Part 44

Revelations Chapter 2

By BobCat

Disclaimer: I don't own Battletech, Mechwarrior, Dilbert, Star Craft, Sailor Moon, Pokemon, Dragon Ball Z, Tenchi Muyo/Universe/In Tokyo, Calvin and Hobbes, Johnny Bravo, Star Wars, Star Trek, Card Captor Sakura, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Men in Black, Marvel Comics, The Wizard of Oz, Toltir, DC Comics, The Simpsons, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, any mythology or legends mentioned or used, Saturday Night Live, Mister Roger's Neighborhood, any Gundam series, or Ranma ½.  (My, so many copyright violations when I actually list them…)  The Physics Police and Terran Defense Coalition were created by my Editor, except that he was too lazy to actually write any stories featuring them.  That's where I came in.  All I own is the shirt on my back, the PC on my desk, and any original characters.  Thank you.

            *                                                          *                                              *

            Milky Way Galaxy, Universe FC-1

            Earth, Sol System

            Protectorate of Japan, United States of North America

            Masaki Household

            A few hours after Part 43, "Meet the Neighbors."

            It was a wonderful day at the Masaki residence.  The fish were singing, and the birds splashed happily in the lake (this was mostly due to Washuu's experimentations.)  Despite the massive nuclear fallout shelter that had been built under the front lawn, all appeared to be normal.  Tenchi was in the field, picking vegetables and enjoying the little break from his stressful life.  Washuu was off doing things that most people would rather not know about.  Kione and Mihoshi were on their way back from a patrol, Ayeka reading in the room she shared with Sasami, who was in the kitchen happily making lunch.  Yet, all was not well.

            We find our favorite former space pirate, Ryoko, attempting not to think about alcohol.  After Tenchi's ultimatum ("Sober up or get out!"), Ryoko had been going to weekly AA meetings and was making good progress.  However, after two weeks, she was reaching her breaking point.  Not counting her 700 years in hibernation, this was the longest that she'd ever gone without a drink.* 

            Commenting to Tenchi that she was having difficulty beating the habit, (i.e. complaining about it constantly), Tenchi had suggested that she get a hobby to fill all the time she used to put into drinking, being drunk and being hung over.  Meaning, that most of her day was empty.

            Things had gone downhill from there.  Within a three hour period, she had managed to eliminate cooking, knitting, composing haiku, chess and reading.  In other words, she had nearly burned the house down boiling some water, made what looked more like a fuzzy patch of mold than a sweater, managed to get ink all over the living room (literally.  The Masaki home looked like it had been invaded by a herd of irate squid.), melted every chess set in the house and learned that you needed to be literate in Earth language in order to read their books.

            Thus, having exhausted her options (and, apparently, Sasami's patience), she turned to good old television.  She slumped down on the couch, grabbed the remote from its place on the coffee table and turned it on.

            For ten minutes, she let a syndicated and translated episode of Saturday Night Live fend off the annoying part of her brain that insisted that it hadn't been killed by enough alcohol that day.  And it worked.  Until…    

            The commercial break.

            Suddenly, her train of thought was derailed as a hand holding a bottle of beer appeared on the screen.  "And remember: You can't get enough, of that wonderful Duff."

            She swiftly changed the channel.  A scene with three frogs appeared.  Then, they began croaking.

            "Bud."

            "Wei."

            "Ser."

            "Gack!"  She almost smashed the "channel up" button through the bottom of the controller in her haste.  However, it just wouldn't stop.

            "Y'know, I coulda been big.  The Budweiser Chameleon."

            *Click.*

            The screen showed a group of healthy, attractive young adults in a mosh-pit.  "There's a party inside every bottle of Hard Lemonade."

            *Click!*

            "Buzz Beer: you know it's working because your head pounds."

            *CLICK!*

            "Fosters: Australian for Beer."

            *CLICK!*

            Mister Rogers was on.  Ryoko almost let out a sigh of relief.  Almost, because she was lying on the floor in a fetal position, hyperventilating and rocking back and forth.  "There!  No talk of alcohol on a kid's show!  It's the law!"  She laughed insanely. 

            The beloved children's idol chuckled mindlessly.  "Well children, for our special adventure today, we're going to a brewery, where beer is made.  Doesn't that sound fun, kids?  Now, you kids aren't supposed to drink, but if you did, it would have to be Coors!"

            The monologue was interrupted when Mister Rogers, and the rest of the TV, exploded as Ryoko pumped a bolt of energy into it.  She glanced around wildly as she activated her beamsaber, practically begging something to start spouting beer commercials.  "There!  Free at last!"

            Kione, back from another long patrol, walked in on the ranting space pirate.  Ryoko immediately noticed that the Galaxy Police officer was drinking something dark from a bottle.  "What is that!?"

            Kione looked down at the drink in her hand.  "What, this?  It's just something to steady my nerves after dealing with that bubbleheaded partner of mine.  If you want one, there's a six pack in the fridge."

            Ryoko let out the piercing wail that would have put most banshees to shame and flew straight upwards, smashing through the ceiling.  As pieces of wood, plaster and shingles fell through the hole, Kione thought she heard a cry of, "IS THE WHOLE WORLD OUT TO GET ME!?"

            Kione blinked twice.  "What's her problem?"  She shifted her hand slightly, revealing that the label read "Vanilla Coke."  She shrugged, then continued on her way.  "I guess she must be a Pepsi drinker."

            *                                                          *                                                          *

            Meanwhile, in Washuu's Lab…         

            To start with, Boomer and Lance had gotten bored.

            After Phil had left the nuclear fallout shelter, the dysfunctional Battle Armor troopers had had nothing left to do.  They had mastered all of the video games on their Playstation, pool gets redundant after a while and Timbiki Dark on its own can provide only so much recreation. 

            This was regarded by all members of the Black Sheep platoon as a BAD thing. 

            When they had nothing better to do, the duo had a bad tendency to "tinker."  Occasionally, this was a good thing; once, when modifying a infantry portable PPC, they had found a way to increase the damage potential by twenty-five percent without increasing the weight of the weapon.  Most of the time, however, the results were disastrous. 

            To find out exactly what happened with most of their "projects," you need only ask Private Davidson why what little hair he has left is permanently dyed a bright orange, or talk to Sergeant Adams about where the tip of his big toe went.  Because, more often than not, whatever Boomer and Lance tinkered with would burst into flame, release toxic gas and/or explode. 

            Thus, when Lance had announced his intention to make sure the shelter's nuclear reactor was "running smoothly," there had been some concern.  Fortunately for everyone involved, Private Jones suggested that they go check out Washuu's lab.  "After all," Jones had said, "She's bound to have all kinds of cool stuff to play with!"  Thus was an atomic holocaust avoided, and there was talk of either a promotion or a medal for Jones.

            After abusing their Battle Armor's stealth capabilities to sneak into the laboratory, they had found out that indeed, there WERE many bright and shiny objects in Washuu's lab, most of them covered in buttons that just begged to be pushed.  Unfortunately for Boomer and Lance, all of the labels were in Japanese.  This was a problem; their Babel Fish normally did a good job of making sure that they understood what was said.  However, they did nothing to translate written language. 

            Now, most people would have decided that it was suicide to just go into an alien laboratory and start pressing buttons and taking things apart.  These two had also had reservations, until Boomer had had an idea; to avoid any kind of disaster, why not test each of the buttons first so they could find out what each squiggle means?

            This plan ignored the fact that testing the buttons would unleash whatever horror they wanted to stop in the first place.  But, it was the plan they had chosen, and it had gone well so far. 

            Thus, Boomer and Lance in the process of destroying Washuu's lab.  The destruction was simultaneously methodical and unintentional.  They weren't trying to blow up anything; they were simply employing the scientific method of experimentation (AKA: trial and error method) in the pursuit of knowledge.  They were just experimenting on things that technically didn't belong to them. 

            Both men were in their suits of Grey Death Battle Armor.  Lance was standing a few feet away from Boomer, and held a pencil and clipboard in his suit's articulated hands.  Boomer stood near what looked to be a large vat with several intimidating looking symbols written on it.

            Lance went back over what he had written.  "So far, we know that this scribble is "flammable," this one is "volatile," and this one is either "Warning: Biohazard" or "Do Not Touch."  I'm not exactly sure which."

            Boomer looked from Lance's clipboard, then back to the vat.  He pointed to the undefined symbol.  "Hey, that one's written on that big metal thingy.  Let's find out what it means."  He reached up and turned on a faucet.  A thick, glowing green substance spurted from the orifice, hit the metal floor and began to burn through. 

            (On a side note, a spider was caught in a puddle of the substance.  The green stuff, an experimental artificial sweetener of Washuu's own devising, gave the spider powers far beyond normal arachnids.  It briefly considered finding an appropriate host to bite, thus granting the human with great powers, but then decided that it was just too hot that day to create superheroes, and just died.)

            The sound of Lance's pencil scratching the paper filled the air for a moment.  "So that is definitely the Kanji for Biohazard.  Great!"

            Then Boomer saw it.  It was located in the center of the lab's main room.  It was a massive column that extended upwards from the floor and to the ceiling.  The metallic surface was pockmarked with literally thousands of display screens, receptacles for a variety of disks and, most important of all in Boomer's eyes, buttons.  Red buttons, blue buttons, green buttons, buttons that stuck out from the column, buttons that were recessed into the monolith and buttons that didn't seem to have any other purpose than just to look good.  Boomer walked forward in short, halting steps, as one would approach a sacred object.  "It's… beautiful."

            Snappy, upbeat music (think Homer's "Land of Chocolate" dream sequence from the Simpsons) played in the background as Boomer abandoned his subdued awe in favor of a "kid in a candy store" mentality.  Although still clothed in his Power Armor, he began to skip merrily around the pillar, pressing buttons at random.  And there was great joy, as lights throughout the lab flickered on and off, computer screens began to state that Windows XP had not been deactivated properly,** and various red lights and warning klaxons came to life.  Boomer didn't notice, though.

            Suddenly, he stopped.  Lance, who had somehow managed to write down the exact function of each button as it was pressed, almost ran into his partner.  "Hey, what is it?"

            Boomer pointed to a spot on the column.  "Ooooooh.  Button."  He hit his jump jets, rocketing through the air.  Once he had reached ten meters, he lashed out with his right hand, touching a bright red key. 

            Suddenly, the warning klaxons became much more insistent.  A artificial voice came over the intercom.  "Warning: self destruct sequence initiated."

            Quote Boomer: "Oops.  Wrong Button."

            Lance was in full agreement.  "We need a scape-goat, or else Washuu's gonna kill us."

            At that precise moment, Mihoshi entered the lab.  Besides being with her bestest best friend Kione and eating, her favorite thing to do was to play in Washuu's lab.  And she knew that Washuu was always pleased to see her.  Sure, Washuu SAID that she had all of the security systems designed specifically to stop her from entering the lab, and SAID that she wasn't supposed to be there, but that couldn't be true.  After all, if there WERE security systems to keep her out, how did she get in at all?  And if she wasn't supposed to be there, why was she in the Lab in the first place?  It just didn't make sense.

            Mihoshi looked around.  Something was off.  Maybe it was the bright flashing lights and sirens warning of imminent doom.  Maybe it was the growing pool of glowing acid on the ground.  It almost looked like she had already been playing in the lab! 

            Then she saw two robots.  Two tall, scary looking robots.  "Eek!  Who are you?"

            She blinked as the robot on the left said the same thing, in the same tone.

            The machine on the right lifted his helmet's faceplate, revealing Lance's face.  He pulled what looked to be a palm-pilot from one of his holsters.  "Hmmm… household personnel roster says that she's Mihoshi.  Threat index level… Ten of Ten!?"  He pressed a few more buttons.  "Hmmm… threat level is in direct correlation with her klutziness level."

            Mihoshi blinked.  "Um, I don't like to say this again, but who are you?"

            Mihoshi didn't see the gleam that entered Lance's eye.  Lance grabbed Boomer by the shoulder and spun him about.  There were some murmurings that the two robot-men were exchanging.  Then, Lance spun about on one heel.  He pointed first to himself, then to Boomer, saying "Hi!  I'm Bill, and this is Ted.  We're your imaginary friends."

            "You are?"  Mihoshi didn't REMEMBER having any imaginary friends… well, at least not since Kione had sat on Harvey the Wonder Hamster.

            "Yup.  And we need you to do us a favor.  Come here"  As Mihoshi joined the Destructive Duo, the computerized voice announced that there was one minute remaining until the column self destructed.  "Climb up and push that red button that's flashing there, and try to look confused."

            "Huh?"

            "Perfect!  Well, we have to go now!"  First Lance, then Boomer pressed a button on their Battle Armor's left glove.  There was a brief shimmering and they disappeared. 

            That was when Washuu came in the door.  "Ah!  Now that Lunch is over, today is a great day for Sci…"  Washuu noticed the warning klaxons, the sirens, the soulless voice informing her that she had five seconds before the Central Control Column (or C³ unit) exploded and Mihoshi hanging onto the side of the column, pressing the self destruct button with a dazed look on her face.  Washuu's voice changed to a tiny squeak.  "…ence?"

            As the computer asked them both to have a nice day, the C³ unit exploded in a very impressive fireball.  The house shook from the shockwave, but this being Japan, the Masaki clan and houseguests waved it off as just another earthquake.

            When the smoke cleared, Washuu emerged from a pile of metallic debris and looked around.  "Mihoshi!"

            The blond girl extracted herself from the same scrap pile. She was covered in soot, and a small puff of smoke escaped her mouth as she said,  "Owchies."

            Washuu instantly leapt into the air, somehow ignoring gravity and staying there, and pointed at Mihoshi.  "Mihoshi!  How many times must I tell you to stay out of my Laboratory?!  You are so stuuupid!"

            Mihoshi blinked.  "But it wasn't me!  It was my imaginary friends, Bill and Ted!"

            Washuu floated back to the ground.  She was glowing a bright red.  "Grrrrrrrrrrr…  Mihoshi!  You are stuuupid!  And you are stuuupid!  And you are stuuupid!"

            Mihoshi ran from the lab, crying so hard that there was an easy to follow trail of tears.  Washuu groaned.  She placed her hands on her hips, surveying the ruins of her lab.  "Will you just look at this mess!"  Washuu summoned her holographic laptop and tapped a few keys.  Instantly, the various pieces of scrap-metal were all transported to one of her many pocket dimensions, while replacement equipment was summoned from another.  She slumped into her chair, wiping the perspiration from her forehead.  "Whew!  What a cleanup job!"  She returned to her laptop.  "Well, enough dillydallying.  Time to get back to experiment XP-39C².  She shall be my greatest creation of all!  Muahahahahahahahahahaha!"  Then she stopped.  "Maybe I shouldn't talk to myself like that.  People might think that I'm crazy.  No they won't.  Yes they will.  NO THEY WON'T!"  The camera faded out, leaving Washuu to argue with herself about whether or not other people thought that she was crazy.

*                                                                      *                                                          *

            A short while later…

            Phil was currently in a crouching position while using his flight powers to float a few feet off of the ground.  (In other words, he was ripping off Piccolo.  Not that Phil cared.)  He was currently deep in concentration, losing himself in at least two different energy fields.  He felt as if he was one with the universe, and all was well…

            Yet, he felt a great darkness descending upon his adopted home.  Visions of a horned demon devouring a planet filled his mind.  What disturbed him the most was that the demon seemed very familiar… too familiar for his comfort.  He also saw images of a dark figure with a scythe in its hand coming for somebody that he loved…

            "Hiya Phil!"

            "Gaaak!"  Even as he forced his mind to focus on the here and now, his body leapt into action.  Combat reflexes honed by years of training kicked in automatically as he dropped to one knee, rolled away from the sound of the noise, drew and activated his lightsaber, rose to his feet and moved the sulfurous yellow blade into a guard position.  And he faced…

            A very surprised looking Lance.  The trooper was currently in his civilian clothing, and Boomer was off to his left.  Lance currently had a video camera pointed at Phil.  "And this is the Phil.  Boomer and I are his Liaison officers."

            Phil deactivated his energy sword.  "What in the heck are you doing?"  Phil stopped for a second, then continued, his voice taking a more feminine tone.  "Yeah, you meanies!  That was scary!"

            Lance looked confused at Phil's change of tone, then shrugged it off as unimportant.  He pointed to the camera.  "This is for Lancecam.com.  Whenever I'm on duty away from home, I set up this site so that my friends and family back home can see how I'm doing."  Lance went back to filming for a few seconds, then seemed to remember something.  "Hey Boomer!  Show everyone Phil's cool trick!"

            "Will do!"  He pulled out a thermos and a canteen from his pockets.  "Cold water,"

            Fem-Phil parted the wet bangs that obscured her vision.  "Now wait just one second here…"

            "Hot Water!"

            Phil inhaled sharply.  "God that's hot!  Y'know, the water doesn't need to be boiling!"

            "Here, I'll fix it!  Cold Water,"

            Phil lost his Y chromosome again.  "Cut that out!"

            Boomer shrugged.  "Whatever."  He returned the canteen and thermos to their proper places.

            Lance said, "So Phil; tell the people back home what you were doing!"

            Phil shrugged.  "Just a little meditation.  Although, I suppose I should probably see my students.  I've been back for a couple of days, but I don't think they know yet."

            Lance seemed intrigued.  "Students?  Who are they?  And what do you teach them?"  It was difficult to tell whether he was asking the questions more for his benefit or for the audience at home.

            Phil responded, "Well, my daughter Omi and her two little friends.  And I teach them martial arts."

            Boomer broke in.  "Which school?"

            Phil pondered this.  "Well, I suppose the actual style is closer to whatever they use on Dragon Ball Z, but the philosophy is closer to Ranma ½'s "Anything Goes School of Martial Arts," where the idea is, obviously, anything goes, so steal any useful techniques and call them your own."

            Lance coughed to get attention.  "Hello?  I'm the one doing the interview here.  So, Phil.  You have a daughter?  Are you the mother or the father?"

            Phil screamed at Lance, "THE FATHER YOU JACKASS!"  Her battle aura was easily visible.

            Lance turned the camera to film himself.  "Well, as you can see, Phil tends to be fairly moody.  I'm not entirely sure why she's like that yet, but we're working on finding the answer."  As Lance narrated, Phil grabbed Boomer's thermos and dumped it on herself.  Then, he took off and managed to get twenty feet off the ground before…

            Two yellow blurs tackled him at about mach 3.  As he flew towards the ground at better than the speed of sound, he activated his Mystical Powerup.  They slammed into the Masaki's yard, and burrowed several meters into the earth.  Their progress halted, but Phil still felt the two tiny forms that had latched onto him.  He coughed, clearing a surprisingly large amount of dirt from his mouth.  "What the…"

            By this time, GoChibi and Chibi Ryoko disengaged from their embrace.  The future moon princess said, "Hiya!", while the future ruler of Jurai said, "Salutations, Sensei." 

            Outside the crater, Lance spoke to the people at home.  "Don't worry, folks.  This kind of thing happens all the time." 

            Boomer checked his palm-pilot.  "Hey, I think there are supposed to be three of them."  Lance shrugged.

            Phil stood up and dusted himself off.  "Glad to see you two are OK.  But where's Omi?"

            GoChibi rolled her eyes.  "You know her.  Always too dignified to give her own father a hug."

            Phil blinked.  "Since when?"

            Chibi Ryoko looked concerned.  "Did you hit your head harder than I thought?"  She summoned her laptop and began to press keys at a furious rate.  "No… my medical sensors don't show any signs of a concussion."

            GoChibi's look of concern mirrored her friend's.  "What are you talking about?  She's always been like that."

            "Will you two stop being so undignified!?" 

            Phil glanced up and squinted.  A small figure was leaning over the hole and screaming at his companions.  "Omi?"  He leapt from the hole in a single bound, landing next to his daughter.  His other students followed suit. 

            Omi's face brightened slightly at the sight of Phil.  She gave a fairly deep bow.  "Oh, hello Father.  I trust that you have been well?"  Something seemed… off.  Her voice was the same, but it was as if all trace of an accent had been annihilated.  Phil knew that such perfect diction required years of practice.  Also, although she wasn't wearing a skirt, he got the impression that her bow had been little more than a modified curtsey.  And if Arthur was any judge of such things, it had been performed flawlessly.  Plus, she was simply annoying in a way that Phil couldn't identify.  He couldn't  quite place how.

            Phil shrugged.  "Can't complain much."  Then, he nearly performed a double-take as he finally noticed something.  "Um, Omi… When did you dye your hair purple?"

            Omi ran her fingers through her hair.  "Whatever do you mean, Father?  My hair has always been this wonderful shade of violet."

            Phil's mind reeled.  His thoughts ran along the following lines: "Back when she had green hair, she behaved like a fairly normal young teenager.  Now that Loki worked some voodoo on the time stream, she reminds of somebody else… the purple hair.  Good diction.  Aura of annoyance.  Completely prim and proper.  And that face… it isn't Kione's anymore.  But who DOES she remind me of?" 

            As Phil attempted to sort through Omi's major change in appearance and attitude, Ayeka stepped through the screen door.  The Juraian Princess stretched her arms, drinking in the sun.  "Goodness!  I cannot believe that I wasted half of this perfectly beautiful day reading!  I shall simply have to make it up!"  Then, she noticed the scene before her.  "Huh?  What's going on here?"

            Phil was about to respond when his mind latched onto something.  Something elusive, yet important.  He looked at Ayeka.  Then at Omi.  Back to Ayeka.  Back to Omi.  Ayeka.  Omi.  Ayeka.  Omi.  Aye…

            Phil's mind finally connected the two concepts.  "Oh… dear… Lord…"  He spun around and shook his fists at the heavens.  "LOKI!  WHEN I FIND YOU, I'M GOING TO RIP YOU IN HALF!"

            In a puff of smoke, the Norse God of Mischief appeared before the disgruntled Saiyan hybrid.  "What did you say?"

            Phil's aura flared dramatically.  "You!  Where do you get off, ruining my life?"

            Loki seemed to be legitimately confused.  "Huh?  What are you talking about?"  He waved a hand, summoning a floating globe out of midair, with the British Empire glowing a bright green.  "I gave you dominion over a full third of the Earth's land mass!  What are you whining about?"

            Phil pointed a finger at Omi.  "Her, that's what!"

            GoChibi tapped Phil's shoulder.  "Are you SURE we didn't give you a concussion?"

            By this point, Chibi Ryoko was having difficulty deciding whether to have her sensors analyze the godly energy being emitted by Loki or checking to see if Phil truly was out of his head.  She opted for the latter.  "Nope, he's still showing up as completely healthy."

            By now, Omi was flustered, glancing about and hoping that there wasn't anybody important in earshot.  "Father, will please you stop this?  You are embarrassing me!"

            Phil continued his rant.  "I appreciate that whole dominion thing, BUT THIS!  Hooking me up with Ayeka!  Why is THAT necessary!?" 

            Ayeka suddenly paid very close attention to the conversation.  She had decided that Phil tormented her as an immature sign of affection.  Looking upon the girl identified as Phil's daughter from the future, she now saw the resemblance.  And smiled.

            Loki summoned brick wall from thin air, which he proceeded to lean upon in a nonchalant manner.  "You see, Phil, life is a series of balances.  Pleasure and pain.  When something good happens, something bad eventually happens to balance it.  If all you knew was pleasure, you wouldn't appreciate what you had.  Yet, if all you knew was pain, life would break you.  So, balance is required.  Because something good happens, i.e., you just inherited the largest Empire in Earth history, that is equalized by you being in a political marriage with the Juraian Royal family, i.e. Ayeka.  My hands are tied, really."

            Phil stomped up to the Norse god.  "That's a load of bull and you know it!  Now I want the truth!"

            Loki returned Phil's glare.  "You can't handle the truth."

            "Try me!"

            Loki's eyes never wavered.  "Alrighty then.  The truth is, there is no Santa Claus.  And the Tooth Fairy?  They're all just your parents."

            Phil crossed his arms, tapped his foot and gave Loki a look that said, "Stop messing with me."

            Loki shrugged.  "It's necessary for one very good reason.  I.  AM.  A.  GOD.  OF.  MISCHIEF.  It is my job to cause mortals like you pain and consternation for the purpose of entertaining the Gods of at least three different pantheons.  And you know what else?"

            Phil was somewhat wary as he responded, "What else?"

            Loki's grin ran from one ear to the other.  "I love my job."

            Phil blinked.  Then blinked some more.  "What?"

            Loki said, "Oh, I'm sorry, did I use too many big words, mortal?"

            As Phil let out an enraged battle cry, his aura became very visible, and took on a yellow color.  His hair followed suit, while his eyes shifted to a bright shade of turquoise.  Chief or no chief, Phil had gone Super.  "YOU BASTARD!  YOU HAVE THE GALL TO RUIN MY LIFE AND SAY YOU ENJOYED IT!!??  DIE!"

            Phil blurred away and reappeared behind Loki, intent on caving in his skull with a double-fisted blow.  He cried out in pain as his hands came into contact with a white hot energy field that the Norse God had summoned.  Phil blurred again, flying around Loki at speeds that most military jet fighters would envy, fists and feet lashing out in an attempt to wipe the smug grin from Loki's face.  All were blocked by the green force field. 

            Seeing that physical attacks were having no effect, Phil blasted away from Loki and summoned a ball of dark purple energy.  He thrust his hands at the God of Mischief, screaming "Shi Shi Houkou Dan!"  The massive bolt flew towards Loki with enough energy to vaporize a large planet.

            And it simply fizzled out of existence a few inches from Loki's face.

            Phil panted.  "What the…"

            Loki never stopped grinning.  "You see, Phil, I already told you.  You may be one of the most powerful mortals in existence, but you cannot face off with a Norse God and hope to win."

            Ayeka then made what is called a tactical blunder.  She stepped between Phil and Loki, saying.  "Besides, Phil.  You deserve it."

            Now, what she meant and how Phil interpreted the statement were two very different things.  What she had meant was, "You deserve someone like me to share your life with."  What he THOUGHT that she meant was, "You deserve a loveless life of pain and misery with me."  And he snapped.

            He blurred, and appeared right in Ayeka's face.  "What.  Did.  You.  Say?"

            Ayeka was somewhat nervous.  "Um, you deserve it?"

            Phil clenched his fists.  He turned to face his students.  "Girls, would you mind leaving us alone for a moment?"  They complied, flying off to who knows where with all possible speed.  He then spun around to face Ayeka again, ready to turn her into a red smear.  "You really think I deserve you?"

            She breathed a sigh of relief.  "Well, yes!  I love you!"

            Phil powered down, his hair going from a bright yellow to brown, and his eyes from turquoise to green.  His jaw went completely slack.  "Wha?"

            Ayeka decided to take this opportunity to latch onto him, and look lovingly into his strong, green (if slightly confused) eyes.  "Yes, Phil.  I realize now that you were only trying to communicate your true feelings towards me with your silly pranks.  And a reciprocate them fully."  She sidled up even closer and whispered something very un-princessly in his ear.  So much so, that it is unsuitable for a family fanfic.  It won't be printed in this one, either.

            Phil's adrenal gland immediately started pumping out massive amounts of adrenaline, preparing a fight or flee response.  In the end, he chose flee. 

            His aura flared to life around him again, knocking Ayeka away in the ensuing dust cloud.  Then, Phil blasted away at full speed.  Before he went over the horizon, Boomer, Lance, Loki and Ayeka could hear the following: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

            Ayeka was very confused.  "Was it something I said?"

            Boomer shook his head, muttering one word: "Tact."

            Loki smirked.  "Excellent.  All goes according to plan.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have places to be."  He disappeared in another puff of smoke.

            It turned out that the girls had flown into the kitchen, intent on finding sustenance after their long training exercise.  Nobody noticed as Omi's hair shifted back to its original green color.

            And Phil was later found under his bed at Physics Police HQ, tucked in a fetal position, rocking back and forth muttering, "Grossgrossgrossgrossgrossgrossgrossgrossgrossgross…"  Well, you get the idea.

                                                            End Part 44

            What is this mysterious "experiment XP-39C²?"  Will Ayeka ever develop the slightest modicum of tact?  Will BobCat receiver money from the Coca-Cola corporation for advertising their products?  What's Loki up to now?  Some of these questions might be answered in Part 45 of the Ballad the Physics Police!

            *And the 700 years in stasis didn't count anyway.  After all, as she had been disconnected from her physical body, she didn't have the craving for

 alcohol. 

            ** Remember this: Windows©®™ is everywhere, and Microsoft owns you, whether you know it or not.  Thus, Washuu has little choice but to use it.

            Author's Note:  In case you didn't get it, Washuu was pulling a pretty good impression of Dexter 牦浯䐠硥

from Dexter's Lab.  By the by, am I the only one who notices the parallels between Tenchi Muyo and Dexter's Lab?  I mean, you have the short, redheaded, semi-evil scientist with the most advanced lab on Earth, whose experiments are constantly being destroyed by a well meaning blond ditz with a short attention span. 

            Another note: New No-Prize competition: Whoever can identify where I got the serial number "XP-39C²" gets a No-Prize and screen credits.  So hop to it! 

            New Note: The previous No-Prize has already been claimed by Ebiris.  But, the other has not.

            The Final Note: Another No-Prize competition.  Which fiction did I stea… er, borrow Timbiki Dark from?   Anyone who knows gets (duh) a No-Prize.