Part 24

Training With Yoda

By Bobcat

Disclaimer: I refuse to take the blame for these characters!

Universe FC-1

Spaceship Ryo Ohki

Hyperspace

Days left until battle with Cell: 19

"And exhale." Ralph's students, the Sailor Senshi, did so. After about a day of transit, Ralph had determined that he didn't need to stay at Ryo Ohki's controls at all times. In fact, the cabbit had strongly "hinted" with powerful electrical shocks that it didn't appreciate being treated like an inanimate object. So, Ralph had used a small device to determine the mitichlorian count for each of the girls, and had been surprised to discover that they were rather high. Not quite on Anakin Skywalker's level, but enough to justify some Force training. Besides, Usagi had been driving him nuts with her constant questioning.

Now, Ralph was the first to admit that he was an inquisitive soul. As such, he was normally calm when others were the same way, so long as they asked intelligent questions. Usagi was obviously disqualified.

"What size are your shoes?"

"Why do those crystals float?"

"What's Gohan's favorite food?" (That one was borderline intelligent; it relieved Ralph that she remembered who her future mate was, and wanted to know more about him).

"What's the Force?"

"What does this button do?"

"Why shouldn't I push that button?"

"What do those red lights and sirens mean?"

"What does, "Self Destruct Sequence Activated" mean?"

"Why does that floaty thing have a picture of a cat in it?"

"What's a cabbit?"

"Why is it meowing?"

"What's the Force?"

"Where's the kitchen?"

"What kind of spaceship doesn't have a kitchen?"

"Can I have some more chocolate drink?" (It took a lot of restraint not to grant that request).

So, Ralph had decided to ease Yoda's burden by at least giving the girls a basic Force training. Rei was taking it like a duck to water; having been raised to be a priestess (current reality notwithstanding), she was used to meditation and the idea of an all encompassing energy field. Minako and Makoto were having a slightly more difficult time with it, but were coming along nicely. Ami kept overanalyzing everything and enquired as to how it work. She didn't seen to understand that the Force didn't fall within the boundaries (which was rather unusual for a magical girl). Of course, Usagi was the most troubling case; she kept falling asleep. She just couldn't grasp the concept of meditation.

"For the last time, this isn't nap time!'

"Huh?"

At this point, Ralph really pitied Yoda.

Meanwhile, back at the Masaki Shrine:

Ayeka stretched her arms and yawned. It had been a good night's sleep. Even with that jerk Phil in the house, it didn't seem so bad. She walked over to the closet to change her clothes, and chanced to pass a mirror. In her groggy state, it took several seconds to tell the brain what they were seeing. Suddenly, she became fully alert. She walked back, and discovered that her pajamas had been replaced by bright orange Sailor Fuku.

"What is this?"

She ran over to the closet to find some normal clothes, only to find that the rest of her wardrobe consisted of much the same apparel. Not one of her robes was to be found.

And a great cry rose up in the isolated mountain valley, causing a flock of birds to flit away to escape the resounding echo.

"PPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"

In the hallway, Phil and Omi exchanged high fives.

* * *

Universe FC-1

Spaceship Ryo Ohki

Inbound for Dagobah, Dagobah system

Days left until battle with Cell: 17

Ralph was at Ryo Ohki's controls. They had dropped out of hyperspace a few moments before, and were flying towards the cloud covered planet of Dagobah.

Ami looked out a viewscreen towards the planet. She was very excited. This would be her first trip to an alien world (at least, her first since the Silver Millennium, but that didn't count since she didn't remember most of it)! Who knew what interesting flora and fauna she would find? She still wasn't quite sure how they had gotten there; Einstein said that no object could accelerate to light speed, but the trip hadn't taken them years, so she knew they had to be moving with that kind of speed. Ralph had explained to her that they were traveling through "hyperspace," an alternate dimension in which the laws of motion were completely different, and that the ship simply entered that dimension to make it to the corresponding point in "realspace." The very idea seemed impossible, but there she was.

"Strap yourselves in, girls. This is going to be a bumpy ride." It was at that moment that they hit the atmosphere. Lightning blasted into Ryo Ohki, but didn't short out her systems; after all, she was a biological construct, so she didn't have any electronic devices to interfere with. However, the cabbit meowed angrily. Ryo Ohki's scanners couldn't point out their altitude, but the Force gave Ralph a vague idea of where the highest concentration of life forms was, which amounted to about the same thing.

Unlike a certain Jedi by the name of Skywalker, Ralph's landing was perfect. Talking into a handy microphone, he said, "Eh, thank you for flying with Physics Police Air. The exits are located nowhere, since Ryo Ohki will be teleporting us onto some semi-solid ground." He stopped his bad impersonation of an airline pilot. "But seriously, I would suggest transforming. You see, the local critters tend to be large, carnivorous or both." The Sailor Senshi complied, and in a few moments a Jedi and five girls in Sailor Fuku were beamed onto the planet.

Ralph scanned the gloomy mist. The large trees were a gray color and looked dead. However, they were actually in the best of health. Between the roots skittered the large, spider like creatures that would eventually transform into trees identical to those where they made their homes. "Watch your step. Solid ground is pretty elusive around these parts." They walked in silence for several minutes, the girls looking in awe at the various creatures. Birdlike bats, or bat like birds (it was hard to tell) flitted above them, making ominous screeching noises. After several minutes, Ralph decided take a headcount. "Rei, Ami, Minako, Makoto... Hey, where's Usagi?'

Rei answered, "Oh, she got eaten by some kind of swamp slug a couple of minutes ago."

"And why didn't you mention this before?"

"It didn't seem important at the time." Several meters behind them, there was a loud coughing sound, and Usagi was catapulted into the air. She managed to find a soft spot to land; Makoto. The blond and brunette were sent sprawling.

The meatball head began to cry. "Waaaaaaaaaaah! That was horrible! And the smell! Ick!"

Makoto waved a hand in front of her nose. "Yeah, I know. You reek!"

"Well, I was just inside some sort of space slug!" She squirted herself with a few sprits of perfume on herself, and Sailor Jupiter began to gag even more.

Ralph chuckled. "I guess Makoto doesn't like your new perfume any more than that slug did. Now, come on. We need to find him."

"Looking for someone, are you?" Sitting on a nearby log was a short green creature. It had long, green ears and was bout two feet tall. It was clothed in a simple brown robe similar to Ralph's, and it walked over to them using a wooden cane for support. "Help you I can."

Ami bowed slightly to the tiny creature. "Thank you sir, but we already have a guide... Ralph? Where did he go?"

"Your guide you have lost? Looking for somebody else, were you/"

"Yes. We seek a great warrior who we were told lived here."

Yoda snorted at Ami. "Pheh. Wars not make one great." He hobbled over to Usagi and grabbed her baton. "Oooooooooh! Pretty."

Usagi was angry. "Hey! Give that back! It's my instrument in the battle with evil!"

"Mine, or I will help you not!"

Makoto cracked her knuckles and balled her hands into fists. "We don't need your help, old man, but if you want a fight, you've found it!"

The tiny creature smirked. "Think you can beat me, do you? Wrong I will prove you to be!"

"Jupiter Thunderstrike!" This was about the least intelligent thing she could have done, considering that she was standing in the middle of a wet swamp.

The hermit walked over and bopped her smoking form with his cane. "Conducts electricity, water does. Learn this, you must."

"Moon Tiara Strike!" Yoda simply ducked under his assault, which flew straight into Ami. Sailor Mercury was sent sprawling.

"With you is the Force, but the intelligence it not."

Rei halted and considered the green alien. "You speak of the Force and you know that we possess it... you are Yoda!"

"Perceptive you are. Trained you well, Ralph has."

Sailor Venus had remained silent until this point. "You know Ralph?"

"My student he was. Seen him I have. Left in his ship he has. Cold and dangerous it is here. Back to my house we should be going. This way you will be walking." Yoda began to walk toward his hut, with the Sailor Senshi on his tail. Of course, Usagi took his "Walk this way" instruction literally, and was now hobbling back with a large stick she had found.

Meanwhile, back at the Ranch:

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!"

"Phil, don't you think that a plague of frogs was a bit much?"

"No, not really, Gohan."

Three days later on Dagobah:

Ami was running through the underbrush, dressed in one of the simple jumpsuits that Ralph had left behind for them. Yoda was riding on her back.

"Anger. Fear. Hatred. These are the tools of the Dark Side. And once you start down the dark path, it will forever dominate your destiny."

"What is the Dark Side?"

"It is the quick and easy path to power. Consume you, it will. The Jedi acts for knowledge and defense, never for attack."

"But why..."

"There is no why! Thirst for empirical knowledge and hard data you do. The Jedi accepts what they cannot learn, and learns to live with it, they do. Clear your mind of questions, you must."

She took a deep, cleansing breath. "How will I know the good side from the bad?"

"You will know, when you have cleared your mind of thought. The Jedi's strength flows from the Force. No more will I teach you today. Back home we should be going."

After a few more minutes of running through the swamp, they came back to the hut. Ami lifted Yoda off her back and placed him on a rock. "Usagi's turn, it is." The meatball headed Senshi nodded, and placed Yoda off her back. He pointed into the forest and said, "Go." She complied.

* * *

Usagi collapsed. "Yoda-sensei! I can't go on any further!"

"Three steps have you taken!" He began to bop Usagi repeatedly on the head with his cane. "A moron, you are!"

"I'm sorry, Sensei! I'll try harder!"

"Do or do not, there is no try."

"Why?'

He leapt off of her prone form and hobbled away, muttering, "The stupidity is strong in this one."

Later that night, Yoda sat before the dying embers of the fire. He poked at the coals with his cane. "Never so many students have I had before. Always two, there should be; a master, and an apprentice." He sighed. "Good students, they are. Learned much have they. Except for Usagi. A moronic meatball head is she. Fix this, I must. Reading makes one smarter. Read, she must.'

The next morning:

"See... Spot." Usagi's eyes hurt; this had to be the longest book she had ever read, and she had never read for this long before. "See... Spot... Ran."

Yoda was ripping the last of his hair from his skull. "No, no, no! Seeing Spot running you are! Seeing Jane you are! Seeing Jane running you are! A horrible student you are! Slowing down the others you are! No more shall I try to cram into your empty skull! You will go and sit in my hut!'

Crying, Usagi ran into the tiny hovel.

"Good. Rid of her we are. Other students can I now focus on." The other Senshi were lifting rocks and twigs. He pointed towards a fallen tree. "Rei, lifting that log you will be."

"But it's impossible! I can't move something that big!"

"Do it."

She concentrated, using the Force to move the rotting trunk. For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then, the log began to move back and forth. For a few moments, it levitated several inches from the ground. "I can't believe that I'm doing this!" With that statement, the log wobbled, then fell, spewing dirt everywhere. Rei looked down, ashamed of her failure. "I'm sorry I failed, Yoda-sensei."

"You only fail because you do not believe. With the Force, one can move worlds, if one has faith in oneself."

"I will try harder next time!"

"Do, or do not. There is no try. Consider this. Makoto, time for your jog it is."

* * *

New York, New York

In New York, there is a massive skyscraper known as the Baxter Building. It is quite possibly the most unusual structure in the city. It towers over the neighboring buildings, and on each side of this mighty edifice is a gigantic "4." Within it is some of the most advanced technology on the planet, of both human and alien origin. Dimensional portals, weapons and a programmable VCR are only a few of the many marvels contained within. What also makes this building stand out is that it is home to the Fantastic Four. At the moment, the building was wreathed in flames. Even Reed Richards' advanced fire extinguishing systems couldn't combat the blaze.

"In what had formerly been the primary control room of the Baxter Building, Cell looked at his battered opponents and laughed. "I'd have thought that the Fantastic Four would have been more of a challenge." A man seemingly made of orange rock leapt at him, ready to crush this opponent. Cell simply used a bit of telekinesis to knock him aside.

The Thing staggered to his feet and charged at Cell. "Alright, lady bug man, time for round two! It's Clobberin' Time!" Cell made no move to avoid the strike. The Thing could bench press over seventy tons, yet his blows had no effect of the green monstrosity. Punch after Punch landed squarely on Cell's solar plexus, but the attack seemed to tire out the Thing more than it hurt Cell.

"I grow weary of this, Grimm." Whipping out his tail, Cell's stinger dug into the almost impenetrable hide of the Thing. As the orange man screamed in pain, Cell simply licked his lips. Ben Grimm's vital fluids and energy were sucked through Cell's tail. After a few moments, all that remained of the Thing was a blue loincloth and a belt buckle in the shape of a 4.

"You monster!" Susan Richards, AKA the Invisible Woman, sent an invisible force field towards Cell in an attempt to crush him. The blow knocked him down, and she heard a satisfying series of crashes as he blasted through floor after floor of the building. She was rather surprised when he reappeared next to her a few moments later. She smelled rotten eggs. No... brimstone?

Cell grinned arrogantly at her. "Nightcrawler's power does leave an unpleasant odor, nicht wahr? Oh well. Your husband, Mr. Fantastic, fell all too easily. And the Human Torch? All he managed to do was to set this lovely building on fire." He saw the tears in her eyes as he mentioned her brother. "Aw, do you miss Johnny already? How would you like to hear him?"

"What?"

Cell continued his gloating in Johnny Storm's voice. "Of course, "sis," I was disappointed in the Thing. I'd thought that somebody who has gone toe to toe with the Hulk would prove more of a challenge. Then again, I crushed the "Jolly Green Giant" with little effort, so what can one expect?"

"I'll kill you!" She hurled what amounted to an invisible "javelin" of energy at the green monster. Cell simply used a bit of the Force to hold back her assault.

"Oh, come on Sue. You aren't very useful offensively; you've always been more of a support element. What chance do you think that you have?" Cell struck out with his stinger, but the deadly implement was halted by a swiftly erected invisible force field.

"Hah! Nothing can break through my shield! You can't reach me."

Cell chuckled. This time, Cell borrowed Reed Richards' voice. "You never were a very good bluffer, Sue. I can see the strain in your eyes. Quick lesson in physics: everything breaks if you apply enough force." Cell's body was engulfed in a dull yellow glow, and his stinger sliced through the barrier as if it was gelatin. It stuck into her side, and she cried out in pain. Cell went back to his original voice. "Do not worry, Sue. You shall be with your family soon enough." Soon, there were no remains of the invisible woman visible to the naked eye.

He took stock of his energy reserves. Cell snorted. "These "super heroes" are hardly worth the effort! If only I could find those Z Fighters; they would provide all the energy I could ever want!" Cell reflected that it was for that very reason that they had been moved out of his grasp. "No matter. I grow stronger by the day. In three weeks, I will be far beyond even Ph'lan's level!" Cell teleported from the structure. He surveyed the burning hulk of the Baxter Building. "Tsk Tsk. What a mess. I suppose I'll have to clean it up." Using his newly acquired powers, Cell crushed the smoldering skyscraper beneath a column of invisible energy. The assault sent the Baxter Building deep into the North American tectonic plate. "There. All done." He looked towards the sky. "Hmmm. Who next? I suppose I should hit the Justice League." He cackled madly, flying up into the atmosphere. "Perhaps the last son of Krypton will prove more worthy of my talents." But he seriously doubted it.

End Part 24

What, did you really expect Cell to train the old fashioned way?