Disclaimer: Aliens own Sarran and Reiana, I own Runisa's pet poodle that does not make an appearance in this story, and Tamora Pierce own everything else. That includes the potted plants. Also, thank you those that reviewed. You made me happy, not that that was your reason for reviewing.

The ball is the place where one meets their bride. A bride for a minute perhaps, during that one dance, but during that dance in that person's arms, one has a bride. A partner that will obey any order and will still come back to one, that's a bride. Around and around, the bride spins, heeding one's desires unerringly and by the next step returns to one's arms. Until the next dance, and the next bride.

Alone, a black haired girl waits. The only person she knew left to dance with a brunette beauty, his bride. The spinning dancers make her dizzy and she looses sight of him. Being abandoned hurts.

She leaves early to sleep. Balls were never her favorite thing, if she danced, she tripped over her partner, and if she did not dance, she was lonely.

"Runisa, I'm sorry," the boy says. The look he gives her is one of weakness and frailty. For the first time, she knows that that look isn't his true nature. His gray eyes are shy now, but it isn't the look he gave that brunette beauty. He looked hungry, predatory and needy when he looked at her. And her eyes were as needy as his. They weren't a woman's eyes. "You have no place back there. My father wants to teach you."

The next day he leaves and she's lonely again. His father didn't teach her as much as learn from her. Just like when she was there, in Corus she was just as lonely and placeless.

*********

Dear Sarran,

It has been six months since you left me here. I have no place and I am just as lonely. Reiana visits rarely but it is you she needs. Just like there, no one needs me. I have never felt another's heat. There is no one whom I can feel like you feel Reiana. I know you have, or you need to feel her life within her. Her eyes hunger for you and she visits more often nowadays.

Yesterday, I went into the city. Perhaps I met the boy whom I need, Rei. When he saw me, he ran towards me. Maybe he needs someone too; maybe he too hungers to touch someone. I hope so, I need his touch, and I need to be needed. I will always remember his name. Rei.

Locked in your parent's apartment, I am dead to the world. This life is as bad as the one I led where you are, in the Carthaki University. My only condolence is the man I barely know. He made me feel needed.

I do not understand how you can be calm all the time. Just like I do, you face injustices but unlike me you do not break your dorm room. I have been in your dorm and it is clean and unbroken. My dorm is shattered, everything in that room is broken one way or another. It makes me feel good to break something valuable. Do you not feel like that ever? Am I just the freak everyone thinks I am?

I saw a painting of you when you were young two days ago. We looked so much alike, I nearly dropped the painting. I am you if you were female and you are me if I was male. We could have been twins, but not anymore. Now my eyes are as blank as an egg, and nearly as white. A Seer looks like no one.

Truly,

Runisa

*********

My fingers tingle, I need to feel someone. After I pulled away from Sarran, I have needed the feel of another flesh. He left so soon after, I could not apologize nor could we touch again. The next time, I will let him unbutton my dress completely. His letters are cold, but they still give me the anger to fight. The only thing that keeps me alive is the knowledge that he still needs me, and he still tells me his injustices so I can relieve him of them. My only condolence.

Runisa looks so much like Sarran. I saw her in the marketplace a week ago and I was so astonished by the similarities between them. She is so beautiful, her long white neck and rounded cheekbones. Her red lips that pucker, like she's ready to kiss and her Seer's eyes, blank as a noodle and the color of a rain cloud. If her hands touched me I would not turn away.

This time, she notices me. Her eyes turn my way and she walks over. Before I speak she touches me and kisses me. Her hands are as soft as Sarran's and feel nearly the same. I need to be touched.

"Rei," she pants, touching my flat chest. I need her to touch me, I need to feel her life, I need to remember I am alive. I take her to an inn.

Her hands quickly unlace my tunic and shirt, she needs someone to touch her as much as I do. My hands nimbly take her dress off. The feel of her skin is so wonderful, I can feel her life. Our bodies are pressed together, hungry. When she locks my lips in a kiss, her tongue probes inside my mouth. Always searching for more, her legs lock around mine our skin meshes together. When I don't look at her I can imagine it is Sarran.

I need.

*********

Dear Reiana,

I should have not have gotten angry at you. I need you too much to be so selfish. I shouldn't have pushed you when you didn't want to. If you didn't want to, I shouldn't have pushed and then gotten mad. Then, I just needed you so much; I needed to feel you, to know that you're alive. I needed to know if I was alive that moment. Holding you in that dance, I didn't feel like myself, I am too weak to dance in front of those people. I needed to be told that I was truly alive; I needed to be told by you that I was alive. You are the only thing that keeps me alive and the only one who can tell me if I am alive.

A long time ago, you asked me if I understood death. I still cannot answer, you still haven't told me if I am alive. I scoffed at girls just a few years ago, and now I rely on one to tell me if I actually live. When I was five, thought that all girls were like my mother, too nice for her own good. When I was five, I thought all girls have the blood of the gods in them and I could never understand them. I was always a demon. But, you, you aren't too nice nor do you have the blood of the gods. You are like no other girl.

Now I beg you, teach me what it is to live. Let us learn. I need you to help me. I need you to be my savior.

Sincerely,

Sarran

*********

Rei babbled about learning what it is to be alive. I just can feel his warm arms around my tiny body. I just need his touch again; I need to feel his energy. I could feel his long blond hair between my fingers. Reiana said that my brother had long hair like a girl, but Rei's gold hair is longer than my brother's ebony hair. If only he knew, he would understand why he's a demon. If only he knew his blood was of a demon's. He's not the only demon. I am also of demon's blood, it taints my soul.

I need to be led through my fears. My brother says he's weak, but in Reiana's arms, he wasn't weak. With Reiana, he isn't weak, he's hungry. With Rei, I am weak but he takes my hand and leads me through my fears. His strong arms embrace me, his warm skin against my own. I just pant and need. Rei is my light; he supports me and fights my fears for me. There is no darkness.

On weekends, I can meet him in the city. He sits like a girl and has the long lanky body of a girl. But the strength of a boy. Through his taut body, I feel life. I long to feel that life. Every week, I yearn to feel him living. I can spend the rest of the week dead up in a tower with a book, but to feel that life for one minute would be enough.

Rei still babbles about learning what it is to live. Whenever he starts about that, I laugh and beg him to hold me again. When he starts saying he needs to learn what it is to be alive, he stops touching me.

Last week, my brother came back. And Rei said he could not see me again. Within three days of each other.

*********

The brunette girl he looked for in a dress nearly pretty enough to wear to a cotillion wasn't there. She didn't wear a dress; she wore breeches and had a flat chest. The man who came off the boat was shocked at the change of her appearance. But she smiled like she always did and when he dropped his bags and kissed her, she didn't back away.

"You've grown taller, Reiana," the man said. "You look more like a boy." She smiled again and picked up half his bags. The whole walk up to the palace, the man's eyes were on her. After dropping their bags in the front room of his parent's apartment, she followed him towards his bedroom.

"Hello, Numair Salmalin," she said noticing the man's father, and followed Sarran into his bedroom. Once the door shut, Sarran couldn't stop touching her. He tore off her tunic like an animal.

"I am a demon," he says. "Gods' blood rushes through my veins, but I am a demon. My blood doesn't make me a demon, and my parents hate me. Yet you don't." She laughs and strips off his shirt.

"You are wrong. It is your blood, Sarran," she replies. "Runisa is your younger half-sister. She looks like you, she could be you." Sarran's hands rest on her cheeks while she speaks. "Varice is Runisa's mother and her father is your father. His blood is in you too, he is the reason why you are a demon. The blood of an adulterer is the blood of a demon."

"I need you."

*********

Reiana's shirt comes off easily. I need her to lick my wounds; I need her to make me face death. I need her to tell me I am real.

Our mouths are locked while my breeches are taken off. I run my hand across her chest and I can't feel anything. I pull out of our kiss though my tongue still hungers for more.

"I wanted to know what it meant to be a Lady Knight," he says simply and pulls off the brunette wig. "When I was going to tell everyone, I met you. I wanted you to need me, and you needed Reiana, not me, Rei. Then you weren't willing to need another boy. I lied so you'd need me in spite of my gender."

"I don't care, Rei. I need you no matter who you are. I need to know if I am real," I reply and touch the other man's skin. Knowing Reiana is male changed nothing, unlike he feared. Underneath Rei's skin, I can feel his life. I weave my fingers into his real hair, gold as the sun. Our legs meshed together, my whole body feels Rei's life. Rei can teach me if I am alive. If he is alive, I am alive. Without him, I'd be dead.

I need him.

I am real.