Part 26
Phil Goes to China
Days left until battle with Cell: 4
Phil and GoChibi were locked in combat. Two lightsaber blades, one blue, one yellow, flashed and released sparks as they crashed into each other. The air around Phil shimmered as he attempted to use the Mystical Powerup to match his opponent's Super Saiyan powers. He lashed out with a left hook that caught the future girl across the jaw. He followed up with a burst of energy that sent her flying into the rocky ground beneath their feet. Before she could respond, Phil materialized next to her and kicked her in the gut. She flew into a nearby tree, shattering the centuries old pine into a thousand pieces.
"Give up yet?" The only response she gave him was a blinding yellow light. She levitated from the crater she had created and deactivated her lightsaber. Her yellow aura had grown outward, and tiny sparks of blue electricity filled the energy field
that surrounded her.
"Bring. It. On!" She flew in and attempted to catch Phil with a double handed punch. He faded, then reappeared directly behind her. His attempted Karate chop passed through her afterimage. Her attempted kick to Phil's gut, but the Mystical Warrior flew beyond her reach.
"Renzoku Energy Dan!" A barrage of energy blasts followed Phil. With a smug grin on his face, Phil simply met the assault head on. When the smoke cleared, he casually floated there. There was no visible damage. "How did you do that?"
"I wouldn't waste my time with that technique. Sure, it looks cool, but the actual damage done is minimal. It just splits up your Chi too much to be effective."
"Stop lecturing me! I'm not stupid!"
"Unfortunately, you have two gene pools working against you in that regard."
"Why you!" She flew in, launching a barrage of punches and kicks. Phil lazily dodged the blows. After several moments, she halted. "What?"
"I suspected as much."
"What are you talking about? How did you become so much stronger than me?"
"I really didn't. However, you're letting your rage get the better of you. My improved Chi technique requires a certain degree of focus. We're sort of like reverse Hulks; the madder we get, the weaker we get. You have to learn to keep your cool." Phil's watch beeped. "Lunchtime!"
* * *
Grandfather sat across from Phil. "You came here to use Washuu's gravity room. Why have you been training outside lately?"
"We need to readjust ourselves to normal gravity. We don't want to use too much velocity in flight; it could get real painful real fast. Pass the soy sauce, please. Thank you. Hey Ayeka, what's the matter?" The Juraian princess was glaring at him.
She was drinking some very thick orange juice; it was one of the few liquids that had a low enough water content not to be transformed into raspberry jam. "How dare you feign innocence? You're out to get me for no good reason! You've cursed me, dyed my hair twice, unleashed a plague of frogs upon me, replaced my beautiful robes with ridiculous school uniforms, and put a wedge between me and my beloved Tenchi that may never go away!"
"Now, I'll admit to one hair dyeing, and that last bit, but you have no proof that I did any of those other things."
"Oh really? Who else would do such a thing?"
"Gremlins, perhaps?"
Mihoshi squealed. "Gremlins? Where?" Kione sweatdropped.
Ayeka ignored the Galaxy Police Officer. "Do you honestly expect us to believe that there a bunch of little Gremlins causing all of my problems?"
"Or it could be Juan and Cindy."
"Who?"
"According to Dogbert, Juan and Cindy are a pair of invisible people who go around making your lives miserable, and the road to happiness is to find and kill them."
"Oh come on! Do any of you actually believe any of this?"
Grandfather set down his teacup. "Tenchi, we have work to do."
"Huh?"
"We either have Gremlins running about, or a pair of American ghosts. As priests, it is our responsibility to stop these evil forces." Nobody except for Phil saw the sly wink a moment later.
Ayeka snorted the OJ out of her nose. Considering how thick it was, it was a very painful process. "Wh-what? You actually believe him? Tenchi, how could you?"
Phil grinned maliciously. "Now Ayeka, your GREAT NEPHEW" Tenchi shuddered, "and his Grandfather have work to do. My, you're paranoid." Phil began to cackle madly. "Good! Everything goes according to plan."
"See! He admits it!"
"Oops! Did I say that last part out loud? Just a second." Phil got out a pair of sunglasses. GoChibi, Omi and the rest of SU5 followed suit. "Omi, get Ayeka a pair as well." The girl from the future complied. Phil pulled out a rod-shaped object about the size of a pen. After pressing a few buttons, a bright flash of red light filled the room. "I didn't say anything after, "My, you're paranoid." Ayeka simply said that I admitted it, contrary to reality." The other members of the household went back to lunch, taking Phil's statement as fact.
"What is that thing?"
"An MIB model Neuralizer. Handy little gizmo, isn't it?"
"Everybody! He used that machine to reshape your memory!"
"What, this pen?" Pressing a stud on the back of it, a tiny metal stud protruded from the device.
Sasami looked at Ayeka, concern obvious on her young features. "Are you OK, big sister?"
"I'm perfectly fine! It's all of you who have the problem here! You believe everything that he says! You're all out to get me! But you'll never get me alive!" She ran up the stairs, slammed the door to her room shut, and locked the deadbolt.
Ralph addressed Washuu. "Didn't you say that you were going to put some kind of medication for her obvious paranoia into her soup?"
"I did! And she drank all of it. I just don't understand! It's guaranteed to eliminate any paranoid delusions."
Phil and Ralph exchanged some mental messages through the Force. "Of course, Ralph, it doesn't help in the slightest when the paranoia is actually justified."
"Jeez, Phil, that was really mean! You're making her start to doubt her sanity!"
"You're no fun. Don't blab a word of it!"
"So, what do you have planned for her today?"
"Nothing."
"What?"
"I figure if she is this far gone, then she'll spend the entire day looking for a trap that isn't there. In fact, this is my last prank until we're done with Cell."
"That's actually kind of ingenious, Phil."
"Thanks."
Grandfather sighed. He thought, "This rivalry with Phil will do her good. Although many centuries have passed since I last saw her, she is still the same spoiled, petulant child she has always been. She must learn that the energy of Jurai is not superior to the other powers that exist."
Phil dabbed his chin with his napkin. "Well, we'd better go train." The others agreed, and the quartet of warriors exited.
Upstairs, Ayeka was making a fort out of pillows, blankets and a futon. "Nothing can get me while I'm in here! I'm invincible! You here? Invincible!"
Outside:
"Well, I must go now."
All three of Phil's allies were surprised by this sudden statement. Omi queried, "What? Where are you going?"
"I need to go to China."
Gohan said, "What's in China?"
"The cursed springs of Jusenkyo. I need to evacuate the guide and his daughter. It might also be a good idea to get the various tribes that inhabit the area out as well. With the kind of battle we'll be waging, we could easily vaporize the entire mountain range."
Gohan was still confused. "Then why did you say that you were going out to train?"
"To irritate Ayeka. If she asks where I am, just tell her I'm out plotting her downfall as we speak."
Omi grinned wickedly. "This should be fun. But why today?"
"I have a feeling that things are going to get rather uncomfortable around here."
That was when Washuu's forlorned scream filled the valley. "My Gravity Room! What have you done to it?"
Back at the house, Ralph was attempting to avoid strangulation at the hands of the tiny scientist. "Whoa! Calm down! A little paint, maybe some duct tape..." The room's tiled floor was more memory than fact; it was fortunate that Phil and his compatriots weren't strong enough to penetrate the border of the pocket dimension, or else they would have been sucked into the empty void beyond weeks ago. The Olympic sized swimming pool had been vaporized by one of Gohan's Masenkos. The weights had been bent completely out of shape.
"You are going to fix it! Now!"
"I'll go get the others."
Washuu glared at him. "Don't you try to run. I will track you to the ends of the Earth!"
"Right."
Ralph ran up the stairs and out of the house. "Phil! Get down here! Washuu wants you to fix her gravity room!"
In mock angst, Phil placed his hand to his head. "Oh, I would if I could. However, the burdens of command force me to bid you adieu." The energies of the Mystical Powerup surrounded him. "Goodbye, y'all!"
Ralph shook his fist as Phil shot away like a guided missile. "You can't do this to us! You caused more damage than anybody else! Come back here!"
That was when the tiny scientist walked out a glowing doorway that appeared out of nowhere. She summoned a dimensional portal and a variety of paint brushes, floor tiles and masonry. "Now, Gohan, you get to rebuild the pool."
Ecks and Ralph scowled. As the Jedi grabbed a hammer, he muttered, "Phil, my vengeance shall be swift and terrible. I swear it."
By this time, Phil was over the Pacific Ocean. "Excellent. Not only have I avoided work, I'm getting myself some frequent flyer miles! If only that beverage cart service would hurry up!"
Meanwhile, in a mountain range in southeastern China:
Nestled in isolation for the past three thousand years, the Chinese Amazons are a dieing race. Their outmoded technology is pre iron-age at best. Although they are physically strong, they aren't a real threat to anybody anymore, except for the odd lost tourist. As opposed to the once mighty tribe that had held a good portion of China under their sway, they have been reduced to a single village. These days, they survive primarily by remaining unnoticed.
Two women sat near a fire before a primitive hut. The first was a young girl with long, strait, green hair. She was named Lo Shun and she looked intently at her Grandmother. The shriveled old woman was the tribe's "sha-person," and she was named Gel. "Grandmother, you seem troubled."
"There is a great evil. I can see that he is insanely powerful, and was somehow made from many warriors combined." Lo Shun was worried. She had heard of the wonders of the outside world, but didn't know that "modern" man was capable of this. She had never seen her Grandmother this worried before.
"He is stronger than the Amazons?" It went against all of the Amazons' traditions to acknowledge a man as a woman's superior, but Gel had raised Lo Shun to be more pragmatic than most Amazons.
"Yes, child. But don't breathe a word of it to the tribal council. They are so hidebound that they would see the very admittance that we are not the best as treason." Lo Shun nodded. The old woman stiffened again. "Wait... there is another evil coming! This shouldn't be possible! This one is almost as strong as the first!"
"What is this one?"
"He is evil, but there is some good in him. He seems less evil than... sadistic. He enjoys inflicting suffering on others, but not a grand scale like the other. The first one is far away, but I foresee it coming near our village. The second is..."
"Right behind you."
Gel clutched her chest. "Who are you? How did you sneak up on me?"
"My name is Phil. As for how I snuck up on you, it's easy enough." Phil was struck by inspiration. "A long time have I watched this one. Always looking to the horizon. Never focused on where she was. What she was doing!"
"What?"
"Oh yeah. I forgot. You Amazons don't have TV. Is Cologne around?"
Gel was cautious, mainly because this outsider spoke of their leader with some familiarity. She hadn't been expecting that. "No. She is dealing with a situation in Nerima."
Phil cursed his luck; he had actually trained under the old crone when had been a young man, and had found her to be a sensible woman. He only hoped that whoever she had left behind was equally intelligent. "Well, then who is in charge?"
By this time, other Chinese Amazons had noticed the arrival of the strange man. A warrior by the name of Soap unsheathed her sword. "Who are you, male, to see the tribal elders?"
Phil smacked his forehead. "Oh yeah! I forgot that you guys have this silly idea that women are inherently superior to men. I'm Phil, and I'm going to fighting an evil being by the name of Cell at Jusenkyo Springs in a couple days, and I've come to,"
Soap grinned at him disdainfully. "Ask our assistance? Stupid males; always getting into situations that they cannot get themselves out of."
"Actually, no. I'm here to tell you to stay the hell away from Jusenkyo. In fact, it would be a wise idea for you to leave the area for about a week. He's too strong for any of you to take on."
An old woman glared at Phil. She was the senior member of the council of elders in Cologne's absence. "This mere man thinks himself a match for another man who is supposedly stronger than us. He also suggests that we should flee in terror. This affront cannot be ignored. Who will show him the error of his ways?"
Soap answered by attacking Phil. She leapt at him, and her sword sang as it sliced through the air. Phil didn't even assume a ready position. He stood there with a grin on his face. "I see that you except your fate! Die, male!" The blade was about to decapitate Phil when the sulfurous yellow blade of his lightsaber cleanly sliced through the metal instrument. He then planted his fist into Soap's gut. The Amazon slumped to the ground, her face advertising her agony. He then used the Force to fling her into a nearby mud puddle. She didn't move again, although a pained moan could be heard.
"Please, don't bother. None of you can match my strength. I come in peace."
Lo Shun leapt from her position. Gel cried out, "No Granddaughter! You cannot win!"
She thought to herself, "I don't need to win." She didn't unsheathe her sword; Soap was the best swordswoman in the tribe. Lo Shun's strength had always been in unarmed combat. Seeing that his opponent was unarmed, Phil deactivated his lightsaber.
"You must know that you can't win. I'd guess that your Grandmother is some kind of mystic, seeing as how she could foresee my coming. If she thinks you can't win, she's right." Phil pulled out a Scouter and tapped the button. The numbers on the screen cycled for a moment, then halted. "Power level 149. Way above normal human levels, but still rather pathetic."
"I'll need to finish this quickly." She leapt at him, attempting to catch him in his temple with a disabling kick. The blow landed, but the Physics Policeman didn't even seem to notice the strike. "Look, you obviously have some kind of learning disability, so I'll try to talk slower. You. Can't. Win. Got it?"
"I don't need to win. I only need to make you part of the tribe."
"So that's your little game, is it? What's your name?"
"Lo Shun."
"Well Lotion, don't get any ideas about giving me that "Kiss of Marriage" thing. I don't acknowledge your laws. Besides, there isn't any way that you'll be able to catch me."
She thought, "Where brawn fails..." She adopted a look of terror and pointed behind Phil. "Look out! Behind you!"
"Huh?" He turned around. Before Phil could stop her, the green haired Amazon had locked onto him and had administered the Kiss of Marriage. "D'oh! Well, hot lips, step one went rather nicely. Now, catch me if you can." Phil powered up his Chi, forcing the bouncy Amazon to break her hold on him as waves of energy buffeted her. Phil flew up into the sky, surprising the assembled warrior women.
"Heh. She'll never find me, and all she's managed to do is alienate herself from the tribe. She won't be able to legally return until she brings me back. I almost feel sorry for her. Almost. Now, let's see here. Who's next?" Still flying at Mach 1, Phil pulled out a sheet of notebook paper. "Chinese Amazons, check. Next up, the Musk Dynasty." He considered it for a moment. "Nah, I never liked Prince Herb anyways." He checked off the race of subhumans. "The Phoenix Mountain Tribe? Nope. Saffron's too much of a threat to international stability; I can take him, but he'd be pretty annoying. Better if they're vaporized by some stray Chi bolt or something. All that leaves is the Guide, his daughter and a few other isolated settlements of, thank God, NORMAL people." So far, everything was going according to plan.
However, not all was well in the world.
* * *
Earth, Universe FC-1
Tokyo, Japan
A elderly man was taking his evening walk. He took the same route that he had taken since he had been a young boy. For the past sixty years, he had taken these sojourns into what was rapidly becoming a bad neighborhood, and had never been bothered before. Tonight would be different.
Yoshi Miyamoto wasn't the smartest man. He wasn't handsome. He was unemployed. However, ever since grade school, he had been good at intimidating those weaker than himself. He saw the old man and grinned. He had been mugging people since he had dropped out of high school. He had a pretty simple method; jump the guy, stab him, grab his wallet, and run. It had always run like clockwork before. Tonight would be different.
A gigantic man clung to the side of a nearby building. He was dressed in a large black jumpsuit adorned with a large, white spider. His face had been replaced by a large, snaggletoothed maw. They were Venom. They prepared to deal with the mugger. They did this on a regular basis. They had arrived in Japan to deal their unique brand of justice to the Yakuza. No normal man could match their strength. They saw no reason to be concerned. Tonight would be different.
He was Cell. He hovered high above the vigilante, the mugger and the old man. He grinned. The old man and mugger would provide minimal energy, but Eddie Brock was far above normal strength levels. However, the alien symbiote would prove to be the greatest prize. Given that Eddie Brock, who could normally lift seven hundred pounds, was capable of bench pressing nearly forty tons with the symbiote, Cell practically drooled thinking about the kind of boost it would give one such as him.
He chuckled. He would absorb all three in one fell swoop. Tonight would be very different indeed.
End 26
Phil Goes to China
Days left until battle with Cell: 4
Phil and GoChibi were locked in combat. Two lightsaber blades, one blue, one yellow, flashed and released sparks as they crashed into each other. The air around Phil shimmered as he attempted to use the Mystical Powerup to match his opponent's Super Saiyan powers. He lashed out with a left hook that caught the future girl across the jaw. He followed up with a burst of energy that sent her flying into the rocky ground beneath their feet. Before she could respond, Phil materialized next to her and kicked her in the gut. She flew into a nearby tree, shattering the centuries old pine into a thousand pieces.
"Give up yet?" The only response she gave him was a blinding yellow light. She levitated from the crater she had created and deactivated her lightsaber. Her yellow aura had grown outward, and tiny sparks of blue electricity filled the energy field
that surrounded her.
"Bring. It. On!" She flew in and attempted to catch Phil with a double handed punch. He faded, then reappeared directly behind her. His attempted Karate chop passed through her afterimage. Her attempted kick to Phil's gut, but the Mystical Warrior flew beyond her reach.
"Renzoku Energy Dan!" A barrage of energy blasts followed Phil. With a smug grin on his face, Phil simply met the assault head on. When the smoke cleared, he casually floated there. There was no visible damage. "How did you do that?"
"I wouldn't waste my time with that technique. Sure, it looks cool, but the actual damage done is minimal. It just splits up your Chi too much to be effective."
"Stop lecturing me! I'm not stupid!"
"Unfortunately, you have two gene pools working against you in that regard."
"Why you!" She flew in, launching a barrage of punches and kicks. Phil lazily dodged the blows. After several moments, she halted. "What?"
"I suspected as much."
"What are you talking about? How did you become so much stronger than me?"
"I really didn't. However, you're letting your rage get the better of you. My improved Chi technique requires a certain degree of focus. We're sort of like reverse Hulks; the madder we get, the weaker we get. You have to learn to keep your cool." Phil's watch beeped. "Lunchtime!"
* * *
Grandfather sat across from Phil. "You came here to use Washuu's gravity room. Why have you been training outside lately?"
"We need to readjust ourselves to normal gravity. We don't want to use too much velocity in flight; it could get real painful real fast. Pass the soy sauce, please. Thank you. Hey Ayeka, what's the matter?" The Juraian princess was glaring at him.
She was drinking some very thick orange juice; it was one of the few liquids that had a low enough water content not to be transformed into raspberry jam. "How dare you feign innocence? You're out to get me for no good reason! You've cursed me, dyed my hair twice, unleashed a plague of frogs upon me, replaced my beautiful robes with ridiculous school uniforms, and put a wedge between me and my beloved Tenchi that may never go away!"
"Now, I'll admit to one hair dyeing, and that last bit, but you have no proof that I did any of those other things."
"Oh really? Who else would do such a thing?"
"Gremlins, perhaps?"
Mihoshi squealed. "Gremlins? Where?" Kione sweatdropped.
Ayeka ignored the Galaxy Police Officer. "Do you honestly expect us to believe that there a bunch of little Gremlins causing all of my problems?"
"Or it could be Juan and Cindy."
"Who?"
"According to Dogbert, Juan and Cindy are a pair of invisible people who go around making your lives miserable, and the road to happiness is to find and kill them."
"Oh come on! Do any of you actually believe any of this?"
Grandfather set down his teacup. "Tenchi, we have work to do."
"Huh?"
"We either have Gremlins running about, or a pair of American ghosts. As priests, it is our responsibility to stop these evil forces." Nobody except for Phil saw the sly wink a moment later.
Ayeka snorted the OJ out of her nose. Considering how thick it was, it was a very painful process. "Wh-what? You actually believe him? Tenchi, how could you?"
Phil grinned maliciously. "Now Ayeka, your GREAT NEPHEW" Tenchi shuddered, "and his Grandfather have work to do. My, you're paranoid." Phil began to cackle madly. "Good! Everything goes according to plan."
"See! He admits it!"
"Oops! Did I say that last part out loud? Just a second." Phil got out a pair of sunglasses. GoChibi, Omi and the rest of SU5 followed suit. "Omi, get Ayeka a pair as well." The girl from the future complied. Phil pulled out a rod-shaped object about the size of a pen. After pressing a few buttons, a bright flash of red light filled the room. "I didn't say anything after, "My, you're paranoid." Ayeka simply said that I admitted it, contrary to reality." The other members of the household went back to lunch, taking Phil's statement as fact.
"What is that thing?"
"An MIB model Neuralizer. Handy little gizmo, isn't it?"
"Everybody! He used that machine to reshape your memory!"
"What, this pen?" Pressing a stud on the back of it, a tiny metal stud protruded from the device.
Sasami looked at Ayeka, concern obvious on her young features. "Are you OK, big sister?"
"I'm perfectly fine! It's all of you who have the problem here! You believe everything that he says! You're all out to get me! But you'll never get me alive!" She ran up the stairs, slammed the door to her room shut, and locked the deadbolt.
Ralph addressed Washuu. "Didn't you say that you were going to put some kind of medication for her obvious paranoia into her soup?"
"I did! And she drank all of it. I just don't understand! It's guaranteed to eliminate any paranoid delusions."
Phil and Ralph exchanged some mental messages through the Force. "Of course, Ralph, it doesn't help in the slightest when the paranoia is actually justified."
"Jeez, Phil, that was really mean! You're making her start to doubt her sanity!"
"You're no fun. Don't blab a word of it!"
"So, what do you have planned for her today?"
"Nothing."
"What?"
"I figure if she is this far gone, then she'll spend the entire day looking for a trap that isn't there. In fact, this is my last prank until we're done with Cell."
"That's actually kind of ingenious, Phil."
"Thanks."
Grandfather sighed. He thought, "This rivalry with Phil will do her good. Although many centuries have passed since I last saw her, she is still the same spoiled, petulant child she has always been. She must learn that the energy of Jurai is not superior to the other powers that exist."
Phil dabbed his chin with his napkin. "Well, we'd better go train." The others agreed, and the quartet of warriors exited.
Upstairs, Ayeka was making a fort out of pillows, blankets and a futon. "Nothing can get me while I'm in here! I'm invincible! You here? Invincible!"
Outside:
"Well, I must go now."
All three of Phil's allies were surprised by this sudden statement. Omi queried, "What? Where are you going?"
"I need to go to China."
Gohan said, "What's in China?"
"The cursed springs of Jusenkyo. I need to evacuate the guide and his daughter. It might also be a good idea to get the various tribes that inhabit the area out as well. With the kind of battle we'll be waging, we could easily vaporize the entire mountain range."
Gohan was still confused. "Then why did you say that you were going out to train?"
"To irritate Ayeka. If she asks where I am, just tell her I'm out plotting her downfall as we speak."
Omi grinned wickedly. "This should be fun. But why today?"
"I have a feeling that things are going to get rather uncomfortable around here."
That was when Washuu's forlorned scream filled the valley. "My Gravity Room! What have you done to it?"
Back at the house, Ralph was attempting to avoid strangulation at the hands of the tiny scientist. "Whoa! Calm down! A little paint, maybe some duct tape..." The room's tiled floor was more memory than fact; it was fortunate that Phil and his compatriots weren't strong enough to penetrate the border of the pocket dimension, or else they would have been sucked into the empty void beyond weeks ago. The Olympic sized swimming pool had been vaporized by one of Gohan's Masenkos. The weights had been bent completely out of shape.
"You are going to fix it! Now!"
"I'll go get the others."
Washuu glared at him. "Don't you try to run. I will track you to the ends of the Earth!"
"Right."
Ralph ran up the stairs and out of the house. "Phil! Get down here! Washuu wants you to fix her gravity room!"
In mock angst, Phil placed his hand to his head. "Oh, I would if I could. However, the burdens of command force me to bid you adieu." The energies of the Mystical Powerup surrounded him. "Goodbye, y'all!"
Ralph shook his fist as Phil shot away like a guided missile. "You can't do this to us! You caused more damage than anybody else! Come back here!"
That was when the tiny scientist walked out a glowing doorway that appeared out of nowhere. She summoned a dimensional portal and a variety of paint brushes, floor tiles and masonry. "Now, Gohan, you get to rebuild the pool."
Ecks and Ralph scowled. As the Jedi grabbed a hammer, he muttered, "Phil, my vengeance shall be swift and terrible. I swear it."
By this time, Phil was over the Pacific Ocean. "Excellent. Not only have I avoided work, I'm getting myself some frequent flyer miles! If only that beverage cart service would hurry up!"
Meanwhile, in a mountain range in southeastern China:
Nestled in isolation for the past three thousand years, the Chinese Amazons are a dieing race. Their outmoded technology is pre iron-age at best. Although they are physically strong, they aren't a real threat to anybody anymore, except for the odd lost tourist. As opposed to the once mighty tribe that had held a good portion of China under their sway, they have been reduced to a single village. These days, they survive primarily by remaining unnoticed.
Two women sat near a fire before a primitive hut. The first was a young girl with long, strait, green hair. She was named Lo Shun and she looked intently at her Grandmother. The shriveled old woman was the tribe's "sha-person," and she was named Gel. "Grandmother, you seem troubled."
"There is a great evil. I can see that he is insanely powerful, and was somehow made from many warriors combined." Lo Shun was worried. She had heard of the wonders of the outside world, but didn't know that "modern" man was capable of this. She had never seen her Grandmother this worried before.
"He is stronger than the Amazons?" It went against all of the Amazons' traditions to acknowledge a man as a woman's superior, but Gel had raised Lo Shun to be more pragmatic than most Amazons.
"Yes, child. But don't breathe a word of it to the tribal council. They are so hidebound that they would see the very admittance that we are not the best as treason." Lo Shun nodded. The old woman stiffened again. "Wait... there is another evil coming! This shouldn't be possible! This one is almost as strong as the first!"
"What is this one?"
"He is evil, but there is some good in him. He seems less evil than... sadistic. He enjoys inflicting suffering on others, but not a grand scale like the other. The first one is far away, but I foresee it coming near our village. The second is..."
"Right behind you."
Gel clutched her chest. "Who are you? How did you sneak up on me?"
"My name is Phil. As for how I snuck up on you, it's easy enough." Phil was struck by inspiration. "A long time have I watched this one. Always looking to the horizon. Never focused on where she was. What she was doing!"
"What?"
"Oh yeah. I forgot. You Amazons don't have TV. Is Cologne around?"
Gel was cautious, mainly because this outsider spoke of their leader with some familiarity. She hadn't been expecting that. "No. She is dealing with a situation in Nerima."
Phil cursed his luck; he had actually trained under the old crone when had been a young man, and had found her to be a sensible woman. He only hoped that whoever she had left behind was equally intelligent. "Well, then who is in charge?"
By this time, other Chinese Amazons had noticed the arrival of the strange man. A warrior by the name of Soap unsheathed her sword. "Who are you, male, to see the tribal elders?"
Phil smacked his forehead. "Oh yeah! I forgot that you guys have this silly idea that women are inherently superior to men. I'm Phil, and I'm going to fighting an evil being by the name of Cell at Jusenkyo Springs in a couple days, and I've come to,"
Soap grinned at him disdainfully. "Ask our assistance? Stupid males; always getting into situations that they cannot get themselves out of."
"Actually, no. I'm here to tell you to stay the hell away from Jusenkyo. In fact, it would be a wise idea for you to leave the area for about a week. He's too strong for any of you to take on."
An old woman glared at Phil. She was the senior member of the council of elders in Cologne's absence. "This mere man thinks himself a match for another man who is supposedly stronger than us. He also suggests that we should flee in terror. This affront cannot be ignored. Who will show him the error of his ways?"
Soap answered by attacking Phil. She leapt at him, and her sword sang as it sliced through the air. Phil didn't even assume a ready position. He stood there with a grin on his face. "I see that you except your fate! Die, male!" The blade was about to decapitate Phil when the sulfurous yellow blade of his lightsaber cleanly sliced through the metal instrument. He then planted his fist into Soap's gut. The Amazon slumped to the ground, her face advertising her agony. He then used the Force to fling her into a nearby mud puddle. She didn't move again, although a pained moan could be heard.
"Please, don't bother. None of you can match my strength. I come in peace."
Lo Shun leapt from her position. Gel cried out, "No Granddaughter! You cannot win!"
She thought to herself, "I don't need to win." She didn't unsheathe her sword; Soap was the best swordswoman in the tribe. Lo Shun's strength had always been in unarmed combat. Seeing that his opponent was unarmed, Phil deactivated his lightsaber.
"You must know that you can't win. I'd guess that your Grandmother is some kind of mystic, seeing as how she could foresee my coming. If she thinks you can't win, she's right." Phil pulled out a Scouter and tapped the button. The numbers on the screen cycled for a moment, then halted. "Power level 149. Way above normal human levels, but still rather pathetic."
"I'll need to finish this quickly." She leapt at him, attempting to catch him in his temple with a disabling kick. The blow landed, but the Physics Policeman didn't even seem to notice the strike. "Look, you obviously have some kind of learning disability, so I'll try to talk slower. You. Can't. Win. Got it?"
"I don't need to win. I only need to make you part of the tribe."
"So that's your little game, is it? What's your name?"
"Lo Shun."
"Well Lotion, don't get any ideas about giving me that "Kiss of Marriage" thing. I don't acknowledge your laws. Besides, there isn't any way that you'll be able to catch me."
She thought, "Where brawn fails..." She adopted a look of terror and pointed behind Phil. "Look out! Behind you!"
"Huh?" He turned around. Before Phil could stop her, the green haired Amazon had locked onto him and had administered the Kiss of Marriage. "D'oh! Well, hot lips, step one went rather nicely. Now, catch me if you can." Phil powered up his Chi, forcing the bouncy Amazon to break her hold on him as waves of energy buffeted her. Phil flew up into the sky, surprising the assembled warrior women.
"Heh. She'll never find me, and all she's managed to do is alienate herself from the tribe. She won't be able to legally return until she brings me back. I almost feel sorry for her. Almost. Now, let's see here. Who's next?" Still flying at Mach 1, Phil pulled out a sheet of notebook paper. "Chinese Amazons, check. Next up, the Musk Dynasty." He considered it for a moment. "Nah, I never liked Prince Herb anyways." He checked off the race of subhumans. "The Phoenix Mountain Tribe? Nope. Saffron's too much of a threat to international stability; I can take him, but he'd be pretty annoying. Better if they're vaporized by some stray Chi bolt or something. All that leaves is the Guide, his daughter and a few other isolated settlements of, thank God, NORMAL people." So far, everything was going according to plan.
However, not all was well in the world.
* * *
Earth, Universe FC-1
Tokyo, Japan
A elderly man was taking his evening walk. He took the same route that he had taken since he had been a young boy. For the past sixty years, he had taken these sojourns into what was rapidly becoming a bad neighborhood, and had never been bothered before. Tonight would be different.
Yoshi Miyamoto wasn't the smartest man. He wasn't handsome. He was unemployed. However, ever since grade school, he had been good at intimidating those weaker than himself. He saw the old man and grinned. He had been mugging people since he had dropped out of high school. He had a pretty simple method; jump the guy, stab him, grab his wallet, and run. It had always run like clockwork before. Tonight would be different.
A gigantic man clung to the side of a nearby building. He was dressed in a large black jumpsuit adorned with a large, white spider. His face had been replaced by a large, snaggletoothed maw. They were Venom. They prepared to deal with the mugger. They did this on a regular basis. They had arrived in Japan to deal their unique brand of justice to the Yakuza. No normal man could match their strength. They saw no reason to be concerned. Tonight would be different.
He was Cell. He hovered high above the vigilante, the mugger and the old man. He grinned. The old man and mugger would provide minimal energy, but Eddie Brock was far above normal strength levels. However, the alien symbiote would prove to be the greatest prize. Given that Eddie Brock, who could normally lift seven hundred pounds, was capable of bench pressing nearly forty tons with the symbiote, Cell practically drooled thinking about the kind of boost it would give one such as him.
He chuckled. He would absorb all three in one fell swoop. Tonight would be very different indeed.
End 26
