Part 61:

Out of My Mind, Into Another

By BobCat and Ash the Wanderer

Disclaimer: To quote every mad scientist ever, "Fools! I will crush them all!" I apply the same reasoning to copyright laws.

*************

Back at Physics Police Headquarters, Phil and company had stumbled back to the quarters shared by Phil and Ralph. The former collapsed face-first into his bed, while the latter rested in a meditative position upon the floor.

GoChibi was feeling perky as the fear of the battle faded. With energy only possible due to the wonder of senzu beans, she started blurring around the room. "Ah Phil, you were great!" She started to act out the last parts of the fight, taking all of the roles for herself "Erik was all like, 'I'm gonna hack off a limb,' and then you were all like 'POW!' and then he was all, 'Nice shot' and Omi was all like 'Yay Dad!' and you were like, 'Was there ever a doubt,' and…" It was at this point the GoChibi's ramblings were cut off by a well placed shot of webbing from Phil.

The half-asleep warrior mumbled, "Can't bask in glory. Sleeping." Light snoring emanated from his pillow, under which his head was buried. Meanwhile, the slightly miffed Saiyan made a sound like "humph."

Omi politely stifled a yawn. "Well, I for one am looking forward to a good night's sleep. What about you, Ryo'?"

Chibi Ryoko was already at her holographic laptop, typing away madly. "What, are you kidding? There's no time for sleep at a time like this! I mean, we all hit completely new power levels out there! Add to that my study of Erik and Celeste… give me a couple days, and I'll have that specialized Scouter for you, Phil!"

Phil's snoring continued unabated.

At that moment, O'Connor walked in, with a slightly groggy Ecks in tow. For once she had changed out of her Senshi uniform, opting instead for a hastily thrown on gray sweat suit. She yawned sleepily, then smiled. Looking down at her slumbering commander, she said, "Hey Phil, get up."

A muffled "No" came in response.

Ralph opened one eye. Seeing O'Connor, he slowly lifted himself to a standing position. "C'mon boss, the Chief's here."

"Tell him he can chew me out after I've had forty thousand winks."

The older man stood over his subordinate. "And what, pray tell, makes you think I'm going to chew you out?"

"Permission to speak freely?"

O'Connor considered this for a moment, and then nodded. "Granted."

Phil was roused further towards consciousness by the opportunity to speak his mind. "Sir, I haven't had a good performance review since I signed up with this outfit, so you'll excuse me if I'm not thrilled that you're here."

O'Connor briefly considered taking offense until he realized that Phil was mostly right. With a slightly playful lilt to his voice, the pudgy man said, "Well then, I suppose you don't want that medal for courage above and beyond the call of duty, do you?"

Phil instantly snapped awake, leaping to his feet. "Do they MAKE those!?" He lifted off the ground and began blurring around O'Connor like a small child looking for a hidden present.

O'Connor laughed. "I don't have it on me. There's going to be a ceremony later, at…"

O'Connor was interrupted as the door suddenly slid open and a PP officer stepped through.

With the embarrassed look of the messenger who fears getting shot, the raven-haired man rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Uh, sorry to interrupt, Chief, but we have a problem."

Phil groaned. Ain't that always the way? "What kind of problem?"

A moment later, a loud cry of anguish destroyed the relative tranquillity of the barracks.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, HE WON'T WAKE UP?" Phil said incredulously as the officer lead them back to the room where a large cavalcade of guards had deposited Erik.

"Yes. We need him to be conscious to charge him, but he just won't wake up. We checked for drugs or manna techniques and found nothing. It's like catatonia."

"Phil, how hard did you hit him?" Ralph asked.

"Hard enough to knock him out! I didn't do this!" Phil protested.

"Um, you might want to point that out to the wife. She was rather…upset by all this…" the officer said.

The door ahead of them suddenly flew open as a PP guard was tossed out on his ass. He lay there and groaned as sounds of other beatings came through the door. Phil blinked and looked at his group, and then Omi nodded and zapped into the room.

When the rest of them entered, she was barely restraining a furious Celeste. Around her lay about fifteen other PP guards, who had borne the brunt of Celeste's wrath. A doctor was crouching in the corner, clearly terrified. Erik lay on a table, chained and unconscious.

"YOU!" Celeste cursed, and nearly broke Omi's grip. GoChibi flew over to help, and Celeste let loose with a torrent of venom directed at Phil. Phil tried to explain himself as Ralph walked over to the fallen vigilante and began probing with the Force.

Phil finally managed to convince Celeste he wasn't directly responsible for what had happened when Ralph walked over again.

"We have a problem indeed. Erik has basically placed himself into a coma…not to escape us, no. It's a mental thing: he feels he's done something horribly wrong and has to be punished for it. The curse of being crazy."

"MY HUSBAND IS NOT CRAZY!" Celeste screamed. Phil, despite himself, was getting a bit worried. Celeste, much like Gohan, had powers that had strong links to her anger, and she was PISSED.

"Well, something has gone wrong in his mind…he's basically become autistic…no, worse." Ralph said.

"Well, fix him!"

"Well uhhhhhhh…that could be a problem…we don't know why he feels he had to do this. We could try and get through to him, but it could takes years…heck, it may never work. That's the problem with abuse victims: their lives have made their views, uh, skewed, pardon the rhyme."

Celeste glowered at Ralph, and then turned to Phil.

"Am I charged with anything?"

"You?"

"Yes."

"Well I don't think you can just beat up my fellow employees with immunity…"

"AM I CHARGED WITH ANYTHING!?!?!?!"

"……not at the moment."

"Good. You will help my husband, or the second you let your guard down I will find a portal to another universe and will cause TEN TIMES the havoc my husband was raising unless you fix him, NOW."

Phil smirked.

"How do you think…"

"I'll help." Ralph said. Everyone looked at him. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned Phil."

Phil rolled his eyes, as if to say, "No DUH Ralph." Phil considered this for a second. "What, you gonna use the Eye of Agamotto* or something like that to fix his mind?"

Ralph shook his head. "There's no such thing as a quick fix in these kind of situations. I figure I'll use a spell to link our minds."

"What, like that Vulcan Mind Meld I pulled on Buu?"

"Something like that. Then all I have to do is find out what's bothering him and make him realize he's wrong. Then he should wake up."

"Uh…maybe I'm wrong Ralph, but don't you think it is a BAD idea to go into the mind of a PSYCHOPATHIC KILLER?"

"Somewhat, but its just memories and thoughts. It's actions that hurt." Ralph said. The mage considered his next step. "OK, in order to do this properly, I'll need some eye of newt, a number 3 cauldron and the blood of a virgin. Phil's should do." Ralph continued, ignoring the glare from his superior, the quick chuckle that escaped Eck's lips and Celeste's incredulous stare. "Then, we wait till next Thursday at 2:19 AM, when Mercury is in alignment with Alpha Centari. With that, the chanting begins as my body becomes the conduit for a massive energy exactly eight years older than time itself. Believe me, it'll look really cool. Then, once this force older than time flows into me, I'll need to count to exactly 2.3 going only by integers lest I shred reality as we know it into confetti, and then…"

Phil made a time out gesture. "Hold on a sec. Wouldn't it be easier to use the Force to go into his mind as an astral projection?"

Ralph shrugged. "Sure, if you want to do it the boring way."

After the massive group facefault, Phil picked himself up and walked towards the door. "Just do your Jedi-Mindmeld-Thingy and get it over with. The sooner we do that, the sooner I can get back to what passes as normal life." With that, Phil and everyone else vacated the room.

Ralph inhaled slowly. Now to get a looksy into the inner workings of a madman. I feel so J-Lo right now… well, without the sluttiness, that is.. He pulled up a folding chair next to Erik's cot and seated himself so that his legs wouldn't fall asleep if he was in that position for any length of time (a very real risk, since he would be sundering all connection with his physical self. Ralph had met a mage who'd gotten permanent nerve damage doing just that). Once Ralph had readied himself, he let the Force flow through him. Then the mage known as Ralph left the conscious world behind. And he didn't know when, or even if, he'd be back again.

Meanwhile, in a bar on the same level of HQ…

Lance held up another tankard of amber liquid. "See Boomer, what'd I say? The Physics Police have the best breweries in the multiverse!" The triumvirate of fools, Boomer, Lance and Buu, had sneaked into Physics Police HQ to show Buu a good time. However, said good times were starting to take their toll on the pink creature.

Majin Buu moaned. "Buu's head hurt, Lance."

Lance responded cheerily, "Well Buu, that's a hangover, nature's way of saying that your body needs more booze."

Buu squinted (not that this was much different from the way his eyes normally looked, but whatever) at Lance. "That what you three said last time, and it no work then!

Lance grinned. "Trust me, it'll get better. Now chug!"

Buu had the inklings of a thought. Something about the sincerity of Boomer and Lance's friendship… but it was lost as Lance forced more of the headache inducing liquid down the demon's throat.

************

White.

Nothing but white. For a moment Ralph wondered if the past several days had been a dream and now Matrix elements were going to begin.

Nothing but white. Perfect blankness.

"My dad used to say this is what people were like."

Ralph turned to see a young boy standing behind him. Ralph knew it was Erik, when he had been a child. Perhaps how he had been just before his life had been turned upside down and ripped apart.

"This is life. A total blank which you can paint in any color you want. In which you can create whatever kind of picture you desire. It was a nice idea…but my dad forgot to tell me something else. Other people can paint on it as well…"

A horrid ripping sound suddenly filled Ralph's ears, and then he was falling. His vision spun around and then he was suddenly standing again. The sudden change jolted him, and he shook his head to try and keep it together.

When he opened his eyes again he saw two trees in front of him. They were the only thing on the barren plain he was standing on. The Erik-child was standing next to them, looking up at them with a look of love.

An apple fell from one of the trees. It hit the ground without being damaged, and then suddenly began to roll away from the trees. Looking distressed, the Erik-child ran after it and retrieved it, putting it back between the trees. It rolled off again, and once again the Erik-child chased after it and put it back.

It rolled off again.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Ralph thought.

The Erik-child put the apple back again, and once again it rolled off. A brief distortion occurred in Ralph's vision, and then the trees had suddenly been cut down. The Erik-child stood looking at the destruction in horror.

A shrieking, evil laugh filled the air. Female.

Ralph's vision spun around and then suddenly he felt like wires were lancing into every part of him. Strangely, it wasn't painful, even as he felt them lance into his mouth and even into his eyes. He felt like he was being lifted.

"Ever feel helpless? I doubt it. Not truly. This the sense of true helplessness, like you have a wire in ever part of you and the only thing you can do is do what THEY WANT!"

The wires vanished, and Ralph was falling again.

After an undeterminable amount of time, Ralph impacted a hard, cold surface. Ralph wondered for a moment why there was no pain, until he remembered that he wasn't connected to his pain receptors anymore. In stark contrast with the previous vision, all around him was blackness, except for a single beam of light that came from above. Ralph took a moment to recognize the shadowy man in the center as Erik. The vigilante stood there motionless in a defensive position.

Suddenly, off to Erik's right was a hint of motion. Almost faster than Ralph could see, his cybernetic arm lashed out with its talons extended. There was a meaty thud as a large biker holding a chain fell to the ground, his head removed from the lower jaw up. A tongue of flame licked outward from Erik's left. Another slash, and a black man in military fatigues fell to the ground, still clutching his flamethrower.

Yet another motion, another attack, another corpse. Another, and another, and another. Soon, the subtle movements became more overt, and the sequence of attacks became faster and more furious. The corpses began stacking upon each other, men from all walks of life; Ralph was surprised to see a doctor laying on the ground, the left side of his neck sliced open and a ugly wound on the right side of his face. Yet, there were always more and more people in the shadow. Occasionally, Ralph could see a limb without an owner on the ground.

The ones that get away? Ralph almost dismissed the thought. Yeah, like he'd let them escape. There were an increasing number of ownerless limbs and pieces of equipment. Then again, he isn't a god.

As the corpses began to pile up so that they blocked Erik from view, Ralph noticed a multitude of strings stretching from the pile of body parts. The threads were almost invisible unless viewed from the proper angle. Ralph cast an illumination spell. Instantly, the path of the threads was visible. Ralph was surprised that it worked. Then again, the mystic arts are a mental discipline… I guess it should work, even here.

These thoughts were instantly banished from Ralph's mind as he saw the paths of the strings. Each thread was entwined around a finger on a massive hand. The body of the owner wasn't visible in the murkiness, but his face was.

It was Erik himself. Or at least, a twisted caricature thereof. The cybernetic eye had lost all attempts at humanity, but had been enlarged to impossible proportions, as had the copy's Joker-esque smile. All the while it laughed at the efforts of Erik… who was oblivious to the entire process.

Ralph tried to figure out the metaphor. "I can see the whole unending battle against the shadow, but why his face… maybe an aftereffect of Phil's rants that he's the cause of his problems? Or was this there before… I get the feeling that Herr Jung would have a field day here." Then, all faded from Ralph's view. However, the grinning façade of Erik's doppelganger remained for several seconds.

Suddenly, Ralph found himself in a scene straight from Leave it to the Beaver. On a perfectly flat street, where there were no cracks in the pavement, older style cars drove at a leisurely pace. On either side of the Jedi were whitewashed picket fences, whose lock free doors shielded immaculately trimmed lawns with identical swing sets.

Cautiously, Ralph walked across the street after looking both ways for traffic. He explored his surroundings a bit more, and almost bumped into a middle-aged woman who was holding hands with her young son. Ralph automatically started, "Oh excuse m…" Ralph jumped back reflexively, horrified at what he saw.

Both the woman and her son had no eyes. There was nothing in their place; only empty sockets. The eyeless woman smiled a happy smile, and said, "Oh, that's quite alright, sir. Say hello to the nice man, Johnny."

"Hello, sir."

Ralph waved nervously, then noticed the cardboard sign hung over the woman's neck.

I molest my son.

Ralph recoiled at this, then looked down at "Johnny." He had his own sign.

I torture small rodents. And the way I'm going, that's just the start.

Ralph bolted away, only to run into a man whose sign read, "I kill people and bury their bodies in the junk yard." Each time Ralph attempted to escape, there was another vacuous grin and a sign.

I sell poisoned milk to schoolchildren.

I rape random young girls.

I lynch 'sinners'.

Guns don't kill people; I kill people.

I'm planning a terrorist attack.

I'm a cannibal.

Eventually, Ralph bolted into one of the multitude of identical houses. He ran into an all-white kitchen, and the smell of freshly made pancakes filled the air. A woman who Ralph recognized as Christine from his briefings placed a plate of the steaming cakes on the table. Ralph gave a sigh of relief. From his point of view, he could see that her eye was in its proper place.

Christine took note of his presence and turned to face him. "Oh, hello Ralph. Are you here to play with Erik?"

Ralph could barely restrain the desire to flee. Although her right eye filled its socket, the left was bare. Around her neck was a sign filled with no words at all.

"Ralph? You should answer when one of your elders asks you a question."

Ralph stammered, "Y-yes, I am." Before the deformed woman could say any more, he ran into the next room.

There were Phil and Erik, playing checkers. Or at least, they were Phil and Erik at age nine. Erik hopped over three of Phil's pieces, causing the brown haired boy to say, "Oh rats!" Phil was wearing a blindfold, yet was acting as though he didn't. Around his neck was a very simple sign:

I have issues.

Erik looked up from his game, even as Phil took one of his pieces. "How does it feel, Ralph? Is it fun, knowing exactly what everyone around you is doing when no one else is around? And you have this knowledge, but everyone else is too blind to even conceive the problem? Well Ralph, that is my world. And I just can't stand by and let it happen."

Ralph nodded, finally catching the metaphor. He shuddered, failing to force the images from his mind. "What… what's wrong with…"

"Christine? She and the other Legacy approach true understanding of the issue, but they simply lack my talent. Thus, they are effectively half-blind. Phil here? Well, you both have fully functional 'eyes,' as it were. Phil is closer than you are, simply because he has some concept of how hellish life can be. But yet, you both chose to simply ignore the pain and suffering around you until it walks up and punches you in the face. Hence, the blindfolds."

Ralph pointed to the oblivious avatar of his boss. "And his sign?"

Erik shrugged. "I can't pin him down; it's as though there are multiple souls in one form. It isn't schizophrenia; I've felt that, and this isn't it. I just can't explain it. Then again, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Everyone has secrets…"

Ralph glanced down. His eyes widened as he saw he had his own sign around his neck. Dreading the possibilities but unable to resist, he turned it up and over, looking at it.

I save universes.

"………..HUH?" Ralph said, not expecting that result.

"I see all your inner selves. No matter what it is."

Ralph looked up and then back at the sign.

I always did a few hours of community service a week when I was in college.

He glanced away again and looked back.

My stabilizing influence keeps Phil from going too far.

"No one is without their secret shames, wants, and deviances. But that does not mean I have to kill them…" Erik said quietly. Ralph looked at his sign again.

I'm dating someone half my age.

Ralph suddenly remembered why he was here. "Erik look, you've got to come out and…"

"NO!" Erik overturned the board and ran out. Ralph sprinted after him, even as his surroundings faded.

"Erik, even you see it! Not every man, woman, and child is a demon in disguise! Why are you doing this?"

Erik stopped and slowly turned around. His child-self cruelly contradicted his eyes, which looked a million years old.

"Indeed. There are good people out there. The Pure."

Ghostly figures began appearing out of the darkness, each wearing their own signs. Ralph caught glimpses of a dozen good deeds and kindnesses before he looked back to Erik.

"It's not that. That's not what haunts my sleep…it's this."

More figures began appearing. They wore signs as well, but these signs were dark. Ralph didn't have to take a guess at what that meant.

More and more of them appeared, until there were literally hundreds of them to the Pure's dozens.

And then they fell on the Pure, the darker ghosts attacking the lighter ones and tearing them apart. Faint screams passed over Ralph's ears, and he instinctively reached for a lightsaber before he realized A) It wasn't in with him and B) There was nothing he could anyway.

The Pure were gone, and with the Corrupt standing tall, they all made a beeline towards Erik.

"They're out there. So many of them. Preying. Hurting. Destroying. So many…so many things gone…all because…"

They fell on the child Erik. Laughter echoed in Ralph's ears, even as he recalled the snippet of a song he had heard.

There's no holding me back

I'm not driven by fear

I'm just driven by anger

And you're under attack

I'm just climbing up slowly

I'm the one and only

The Corrupt howled in their triumph.

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The masses of ghosts suddenly exploded outward as Erik was revealed again, grown up, scarred, and angry as hell.

"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The tease, the way you lie

The stumbling in your mind

The fear, the hope inside

They hit here!

Erik thrust back his arms and slammed them out, throwing daggers of white light from his body. The ghosts exploded as the beams pieced them. But more came. And more. And more. An unrelenting tide eventually swept over Erik and he vanished from view.

"They want to take everything…" Erik's voice suddenly whispered in Ralph's ear. "Maybe you aren't willing to make a stand. But I will."

More light exploded from the dark, and Ralph found his world spinning around again.

And though whatever you need

'Ever you got

'Ever you want

I'll take back again!

The spinning suddenly stopped, and Ralph found himself looking at a sign. A jagged V was marked on it, and he knew he was looking at Erik's "sign".

I can never be what I want to be.

And then it all spun away, into nothingness.

*************

Eventually his world was clear again, and Ralph shook his head. It might not have been real, but it was real disturbing..

He blinked as he saw Erik walking towards him. What was shocking was that Erik was wreathed in fire. It was everywhere on him, dancing along his skin and writhing in his hair, weaving all around him. But the fire wasn't burning him. It didn't even seem to be annoying him, as he raised one arm and smirked slightly as it danced on his arm.

The fire gave off a sound like impish laughter and flowed down. Ralph realized it was heading for something that males considered rather…sensitive. However, it didn't reach it, as Erik slapped at the flame and it retreated. The other flames flowed to Erik's arm as he looked at it, a calm look of respect and admiration.

Chastity. This is how he sees Chastity.

The flame laughed again and spiraled off his arm and away. Ralph's world spun again, and the next time he saw Erik he was holding a dove. It was a gentle hold, a protective one as he looked at the bird. It cheeped at him.

That would he his sister, methinks. This is definitely better then the Cyclops version of her.

Erik opened his hands and the bird perched on them, singing. It was lovely. Indeed, Ralph remembered Christine had a lovely singing voice. The dove sang for a few more seconds before it lifted off Erik's hands and flew off. A robin flew in beside it and the two birds flew over Ralph's head. Erik watched them fly away, looking saddened.

Their lives have separated them. I guess Erik feels she'll always fly away to the life she has now, with Ash and co, even if she loves him as her brother.

And then Ralph was falling again, spiraling through the dark corridors of Erik's mind.

Despite know what he was seeing was just memories and not real, Ralph nearly vomited when he came to a stop again: He landed on a pile of mutilated corpses. He retched and scrambled off of them, shuddering. He looked around.

It was a city, and the bodies were everywhere, all mutilated, all dead. The streets ran with blood.

Oh dear. This must be Agony. This might be very…unpleasant.

Then Erik appeared, literally walking through him. The sheer horror on his face was strange to Ralph. Surely he had seen bodies before…

This was when they first met. Or reunited, you might say. Ralph realized. Indeed, within a few seconds Erik came to the largest pile of corpses yet. Standing on it was Agony. They spoke, but Ralph heard no words.

Then in suddenly snapped and hurled a blade. It went right through Agony's throat, and she tumbled over. Erik snorted and turned away, his face a look of satisfaction and regret.

Then Agony got up again, and Ralph witnessed the first time Erik realized just how beyond human Agony was.

And then…

At the time, Ralph had been incredibly confused, but later, he had found a bizarre kind of sense in what had played out before him. In the end, the whole sordid series of events was perhaps, more so then anything, absurd. Perhaps that was the thread that ran through everything: In one way or another it was all ludicrous.

What happened was another tune started up in the background. Ralph recognized it as the tune for the children's song The Cat Came Back. And then the singing started even as Erik looked at the regenerated Agony in burning rage.

Christopher Erik Damien Ravensky was a master of causing strife…

But he just couldn't part one blasted woman with her life!

He wanted her dead, for reasons you can all see…

She's just one woman, how hard could it be…

(Oh you'll see…)

As Ralph watched, Erik tried a second time, a gun extending from his arm and shooting Agony several times. She fell over again, and then, got back up, laughing.

But the bitch came back! The very next day!

The bitch came back! You'd think she'd be a goner…

But the bitch came back! She just wouldn't stay away…

Erik charged, and the whole montage spun around to a different place with the same players, as Erik used some kind of chemical mixture he snatched off a table in the laboratory they were fighting in to set Agony on fire. She screamed as she ignited and then Erik kicked her out a window.

But the bitch came back! The very next day!

The bitch came back! You'd think she'd be a goner…

But the bitch came back! She just wouldn't stay away…

Another spinning. Now they were on a boat, as Erik rammed a rod of metal through Agony and twisted it around her, fusing it into a restraining harness. Agony blasted Erik away and tried to remove the rod, but she was too late, as Erik hit a switch. A massive weight fell overboard, pushed by some device. It got Agony's attention, long enough for Erik to charge with a length of chain and fuse it into the rod. Before Agony could do anything she was yanked away, as the other part of the chain was attached to the large weight. It dragged her underwater, deep into the depths…

But the bitch came back! The very next day!

The bitch came back! You'd think she'd be a goner…

But the bitch came back! She just wouldn't stay away…

Spin away, spin away. Now they were fighting in a factory. After using several pieces of equipment to inflict gratuitous and immensely gory injuries on Agony, he finally trapped her in a hydraulic press. It promptly squished her flat as a pancake, and Erik turned off the device, leaving her flattened body trapped within…or so it seemed…

But the bitch came back! The very next day!

The bitch came back! You'd think she'd be a goner…

But the bitch came back! She just wouldn't stay away…

Spin City. Now the two were fighting above a volcano, as a massive battle between an army of monsters and the rest of the Legacy raged in the background. Everything was rapidly sped up, compressing a battle that seemed to go for hours into a few seconds. The end result was Agony getting dumped into the volcano crater. She fought all the way down, but eventually she went into the lava. To ensure she wasn't escaping, Erik detonated the whole top of the volcano with a massive surge of energy, sealing her in…

But the bitch came back! The very next day!

The bitch came back! You'd think she'd be a goner…

But the bitch came back! She just wouldn't stay away…

Spin The Wheel, Make the Deal. The next one raised Ralph's eyebrows. It appeared to be happening in the DBZ world. He watched, growing more and more amazed, as Agony wrecked horrific havoc, only ending when a Gogeta Genki Dama did her in, once and for all. Or at least it would have been that way if Erik hadn't made a wish to revive her in exchange for undoing all her damage. But what was she doing in the DBZ Universe? And why hadn't he known?

Wasn't there something classified in Agony's files? But why…And speaking of but…

But the bitch came back! The very next day!

The bitch came back! You'd think she'd be a goner…

But the bitch came back! She just wouldn't stay away…

Spinarooni. The next battle was familiar and shocking to Ralph all at the same time. Again, it was the DBZ Universe, but the Legacy was there too, along with some people who looked like they belonged from the Buffy Universe. Erik, as Omni-Redemption, and Agony were locked in a furious battle, as Erik threw everything including the kitchen sink at Agony. It seemed like he finally got her with a immense white energy blast, but as Ralph watched, Agony popped up again and shot Erik through the back. He recoiled as his allies screamed at this, and Erik turned with eyes that showed he was pretty much at the end of his rope, but he'd hang his foe with it before he went down.

Christopher Erik Damien Ravensky was a master of causing strife…

But he just couldn't part one blasted woman with her life!

He'd tried every trick and still death she refused…

It was clear now that drastic measures had to be used…

And Erik tried just that with a suicide attack. But Agony caught him and seemingly killed him…

But he CAME BACK! THE VERY NEXT DAY!

HE CAME BACK! HE AIN'T GONNA BE A GONER!

NO HE CAME BACK! HE REFUSED TO STAY AWAY!

A whole bunch of colors flashed in Ralph's vision and suddenly Erik was back, just as Erik, with the Redemption sword. Agony had a massive scythe as a weapon, and they engaged in one last duel. And then it finally came to an end as Erik stabbed her and the sword counter-acted her evil, obliterating her in one final flash of light.

Silence.

"Did the bitch come back?" Ralph asked.

No she finally stayed away…

Ralph was falling again.

It was a good thing the world he was in didn't abide by the normal laws of Physics, as he landed on his head. He groaned slightly and got up. He was in a white land again, this time with walls of darkness that seemed rather…organic.

Erik was in front of him, and then in a sudden explosion of blackness, Celeste appeared out some the shadows. Ralph blinked. Celeste was lovely, but the girl Ralph was seeing…she had no flaws. Whatever. She was an angel in dark hair. She is how he sees her.

Celeste walked forward, dressing in a long flowing black gown that flowed like liquid, blown by some wind Ralph could not feel. Then the strips of blackness tore off the walls and were revealed to he part of Celeste. As massive pair of wings. Raven wings.

As this dream Celeste approached Erik he knelt, his head bowed. She stopped in front of him and commanded him to rise, but he wouldn't. She looked confused. Ralph's eyes widened. I think I may have found my block.

Ralph walked over to where the dream Celeste came bidding Erik to rise, but he refused, keeping his head down and his eyes downcast.

"You deserve to look at her, you know."

Erik's head glanced sideways.

"You haven't failed her in any way. Not by being beaten by Phil or not keeping her from being shot. She doesn't feel any negative emotion towards you for it. Erik, I know what's it's like. Your life hasn't been all wine and roses, and I suppose it's understandable if your mind has been warped to see guilt as a positive thing. But there is nothing to feel guilty about. Look up. Stand up. And wake up, will you? I'm getting a headache, and Celeste keeps threatening to beat people up."

Erik chuckled.

"She's like that…"

Erik stood, and the winged dream Celeste smiled and leapt into her husband's arms. The world spun around them and Ralph and then Ralph found himself floating up. With a sudden snap he was back in his body, even as Erik muttered and tried to sit up, although he was restrained by his chains.

"Ralph! You're back. Was it scary in there?" GoChibi asked.

"Quite. But in the end it's not hard to fix a problem this way. The trick is finding the problem…" Ralph said, shaking his head. Celeste was hugging her returned husband, although he couldn't return the sentiment because of the chains.

"Where were you sweetie?"

"I just had a misconception to work through…" Erik muttered. "Hey! Can you get me out of this?"

"Sure." Phil said. He winked to the three girls. Ralph saw a sudden blur of motion and a series of gushing of wind. When it was done Erik was in a chair…and he had twice as many chains on him. He looked at them and grimaced.

"This is very uncomfortable."

"Live with it." Phil said. Erik smirked.

"Still smarting over our little sorties Phil?"

"Ah shaddup! Hey, he's awake! Bring the guy in!"

At this point, a man walked in. He was dressed in a plain black robe, and he carried with him a small noteputer. He looked as though middle age had been more than happy to catch up with him, and old age didn't want to be left out either. The robed man's head was completely bald, and his nose extended from his face like a vulture's beak. His back was bent slightly forward, and his hands had several liver spots upon them. Yet, he seemed to be possessed of an almost youthful vigor as he entered the room.

Phil saluted. Unlike the phony act that he generally put on for O'Connor and others, Phil seemed to legitimately respect the man. Everyone present except for Ecks caught this subtle nuance. Celeste briefly wondered if this man wasn't just another stuffed shirt. "Good day, Magistrate Palmer."

The man, now identified as Palmer, nodded to Phil. "Good day, Unit Commander." Then He stood before the bound vigilante and read from his PDA. The manner in which he read from the small computer indicated that he had gone through this particular routine many times. Yet, he didn't sound bored with the procedure. "Christopher Erik Damien Ravensky. You stand accused of several crimes against the laws of the Physics Police. Before the formal trial, our laws declare that you have the right to a formal reading of the accusations against you before a Magistrate, the being who shall advise the Judge as to how to proceed with the case. You are accused of the following crimes:

2 counts of violating dimensional boundaries without our permission or license.

2 counts of using an unlicensed dimensional transport.

54 counts of assaulting an officer of the Physics Police.

69 counts of knowingly murdering inhabitants of another dimension.

6 counts of resisting arrest.

1 count of knowingly altering the timeline of another dimension.

Palmer seemed momentarily surprised at the length of the list, but recovered quickly. "Christopher Ravensky, How do you plead?" asked Palmer.

"Bite me." Erik shot back.

In a sharp voice, Palmer snapped, "Be silent or I'll add contempt of court!"

"I have nothing BUT contempt for your court." Erik replied..

Palmer's neutral face hardened slightly at this. "Well in that case, there are just SO many options. Hypothetically, we do have the authority to just cut you down with laser fire from the well hidden security turrets. As far as we're concerned, you're mostly insignificant. We work to keep reality itself from shattering. Your violation of dimensional boundaries is causing all sorts of little ripples in neighboring realities that our agents are working to smooth out. Those are agents that could be working on more important matters, so you'll understand if I'm a little less than polite."

Erik mentally tallied this information. So THAT'S why they're after me… also, I can see why Phil respects him. He doesn't seem like the type to be overly concerned with procedure and politics… probably why he hasn't gotten beyond this rank. Interesting. He decided to stall for some time. "Um, I've never actually been caught before, so I'm a little fuzzy about this, but don't I have the right to be tried by a jury of my 'peers?' And where's my lawyer?"

Palmer chuckled. "Aw, isn't that cute? You think that you have some sort of constitution guaranteeing your rights. You see, Mr. Ravensky, this isn't a criminal or civil court. We operate more like a military court, but with less concern for civil rights. That means that we can do anything and everything we see fit. Want an example? Let's see here… the evidence is so against you, that I could legally sentence you to life on Kessel in a Star Wars universe. Without a trial. How about that? A planet with no atmosphere, on which you are a slave who gets to spend his days hoping that the energy spiders don't eat him while he harvests spice to feed some Hutt's coffers? I doubt that you'd enjoy the experience. So show some respect!"

Erik snorted. "Respect? I respect three people in my life. One's me, one's my wife, and the other ain't you. Nor will it ever be. Tell me my good man, why am I being arrested?"

"Are you deaf? Didn't you hear…"

"Not that claptrap. Why?"

"You really want to know? Because you've been A VERY BAD BOY." Palmer said, like he was chastising a child. Erik chuckled again.

"Two things, my good man. I am nothing. You think I'm bad. You think my deeds are evil. You think I deserve to be punished. Let me warn you of something now, before life decides to do it for you. What you think of evil is nothing. When you think you've seen the worst, something will come along that will make the last thing seem like child's play. There's always something more depraved, more sinister, more eager to prey on the innocent. I have killed those people my whole life. I will do it until my death. I will do it no matter where I am or who condemns me for it. So go ahead. Judge me. Try to punish me. But never try to lie to yourself. There are always things far worse then me, and as much as it burns within you, never forget one thing. You may hate me, you may fear me, you may judge me, but above all else, you NEED me. And the other thing…"

And he suddenly stood up, and to Phil's surprise he suddenly shrugged off all the chains, as they fell away from him and clattered to the ground. He'd picked all the damn locks. Palmer's face suddenly went white with fear. He wasn't a coward, but he wasn't a warrior either.

"Get electronic locks. They're harder to pick."

Palmer broke the overland speed record running out of the room. Erik laughed and sat down again, crossing his legs as Phil growled.

"Hey! Get in here!" Phil yelled as a bunch of guards trooped into the room. "Chain him up again! And use twice as many! And electronic locks!"

"Yes sir! What about the girl?"

"Keep your eye on her as well. C'mon guys, we've wasted enough time with this loser!"

"I am rubber, you are glue." Erik called as Phil and his friends left the room.

After walking along for a bit, Ralph asked, "So Phil, what now?"

Phil's face split into a large grin. In an obvious joviality in his voice and a happy spring to his step, he sighed. "Ah Ralph, my chum, the options are truly limitless! Now that that sociopath is out of my hair, the world is our oyster!" He walked in between Ralph and Ecks and leaned on their shoulders. "Why, we could play video games, find an all-you-can-eat joint in this base that hasn't banned Saiyans yet, get a game of baseball going with the other special units, develop a new Chi attack, or maybe work on that unified energy field theory we were debating." Phil yawned. As he spoke, his voice became significantly more subdued. "Read a book, annoy fictional characters that we don't like, take over the world, or… else…" Phil started snoring. Ecks and Ralph suddenly grunted as all of their commander's weight was shifted to their shoulders.

As Ralph lifted Phil with a bit of Force, Ecks said, "I think he might have the right idea. I don't know why, but I'm not feeling too good. I'm going to go take an aspirin and a nap. See you later." With that, Ecks performed an about-face and walked to her quarters.

Omi glanced towards the exiting woman. "I wonder what's wrong with her?"

Chibi Ryoko finished a check with her scanners. "I think it's probably just stress and fatigue. She has a slightly elevated temperature and some gastrointestinal distress, but I'm not detecting any pathogen."

GoChibi blinked. "Huh? What's 'gastrointestinal distress' mean?"

Chibi Ryoko rolled her eyes slightly. "A tummy ache."

The daughter of Gohan pulled out a small pad of paper and a pen. "Well, that's my new word for the day."

Ralph and the girls continued to stand in the hallway, making small talk while Phil snoozed. Finally, Ralph noticed the look of concern on Omi's face. "What's up?"

Omi pointed at her slumbering father. As they spoke, she lifted Phil with a fireman's carry. "Well, for one thing, he could get a backache sleeping on the floor like that, so I'm taking him back to his room." Omi blinked. "This is weird; being responsible for Dad and all. Anyway, for another, he's gone into REM sleep way sooner than he should have, and I'm getting some weird vibes off of him."

Ralph stretched out with his senses, nodding. "Yeah, you're right. Oh well. He's probably just having a nightmare of some sort. I wouldn't worry about it…"

*********

Celeste wasn't sure what to do.

True, her husband was now tied up even more and guarded by all sorts of highly skilled creatures who didn't like him or her (which is probably why they had hustled her out so quickly), but he had winked at her before she left. That either meant "Relax, I can handle it" or "I'm sure you'll think of something sweetie, but haste would be appreciated."

Both would be trouble. Even she would have extreme difficulty…

"RUN!"

A gaggle of creatures, men, and a few things even Celeste couldn't identify suddenly ran around the corner. She barely had time to press herself up against the wall before they trampled her.

She watched the group flee, and then turned around to look at the direction they had come from.

"Who let the herd of buffalo loose?"

More racket came from the corner, and Celeste quickly ducked into a nearby storage room as another huge gaggle of creatures ran by.

"Correction. No buffalo. It's a squad of Sherman Tanks." Celeste said, peering out of the room.

One last person ran around the corner. Celeste tripped her.

"Hey, what's cooking?"

"Pink demon on the loose! Mad! Run for your lives!" the woman said, as she got back to her feet and took off again. Celeste regarded her curiously.

"Pink demon…?"

And then Celeste heard loud grumbling coming from around the corner. What amazed her more then the fact that the grumbling was so loud she could hear it from thirty feet away then the fact she recognized the voice.

"Could it be…?

Curiosity killed the cat, says an old saw. But Celeste apparently hadn't heard the old saw, as she headed in the direction of the grumbling.

Buu was now even angrier.

His headache had only gotten worse, a hammering pain that his healing talents just couldn't seem to eliminate. To make it worse, everyone he ran into was making noise. Buu thought turning them into pink flamingos would stop the noise, but instead it had only made it worse, as everyone he saw made a huge racket.

"Stupid men. Say friends, do this to Buu, Buu make them…"

"Buu!"

Buu looked up just as the woman ran up to him and hugged him. Had he been more alert, he may have vaporized her or turned her into a packet of cheese and crackers, but the headache and her strange behavior made him hesitate.

"Why girl hug Buu?" Buu asked as the black-haired woman stepped back. His confusion made his head hurt worse, and he growled.

"Buu? Don't you recognize me?" Celeste asked, her joy at seeing her old friend from the Vagane mess become confusion as well. The Buu she looked at appeared to be in pain, and it was clear in his expression he had no idea who she was

"Buu not know girl! Who you? Girl must be trying to trick Buu like metal men! BUU MAD! BUU TURN YOU INTO EGG AND STEP ON YOU!"

"Whoa! Buu! Stop!" Celeste said as she barely dodged one of Buu's transformation bolts: his headache threw his aim off, thankfully. "It's me! Celeste!"

"Buu know no Celeste! Buu know you EGG!"

Celeste dodged that as well. Her combat instincts flared up, but she immediately shut them down.

"Stand still!"

"Buu! I'm not gonna hurt you!"

"They all say that! You lie! Just like you lie about knowing Buu! Buu no know girl, so how girl know Buu? Arr, Buu hate roundabout thinking! It hurt Buu's head more! BUU MAKE YOU GO BOOM!" Buu said, as he summoned a house-sized ki ball.

Celeste stopped as she finally got a reading on Majin Buu. He was telling the truth: this was obviously a different Buu who had never met her. She also learned where his headache had come from, and she had an idea.

And if she was wrong, she pitied Buu for what Erik would do to him when he found out she had been vaporized.

"Ok Buu, go ahead and blow me up. I won't resist." Celeste said.

Buu got even more confused when the girl didn't run away.

"Why girl no run? Girl want die?"

"No. I was your friend. Truly, Buu. And I will wager my life you won't kill a friend."

"Girl lie! Metal men say friends, then cause Buu pain that won't go away! And Buu not know girl, so girl must lie!"

"Ok Buu, if I'm a liar, read my mind."

Buu blinked.

"You have enough power to be a master telepath. Memories are absolute truth. Look at mine. I didn't know YOU, per say, but I knew another you. And he and I were friends."

Buu tried to wrap his childish mind around what Celeste had said, but it just made his headache worse, which made him angrier. Even with that though, he was a bit curious at why this girl kept insisting she knew him, and why she wasn't scared of him.

"Buu not trust girl…" Buu said, even though he dissipated the ki ball. "Buu look at girl's head anyway! Now Buu see if girl liar or just want to die…" Buu said as he walked up and pressed his hands to Celeste's head.

The shock of what he saw was enough to make him totally forget his headache, as images of him, or ANOTHER him, washed over him. Brief flashes of a strange man with an afro and mustache, a small dog, and finally Celeste flowed through his head, and then a quick flash of battles Buu knew he never fought but had happened anyway, for memories were the absolute truth.

Totally stunned, Buu put his hands down.

"Girl…speak truth. There other Buu…you friend of other Buu…but how there be other Buu…Buu confused…"

"It's ok Buu. Don't hurt your head trying to puzzle it out. It doesn't matter."

"Buu do that…but girl was friend of Buu! Other Buu! True friend! Fight with Buu! Help Buu when Buu was hurt! Buu do the same! Other Buu your friend, so me your friend too! FRIEND!" Buu said, and returned Celeste's hug.

"Ahhh Buu, not so tight!"

"Oh. Buu sorry." Buu said. He winced as his headache came back. "Celeste friend, can you help Buu? Buu head hurt…"

"Well…" Celeste said.

Boomer pointed tentatively down the hall. "I think he went this way…"

"I told you giving him the beer was a bad idea! But NOOOOOO, you insisted his healing talent would keep him from getting a hangover! The Lieutenant is gonna kill us!"

"Look, all we have to do is get close and use a sober up and then make nice and…" Lance said as he rounded the corner and found Buu standing with an attractive brunette.

"There he is! Quick, before he turns her into food!" Boomer said.

"Buu! Friend! How you doing? We were looking…"

The fact that Buu started growling as steam shot out of his head gave Lance a pretty good idea that he said the wrong thing. Correction. That there was no right thing to say.

"You not friend! You trick Buu and hurt Buu! Buu head hurt! YOU NO FRIEND! GIRL FRIEND!"

"Whoa Buu, calm down!"

"YOU NOT TRICK BUU AGAIN!"

"Ok Lance, we'd better…hey, where did the girl go…HEY!" Boomer said as he felt a slight pressure and found his sober up needle gone.

"Thanks." Celeste said, as she hopped back over to Buu. "Buu, this will stop your pain."

"Please help Buu!"

Celeste jammed the needle in.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Sorry Buu."

"That hurt…hey, headache going away! You really friend!" Buu said happily.

"Good to know Buu. Now why don't we teach these two a little lesson on why you shouldn't give extraordinarily powerful magic beings hangovers."

"UH oh." Lance said.

Buu gave an evil little grin.

"BUU TURN YOU INTO…!"

Lance and Boomer ran for it.

"He doesn't look like much." (guard 1) said as he looked at the chained Erik. The man had his eyes closed and appeared to be either napping or thinking deeply.

"Famous last words." (guard 2) said.

"Well, even so, what can he…" Guard 1 said, before he heard the racket. "What the?"

The two guards left the room just as Boomer and Lance ran past.

"Someone get the Reality Checkers! NOW!" Boomer yelled as he ran past.

"BUU MAKE YOU BOTH GO BOOM!" Buu yelled as he ran past a second later.

"Ah, he must have gotten loose! Help them!" (Head guard) yelled. Most of the guards broke from their positions and chased after the trio.

And in the room, Erik suddenly smiled.

"I love you Celeste."

****************

Phil studied the odd landscape about him. It seemed to be a picturesque desert scene, like one would see on a postcard. However, something seemed to be off. The sky was a shrouded in a black, rolling mass of clouds. That wasn't it. The colors of the landscape seemed to be wrong as well; where brown should have predominated, there was a purplish shade instead. But that couldn't be what was bothering him; the American Southwest was full of places with purple stone, albeit not that shade and not that much.

Then, it suddenly struck him why everything was so strange.

I'm in a Zerg hive cluster. Ho hum.

Upon making his discovery, all seemed in order. Drones used their massive mandibles to harvest ore from a hill to his left. A flight of three Mutalisks flapped overhead on their batwings, ready to rain death upon any intruder. Massive organic buildings on all sides of him throbbed as they performed their duties, storing and modifying the genes of the Zerg strains readied within.

As he casually strode down a "street" between structures, he briefly wondered why the Mutalisks had made no move to attack him. Again, something wasn't as it should have been.

Phil wasn't sure how far he had walked before he heard a voice behind him. He immediately identified it. "Well Phil, how are you enjoying the grand tour?"

Phil shrugged as he turned to face the oddly familiar woman. She was dressed in a black robe, with a hood that obscured her features. "Oh, it isn't so bad." Phil squinted slightly. "Do I know you from somewhere? You seem awfully familiar." She was currently sitting on a throne made of bones, but for some reason this seemed appropriate. He pondered over the issue of identity for a moment before noticing that she was holding a scythe. "Oh! I remember you. I saw you in a vision a while back. Something about coming for the ones I love. You would be Death, right?" Phil wasn't sure why he was so calm about everything. The dream seemed too surreal to be worried about anything.

The figure chuckled in an amiable fashion. "I suppose that would be fitting. Death will do for now."

Phil calmly looked from one side of the hive to the other. "Say, I don't mean to pry, but isn't this sort of thing Kerrigan's routine?"

"Oh, she has been… dealt with." Phil retained his calm attitude, even as a pair of blades ripped through the back of Death's cloak.

Phil nodded. "Ah. Another assimilator, I see. Now, my only question is, did you absorb her, or vice versa?"

"I assure you that I remain myself."

Phil shrugged. "Not trying to be rude; with the Zerg, it's a question that needs to be asked." Something finally occurred to Phil. "Say, I suppose that I have to fight you now, don't I?"

Death shrugged. "I suppose that you will want to, seeing as how I've killed all of your friends. It's up to you, really. Either way, you will lose."

Taking the last comment in stride, Phil powered up. His hair was whipped about as he activated the mystical talent. "Shall we?"

Death began to laugh madly. Phil raised an eyebrow. "What's so funny?"

"You still don't get it, do you? I am Death incarnate. You cannot win." To illustrate the point, she blurred directly behind Phil and caught him across the neck with a chop. The single blow laid him flat on the ground.

Phil suddenly started caring. "Wha… who the hell are you?"

"That is for me to know, and you to find out. It is too late for you to do anything about it. She is already mine."

Phil felt no pain, but his dream-form still struggled to get up to its feet. "WHO ARE YOU? ANSWER ME!"

Laughing all the time, Death lowered her hood. Phil instantly lost all concept of time as his eyes locked with hers. He felt as if he was sucked into pools of pure madness, swirling in a whirlpool, and he was drowning… drowning…

With a yell, Phil shot up in bed. His breathing was ragged, and his body was covered in a cold sweat. "What the hell was THAT?"

Arthur continued sleeping. Io piped up, "What, was it the dream about the electric wombats taking over Austria again?"

Phil blinked. "No, it wasn't. But that one's scary enough, I suppose. But a second ago, I had a really strange nightmare, about the Zerg and Death and whatnot. Probably a whole lot of metaphor and imagery and whatnot. But what does it mean?"

"Well, Doctor Freud would tell you that you wanted to sleep with your mother. Then again, that was his solution to just about everything."

Phil leapt straight up as the unexpected voice came out of nowhere. In mid leap, combat training took over. By the time that he landed, Phil had assumed a defensive pose, and had his newly repaired lightsaber at the throat of the intruder. . "Who… oh, it's you."

Loki was currently sitting backwards on a chair across from Phil. The Norse God didn't seem at all concerned by the yellow blade at his neck. "Hello to you to."

Phil didn't lower the lightsaber. "What do you want?"

Loki smiled. "Oh, I'm just here to remind you that week one of operation "be nice to Ayeka" is a complete and utter failure. Heh. At this rate, you should tell Arthur that I always take my tea with two sugars."

Arthur suddenly snapped awake. "Thou hast played me falsely, trickster! When I agreed to thy wager, I was under the impression that I was to be dealing with a princess, not a common whore!"

Loki shrugged. "Not my fault. It's all part of Ayeka's twisted logic." Loki started to file his fingernails, still ignoring Phil's lightsaber.

Phil raised an eyebrow. "Logic? Please, do tell. I was wondering why she was acting like a slut." Know thy enemy, and all that.

Loki said, "She's borrowing Ryoko's methods. She ignores the fact that you told Tenchi of their relation, and figures that Ryoko won by being forward. Since being the semi-demure princess failed, she's going to the other end of the spectrum. And no, there isn't anything you can do about it, unless you actually give in to her charms."

Phil glared at the god. "What, you just came here to jerk my chain!?"

"Well, mostly."

Phil's aura flickered for a few moments, before he decided that a repeat of his last attempt to bash Loki's skull wouldn't do him any good. "Are you not done with me yet, or can I get back to sleep?"

"Well, I'm done with you, at least directly. Two answer your second question, I doubt that. I'm here to get a close up analysis for your next battle with Erik. After all, have to give Pan some data with which to calculate the odds, now don't I?"

Phil made a time out gesture. "Hold on there! What makes you think we're fighting again?"

"Oh, just the fact that he broke out of his cell about, what, an hour ago?"

"You lie!"

Loki shook his head. "Nope, I can't. It's all part of being a First Class God, Unlimited. We aren't allowed to lie. I can just do a really good job of misleading."

Phil pointed to the door. "You're just messing with my head! I'm going to go right down there, and prove to you that he's still locked up!" Phil grabbed Loki's arm and exited the room. Loki didn't seem to object to the manhandling.

After a few moments of walking, Loki decided to play on Phil's ego. "Well Phil, if you have truly bested Erik, why don't you tell me the tale, it ought to be interesting."

Phil smiled. At last, a chance to deflate Loki! "Well, it was really quite easy…" Phil bragged as he opened the door. His boast died in his throat.

Erik and Celeste were gone. Instead, the guards were in the center of the room, all tied up in the chains that had once imprisoned Erik. They had been gagged so they couldn't make any noise.

"………………AH BLOODY HELL!" Phil cursed. He ran over and began working on the chains. One of the guards began to loudly mutter through the gag. Phil yanked it off.

"What?"

"Uh, he left a message for you sir. He said electronic locks are harder to pick. He didn't say they were impossible."

"ARGH!" With a bright flash and a loud bang, Phil blasted out the door in pursuit of his elusive foe.

Loki gave a hearty laugh. "I love this job." He stepped through a hole in the fabric of space-time and left Physics Police HQ.

************

"That was fun! Buu like you!" Buu said, throwing his arms around both Erik and Celeste's shoulders.

"That's nice Buu. Now you're sure they'll turn back to normal?" Erik asked.

"Yes! Not stay soccer balls forever! Now what we do friend?" Buu asked.

"Oh, I'm sure we can find something Buu." Celeste said. She looked at his grimacing husband and gave him a "I know you don't like it, but I'm your wife and I do so ha ha I win" smirk.

"Is hair real?" Buu said, pulling on Erik's black locks.

"Ow! Yes!"

"Fun! Buu want hair like that!"

"Oh no you don't…OW! IT DOESN'T COME OFF!"

Celeste laughed.

"BUU BUU BUU!"

"And I bet Phil is agonizing over me not being the cell. I almost wish I was still there."

End Part 61

No, the Legacy crossover isn't over yet. But despair not, true believers: the comedy is back for the next bit.