Author's note: This probably has been done before, but eh, my lame brain thought it was funny nonetheless. Hope it won't make you roll your eyes too much!

Warnings: Itachi's pov; canon divergent; both parents' sets live; established slash; humour; Itachi being the best big brother; drabble

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto owns it.

I hope you'll like this silly drabble!


Shouldn't Have Done That

When Itachi returned home late at night after his mission, his report neatly delivered to the Hokage's assistant, he hadn't expected to hear raised voices coming from his little brother's bedroom.

"- OVERREACTING!" Naruto, Sasuke's best friend and boyfriend, was accusing the other man as Itachi made his way upstairs, curiosity chasing away his exhaustion.

Weren't the two of them supposed to be at Naruto's place, having dinner with Naruto's parents? Itachi could have sworn Sasuke had told him about a dinner a couple of days ago before he had left for his mission.

"I am not overreacting! Overreacting would be me setting this entire place on fire with us inside of it," Sasuke refuted calmly.

Itachi blinked, hovering on the landing. Why would Sasuke want to set the place on fire? He hadn't had another argument with father, had he? Stifling a sigh, Itachi made his way to Sasuke's bedroom, noting the door was ajar, which explained why their voices had carried so easily downstairs.

"S-setting the place on fire?" Naruto spluttered. "Why is your immediate thought always fire?! I know it's your clan's signature element, but damn it, bastard, you're making way too much of a big deal out of this!"

"A big deal?" Sasuke retorted sharply. "Naruto, I'm lucky your mum doesn't have the Kyuubi anymore and that we left immediately. She and your dad are probably planning on how to rip me to pieces and hide my body parts."

"Okay, now you're exaggerating," Naruto snorted before complaining, "You're making it sound like my parents are maniacs!"

"Have you forgotten what they did to Kabuto?" Sasuke demanded incredulously.

There was a short pause. Itachi tilted his head to the left, lifting an eyebrow. Everyone knew what Kushina and Minato had done to Kabuto after the man had been caught trying to kidnap Naruto and bring him to Orochimaru. The details had been too gory for even the most hardened ANBU member to recall, but it had solidified Minato's position even more as somebody you should absolutely not cross. Kushina's reputation had spread wide and far after that particular event as well, even though she had quit her shinobi duties after Naruto had been born.

"Extenuating circumstances," Naruto eventually muttered petulantly.

"That's exactly what they're going to claim once they're done with me," Sasuke said darkly.

All right, just what on earth had happened tonight? "What's all the fuss about?" Itachi asked, pushing open the door and stepping into the room without knocking. "I thought you were having dinner with Naruto-kun's parents?"

He drew to an abrupt stop when he took in the state of the bedroom. Sasuke had always been very orderly, even when he had still been quite young, but now it looked like a hurricane had swept through the room. Everywhere he looked, there were clothes strewn about: dropped on the bed, in a pile on the floor, flung over the back of the chair … Sasuke stood in front of his bed, an open suitcase dropped on top of it, and he was shoving a bunch of kunai and shuriken in it, pressing them down on top of a layer of clothes.

Naruto whirled around, his eyes widening in surprise before he sighed in relief. "Itachi-nii-san! Tell your brother he's overreacting!"

"I'm not overreacting!" Sasuke snapped and scowled at the blond man. "This is a completely normal response. Just because you have the self-preservation skills of a mouse who saw cheese!"

"Hey, bastard!"

"Okay, can somebody tell me what's going on?" Itachi asked, holding up his hand before the argument could spiral out of control completely.

"What's going on?" Sasuke huffed, finally stopping his frenzied packing. He looked up, revealing the odd flush decorating his pale cheeks. "Minato and Kushina are going to kill me, that's what's going on! They're still in shock now, but once they come out of it, they're going to track me down and wipe my entire existence from the earth. I'm packing so that I can go into hiding. You think the Land of Snow will be far enough or should I go even further? I don't think Minato has connections there, does he?"

"Seriously, it's not that bad!" Naruto cried out, throwing up his hands. "You're making a big deal out of nothing!"

"Naruto. I'm dead meat," Sasuke told him solemnly and returned to his packing. "And if you love me like you claim you do, you're going to help me go into hiding right now."

Itachi really had no clue at all what was going on here. He had only been gone for three days; how had things spiralled out of control this badly? It had just been dinner with Naruto's parents; this hadn't even been the first time Sasuke had shared food with them!

All right, so it had been the first time since he and Naruto had officially come out as a couple, Itachi amended, but the dynamics shouldn't have changed this drastically.

"What happened?" Itachi framed his question differently, hoping to actually get a real answer this time.

Naruto gnawed down on his lower lip. "Okay, so this was really just a simple misunderstanding that Sasuke is blowing up way out of proportion," he started, but got cut off by Sasuke's scoff.

"There's no simple misunderstanding when it comes to your parents," he muttered, zipping his suitcase shut. "If they're not planning on killing me, they're going to rip my dick off for sure."

"And what is this simple misunderstanding?" Itachi questioned patiently.

Naruto pursed his lips, reddening. "Well …"

"Can you pass me the salt, daddy?" Naruto asked, waving at the bottle in question, which had been placed a bit too far for him to reach it.

"Sure."

That single word was said by two different people, who reached for the salt at the same time. Sasuke was the one who froze first, his fingers barely touching the salt shaker. When the reply – and Sasuke's gesture – registered in Minato's mind, he froze up as well; his blue eyes widening like saucers.

Kushina meanwhile soundlessly repeated, "Daddy" while her eyebrows shot up.

Her piece of meat dropping back down on the plate was Sasuke's and Naruto's cue to get the hell out of there.

"Oh." For the first time in his life Itachi had honestly no clue how to react after Naruto finished recalling just what had transpired tonight.

Sasuke's cheeks looked so red by now that it was a miracle his head hadn't burst into flames yet. Naruto's own face wasn't doing much better; his own red blush steadily creeping down his neck to his chest.

"Well …" Itachi paused. What did one say to the revelation that his little brother was quite a bit kinkier than he would ever have assumed? If he already had assumed such a thing in the first place, which he hadn't, because that was just one aspect of Sasuke's life that Itachi truly had no desire to know anything of.

"I think you now realise, though, why I have to go into hiding," Sasuke said, clearing his throat. "I don't have much time left, so do you think the Land of Snow would be far enough?"

Before Itachi could open his mouth, the doorbell rang loud; the shrill sound piercing through the entire manor.

"Naruto, Sasuke-kun?" Kushina's voice drifted out from downstairs, sweet and restrained and way too loud for still standing behind a closed door. "Are you here? We just want to talk."

Sasuke dropped down on his bed, looking like he had just been sentenced to the gallows. "That's it. I'm dead," he said sombrely and grabbed Naruto's hand, squeezing it tightly between his own before pressing a kiss against his knuckles. "It was an honour to love you."

"Oh my god, will you just shut up? You're not going to die!" Naruto insisted, but even he was casting nervous looks at the door, as if expecting his parents to come flying through any second now.

Given what they knew about the couple, that fear was actually not that unfounded.

Itachi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had just wanted to take a hot shower and go to bed. That was all he had wanted for tonight.

"Go on," he told them and couldn't help but huff amused when both young men stared back at him wide-eyed. "I'll hold them off for bit, give them some time to cool off. You two can lie low for a couple of hours, but then you're going to have to talk with them. I can't hold them here forever."

"Nii-san, you just saved my life!" Sasuke swore and it was a testimony to how frazzled he was feeling now that he actually jumped forwards to hug Itachi tightly. "I owe you one!"

He grabbed Naruto's hand and then they crawled through the window, disappearing from view, while the doorbell rang once more, more insistingly this time.

Shaking his head amused, Itachi went back downstairs, already mentally preparing the topics he could discuss with the couple in order to grant his little brother some respite. Really, the two of them were clearly overreacting, but maybe this would teach them to be a bit more careful with what they said and did around others.

He opened the door and was met with an equally frazzled looking Minato and Kushina. Itachi smiled. "Good evening, Hokage-sama, Kushina-ba-chan. Care for some tea?"

His little brother definitely owed him big time for this. At least this gave him some new teasing material. Sasuke could be damn sure that Itachi wouldn't let him forget this for a really long time.

The End


AN2: I had to write it. I just had to. Also big brother Itachi, who doesn't love him in that role?

Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.

I hope to see you all back in my future stories! Please stay safe and take care of yourselves!

Cuddles

Melissa

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