Well, since I removed my AN, it didn't show the last chapter as an update. So everybody gets to r/r two chapters now, which actually works out quite nicely considering how long it took to write this one and get it posted. So go ahead and READ! And make it last, because the next update unfortunately may be in the very distant future.
Disclaimer: YES, YES! I OWN IT, IT'S MINE, ALL MINE! MUHAHAHA-(is handed legal document, skims through it) copyright infringement.....unlawful.....currently facing fines of up to $10,000.....lifetime imprisonment.....(sits back in chair and crosses arms) I hate fine print.
The Missing Link
Chapter 8: A Soul's Incarceration
"Saria..." she groaned. The voice echoed in her head, reverberating in her ears. It was a familiar sound, yet she couldn't quite process who it belonged to. Identification was just out of her reach. If only she could lift her head.....
"Saria? Saria, I know you're awake, now answer me. Saria!" Suddenly it clicked, a name flashing in her brain. Only one person would be yelling at her with no compassion whatsoever in her broken, disoriented state. Or rather, one fairy.
"Hey, elf chick! Wake up!"
"Shut up, Navi," she muttered sourly, struggling to sit up. The ache in her head was too much, however, and it beat her back down. She slowly attempted to open her eyes, and found the task proved just as strenuous. Sighing, she accepted her immobility and her temporary blindness and lay back, waiting for another snide comment.
"I knew you were awake," he told her smugly, bouncing around triumphantly as though he'd just told her he knew where Link was.
"It doesn't exactly take a genius," she mumbled, desperately willing the sharp knives of pain in her chest and head to subside. At the very least she longed to open her eyes, see something other than perpetual blackness. Darkness was dangerous, taunting. As long as her eyes were closed, they could come back for her. She had no defenses. Saria convulsed suddenly, shuddering as a garish image passed across her unseeing orbs.
Navi saw the movement, and studied the girl curiously. After her episode in Darunia's chamber, she'd been unconscious for nearly ten hours, barely stirring save occasional grimaces of pain. [That and violently tearing herself apart with her fingernails] he thought grimly as he stole a glance at the raw patches of torn flesh on the girl's palms.
It was strange. In the short time he'd known her, Saria had been quiet, reserved. Unless he was tormenting her, of course, in which case she was extremely temperamental. But otherwise she'd been very placid and composed, not the type of person to go through spasms of sudden, unadulterated panic. And yet...the changes had come so unexpectedly, like a fierce tempest on the most resplendent summer day. That night in Kakariko Village...yes, that was when it all began.
[But why?] Navi mused. It was a question that still remained unanswered, despite the thousands of times he had asked it. Looking at the Sage of the Forest, he had an unnerving sentiment that somehow, some way, this was not exactly the same girl he'd talked to that first day in the clearing. It was...and yet it wasn't. Like there was someone else behind those amethyst eyes, someone hiding, causing these changes, these fits of fright and nightmares.
Someone Saria couldn't suppress.
A glacial chill washed over the fairy as he glanced down, seeing that Saria's fists were once again clenched and her face contorted in agony. The terror...she was slipping away again. Navi felt panicked suddenly, and hovered directly above the girl's face. "Saria! Wake up! Come on, we have work to do!" His voice was annoyed, insistent, successfully masking the turmoil within.
Saria moaned, mumbling incoherently, and suddenly she could see once more, clouded orbs opening wide. But...were these her eyes? There was no look of warmth, no clemency within, not even a trace of the anxious fatigue Navi had grown so used to. No, these eyes were entirely different...icy, glazed, apathetic. The fairy watched, interested, apprehensive, as the haze slowly began to pass. A flash of lustrous silver before amethyst depths emerged, a familiar gaze of fear and ease. Navi remained unspeaking for a moment, continually trying to puzzle out the enigma.
She looked over at him, relieved that she could see reality once more, and escape from the haunting visions of her demons. Taking another stab at the impossible, she strived once more to sit upright, and surprisingly found that she was able to do so with little difficulty. Lifting her head, however, sent her into such a spell of dizzy nausea that she nearly fell over again. Gingerly propping her unsteady head on her bent knees, she glimpsed around the room, realizing that she still didn't have the slightest intimation of where she was. "Navi..."
The fairy snapped to attention, astonished to look over and see the girl sitting up. Annoyed at speculations once again lost, he responded bitterly. "What do you want now?"
"Where are we?" Saria chose to ignore the fairy's tone, not quite feeling up to waging a verbal battle. Speaking of fairies...she looked up to her shoulder and found Alia loyally fluttering there. Saria felt a wave of guilt that she couldn't quite explain consume her. "Alia," she whispered softly, wondering if the fairy had stayed with her throughout her mind's battle.
The nightmare...she had almost allowed herself to sink back into it when Navi's voice jarred her out of her mentality. [And not a moment too soon.] Saria reasoned somewhat shakily. The phantoms always threatened to devour her when she was least expecting it. She supposed the rest of the time they simply hovered in the back of her mind, watching. Waiting for her to drop all fortification. The thought sent a frosty shiver down her spine.
"We're still in Goron City, if that's what you want to know. After you passed out, Darunia brought you to this back room to rest." Navi answered her question. She look at him quizzically.
"I passed out?" The memories were all so vague, she could barely grasp them in her brain long enough to actually remember.
"Yes, stupid." Navi told her, feeling agitated that she was playing dumb. It wasn't like she'd hit her head that hard, after all. Right? [Whatever. You're just worried because you thought she was fine, and now you're not so sure anymore, are you? You're scared that she's not all right.] a voice in his mind mocked him. Navi grimaced sharply. [Shut up.]
"You could be a bit more considerate than that," she huffed, crossing her arms angrily. For now she remembered what happened, and his criticism was the last thing she needed integrated with all this sudden, tormented retrospection.
"Well you could stop acting like you have no idea what I'm talking about," he shot back, irritated that she was milking the "pity me, I'm clueless" routine for all it was worth. Angry that she was snapping at him when all he'd done was answer her stupid question. And annoyed. Annoyed that she had made him worry, wondering if she was ever going to awaken from her stupor. Annoyed that she'd made him care.
"I didn't until about five seconds ago!" Amethyst flashed, and her voice grew deathly quiet. "You try being tossed into an endless nightmare, phantoms haunting you. Showing you pictures of destruction and holocaust. Playing with your mind, until you don't know where you are or even who you are anymore." She was staring straight at him, not seeing. Just staring. Suddenly her eyes focused, and narrowed as her tone dropped several decibels, becoming an indistinct whisper. "You try being told that your best friend, you only true companion in this world, the sole person you depend on day in and day out, is lost. Dead. Gone forever." Amethyst slits narrowed further, and her voice grew stronger. "You try going through hell, and then try to ridicule me. When you know what suffering is, just try to criticize." Saria shook her head slowly, as though the action caused great pain. "You're so blind," she whispered dryly. "You are so damn blind."
It was Navi's turn to stare now, stunned, stupefied, and speechless. Completely, utterly speechless. He felt as though he'd just been shoved to the very deepest depths of Lake Hylia, and was being held there by an invisible force, struggling to break free. Despite his frantic efforts, he was trapped. The fairy swallowed hard, trying to remind himself to breathe.
Never.
Never had he heard a voice contain such venom and such heartbreak all at once. Never had he known someone who could sound so powerful and so broken at the same time. Never before had he felt so close to dying, that each shallow, shaky breath he managed to force through his constricting lungs was one of his last.
There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do. Not in this lifetime could he ever comprehend what pure, absolute torment was. And so here he was, hovering in the air under a piercing amethyst stare, looking like a complete moron. And he knew she was right.
He was blind. So damn blind.
***
The journey down Death Mountain was much like their ascent, smothered in a heavy, suffocating silence that nobody could shake. They'd both known it was time to move on, making a tacit agreement to leave Goron City and head for Zora's Domain. After convincing Darunia that Saria had made a full recovery (which wasn't entirely true, but they'd managed to fake it well enough) and going through the tiresome, lengthy exchange of farewells and best wishes, they had at last left the Sage of Fire, beginning their descent with the sunset.
Shadows danced in the twilight, making patterns on the rocky walls, playing tricks on the mind by fading and reappearing as the sun continued its downfall. Saria could barely walk for exhaustion, but she forced herself to move on. There wasn't anywhere safe to stop on the mountain, particularly when night was falling. She'd already been nearly flattened by a runaway boulder because she'd been lost in her thoughts, examining her memories, trying to sort illusion from reality. She'd jumped out of the rock's designated pathway mere seconds before it overwhelmed her, panting and sweating from exertion, fatigue, and the aftermath of nearly being beaten into the dusty stone of the Death Mountain trail. Saria had expected Navi to yell at her, tell her to "pay attention, you idiot" or "wake up, fairy girl", and so had prepared herself to shout back at him. But no insult came. She waited, and was given silence. It was unnerving, that she would do something that for once, actually was stupid, and yet it was the one time he didn't ridicule her. Stranger still was how it made her feel worse when he offered no scorn.
They trudged on as dusk darkened, the sun offering abating light. She came dangerously close to collapsing several times, the scenery before her eyes replicating itself and swaying in a way that made her feel as though she was tumbling off the cliff and spinning in the wind. Saria lightly toyed with the notion of asking Navi to stop, if only for an hour or so, but quickly dismissed the thought. [You've held him back far too much already] she reminded herself bitterly. [He can't afford to waste anymore time waiting for you. Just walk and get over it.] These beliefs in mind, she sighed and pressed forward, placing every ounce of stamina she had into putting one foot in front of the other. Step, step, step. She chanted with each footfall, as though the idiotic repetition of that one stupid word helped her in some odd way.
A few rounds later, she found the silence was becoming insufferable. She had to break it somehow, even if it meant listening to Navi mock her until dawn. It had to be an improvement over hearing the robotic monotone of step, step, step that was drumming in her brain. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably, but she ignored the sensation, intent on lifting the quietude. Determined to make the fairy speak, no matter what he had to say, she opened her mouth.
And promptly threw up all over herself.
"Ohhh...." Saria moaned, putting a hand to her head as the landscape whirled. She sank to the ground, falling on her knees and doubling over, another round of nausea working its way upward to her mouth. It didn't make any sense. She hadn't eaten in over twelve hours. What could she possibly have to throw up?
At the sound of Saria regurgitating, Navi had abruptly turned around. [Not this again.] He sighed as he flew over to her. "Having fun?" he asked grimly. The words were out of his mouth before he realized what they were saying, and he cringed, remembering the prior conversation. If you could call Saria lecturing him on suffering and his just standing there looking like he'd been stabbed a conversation, that is.
Saria looked up at him when she'd finished with another wave of sickness. "Navi," she rasped, trying to force intelligible language past her raw, searing throat. "I'm sor-" Her sentence was interrupted by her own ailment as she bent over once more. When she came back up, her eyes were shining. "I'm sorry," she whispered, as though her head would explode if she dared to speak any louder. "About before...." She'd barely gotten the words out before the world shook, causing her to claw the ground and try to steady herself. Her head was spinning, her stomach winding, the scenes before her eyes were gyrating, and she was dizzy, twisting and turning and falling. Which wasn't logical, considering she was bent over on the ground.
She'd done it again. Surprised him to the point where he couldn't speak, and simply stared, mouth hanging open with silence spilling out. Forget talking, he could hardly breathe for shock. No one in this world had ever succeeded in making him shut up. No one had ever astonished him to the point of no return. She had. She was playing him at his own game, and she was winning. And he hated it.
He hated just floating there not saying anything because his vocal cords had been shot. He hated staring at her dumbly like she'd spoken in another language. He hated being deprived of any semblance of intelligent thought. In short, he hated being made to look like an absolute idiot. Particularly when the very person responsible didn't know it was her doing.
How? How could someone have so much power over him, and not know that she did? How could she be changing him little by little, and not realize it? How could she be single-handedly destroying everything he'd ever built himself up to be, and not even see it?
[Maybe she's the blind one, after all] he thought sourly, watching as the girl shook slightly, spilling sickness over the mountain pathway. [Or maybe we both are. Maybe we're just a pair of blind, cynical hypocrites.] Navi had always prided himself on being direct, no matter what the cost. He'd learned, from the earliest of his days, that often you had to be blunt in this world to get what you wanted. If telling the truth and being straightforward required stepping on others, so be it. It was their own fault for being stupid enough to get caught underfoot.
Of course, at times a lie was better than the truth at getting you places, and Navi had never hesitated to use a fib to his advantage. He didn't use this method often, however, telling tales only when he was trapped and the stakes were high. If he was going to feed someone a falsehood, it had to be worth it. Maybe it was controversial. Maybe it didn't make the least bit of sense. But he wasn't trying to make it simple to comprehend. He was just doing what he knew, and he was the only one who had to worry about understanding it.
Never though, had he resorted to complete hypocrisy. If he got caught in a lie, it would be of his own doing. He'd admit if he was dense enough to get trapped, not that it had ever happened before. He wouldn't say one thing and do something completely different. If someone was a jerk, he treated them like one. If he thought someone was being a moron, he told them so, and offered no apologies. He wasn't a hypocrite. Isn't that what he'd told Saria a few days before? "Who's denying it? I'm a jerk, not a hypocrite." He felt as though he'd said those words long ago, as though he'd aged several years in the span of two days. Because he knew better now.
If he wasn't a hypocrite, why didn't he confess to Saria's fighting spirit in Darunia's chamber? Why couldn't he accept that perhaps there was someone out there that could twist his insults around until they were aiming at him with no hope of return? That that someone was sitting before him at this very moment? Why couldn't he admit to himself that this girl was asphyxiating him, killing him....changing him?
Because he WAS a hypocrite. That was why. There. He'd acknowledged it. The worst lie he'd ever told himself, when he didn't even know he was lying. Perhaps he wasn't as far gone as he'd thought. His life was based on a fabrication, his somewhat questionable philosophy had been torn to pieces, but here he was. At least he knew. Even if he was completely lost. Even if he felt like he'd just imprisoned himself in an invisible box with no way out. At least now he was trapped with the truth.
Saria finished with another round of illness, and glanced up at Navi, skeptical eyes peeking out from a pallid complexion. He still hadn't spoken. In all the time she'd known him, she had never once succeeded in getting him to shut up. Now, for the second time in the past four hours, she seemed to have rendered him entirely inarticulate. "Navi?"
He looked at her, looked past her, staring out into the darkness. She shivered for reasons she didn't understand, and forced herself to speak. "I meant it." Her gaze dropped suddenly, feeling uncertain. Those weren't the words that had been formulating in her brain. How could a sentence she'd had no sense of conceiving simply tumble from her mouth like that?
"I know you meant it." He spoke unexpectedly, startling her. Saria tilted her head upwards to see him looking straight at her, no longer staring blankly. He was seeing her this time. "What I don't know is why you said it." His voice was level, void of feeling.
"I-well....." she started and then paused. Truthfully, she wasn't quite sure why she'd said it, either. It had just fallen out of her, combined with the nausea and the delirium. "I guess...I shouldn't have yelled at you. About...not knowing what suffering is. I mean, that's not really for me to say. I could have been completely wrong." There. That sounded....pretty stupid. She sighed. It was the best she could come up with.
"Well you weren't," the fairy snapped, flicking his wings angrily. "You were right." The words were so unearthly quiet, buried beneath the fairy's fallen pride, that she wasn't certain she'd understood. Surely he wouldn't....admit such a thing?
"What?" Her voice caught in her throat, breathless.
"You were right," he repeated sourly. So. He had admitted it. She wasn't going deaf, after all.
Or maybe she was. Since when did Navi ever confess that she, of all people, had gained the upper hand over him? Was he too, losing his mind? Were they both going under together, sanity draining away? What of Alia? She looked instinctively to her shoulder. Did that bouncing ball of silent light which followed her no matter what her destination possess the last thread of lucidity between the three? She wrung her hands, not knowing what else to do with them, trying to keep them from going to her head. "Are you....?"
"Yes. You heard me." His voice still held a tint of acidity, but he was no longer snapping. Rather, he was succumbing to his words. Realizing that judgment day had come, and he had to accept it. It moved her in a way she couldn't rationalize.
"Navi, I...well, I wasn't myself. That's as much as I can understand, as much as I can find to say. I don't know who I was, exactly." It wasn't a lie. Those feelings hadn't come entirely from her alone. They were inside her, but they had been suppressed. There was something darker, more potent, something that was driving them to the surface.
She didn't know whether to run or fight, whisper or scream. She didn't know whether to die or live. She couldn't find the difference. Was there even a difference?
He laughed grimly, a sound that rudely snatched her from her sinking mind. "I know you weren't yourself. I've suspected that for some time. Besides," he went on. "You were cursing." Was that a grin playing on his lips?
Saria made a face at him, cloaking her relief at the mocking tone she recognized so clearly. Her shallow annoyance also served to mask her confusion. What did he mean 'I've suspected that for some time'? Was there something he knew about the living, breathing nightmare growing inside her that he hadn't spoken of? Why would he keep it hidden from her? "I was just....thinking about Link," she told him softly, willing the tears to stay buried. It had happened again. She had opened her mouth to demand that he tell her what he had kept secret, and her tongue had betrayed her. Would she ever speak from her mind?
"You know, Saria....Darunia didn't exactly say Link was dead." It was a slim chance, he knew it. And perhaps it was unfair to build up her hopes, fragile as they were, and already shattered so many times. But it was what he thought, and he might as well be honest with her about one thing. At any rate, he didn't feel this was something he could lie about.
And this wasn't a lie. It wasn't a false comfort he was doling out to make the girl feel better. For there was this feeling deep within, an impression of intuition more powerful than any that had come before it. It was a sense he sincerely believed he could trust, and that didn't happen very often. Maybe it was foolish hope. Maybe he was losing what was left of his mind. He didn't know. All he knew was that he thought Link was alive. And for once, this imagination had a chance at becoming reality.
Saria laughed bitterly, a sardonic chuckle that rather caught the fairy off guard. She seemed to be fighting an inherent battle, not sure whether to laugh or cry. Judging from the choking sounds her throat was emitting in conjunction with the acidic laughter, Navi supposed she'd settled for both. "Don't do that to me. You heard what Darunia said. It's my life, Navi. Don't toy with me." She may have sounded heartless and poised on the outside, but inside she was raging. [How could he say that to me? What gives him the right to play with my head like that?] The screams bounced through her mind, and she bit her lip to keep them from emerging.
A sympathetic person would have offered some touch of repentance. A smart person would have averted their eyes. Navi did neither, not possessing either of the above attributes. He had common sense, all right, but often ignored it. "I'm not," he remarked simply, looking straight at her. "And yes, I heard what Darunia said. Although...." he tilted his wings, as though riding between amusement and concern. The change in his tone indicated that he had chosen the latter. "I was more interested in what you had to say."
She looked at him, wavering between anger and irritation. "What are you talking about?" Was this some twisted form of entertainment for him, tormenting her so? Hadn't she been tossed around enough?
She didn't remember. Of course she didn't. How could she? The girl had been dead to the world, or nearly there. She'd barely recalled passing out; why had he expected that she'd recollect uttering a few random words? "It's nothing, forget it." He didn't need her fainting again if the recount of her experience rekindled tortured memories. And how could he explain to her what he didn't even understand himself?
"No, I don't want to forget it." By this time she was on her feet, prepared to battle to the death for the information she wanted. "Stop hiding and tell me. Now."
"Later."
"Navi!" Now her lip was beginning to bleed, her tooth grinding into the flesh, frantically attempting to hold back the screams that threatened to erupt. The acrid taste in her mouth made her choke.
Navi, meanwhile, was holding his own tongue, biting back the criticism. He wanted to shout, to yell at her, ask her why she couldn't leave well enough alone. But he didn't. Instead, he kept his voice flat and indifferent. "I said later, Saria. I'm not going to tell you anything until I've figured it out myself." Why had he even brought it up? Foolish. He wasn't thinking straight. He wasn't thinking at all.
Saria was fuming now, barely managing to keep her hands from yanking at her emerald tresses yet again. "Figure out what? I'm tired of this, Navi. There's millions of things you haven't told me from the very beginning. You may think I'm dimwitted, but I know when I'm being toyed with. And I know when I'm being lied to."
"Since when do I have to tell you anything, Saria? Besides," he turned on her, eyes flashing almost maliciously. "Why should I tell someone everything I know when they won't do the same to me?"
"W-what?" She stepped back, almost tripping over a rock. As if she didn't look enough like an idiot already. Falling and being drenched in her own vomit would really make for a winning argument.
"Don't play stupid with me. I've had enough of that," he spat, wings flailing as he bounced around her furiously. "For starters, that night in Kakariko Village. Were you ever planning on telling me exactly *why* you completely flipped out?" His gaze was hostile, glaring as he considered her.
Saria paled slightly. Since when did he even know about her episode in the village? [You moron. How could he not know?] a voice inside her head assaulted her. [You were only screaming loud enough to rouse the dead from their graves. All the Kokiri back in the forest probably heard you.] "But I didn't...." she began and trailed off, realizing that she didn't have anything to say.
"Didn't what? Didn't think I knew, is that it? Please, Saria. I'm not as stupid as you look. And I'm not deaf, either. At least, I wasn't before. After listening to your ungodly shrieking, I'm not so sure." The fairy's voice was grim, drowning in bitterness. The corrosive quality of his tone even served to surprise him, although he didn't bother to lessen the malice. He wasn't about to stand here and let her accuse him of her own crimes.
"What are you trying to prove?" What? She'd finally found her voice, and this was all that would come out? "What do you want me to say?" Her speech was shaky, and she cursed herself mentally for allowing her insecurity to show.
The fairy rolled his eyes sourly. "Would you quit being an idiot and answer my question?"
Amethyst orbs narrowed and she stomped the ground furiously. "Which one?" She would humor him. Two could play at this game.
Navi scowled at her, irritated that she thought she had the right to toy with him. "I want to know why you lost it in Kakariko Village. I want to know why you act perfectly sane one minute and nothing short of psychotic the next. I want to know why you fainted in Darunia's chamber, why you were unconscious for half a day, and why you keep tearing yourself apart when you're not even awake. I want to know why you're speaking in code, and what your little riddles mean.
"I want to get inside your mind and figure out what's happening. I want to get in there before something else gets out. I want you to regain control of your subconscious, before the evil within consumes your very soul.
"I want to save you, Saria. I fear it may already be too late."
At last! The chapter's finished! And as I said before, the next one might take awhile, considering that prison camp(called school by the many adults that get pleasure out of tormenting kids) is starting soon and I'll have practically no free time -_-. But I'll try. There WILL be updates, only they'll most likely be sporadic. Hopefully you'll all stick with me anyways. Okay, I'm finished....you can all go review now! ^.^ Thanks everyone!
Disclaimer: YES, YES! I OWN IT, IT'S MINE, ALL MINE! MUHAHAHA-(is handed legal document, skims through it) copyright infringement.....unlawful.....currently facing fines of up to $10,000.....lifetime imprisonment.....(sits back in chair and crosses arms) I hate fine print.
The Missing Link
Chapter 8: A Soul's Incarceration
"Saria..." she groaned. The voice echoed in her head, reverberating in her ears. It was a familiar sound, yet she couldn't quite process who it belonged to. Identification was just out of her reach. If only she could lift her head.....
"Saria? Saria, I know you're awake, now answer me. Saria!" Suddenly it clicked, a name flashing in her brain. Only one person would be yelling at her with no compassion whatsoever in her broken, disoriented state. Or rather, one fairy.
"Hey, elf chick! Wake up!"
"Shut up, Navi," she muttered sourly, struggling to sit up. The ache in her head was too much, however, and it beat her back down. She slowly attempted to open her eyes, and found the task proved just as strenuous. Sighing, she accepted her immobility and her temporary blindness and lay back, waiting for another snide comment.
"I knew you were awake," he told her smugly, bouncing around triumphantly as though he'd just told her he knew where Link was.
"It doesn't exactly take a genius," she mumbled, desperately willing the sharp knives of pain in her chest and head to subside. At the very least she longed to open her eyes, see something other than perpetual blackness. Darkness was dangerous, taunting. As long as her eyes were closed, they could come back for her. She had no defenses. Saria convulsed suddenly, shuddering as a garish image passed across her unseeing orbs.
Navi saw the movement, and studied the girl curiously. After her episode in Darunia's chamber, she'd been unconscious for nearly ten hours, barely stirring save occasional grimaces of pain. [That and violently tearing herself apart with her fingernails] he thought grimly as he stole a glance at the raw patches of torn flesh on the girl's palms.
It was strange. In the short time he'd known her, Saria had been quiet, reserved. Unless he was tormenting her, of course, in which case she was extremely temperamental. But otherwise she'd been very placid and composed, not the type of person to go through spasms of sudden, unadulterated panic. And yet...the changes had come so unexpectedly, like a fierce tempest on the most resplendent summer day. That night in Kakariko Village...yes, that was when it all began.
[But why?] Navi mused. It was a question that still remained unanswered, despite the thousands of times he had asked it. Looking at the Sage of the Forest, he had an unnerving sentiment that somehow, some way, this was not exactly the same girl he'd talked to that first day in the clearing. It was...and yet it wasn't. Like there was someone else behind those amethyst eyes, someone hiding, causing these changes, these fits of fright and nightmares.
Someone Saria couldn't suppress.
A glacial chill washed over the fairy as he glanced down, seeing that Saria's fists were once again clenched and her face contorted in agony. The terror...she was slipping away again. Navi felt panicked suddenly, and hovered directly above the girl's face. "Saria! Wake up! Come on, we have work to do!" His voice was annoyed, insistent, successfully masking the turmoil within.
Saria moaned, mumbling incoherently, and suddenly she could see once more, clouded orbs opening wide. But...were these her eyes? There was no look of warmth, no clemency within, not even a trace of the anxious fatigue Navi had grown so used to. No, these eyes were entirely different...icy, glazed, apathetic. The fairy watched, interested, apprehensive, as the haze slowly began to pass. A flash of lustrous silver before amethyst depths emerged, a familiar gaze of fear and ease. Navi remained unspeaking for a moment, continually trying to puzzle out the enigma.
She looked over at him, relieved that she could see reality once more, and escape from the haunting visions of her demons. Taking another stab at the impossible, she strived once more to sit upright, and surprisingly found that she was able to do so with little difficulty. Lifting her head, however, sent her into such a spell of dizzy nausea that she nearly fell over again. Gingerly propping her unsteady head on her bent knees, she glimpsed around the room, realizing that she still didn't have the slightest intimation of where she was. "Navi..."
The fairy snapped to attention, astonished to look over and see the girl sitting up. Annoyed at speculations once again lost, he responded bitterly. "What do you want now?"
"Where are we?" Saria chose to ignore the fairy's tone, not quite feeling up to waging a verbal battle. Speaking of fairies...she looked up to her shoulder and found Alia loyally fluttering there. Saria felt a wave of guilt that she couldn't quite explain consume her. "Alia," she whispered softly, wondering if the fairy had stayed with her throughout her mind's battle.
The nightmare...she had almost allowed herself to sink back into it when Navi's voice jarred her out of her mentality. [And not a moment too soon.] Saria reasoned somewhat shakily. The phantoms always threatened to devour her when she was least expecting it. She supposed the rest of the time they simply hovered in the back of her mind, watching. Waiting for her to drop all fortification. The thought sent a frosty shiver down her spine.
"We're still in Goron City, if that's what you want to know. After you passed out, Darunia brought you to this back room to rest." Navi answered her question. She look at him quizzically.
"I passed out?" The memories were all so vague, she could barely grasp them in her brain long enough to actually remember.
"Yes, stupid." Navi told her, feeling agitated that she was playing dumb. It wasn't like she'd hit her head that hard, after all. Right? [Whatever. You're just worried because you thought she was fine, and now you're not so sure anymore, are you? You're scared that she's not all right.] a voice in his mind mocked him. Navi grimaced sharply. [Shut up.]
"You could be a bit more considerate than that," she huffed, crossing her arms angrily. For now she remembered what happened, and his criticism was the last thing she needed integrated with all this sudden, tormented retrospection.
"Well you could stop acting like you have no idea what I'm talking about," he shot back, irritated that she was milking the "pity me, I'm clueless" routine for all it was worth. Angry that she was snapping at him when all he'd done was answer her stupid question. And annoyed. Annoyed that she had made him worry, wondering if she was ever going to awaken from her stupor. Annoyed that she'd made him care.
"I didn't until about five seconds ago!" Amethyst flashed, and her voice grew deathly quiet. "You try being tossed into an endless nightmare, phantoms haunting you. Showing you pictures of destruction and holocaust. Playing with your mind, until you don't know where you are or even who you are anymore." She was staring straight at him, not seeing. Just staring. Suddenly her eyes focused, and narrowed as her tone dropped several decibels, becoming an indistinct whisper. "You try being told that your best friend, you only true companion in this world, the sole person you depend on day in and day out, is lost. Dead. Gone forever." Amethyst slits narrowed further, and her voice grew stronger. "You try going through hell, and then try to ridicule me. When you know what suffering is, just try to criticize." Saria shook her head slowly, as though the action caused great pain. "You're so blind," she whispered dryly. "You are so damn blind."
It was Navi's turn to stare now, stunned, stupefied, and speechless. Completely, utterly speechless. He felt as though he'd just been shoved to the very deepest depths of Lake Hylia, and was being held there by an invisible force, struggling to break free. Despite his frantic efforts, he was trapped. The fairy swallowed hard, trying to remind himself to breathe.
Never.
Never had he heard a voice contain such venom and such heartbreak all at once. Never had he known someone who could sound so powerful and so broken at the same time. Never before had he felt so close to dying, that each shallow, shaky breath he managed to force through his constricting lungs was one of his last.
There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do. Not in this lifetime could he ever comprehend what pure, absolute torment was. And so here he was, hovering in the air under a piercing amethyst stare, looking like a complete moron. And he knew she was right.
He was blind. So damn blind.
***
The journey down Death Mountain was much like their ascent, smothered in a heavy, suffocating silence that nobody could shake. They'd both known it was time to move on, making a tacit agreement to leave Goron City and head for Zora's Domain. After convincing Darunia that Saria had made a full recovery (which wasn't entirely true, but they'd managed to fake it well enough) and going through the tiresome, lengthy exchange of farewells and best wishes, they had at last left the Sage of Fire, beginning their descent with the sunset.
Shadows danced in the twilight, making patterns on the rocky walls, playing tricks on the mind by fading and reappearing as the sun continued its downfall. Saria could barely walk for exhaustion, but she forced herself to move on. There wasn't anywhere safe to stop on the mountain, particularly when night was falling. She'd already been nearly flattened by a runaway boulder because she'd been lost in her thoughts, examining her memories, trying to sort illusion from reality. She'd jumped out of the rock's designated pathway mere seconds before it overwhelmed her, panting and sweating from exertion, fatigue, and the aftermath of nearly being beaten into the dusty stone of the Death Mountain trail. Saria had expected Navi to yell at her, tell her to "pay attention, you idiot" or "wake up, fairy girl", and so had prepared herself to shout back at him. But no insult came. She waited, and was given silence. It was unnerving, that she would do something that for once, actually was stupid, and yet it was the one time he didn't ridicule her. Stranger still was how it made her feel worse when he offered no scorn.
They trudged on as dusk darkened, the sun offering abating light. She came dangerously close to collapsing several times, the scenery before her eyes replicating itself and swaying in a way that made her feel as though she was tumbling off the cliff and spinning in the wind. Saria lightly toyed with the notion of asking Navi to stop, if only for an hour or so, but quickly dismissed the thought. [You've held him back far too much already] she reminded herself bitterly. [He can't afford to waste anymore time waiting for you. Just walk and get over it.] These beliefs in mind, she sighed and pressed forward, placing every ounce of stamina she had into putting one foot in front of the other. Step, step, step. She chanted with each footfall, as though the idiotic repetition of that one stupid word helped her in some odd way.
A few rounds later, she found the silence was becoming insufferable. She had to break it somehow, even if it meant listening to Navi mock her until dawn. It had to be an improvement over hearing the robotic monotone of step, step, step that was drumming in her brain. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably, but she ignored the sensation, intent on lifting the quietude. Determined to make the fairy speak, no matter what he had to say, she opened her mouth.
And promptly threw up all over herself.
"Ohhh...." Saria moaned, putting a hand to her head as the landscape whirled. She sank to the ground, falling on her knees and doubling over, another round of nausea working its way upward to her mouth. It didn't make any sense. She hadn't eaten in over twelve hours. What could she possibly have to throw up?
At the sound of Saria regurgitating, Navi had abruptly turned around. [Not this again.] He sighed as he flew over to her. "Having fun?" he asked grimly. The words were out of his mouth before he realized what they were saying, and he cringed, remembering the prior conversation. If you could call Saria lecturing him on suffering and his just standing there looking like he'd been stabbed a conversation, that is.
Saria looked up at him when she'd finished with another wave of sickness. "Navi," she rasped, trying to force intelligible language past her raw, searing throat. "I'm sor-" Her sentence was interrupted by her own ailment as she bent over once more. When she came back up, her eyes were shining. "I'm sorry," she whispered, as though her head would explode if she dared to speak any louder. "About before...." She'd barely gotten the words out before the world shook, causing her to claw the ground and try to steady herself. Her head was spinning, her stomach winding, the scenes before her eyes were gyrating, and she was dizzy, twisting and turning and falling. Which wasn't logical, considering she was bent over on the ground.
She'd done it again. Surprised him to the point where he couldn't speak, and simply stared, mouth hanging open with silence spilling out. Forget talking, he could hardly breathe for shock. No one in this world had ever succeeded in making him shut up. No one had ever astonished him to the point of no return. She had. She was playing him at his own game, and she was winning. And he hated it.
He hated just floating there not saying anything because his vocal cords had been shot. He hated staring at her dumbly like she'd spoken in another language. He hated being deprived of any semblance of intelligent thought. In short, he hated being made to look like an absolute idiot. Particularly when the very person responsible didn't know it was her doing.
How? How could someone have so much power over him, and not know that she did? How could she be changing him little by little, and not realize it? How could she be single-handedly destroying everything he'd ever built himself up to be, and not even see it?
[Maybe she's the blind one, after all] he thought sourly, watching as the girl shook slightly, spilling sickness over the mountain pathway. [Or maybe we both are. Maybe we're just a pair of blind, cynical hypocrites.] Navi had always prided himself on being direct, no matter what the cost. He'd learned, from the earliest of his days, that often you had to be blunt in this world to get what you wanted. If telling the truth and being straightforward required stepping on others, so be it. It was their own fault for being stupid enough to get caught underfoot.
Of course, at times a lie was better than the truth at getting you places, and Navi had never hesitated to use a fib to his advantage. He didn't use this method often, however, telling tales only when he was trapped and the stakes were high. If he was going to feed someone a falsehood, it had to be worth it. Maybe it was controversial. Maybe it didn't make the least bit of sense. But he wasn't trying to make it simple to comprehend. He was just doing what he knew, and he was the only one who had to worry about understanding it.
Never though, had he resorted to complete hypocrisy. If he got caught in a lie, it would be of his own doing. He'd admit if he was dense enough to get trapped, not that it had ever happened before. He wouldn't say one thing and do something completely different. If someone was a jerk, he treated them like one. If he thought someone was being a moron, he told them so, and offered no apologies. He wasn't a hypocrite. Isn't that what he'd told Saria a few days before? "Who's denying it? I'm a jerk, not a hypocrite." He felt as though he'd said those words long ago, as though he'd aged several years in the span of two days. Because he knew better now.
If he wasn't a hypocrite, why didn't he confess to Saria's fighting spirit in Darunia's chamber? Why couldn't he accept that perhaps there was someone out there that could twist his insults around until they were aiming at him with no hope of return? That that someone was sitting before him at this very moment? Why couldn't he admit to himself that this girl was asphyxiating him, killing him....changing him?
Because he WAS a hypocrite. That was why. There. He'd acknowledged it. The worst lie he'd ever told himself, when he didn't even know he was lying. Perhaps he wasn't as far gone as he'd thought. His life was based on a fabrication, his somewhat questionable philosophy had been torn to pieces, but here he was. At least he knew. Even if he was completely lost. Even if he felt like he'd just imprisoned himself in an invisible box with no way out. At least now he was trapped with the truth.
Saria finished with another round of illness, and glanced up at Navi, skeptical eyes peeking out from a pallid complexion. He still hadn't spoken. In all the time she'd known him, she had never once succeeded in getting him to shut up. Now, for the second time in the past four hours, she seemed to have rendered him entirely inarticulate. "Navi?"
He looked at her, looked past her, staring out into the darkness. She shivered for reasons she didn't understand, and forced herself to speak. "I meant it." Her gaze dropped suddenly, feeling uncertain. Those weren't the words that had been formulating in her brain. How could a sentence she'd had no sense of conceiving simply tumble from her mouth like that?
"I know you meant it." He spoke unexpectedly, startling her. Saria tilted her head upwards to see him looking straight at her, no longer staring blankly. He was seeing her this time. "What I don't know is why you said it." His voice was level, void of feeling.
"I-well....." she started and then paused. Truthfully, she wasn't quite sure why she'd said it, either. It had just fallen out of her, combined with the nausea and the delirium. "I guess...I shouldn't have yelled at you. About...not knowing what suffering is. I mean, that's not really for me to say. I could have been completely wrong." There. That sounded....pretty stupid. She sighed. It was the best she could come up with.
"Well you weren't," the fairy snapped, flicking his wings angrily. "You were right." The words were so unearthly quiet, buried beneath the fairy's fallen pride, that she wasn't certain she'd understood. Surely he wouldn't....admit such a thing?
"What?" Her voice caught in her throat, breathless.
"You were right," he repeated sourly. So. He had admitted it. She wasn't going deaf, after all.
Or maybe she was. Since when did Navi ever confess that she, of all people, had gained the upper hand over him? Was he too, losing his mind? Were they both going under together, sanity draining away? What of Alia? She looked instinctively to her shoulder. Did that bouncing ball of silent light which followed her no matter what her destination possess the last thread of lucidity between the three? She wrung her hands, not knowing what else to do with them, trying to keep them from going to her head. "Are you....?"
"Yes. You heard me." His voice still held a tint of acidity, but he was no longer snapping. Rather, he was succumbing to his words. Realizing that judgment day had come, and he had to accept it. It moved her in a way she couldn't rationalize.
"Navi, I...well, I wasn't myself. That's as much as I can understand, as much as I can find to say. I don't know who I was, exactly." It wasn't a lie. Those feelings hadn't come entirely from her alone. They were inside her, but they had been suppressed. There was something darker, more potent, something that was driving them to the surface.
She didn't know whether to run or fight, whisper or scream. She didn't know whether to die or live. She couldn't find the difference. Was there even a difference?
He laughed grimly, a sound that rudely snatched her from her sinking mind. "I know you weren't yourself. I've suspected that for some time. Besides," he went on. "You were cursing." Was that a grin playing on his lips?
Saria made a face at him, cloaking her relief at the mocking tone she recognized so clearly. Her shallow annoyance also served to mask her confusion. What did he mean 'I've suspected that for some time'? Was there something he knew about the living, breathing nightmare growing inside her that he hadn't spoken of? Why would he keep it hidden from her? "I was just....thinking about Link," she told him softly, willing the tears to stay buried. It had happened again. She had opened her mouth to demand that he tell her what he had kept secret, and her tongue had betrayed her. Would she ever speak from her mind?
"You know, Saria....Darunia didn't exactly say Link was dead." It was a slim chance, he knew it. And perhaps it was unfair to build up her hopes, fragile as they were, and already shattered so many times. But it was what he thought, and he might as well be honest with her about one thing. At any rate, he didn't feel this was something he could lie about.
And this wasn't a lie. It wasn't a false comfort he was doling out to make the girl feel better. For there was this feeling deep within, an impression of intuition more powerful than any that had come before it. It was a sense he sincerely believed he could trust, and that didn't happen very often. Maybe it was foolish hope. Maybe he was losing what was left of his mind. He didn't know. All he knew was that he thought Link was alive. And for once, this imagination had a chance at becoming reality.
Saria laughed bitterly, a sardonic chuckle that rather caught the fairy off guard. She seemed to be fighting an inherent battle, not sure whether to laugh or cry. Judging from the choking sounds her throat was emitting in conjunction with the acidic laughter, Navi supposed she'd settled for both. "Don't do that to me. You heard what Darunia said. It's my life, Navi. Don't toy with me." She may have sounded heartless and poised on the outside, but inside she was raging. [How could he say that to me? What gives him the right to play with my head like that?] The screams bounced through her mind, and she bit her lip to keep them from emerging.
A sympathetic person would have offered some touch of repentance. A smart person would have averted their eyes. Navi did neither, not possessing either of the above attributes. He had common sense, all right, but often ignored it. "I'm not," he remarked simply, looking straight at her. "And yes, I heard what Darunia said. Although...." he tilted his wings, as though riding between amusement and concern. The change in his tone indicated that he had chosen the latter. "I was more interested in what you had to say."
She looked at him, wavering between anger and irritation. "What are you talking about?" Was this some twisted form of entertainment for him, tormenting her so? Hadn't she been tossed around enough?
She didn't remember. Of course she didn't. How could she? The girl had been dead to the world, or nearly there. She'd barely recalled passing out; why had he expected that she'd recollect uttering a few random words? "It's nothing, forget it." He didn't need her fainting again if the recount of her experience rekindled tortured memories. And how could he explain to her what he didn't even understand himself?
"No, I don't want to forget it." By this time she was on her feet, prepared to battle to the death for the information she wanted. "Stop hiding and tell me. Now."
"Later."
"Navi!" Now her lip was beginning to bleed, her tooth grinding into the flesh, frantically attempting to hold back the screams that threatened to erupt. The acrid taste in her mouth made her choke.
Navi, meanwhile, was holding his own tongue, biting back the criticism. He wanted to shout, to yell at her, ask her why she couldn't leave well enough alone. But he didn't. Instead, he kept his voice flat and indifferent. "I said later, Saria. I'm not going to tell you anything until I've figured it out myself." Why had he even brought it up? Foolish. He wasn't thinking straight. He wasn't thinking at all.
Saria was fuming now, barely managing to keep her hands from yanking at her emerald tresses yet again. "Figure out what? I'm tired of this, Navi. There's millions of things you haven't told me from the very beginning. You may think I'm dimwitted, but I know when I'm being toyed with. And I know when I'm being lied to."
"Since when do I have to tell you anything, Saria? Besides," he turned on her, eyes flashing almost maliciously. "Why should I tell someone everything I know when they won't do the same to me?"
"W-what?" She stepped back, almost tripping over a rock. As if she didn't look enough like an idiot already. Falling and being drenched in her own vomit would really make for a winning argument.
"Don't play stupid with me. I've had enough of that," he spat, wings flailing as he bounced around her furiously. "For starters, that night in Kakariko Village. Were you ever planning on telling me exactly *why* you completely flipped out?" His gaze was hostile, glaring as he considered her.
Saria paled slightly. Since when did he even know about her episode in the village? [You moron. How could he not know?] a voice inside her head assaulted her. [You were only screaming loud enough to rouse the dead from their graves. All the Kokiri back in the forest probably heard you.] "But I didn't...." she began and trailed off, realizing that she didn't have anything to say.
"Didn't what? Didn't think I knew, is that it? Please, Saria. I'm not as stupid as you look. And I'm not deaf, either. At least, I wasn't before. After listening to your ungodly shrieking, I'm not so sure." The fairy's voice was grim, drowning in bitterness. The corrosive quality of his tone even served to surprise him, although he didn't bother to lessen the malice. He wasn't about to stand here and let her accuse him of her own crimes.
"What are you trying to prove?" What? She'd finally found her voice, and this was all that would come out? "What do you want me to say?" Her speech was shaky, and she cursed herself mentally for allowing her insecurity to show.
The fairy rolled his eyes sourly. "Would you quit being an idiot and answer my question?"
Amethyst orbs narrowed and she stomped the ground furiously. "Which one?" She would humor him. Two could play at this game.
Navi scowled at her, irritated that she thought she had the right to toy with him. "I want to know why you lost it in Kakariko Village. I want to know why you act perfectly sane one minute and nothing short of psychotic the next. I want to know why you fainted in Darunia's chamber, why you were unconscious for half a day, and why you keep tearing yourself apart when you're not even awake. I want to know why you're speaking in code, and what your little riddles mean.
"I want to get inside your mind and figure out what's happening. I want to get in there before something else gets out. I want you to regain control of your subconscious, before the evil within consumes your very soul.
"I want to save you, Saria. I fear it may already be too late."
At last! The chapter's finished! And as I said before, the next one might take awhile, considering that prison camp(called school by the many adults that get pleasure out of tormenting kids) is starting soon and I'll have practically no free time -_-. But I'll try. There WILL be updates, only they'll most likely be sporadic. Hopefully you'll all stick with me anyways. Okay, I'm finished....you can all go review now! ^.^ Thanks everyone!
