapped, and he was forced to sit down to eliminate the pain. His thoughts were not pleasant. What I'd give for enough energy to do a Shi Shi Houkou Dan right about now. Ph'lan sighed. "Could somebody pass the chicken?" Ryoko complied. "Thank you."

Fat Omigo sighed. "How much longer, Ph'lan?"

He checked his watch. "It should end right about.now." There was a flash of light, and four people sat where two people had occupied previously.

Phil snapped up, activating his lightsaber. "Now to deal with that ditz!" Gohan was forced to power up and restrain Phil.

"No murder!" While all of this was going on, Kione made no move to help her partner for two reasons. For one thing, she liked this guy. They had a lot in common. Also, she could only benefit if Mihoshi was killed or at least seriously maimed.

Phil powered up. "The Chief said that I could do whatever was necessary to maintain the timeline! Quick! GoChibi, is Mihoshi around in the future?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

Omi smacked her on the back of the head. "Wrong answer. Remember what Master Yoda said: Always in motion is the Future! Kill her now and end our suffering!"

Gohan glared at Omi. "I think you take too much after Phil."

Ayeka was shocked. "Why would you want to kill Mihoshi? What has she ever done to you?"

"You've been living with her for months now, and you still have to ask? God, you nobles are inbred!"

"Why you. Osaka! Kamodake!" The large, wooden blocks seemed to appear from nowhere.

"Yes, Princess?"

"Arrest him! He wants to kill Mihoshi and he insulted the royal family of Jurai!"

"Yes, Princess!" The two surrounded him and encased him in a forcefield.

Phil smirked. "Admit it. The only reason your after my blood is because I told Tenchi the truth." The young boy looked away from his great aunt and shuddered, just thinking about what she had wanted to do with him.

"So?"

"Might I point out that A) you are not on Jurai. You have no authority here. B) We are in Japan, where I do have the right to free speech, and C) since Mihoshi is not a citizen of Japan, she has no rights here and is not protected by the law."

"Actually, she does. And you aren't a citizen either."

"For one thing, shut up Ralph. For another, I have legal documents that state that I am the Emperor's personal bodyguard. Now Ayeka, you have assaulted an officer of the Physics Police, so I could technically arrest you for doing so. But I'm not going to. You want to know why?" She nodded. "Because, a rivalry with you makes things much more interesting around here." He looked up at the wooden blocks. "I've always wondered; which one of you is Osaka, and which one of you is Kamodake?"

Somehow, the one on the left sweatdropped. "Uh, we're not sure."

"I thought as much. Now, I would suggest that you release me."

Ayeka cried out, "You'll do no such thing!"

"Very well. If that's the way you want it, I prefer the hard way anyways. Ka.me." The house's foundation began to quake as Phil powered up his attack.

"Nothing can penetrate a Juraian forcefield! Hold firm!"

Gohan was getting nervous. "Let's hope your right."

"Ha." A bright blue energy field was now surrounding Phil, pushing back the force field that held him in place.

Grandfather cried out, "Quickly! We must get outside!"

"Me."

Kione looked pleadingly at her. "Let him go! He'll kill us all!"

Swallowing her pride, she said, "Release him." The servants obeyed the order, and Phil reabsorbed the energy. "However, you have still tainted my honor! I challenge you to a duel!"

"After I deal with Cell, yes, I'd be more than happy to fight you. Name the time and the place."

"In one month, on Jurai!"

"Agreed."

"Foolish human. The power of Jurai will give me a strength you cannot match!"

"You just keep thinking that, Auntie." He slurped the last of his Ramen noodles. "As for the rest of us, we need to continue our training." The four warriors left.

Ryoko laughed. "That was hilarious! Every day I like him better!"

"Then leave my Tenchi alone, you harlot!" Ayeka surrounded herself with a forcefield.

Tenchi quickly excused himself, shuddering. "I'm going to need a load of therapy when this is all over. Look at this, my eye's twitching!"

Ralph said, "That'll do, Donkey. That'll do."

"Nobody calls me that and lives!" Electricity began to build up around Ryoko's fists.

Ralph politely coughed. "Would you girls mind taking this outside? I'm not sure if the house can take the strain."

"Very well." Ayeka and Ryoko floated outside to battle, and Ralph pulled a couple of lawn chairs and bags of popcorn from his pocket.

"Who wants to watch?"

Ecks grinned. "I'll go double or nothing on my debt! My money's on Ayeka!"

"You're on. Here's your popcorn." The two kicked back as the alien women began exchanging energy bolts. "This is better than Monday night wrestling!"

* * *

Two days later.

Ph'lan and Omigo were training once again. Their Fusion Dances had improved greatly, and their power levels were increasing nicely. That was when Ayeka screamed.

"My hair! What have you done to my wonderful hair!?"

Ph'lan grinned wickedly. Omigo raised her eyebrow. "What now?"

"Oh, I just switched her shampoo with brown hair dye."

"What's so bad about that?"

"On a planet where purple hair is normal, I reasoned that brown hair would be weird. And I guessed right."

"You just love egging her on, don't you?"

"Ever since Kione and Mihoshi left on that extended patrol, what else is there to do? I like Ryoko, Yosho's an old friend of my dad's, Tenchi's dad isn't around, Washuu's too vengeful to let any prank I pull go, and Tenchi is. well, he's just a nice guy. All that leaves me is Ayeka."

"Point taken." She elbowed him in the gut, and then caught him with an uppercut. Ph'lan flew back and sent a Chi bolt at her. The fusion girl didn't avoid the strike in time. The resulting explosion sent her sprawling. "Ouch. Hey, why haven't you been using your improved attacks lately?"

"They take more focus, and the damage could kill you." He ignited his lightsaber, and she followed suit.

"I've noticed that you tend to take after Phil more than Gohan."

"Only when I'm feeling evil. Which is pretty much a 24/7 feeling."

Suddenly, Ph'lan spoke in Gohan's voice. "None of this is my fault! I am not in control of this body's actions!"

The two began slicing with the energy swords. The light still glowed red, making their battle seem even more otherworldly.

Ph'lan knocked her back. "Release your anger. Strike me down, and your training will be complete."

"Never! I am a Jedi, like my father before me."

"Omigo, I am your father!"

"No duh. Can we stop it with the constant Star Wars references already?"

"No, my young apprentice."

"And stop calling me that! It's weird!" That was when the Fusion Dance ended, leaving four warriors where two had once stood. Phil's watch beeped. "Lunchtime!"

As they ran up the stairs, they nearly ran over Washuu. "Hey! Watch it!"

Phil reached the top of the stairs, only to run into a force field. On the other end of the field was Ayeka. Her formerly purple hair was now completely brown. "Look what you've done!"

"Yeah, you almost look normal."

"Why you!"

Phil simply placed his hands on the field. Ayeka was shocked. "What? Your hands should have been burned away by now!"

"Sorry to disappoint you." He simply applied steady pressure and forced her out of his way. She put more and more energy into the field, which caused Phil to apply more and more force against it. In the end, she simply collapsed. Phil looked down at her and smirked. "Are you quite finished yet?"

"I'll get you yet, you evil, filthy bastard!"

"Now now. Flattery will get you nowhere. Oh, hi Tenchi."

He looked up from his plate. "Oh, hello Phil. Why do you keep being so mean to Ayeka?"

"Well, your Great Aunt," Tenchi shuddered, "has got to be the most egotistical being I've ever met and she needs to be taken down a few hundred notches. Heck, at least Vegeta knows when he's beat. Usually."

Ralph scooped some noodles onto his plate. "Hey, whatever happened to him, anyways?"

"Well, I used the audit gun on him, and he's probably still filling out paperwork."

"Not quite, you annoying pest!" There, at the doorway, was the Prince of Saiyans. After a week of continuous form signing, agent John had finally released him. "I've come for revenge!"

"Oh, hello Vegeta. I see that you've lost your M. I guess Babadi really is dead."

"That's right! And now, I can fight you for real, without Kakorot's interference!" Vegeta transformed to Super Saiyan level two.

"Vegeta, I've known you for a long time. We've fought twice, and I've won twice. Get it through your skull: YOU.CAN'T.BEAT.ME!"

"Only because you insist on using your cheap weapons!"

"Oh, really? I hate to tell you this, but even GoChibi is way above your level."

"What?"

"Oh wait, that's right; you weren't around when I learned the Mystical Powerup. Here, let me show you." The air around him shimmered, and Vegeta looked in shock.

"I-I've been surpassed again! No! It's not fair! It's not fair, damn it!" The Saiyan collapsed to the ground and pounded his fist. "Why?"

"Look, all you can really do now is go train with the other Z fighters. If Cell beats us, you'll be the planet's last hope."

"Cell? When did he return?"

"The others can fill you in. Take this wormhole and tell them that Phil sent you." Glaring daggers at Phil, Vegeta entered the portal. "Good riddance to bad rubbish. I didn't think he was that gullible."

Ayeka sat on the other side of the table, glaring even more daggers at Phil. "I'll get you yet! I will dance on your corpse, and the worms shall grow fat! Your death shall be slow and excruciating, and I shall enjoy it very much!"

"Well, everybody needs goals in life. Hey Sasami, would you mind passing the Teriyaki sauce?"

"Not at all."

"Traitor!"

Phil sighed. "Ayeka, just because she has some common sense doesn't mean that she's a traitor. Like I told Vegeta, you can't win. You have even less of a chance against me than he does."

"Once I get you on Jurai's surface, its power will give me the strength to destroy you!"

"Whatever you say. Your fancy space trees are nothing compared to our powers."

Ayeka continued her ranting, but Phil ignored her. "So, Ralph, I have a mission for you."

"Oh?"

"We need to get the Sailor Senshi off planet. If they tangle with Cell, they'll be killed. I suggest that you take them to Dagobah for a bit."

"It'll be good to see Yoda again."

"Just watch it when you hit the atmosphere. You can take Ryo Ohki."

Ryoko yelled, "Hey! That's my ship!"

Phil snorted. "Don't worry; no harm will come to your bunny."

"I still say no." The tiny creature mewed and looked away.

"I'll give you a bushel of carrots."

"Meow!" Ryo Ohki held up a little sign that said "Dagobah or bust."

"Traitor!"

Phil sighed. "Didn't I just have this conversation with Ayeka? Besides, I'm willing to compensate you for the use of your ship."

"Oh?"

"How about.a bottle of sake?"

"Make it two and you've got a deal." It looked like the cabbit was leaving anyway; she figured she might as well profit from it.

Ralph took a sip of tea, and then left with Ryo Ohki.

Phil sneered at Ayeka. "Have a good time trying to get that dye out, Princess. C'mon guys, it's time to train."

Outside, the cabbit transformed into a spaceship, which beamed up Ralph. He took the controls. "Well, Ryo Ohki, let's see what you can do." Meowing loudly, the ship accelerated past the speed of sound.

Juban, Tokyo.

About five minutes later.

The Sailor Senshi were walking to the mall together. Usagi was upset. "Have any of you seen Rei lately?"

Ami shook her head. "Nope. She's been gone for a couple of weeks now. I guess you just have to expect this sort of thing when your friend is an internationally famous starlet."

"Yeah." Their memories had adjusted to reflect reality; Rei's hadn't because she had been in whatever place Clou Cards and Pokemon go when they're captured. Thus, she had been outside the range of whatever changes the timeline had gone through.

Usagi groaned. "She's so lucky. I mean, her grandfather is rich because of all the royalties from those James Bond movies the Americans love so much."

Minako attempted to impress her friends with her knowledge of clichés. "Oh well, it's like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side of the cow!" And once again failed miserably.

Ami attempted to correct her. "Actually, it's the other side of the fence."

"No, I'm sure it isn't."

Ami sighed. "Of all the super hero groups I had to join, I had to be a Sailor Senshi. Oh no, I couldn't have a useful power and join the Avengers or the Justice League or something. I get to make bubbles and fog and I'm stuck with these ditzes. I just wish something would take me away." It was at that moment that an ominous shadow obscured the sun, and there was an echoing meow. Ami looked up and was drawn up by a green tractor beam. As she levitated into the air, she thought that it was nice that her wish had been granted for once. Then, Makoto was levitated up into the craft, followed closely by Minako. Usagi didn't even notice that her feet weren't making contact with the ground anymore, and continued walking towards the mall.

When she finally noticed, she saw that she was inside a large spacecraft. "Where am I?"

Ralph was at the helm, and Rei was nearby. Ralph spoke into a nearby microphone. "Welcome aboard Ryo Ohki. Today we will be making a nonstop flight from Earth to Dagobah. Please enjoy your flight." They zipped off, achieved escape velocity, and exited Earth's atmosphere at speeds exceeding mach five.

And during the entire experience, Usagi said, "Wheeeeeeeeeee!"

As they passed Mars, Ami tapped Ralph on the shoulder. "Where are we going?"

"To Dagobah. There we will find Yoda, the Jedi Master who instructed me."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I spent about a month with him."

"And Dagobah is about how far away?"

"Let's see here. Ryo Ohki can hit about .75 past light speed, but we can't go into hyperspace until we get out of Mars' gravity well, which will happen in about two hours. Then, it'll take about four days to get there."

"I see. why does it seem like everything weird in our lives lately is your fault?"

"Just lucky, I guess."

In the background, Rei was in the process of explaining to the others that she wasn't Sean Connery's grandchild. "For the last time, I've never been to the French Riviera!"

"But we went with you!"

"No you didn't! It never happened!"

Minako shook her head. "Poor Rei. She's in The Nile."

Ami called back, "Don't you mean denial?"

"No, only American gangsters talk like that. It's the Nile."

Ami began to beat her head against Ryo Ohki's hull. A floating crystal bearing the cabbit's face protested, but the Senshi of Mercury continued unabated.

End Part 23

As you may have noticed, this fic has gone back to its original purpose: To mock Anime. Please note that I do like Anime; it's simply that there are so many things to make fun of.