Monica let herself into the apartment, nearly stumbling back in surprise at the burst of noise inside.

"Roooby-rooby-rooo!!!"

"Rut roh!" Joey crowed. "Ronica's rome!"

"Honey, it's a *marathon*," Chandler gushed.

"And I woulda gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids!" Joey cackled.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's... that's great," Monica said, a little weakly. She moved into the kitchen, staying well away from the two figures bouncing up and down with glee upon the couch.

"Dude, Daphne is *so* hot," Joey moaned.

"I dunno, I always preferred Velma."

"Oh you would. Velma is such a dork!"

"You're a dork!"

"No, you're a dork!"

"You are!"

"You are times infinity!"

They began pelting each other with small brown objects. Monica checked the counter to confirm her suspicions. She tried to keep her voice calm.

"Uhm. Sweetie? Are those... are those *truffles* you're throwing at each other?"

"No way," Joey said, ducking a missile. "Truffles are chocolatey and good. These are some screwed-up cookies we found that taste like old dried-up mushrooms."

"We were gonna use 'em for Scooby Snacks, but boy do they suck," Chandler added.

"Joey," Monica said in the sweetest tone she could muster, "Chocolate truffles are named for the mushroom truffles. They are a very rare delicacy."

"A rare delicacy that *sucks*," Chandler laughed.

Monica snapped. "Chandler? That piece of 'suck' you just threw at Joey's head costs as much as the rent on the apartment."

Chandler and Joey froze, eyes wide.

"The restaurant let me take home a few ounces to work on a special. Now will you please *carefully* pick those up and bring them over here?"

"Mon. Mon. I am so sorry. I am *so* sorry, we didn't know..." Chandler pleaded, dropping to his knees to pick up the small brown bits.

"Chandler, I... I don't know what to say. But when you're done picking up the truffles, will you please get dressed?"

Chandler looked down at his jeans and button-down in confusion.

"Or did you *also* forget my parent's dinner tonight?" She searched his face and saw only blankness. "Their 34th wedding anniversary? The Country Club? Or did your excitement over Scooby-Doo completely blot that out for you?"

***

Monica sat at the country club table, chin in hand, watching Chandler and Ross discuss something over by the buffet. She was distracted by the clatter of Phoebe setting her plate down next to her.

"Ahh, free food... the only thing that would make me be Ross' date to a party this boring," Phoebe sighed.

"I don't think they really 'throw down' here at the country club, Pheebs," Monica sighed.

"Okay, what's up with you? That's like, your fourteenth heaving sigh, and even this party's not *that* lame."

"Oh... it's stupid. I ran into Kip today, and he put some thoughts into my head... stupid thoughts... I don't know, I shouldn't be thinking about this stuff."

"Okay, spill."

"Well, it's just... Kip kept talking about how sad it was that I'd settled for something safe with Chandler instead of pursuing a guy who was more of a match for me. And I thought he was insane, but then there was this truffle-throwing incident... and I just started thinking..."

"Well, okay. If you'd just met Chandler... if you hadn't been friends with him first... would you date him? Y'know, maybe I set you up with him. And you go to the restaurant, and there he is."

"I'd dump him after one date, and be pissed off at you."

"Yeah, see, I knew you would."

"But see, that's not the point. 'Cause now I know the real Chandler, the inner Chandler, and that's not something I could have found out on a first date, or... knowing Chandler... even a fifth. And isn't that better?"

"Well, yeah. But you also have to eliminate the possiblity of a friendicrush."

"A... what? Speak English."

"You know, a friendicrush. You're friends with someone, you know them really well, there's no stupid datey crap, just closeness and niceness and talking, and they're always there for you, you know, you feel really safe with them, and you start thinking... wow, I wish I could have a relationship that was as cool as this friendship."

"Go on."

"Y'know, you love them, but you don't looooove them, but it's not that hard to move from love to a place that's sort of in-between love and loooove, I mean, all you do is sprinkle a little sex on top. They're all warm and safe, and you know they love you just the way you are and aren't going to be surprised by anything you throw at them. I mean, it's not as, you know, crushingly achingly wonderful as looooove, but it's not as scary and doesn't hurt so much either."

Phoebe crunched down on a carrot stick. "The thing is, then you're stuck. 'Cause if you meet someone you loooooove, what are you gonna do? Dump them, which sucks enough, but then you also have to hurt your friend? I mean, you go around hating people for dumping your friends, and then you have to *be* that person."

"I-Is that what you think Chandler and I are? A-a 'friendicrush'?"

"Look. Do you want my honest opinion, or the one you want to hear?"

Monica sighed. "The honest one... I think."

"Okay then, and you can't hit me. Sit on your hands."

Monica rolled her eyes.

"Sit on your hands, or I'm not saying anything else."

Monica dutifully tucked her hands beneath her sides.

"Okay. Y'know, you've told me the real story of how you hooked up in London. You were depressed, you were looking for Joey, Chandler happened to be there. Do you *really* think 'Oh, what the hell, any dong'll do?' is what you'd be thinking when you made love with your soulmate for the first time?"

"Well, no, not really."

"I remember when you and Richard broke up. You didn't eat, you couldn't sleep, you smoked cigars, you cried all the time... you left ridiculous messages on his machine, you were clutching the man's drain hair. Y'know, you break up with Chandler, you play craps."

"The chip was lying on the floor, a-a-and then I was on a roll!"

"And if I can bring one more thing up, pretty much every fight you and Chandler have ever had has been about... Richard. And when you were mad at Chandler, you went running to... Richard."

"Okay, stop saying that name."

"Richard!"

"I said stop it!"

"... it's so good to see you," Phoebe continued.

"Monica. Phoebe," Richard smiled. "I just came over to say hello... Jack and Judy really wanted me to come. I know it's weird, but I thought it'd be less weird than pretending I didn't see you."

"Phoebe, you look lovely... Monica, you look..." he broke off. "Yeah, I'll be over there with the old folk."

Richard walked away, and Monica finally allowed her eyes to bulge out.

"Oh my god, Phoebe!" she hissed. "How much did he hear?"

"Um, judging by how incredibly happy he looked? I'd say, pretty much all of it."

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To be continued...