Part II
"Vengeance is mine; I will repay."
~ 16 ~
Kitty awoke that morning to find one of the many minute dogs that haunted the mansion licking the dried tears from her face. She gently shoved the yapping creature aside and sat up, slowly massaging her temples with trembling hands. Since Levin was gone, she would have no choice but to be happy with what she had. Her friends now trusted and loved her more than ever, and she still had her father and her pride. She forced an angelic smile on her pale face, and walked to the door with the intentions of changing her rumpled clothes, and then paying a visit to her older sister, Dolly.
~ 17 ~
The serenity of the country house was no comfort to Levin. He paced back and forth along the marbled floors like an angry dog. How could she be so shallow? How could she be so cruel? She had to understand she was wrong. It seemed even God himself couldn't change her manner. True, he still loved her, and nothing could ever change that. But it was her fault; she was the cause of his pain! A thought flitted through his mind, but was quickly ushered away by fear and self-loathing: Kitty had to pay. His eyes opened wide, and minutes passed as he stood in utter shock. Tears course down his cheeks, to be lost in his tangled beard. How could he have blasphemed against his angel? Levin blinked rapidly, and the world returned to focus, and to numbing cold.
And yet. that was the only idea his troubled mind had ever conceived of that made sense. He wasn't to blame. It was she. Levin turned and strode quickly to the stables, his boot heels clicking faintly, and echoing in the hall bereft of all but Levin's angry thoughts.
~ 18 ~
Kitty had arrived at the Oblónsky household early that afternoon, but was informed by her little nephew that Dolly was out for the day. Disappointed, she returned to her home, and spent the remainder of the day barricaded in the library, content to peruse the various works of Dumas. She would often simile when she read these books. She was Madame Bonacieux, staunchly waiting for her lover and savior. She was Haydee, her love and respect for her benefactor shining in her eyes. But in reality, she was simply Princess Katerina. While these fanciful thoughts danced through her mind, her father quietly opened the library door, and stood for a moment watching his youngest daughter. When Kitty looked up, he smiled at her, and informed her that dinner was ready. Kitty got to her feet, and followed her father outside of the room.
After eating her fill of an extremely fine goose, she asked her father what he thought in regards to Levin returning to the country.
"Haven't you heard Kitty darling? Levin has returned to Moscow. No one knows whether he has immediate business here, or he just enjoys the city life. Are you alright?" During the prince's speech, Kitty had grown pale. Her eyes slid out of focus, as if she was trying to see something far away. She snapped her head towards her father's voice when he questioned her.
"Yes, of course, papa. I was merely lost in thought." After a final sip of French wine, Kitty took her leave of the dining room, leaving her father much more puzzled than he had been when Kitty first entered the room.
~ 19 ~
Levin collapsed on his bed in his elegant city house. He had spent the past three-quarters of an hour pacing around the oriental ambience of his study. When the swirling colors refused to cease when he stopped stalking, he retired to his much more boring but certainly less confusing bedroom. A tired sigh heaved from his chest, and he glanced up at the regal clock placed by the window. The black marble hands suggested 1:37, but Levin knew that was wrong. The hour had to be later, had to be past mid- day. The clock had to be wrong. Levin blinked his eyes clear of misty thought, and called for the servant who governed his city house by ringing a small ebony bell. A short, balding man with graying hair and the look of a biblical prophet materialized within seconds.
"Ah, Leo, there you are. Deliver this letter for me, if you please."
The serving man bowed, and replied with "As you wish, sir." He took the letter in a gnarled hand, and limped from the room, his arthritis sending minuscule jolts of pain up his left leg. Levin watched him go and smiled. Now she would, even if he didn't understand it all. But the dark place in mind that thought up wickedly pleasing thoughts was happy. He had taken the first step. He would fix it. She would soon know he loved her. She would be scared, but he would always love her, and he knew love could cancel fear. Levin closed his eyes, and leaned back against the goose-down pillows, his eyes becoming lost in the dull silver of the curtains. Then sweet encompassing darkness took hold, followed by sleep without dreams.
~ 20 ~
Kitty rose early the next morning. Why had Levin returned to Moscow? Did she need to tell him again that there was no hope for them? The first time had nearly broken her heart. She could not bear it to do it again. She lay in bed for a few moments, letting the early morning sun dance around her room in rhythm with the birds' song. A maid flitted like a shadow into Kitty's room, leaving behind a door's creak and a silver platter upon which rested a bowl of winter fruit, some nut-dusted scones, and a single letter. Kitty rose from her bed, and walked over to the small table, picking up a strawberry while slitting the seal on the note with a polished fingernail.
Her fingers went limp when she opened the note and recognized the handwriting as Levin's. Her eyes grew wide, and she drew her lips tightly together. The untidy scrawl spelled out: I will always love you, dearest Kitty. I will love you until you are dead. There was no signature. There was no need for one. Was this Levin's idea of a cruel joke, or was he serious?
"Kóstya, what have I done?" Kitty murmured to herself. She put the note on the table, fighting to keep her arm steady. She rubbed her face in her hands, not noticing that the juice from the dropped berry made red whorls upon her temple, contrasting starkly with the white of her face. She raised teary eyes to a small vanity mirror, stared long at her face. How could she make Levin stop? Or was he so past reason that nothing could help him? Her shoulder shook as she wiped her face on a clean handkerchief. With a final sniff she raised her head, arching her neck in the proud, pompous manner she loved to flaunt. She crumpled the note and flung it into the rekindled fire. Levin couldn't scare her. She wouldn't let him. With a satisfied nod towards the curling ashes, Kitty walked stiffly from the room, letting the red-stained handkerchief float gently to the carpeted floor.
~ 21 ~
Levin ran shaky fingers through his tangled hair as he stared at the pen in his hands. He had to say just the right things, just the right words. Kitty was coming closer; he could feel her looming presence. He almost had her, could almost reach out and grip a fistful of her curling hair. He didn't know what he wrote. He poured out his soul onto the paper, and was surprised to notice that his hand only wrote 15 words on the ink- blotted paper. "I will love you until you are gone. I will never be whole without you."
It was the truth. Levin felt empty, incomplete. Something was missing from his life. He could conceive of only two ways to stop this. The first being that Kitty fell in love with him, and married him, and lived happily with him until age claimed them both. The second was much more likely in Levin's eyes because he believed Kitty was incapable of having feelings, as he believed she lacked a soul. He loved a beautiful demon, and empty shell that would pull him down with her. Either way, Levin would save her, and save himself from her influence. He bobbed his head up and down, pleased with his work. He sealed the envelope with a wax drip, and then pressed it to his chapped lips, letting his hopes and aspirations pour into the letter and fill it with good. He drew a deep breathe and stood up, moving towards the doorway with the intention of seeing his letter sent that morning, so Kitty would be able to feel Levin's thoughts while she prayed over dinner. He would save her and save himself.
~ 22 ~
Kitty spent a pleasant day with her aunt from the country. They had visited all the parks around Moscow, and Kitty's aunt seemed as if she was having a good time. Kitty's cheeks were still flushed with laughter when she returned home. She greeted her father briefly, and then retired to her room. Her face fell when she noticed a letter placed on her desk. She had forgotten all about Levin. Now the thoughts and fears came searing back into her mind, erasing all happiness left over from the day. She didn't want to know what Levin felt or thought. She wanted this all to go away, to disappear like a bad dream. But kitty knew she didn't have that luck. She reached down, her face unreadable, and took the letter up in one white hand. Digging her nails gently into the paper, she regally ripped the note to pieces, until all that was left was a pile of shredded memories. Levin could not break her, no matter how hard he tried. She would always be strong. She would continue her life, and drive all thoughts of him from her mind. To prove this to herself, she gathered up her warm clothes and placed them by the door, with the intention of going to the skate rink the next day. Levin always followed her there, in thought or person. But this time he would not be there in either form. Levin was merely a ghost, and Kitty had never been frightened of ghosts before.
~ 23 ~
Kitty arrived at the skating rink the next day in a good temper. She glided around the frozen pond for a few moments, before scanning the faces of the onlookers for friends. Or foes. Seeing no one she wanted or didn't want to see, Kitty grinned, and turned around. Her smiled faded when she noticed a figure standing in the snowy forest. She blinked rapidly, moving her head in quick shakes, and skated away, but turned to look again some yards later. Yes, there was someone standing there, but it couldn't be him. It couldn't. Her hopes were dashed when she realized the person in the woods was staring straight at her. She moved slowly towards the edge of the rink, her mind racing the whole time. Where was she safe from him? Kitty drew in a breath, and skated off the pond, heading for where her valet had stopped. She would go on, and leave him as a shadow in the cold, dark woods.
~ 24 ~
Levin sat at a small side table, quietly sipping a glass of red wine. He could see Kitty from where he was. See her laughing and joking with her friends. The same friends who had pushed Kitty to be cruel to him. They were bad. Kitty was worse. Kitty would pay, and they would compensate with tears. Levin smiled at the thought, and then gulped the last of his wine. A waiter silently placed another glass in front of him, and Levin nodded his thanks. He continued staring at Kitty, dark thoughts drifting lazily in his tired brain. Suddenly she turned towards him. She saw him there, and quickly averted her eyes. Levin allowed a smirk to play across his face. She was scared. She should be. She had been scared early that day, when she noticed Levin at the ice rink. Levin was wearing her down. He would never leave her alone until she left him alone. Kitty leaned towards one of her friends to say something, and then rose gracefully. Levin sighed. She was the most beautiful demon ever sent to plague God's green earth. But then, isn't that the way of the devil? To fool men with beauty? Kitty walked towards the doorway, allowing herself only one glance towards Levin. His eyes never left her. Levin slipped a banknote from his pocket onto the table, and stood stiffly. He moved silently towards the exit Kitty had taken, stopping only when he saw her shadow in the foyer. He ducked behind a column just in time to see her look towards the door, perhaps to see if he was following her. Levin heard her sigh. Perhaps she thought she was safe. How wrong she was. Levin leaned out to see her run to her carriage. He would leave her alone for tonight. She had had enough stress. But there was always tomorrow. and she would get his note tonight. She would really be afraid. Perhaps for no reason, though. Levin did not know himself if he was serious. If this was the only answer. But at least she would know. She would know.
~ 25 ~
Kitty raced into her home, leaving the valet puzzled in the empty drive. She clutched the stitch in her chest with one gloved hand while steadying herself by clinging to the small table in the hallway. She slowly calmed herself down, taking deep breaths and closing her eyes. Maybe she could sew her eyes shut. Then she would see nothing but light shadows, and memories replayed sadistically in her mind. She shook her head, thinking that that wouldn't solve anything. She would have to find a way to stop Levin. There had to be a way to reach him. Somehow. Somehow she needed to. About to turn around, she noticed another letter left for her on the table. Feeling too exhausted and stressed to be truly scared, she picked it up and tore the envelope apart, unfolding the recently battered note enclosed. In Levin's characteristically messy handwriting was written: "I can't help loving you, but I will make the feeling stop." Kitty's hands began to shake, contrasting with the paralysis of the rest of her. She was afraid to know what Levin meant, what he was planning. But that could wait until tomorrow. Now she needed sleep. At least she could wake up from bad dreams.
~ 26 ~
Levin waited silently outside the theater. Kitty had gone in to see a performance with her father. Levin hoped it was terrible. But whether it was or not, Levin knew her day would cease to be happy as soon as she saw him. It had over a month now. Over a month since she had finally broken him. Now it was his turn to break her. She had not seen him yet today, or rather he had not chosen to make himself visible. But she would see him tonight. Levin was allowing sadistic thoughts to fly about him mind when he noticed the theater beginning to empty. Housewives in costly furs that didn't compensated for their homeliness gave themselves airs while being dragged to carriages by their husbands. Then he saw her. Prince Dmítrievich held her arm gracefully as the two conversed quietly, all the time heading to their carriage. Then she looked up. Levin grinned, his smile hidden by a fur collar. It would happen again. She would continue on, acting as if nothing had happened, always casting quick glances in his direction. Then she wouldn't be able to sleep, her mind polluted by thoughts of him. He had tried so hard to be on her mind easier in the year. How easy it was now. Kitty did exactly as Levin had predicted. When her father seemed to notice her odd behavior, he glanced around the plaza, but did not recognize Levin in the sea of snow and winter coats. He pulled Kitty to their carriage, and she seemed to snap out of her lapse in awareness. She seemed to grip his arm harder, and then stalked forward, leaving Levin with no doubt that almost had her. She was so close. Now it was time. Now she would know he had been serious. He still had doubts himself, but he trusted that they would consume themselves. Tomorrow.
~ 27 ~
Kitty awoke the next day with two shadows on her face. The manic attention from Levin being the first, of course. But to add to Kitty's grief, it was February 19, the anniversary of her mother's death. She wanted to forget them both and sink into her dreams where she might find some comfort, but the morning breeze through the curtains dried the tears on her face and seemed to remind her that dawn had broken, hard and cold. She rose from her bed, and rinsed her face in a porcelain basin. She would go to the cemetery to pay homage, and think. A girl could always trust on her mother for wisdom and advice, and the only thing Kitty needed more was peace of mind. As Kitty believed one of the two to achieve the third, she prepared herself for the day. Dressed in a well-fitting dove-gray dress, Kitty walked to the foyer. She selected a heavy black overcoat from the closet and donned it before stepping quietly into the brisk cold.
~ 28 ~
Kitty walked slowly, reaching down every few moments to snap a white snowdrop from the ground. These flowers, always the first to appear at the end of the snows, were always favorites of both Kitty and her mother. They seemed to remind everyone that there was a spring after the cold snows of winter. They were comforting. And comfort was just what Kitty needed. As she bent down again, she heard the faint click of a boot heel on the road. Shrugging it off as another pedestrean taking an early-morning stroll, Kitty continued on her way. Soon she reached the wrought iron fence that surrounded the graveyard. She could see angels etched in the metal. Cold angels that seemed to deter rather than welcome. Kitty shivered in the cold, wishing that none of this had ever happened. Her mother, Levin, none of it. But she couldn't change the past. Kitty pressed a thin finger to the etchings, tracing them slowly and deliberately. The frosty metal drew shivers up her spin. But when she took her hand from the gates the shivering didn't stop. She turned around her, just to see a large figure dart behind a lamppost. Kitty froze with fear. She did not tell anyone that she would be coming here. And it was so early in the day that the chances of a passer-by coming to her rescue were close to none. Kitty began to walk quickly, moving through the graveyard, all her hopes dwelling on reaching the constable's office that was barely 100 yards away. She quickened her pace when she saw Levin walk through the gates, his gait matching her own for speed. Kitty broke out into a run, and the pounding footsteps behind her told her Levin had done the same. Kitty dodged through the headstones, feet just grabbing purchase in the slippery, wet grass. While passing a white marble angel, her flailing scarf caught on its wing, bringing Kitty to a prompt stop. She dragged the choking garment from her neck, coughs racking her chest, and continued running. Kitty knew her strength was almost gone. She knew in her heart that Levin was aware of this as well. He slackened slightly, but still continued to gain on her. The Constable's office was now only 20 yards away, and Kitty could pick out the individual rungs on the cemetery's outer wall. Then her foot found a hidden pothole, and the rest of her body followed. She collapsed at the base of a headstone, her chest heaving. The sun was just capping the horizon as Levin advanced, pulling a small firearm from his large over-coat. His face was illuminated in the fresh sun, and his insanity seemed to have stretched hate lines in his kindly face. But the past would make no difference here, Kitty thought as she shut her eyes tightly. There would be no saving. There would only be an end.
~ 29 ~
Levin grinned crazily down at her. Finally, she had understood him. Finally she had listened. She was listening to him now. Hearing the low, content growl issuing from his throat. Now he had here. He had won. She had lost. And there was no stopping him now. Kitty's frantic sobs rent the air, but he couldn't hear them for the singing in his heart. He lowered his blood- shot eyes, and raised his arm slightly. But then he did something for which he had scolded himself since he was a boy. He let his eyes wander. And in that second of bad judgment, he noticed where Kitty had fallen. She had fallen at the foot of her mother's grave. He could make out the words Princess Márya Shcherbástky. Beloved Wife and Mother beneath the creeping mold. Kitty wasn't to blame for this. It was her mother. It was her mother who had first told Kitty not to play around with someone as low as Levin. It was her mother who had ruined everything. Levin was wrong. Before him was truly and angel. He had blasphemed against his creator for ever wanting to hurt one of God's beautiful creatures. But devils, like the older princess, were fair game for his hatred. He felt tears run down his cold face as he relived every moment in which he had mentally tortured Kitty. Haunting her footsteps, trying to drive her mad. But he finally realized that it was he who was mad. He was mad to have ever thought that he could heal his pain by harming so innocent a creature. But now he knew how he could heal it forever. He knew how to solve everything. And this answer seemed even plainer than the first solutions he had arrived at earlier that year. It was so simple.
~ 30 ~
Below him, Kitty had ceased sobbing, and was looking up at Levin quizzically. What did he plan to do? What evil and saydo-masochistic thought was running through his head? She did not have long to wait. Levin looked straight at her, or at least it seemed he did. The rising sun came up behind him, leaving him as nothing more than a black silhouette against a blinding brilliance. He aimed the gun straight at her head, and Kitty shut her eyes again. A series of shots rent the air, and the only sound remaining was Levin's labored breathing. Kitty opened her eyes slowly, and found Levin still standing over her. She was covered in white dust, which seemed to have fallen from above her. She looked up and saw that the name that was once imprinted upon the headstone had almost been completely punched out by bullets. Kitty barely recognized the flowery script, and realized that she was at her mother's grave. She looked back up at Levin, and saw that he was swaying slightly, as if it took so much effort just to stand. He looked straight at her, and this time she saw his face as the sun had had time to climb a bit higher in the now rosy sky. His eyes were pained, and his mouth moved, but no sounds came out. Finally he cleared his throat with a cough and opened his mouth again. "I'm so sorry, Kátia. Please forgive me." Kitty couldn't say a thing, but could only watch helplessly as Levin pulled a long dagger from his coat. "I'm sorry," he whispered again before plunging the blade into his gut. Kitty screamed, and kept screaming although she knew no help was forthcoming. She saw Levin fall to his knees, blood running through his fingers and his lips. Kitty stopped screaming and crawled over to him, pressing white fingers to his red-stained wrist to find a pulse, but has no luck. He was gone. Kitty sank back to the ground, her face screwed up in pain. She put clenched fists over her eyes, then removed them when she felt Levin's blood dripping down her face. Why had she been so cruel to him all this time? She had driven him mad, and he had returned the favor. She opened her eyes and saw that the snowdrops she had gathered were in a crushed heap on the ground. Blood had dripped from her hands onto the bruised petals, and now tears fell from her face to trace patterns in the freshly crimson dew. She got to her feet shakily after arranging the flowers in front of her the old princess's defaced grave. She looked down on the marble and then gestured to Levin's spread-eagled body. "Well, mother. I certainly hope you're happy now." With a final moment spent in quiet, Kitty slipped away, a ghost among the headstones. She walked out the way she came, this time not bothering to close the gate. It swung back and forth behind her, leaving nothing but emptiness and a windy void. Both of which could have very well been Kitty's heart.
The End
Thanks first of all to Neritic Nebula who goaded me along the entire time I've been working on this (I think a year and a half now. Sad, isn't it?). Now I will return the favor and bug her until she finishes "Blackest Star," "Midnight Flame", etc. her HP fanfics. Also to encouragement from my sister who read it and said it sucked. *translation: not bad at all* And finally, to Mr. R. I wrote this in the hopes of being able to spite you one day, and so I have. I figure that is a pretty good formula for success, because I wrote my kate chopin essay last year to piss you off, and look who was first place freshman. Those authors I hero-worship who must also be mentioned: Cassandra Claire, Dan Brown, Michael Connelly, Michael Crichton, JRR Tolkien, Oscar Wilde, Shakespeare, and my fav: Alexandre Dumas. Thanks for reading and putting up with my random writing!
- Rhysla
"Vengeance is mine; I will repay."
~ 16 ~
Kitty awoke that morning to find one of the many minute dogs that haunted the mansion licking the dried tears from her face. She gently shoved the yapping creature aside and sat up, slowly massaging her temples with trembling hands. Since Levin was gone, she would have no choice but to be happy with what she had. Her friends now trusted and loved her more than ever, and she still had her father and her pride. She forced an angelic smile on her pale face, and walked to the door with the intentions of changing her rumpled clothes, and then paying a visit to her older sister, Dolly.
~ 17 ~
The serenity of the country house was no comfort to Levin. He paced back and forth along the marbled floors like an angry dog. How could she be so shallow? How could she be so cruel? She had to understand she was wrong. It seemed even God himself couldn't change her manner. True, he still loved her, and nothing could ever change that. But it was her fault; she was the cause of his pain! A thought flitted through his mind, but was quickly ushered away by fear and self-loathing: Kitty had to pay. His eyes opened wide, and minutes passed as he stood in utter shock. Tears course down his cheeks, to be lost in his tangled beard. How could he have blasphemed against his angel? Levin blinked rapidly, and the world returned to focus, and to numbing cold.
And yet. that was the only idea his troubled mind had ever conceived of that made sense. He wasn't to blame. It was she. Levin turned and strode quickly to the stables, his boot heels clicking faintly, and echoing in the hall bereft of all but Levin's angry thoughts.
~ 18 ~
Kitty had arrived at the Oblónsky household early that afternoon, but was informed by her little nephew that Dolly was out for the day. Disappointed, she returned to her home, and spent the remainder of the day barricaded in the library, content to peruse the various works of Dumas. She would often simile when she read these books. She was Madame Bonacieux, staunchly waiting for her lover and savior. She was Haydee, her love and respect for her benefactor shining in her eyes. But in reality, she was simply Princess Katerina. While these fanciful thoughts danced through her mind, her father quietly opened the library door, and stood for a moment watching his youngest daughter. When Kitty looked up, he smiled at her, and informed her that dinner was ready. Kitty got to her feet, and followed her father outside of the room.
After eating her fill of an extremely fine goose, she asked her father what he thought in regards to Levin returning to the country.
"Haven't you heard Kitty darling? Levin has returned to Moscow. No one knows whether he has immediate business here, or he just enjoys the city life. Are you alright?" During the prince's speech, Kitty had grown pale. Her eyes slid out of focus, as if she was trying to see something far away. She snapped her head towards her father's voice when he questioned her.
"Yes, of course, papa. I was merely lost in thought." After a final sip of French wine, Kitty took her leave of the dining room, leaving her father much more puzzled than he had been when Kitty first entered the room.
~ 19 ~
Levin collapsed on his bed in his elegant city house. He had spent the past three-quarters of an hour pacing around the oriental ambience of his study. When the swirling colors refused to cease when he stopped stalking, he retired to his much more boring but certainly less confusing bedroom. A tired sigh heaved from his chest, and he glanced up at the regal clock placed by the window. The black marble hands suggested 1:37, but Levin knew that was wrong. The hour had to be later, had to be past mid- day. The clock had to be wrong. Levin blinked his eyes clear of misty thought, and called for the servant who governed his city house by ringing a small ebony bell. A short, balding man with graying hair and the look of a biblical prophet materialized within seconds.
"Ah, Leo, there you are. Deliver this letter for me, if you please."
The serving man bowed, and replied with "As you wish, sir." He took the letter in a gnarled hand, and limped from the room, his arthritis sending minuscule jolts of pain up his left leg. Levin watched him go and smiled. Now she would, even if he didn't understand it all. But the dark place in mind that thought up wickedly pleasing thoughts was happy. He had taken the first step. He would fix it. She would soon know he loved her. She would be scared, but he would always love her, and he knew love could cancel fear. Levin closed his eyes, and leaned back against the goose-down pillows, his eyes becoming lost in the dull silver of the curtains. Then sweet encompassing darkness took hold, followed by sleep without dreams.
~ 20 ~
Kitty rose early the next morning. Why had Levin returned to Moscow? Did she need to tell him again that there was no hope for them? The first time had nearly broken her heart. She could not bear it to do it again. She lay in bed for a few moments, letting the early morning sun dance around her room in rhythm with the birds' song. A maid flitted like a shadow into Kitty's room, leaving behind a door's creak and a silver platter upon which rested a bowl of winter fruit, some nut-dusted scones, and a single letter. Kitty rose from her bed, and walked over to the small table, picking up a strawberry while slitting the seal on the note with a polished fingernail.
Her fingers went limp when she opened the note and recognized the handwriting as Levin's. Her eyes grew wide, and she drew her lips tightly together. The untidy scrawl spelled out: I will always love you, dearest Kitty. I will love you until you are dead. There was no signature. There was no need for one. Was this Levin's idea of a cruel joke, or was he serious?
"Kóstya, what have I done?" Kitty murmured to herself. She put the note on the table, fighting to keep her arm steady. She rubbed her face in her hands, not noticing that the juice from the dropped berry made red whorls upon her temple, contrasting starkly with the white of her face. She raised teary eyes to a small vanity mirror, stared long at her face. How could she make Levin stop? Or was he so past reason that nothing could help him? Her shoulder shook as she wiped her face on a clean handkerchief. With a final sniff she raised her head, arching her neck in the proud, pompous manner she loved to flaunt. She crumpled the note and flung it into the rekindled fire. Levin couldn't scare her. She wouldn't let him. With a satisfied nod towards the curling ashes, Kitty walked stiffly from the room, letting the red-stained handkerchief float gently to the carpeted floor.
~ 21 ~
Levin ran shaky fingers through his tangled hair as he stared at the pen in his hands. He had to say just the right things, just the right words. Kitty was coming closer; he could feel her looming presence. He almost had her, could almost reach out and grip a fistful of her curling hair. He didn't know what he wrote. He poured out his soul onto the paper, and was surprised to notice that his hand only wrote 15 words on the ink- blotted paper. "I will love you until you are gone. I will never be whole without you."
It was the truth. Levin felt empty, incomplete. Something was missing from his life. He could conceive of only two ways to stop this. The first being that Kitty fell in love with him, and married him, and lived happily with him until age claimed them both. The second was much more likely in Levin's eyes because he believed Kitty was incapable of having feelings, as he believed she lacked a soul. He loved a beautiful demon, and empty shell that would pull him down with her. Either way, Levin would save her, and save himself from her influence. He bobbed his head up and down, pleased with his work. He sealed the envelope with a wax drip, and then pressed it to his chapped lips, letting his hopes and aspirations pour into the letter and fill it with good. He drew a deep breathe and stood up, moving towards the doorway with the intention of seeing his letter sent that morning, so Kitty would be able to feel Levin's thoughts while she prayed over dinner. He would save her and save himself.
~ 22 ~
Kitty spent a pleasant day with her aunt from the country. They had visited all the parks around Moscow, and Kitty's aunt seemed as if she was having a good time. Kitty's cheeks were still flushed with laughter when she returned home. She greeted her father briefly, and then retired to her room. Her face fell when she noticed a letter placed on her desk. She had forgotten all about Levin. Now the thoughts and fears came searing back into her mind, erasing all happiness left over from the day. She didn't want to know what Levin felt or thought. She wanted this all to go away, to disappear like a bad dream. But kitty knew she didn't have that luck. She reached down, her face unreadable, and took the letter up in one white hand. Digging her nails gently into the paper, she regally ripped the note to pieces, until all that was left was a pile of shredded memories. Levin could not break her, no matter how hard he tried. She would always be strong. She would continue her life, and drive all thoughts of him from her mind. To prove this to herself, she gathered up her warm clothes and placed them by the door, with the intention of going to the skate rink the next day. Levin always followed her there, in thought or person. But this time he would not be there in either form. Levin was merely a ghost, and Kitty had never been frightened of ghosts before.
~ 23 ~
Kitty arrived at the skating rink the next day in a good temper. She glided around the frozen pond for a few moments, before scanning the faces of the onlookers for friends. Or foes. Seeing no one she wanted or didn't want to see, Kitty grinned, and turned around. Her smiled faded when she noticed a figure standing in the snowy forest. She blinked rapidly, moving her head in quick shakes, and skated away, but turned to look again some yards later. Yes, there was someone standing there, but it couldn't be him. It couldn't. Her hopes were dashed when she realized the person in the woods was staring straight at her. She moved slowly towards the edge of the rink, her mind racing the whole time. Where was she safe from him? Kitty drew in a breath, and skated off the pond, heading for where her valet had stopped. She would go on, and leave him as a shadow in the cold, dark woods.
~ 24 ~
Levin sat at a small side table, quietly sipping a glass of red wine. He could see Kitty from where he was. See her laughing and joking with her friends. The same friends who had pushed Kitty to be cruel to him. They were bad. Kitty was worse. Kitty would pay, and they would compensate with tears. Levin smiled at the thought, and then gulped the last of his wine. A waiter silently placed another glass in front of him, and Levin nodded his thanks. He continued staring at Kitty, dark thoughts drifting lazily in his tired brain. Suddenly she turned towards him. She saw him there, and quickly averted her eyes. Levin allowed a smirk to play across his face. She was scared. She should be. She had been scared early that day, when she noticed Levin at the ice rink. Levin was wearing her down. He would never leave her alone until she left him alone. Kitty leaned towards one of her friends to say something, and then rose gracefully. Levin sighed. She was the most beautiful demon ever sent to plague God's green earth. But then, isn't that the way of the devil? To fool men with beauty? Kitty walked towards the doorway, allowing herself only one glance towards Levin. His eyes never left her. Levin slipped a banknote from his pocket onto the table, and stood stiffly. He moved silently towards the exit Kitty had taken, stopping only when he saw her shadow in the foyer. He ducked behind a column just in time to see her look towards the door, perhaps to see if he was following her. Levin heard her sigh. Perhaps she thought she was safe. How wrong she was. Levin leaned out to see her run to her carriage. He would leave her alone for tonight. She had had enough stress. But there was always tomorrow. and she would get his note tonight. She would really be afraid. Perhaps for no reason, though. Levin did not know himself if he was serious. If this was the only answer. But at least she would know. She would know.
~ 25 ~
Kitty raced into her home, leaving the valet puzzled in the empty drive. She clutched the stitch in her chest with one gloved hand while steadying herself by clinging to the small table in the hallway. She slowly calmed herself down, taking deep breaths and closing her eyes. Maybe she could sew her eyes shut. Then she would see nothing but light shadows, and memories replayed sadistically in her mind. She shook her head, thinking that that wouldn't solve anything. She would have to find a way to stop Levin. There had to be a way to reach him. Somehow. Somehow she needed to. About to turn around, she noticed another letter left for her on the table. Feeling too exhausted and stressed to be truly scared, she picked it up and tore the envelope apart, unfolding the recently battered note enclosed. In Levin's characteristically messy handwriting was written: "I can't help loving you, but I will make the feeling stop." Kitty's hands began to shake, contrasting with the paralysis of the rest of her. She was afraid to know what Levin meant, what he was planning. But that could wait until tomorrow. Now she needed sleep. At least she could wake up from bad dreams.
~ 26 ~
Levin waited silently outside the theater. Kitty had gone in to see a performance with her father. Levin hoped it was terrible. But whether it was or not, Levin knew her day would cease to be happy as soon as she saw him. It had over a month now. Over a month since she had finally broken him. Now it was his turn to break her. She had not seen him yet today, or rather he had not chosen to make himself visible. But she would see him tonight. Levin was allowing sadistic thoughts to fly about him mind when he noticed the theater beginning to empty. Housewives in costly furs that didn't compensated for their homeliness gave themselves airs while being dragged to carriages by their husbands. Then he saw her. Prince Dmítrievich held her arm gracefully as the two conversed quietly, all the time heading to their carriage. Then she looked up. Levin grinned, his smile hidden by a fur collar. It would happen again. She would continue on, acting as if nothing had happened, always casting quick glances in his direction. Then she wouldn't be able to sleep, her mind polluted by thoughts of him. He had tried so hard to be on her mind easier in the year. How easy it was now. Kitty did exactly as Levin had predicted. When her father seemed to notice her odd behavior, he glanced around the plaza, but did not recognize Levin in the sea of snow and winter coats. He pulled Kitty to their carriage, and she seemed to snap out of her lapse in awareness. She seemed to grip his arm harder, and then stalked forward, leaving Levin with no doubt that almost had her. She was so close. Now it was time. Now she would know he had been serious. He still had doubts himself, but he trusted that they would consume themselves. Tomorrow.
~ 27 ~
Kitty awoke the next day with two shadows on her face. The manic attention from Levin being the first, of course. But to add to Kitty's grief, it was February 19, the anniversary of her mother's death. She wanted to forget them both and sink into her dreams where she might find some comfort, but the morning breeze through the curtains dried the tears on her face and seemed to remind her that dawn had broken, hard and cold. She rose from her bed, and rinsed her face in a porcelain basin. She would go to the cemetery to pay homage, and think. A girl could always trust on her mother for wisdom and advice, and the only thing Kitty needed more was peace of mind. As Kitty believed one of the two to achieve the third, she prepared herself for the day. Dressed in a well-fitting dove-gray dress, Kitty walked to the foyer. She selected a heavy black overcoat from the closet and donned it before stepping quietly into the brisk cold.
~ 28 ~
Kitty walked slowly, reaching down every few moments to snap a white snowdrop from the ground. These flowers, always the first to appear at the end of the snows, were always favorites of both Kitty and her mother. They seemed to remind everyone that there was a spring after the cold snows of winter. They were comforting. And comfort was just what Kitty needed. As she bent down again, she heard the faint click of a boot heel on the road. Shrugging it off as another pedestrean taking an early-morning stroll, Kitty continued on her way. Soon she reached the wrought iron fence that surrounded the graveyard. She could see angels etched in the metal. Cold angels that seemed to deter rather than welcome. Kitty shivered in the cold, wishing that none of this had ever happened. Her mother, Levin, none of it. But she couldn't change the past. Kitty pressed a thin finger to the etchings, tracing them slowly and deliberately. The frosty metal drew shivers up her spin. But when she took her hand from the gates the shivering didn't stop. She turned around her, just to see a large figure dart behind a lamppost. Kitty froze with fear. She did not tell anyone that she would be coming here. And it was so early in the day that the chances of a passer-by coming to her rescue were close to none. Kitty began to walk quickly, moving through the graveyard, all her hopes dwelling on reaching the constable's office that was barely 100 yards away. She quickened her pace when she saw Levin walk through the gates, his gait matching her own for speed. Kitty broke out into a run, and the pounding footsteps behind her told her Levin had done the same. Kitty dodged through the headstones, feet just grabbing purchase in the slippery, wet grass. While passing a white marble angel, her flailing scarf caught on its wing, bringing Kitty to a prompt stop. She dragged the choking garment from her neck, coughs racking her chest, and continued running. Kitty knew her strength was almost gone. She knew in her heart that Levin was aware of this as well. He slackened slightly, but still continued to gain on her. The Constable's office was now only 20 yards away, and Kitty could pick out the individual rungs on the cemetery's outer wall. Then her foot found a hidden pothole, and the rest of her body followed. She collapsed at the base of a headstone, her chest heaving. The sun was just capping the horizon as Levin advanced, pulling a small firearm from his large over-coat. His face was illuminated in the fresh sun, and his insanity seemed to have stretched hate lines in his kindly face. But the past would make no difference here, Kitty thought as she shut her eyes tightly. There would be no saving. There would only be an end.
~ 29 ~
Levin grinned crazily down at her. Finally, she had understood him. Finally she had listened. She was listening to him now. Hearing the low, content growl issuing from his throat. Now he had here. He had won. She had lost. And there was no stopping him now. Kitty's frantic sobs rent the air, but he couldn't hear them for the singing in his heart. He lowered his blood- shot eyes, and raised his arm slightly. But then he did something for which he had scolded himself since he was a boy. He let his eyes wander. And in that second of bad judgment, he noticed where Kitty had fallen. She had fallen at the foot of her mother's grave. He could make out the words Princess Márya Shcherbástky. Beloved Wife and Mother beneath the creeping mold. Kitty wasn't to blame for this. It was her mother. It was her mother who had first told Kitty not to play around with someone as low as Levin. It was her mother who had ruined everything. Levin was wrong. Before him was truly and angel. He had blasphemed against his creator for ever wanting to hurt one of God's beautiful creatures. But devils, like the older princess, were fair game for his hatred. He felt tears run down his cold face as he relived every moment in which he had mentally tortured Kitty. Haunting her footsteps, trying to drive her mad. But he finally realized that it was he who was mad. He was mad to have ever thought that he could heal his pain by harming so innocent a creature. But now he knew how he could heal it forever. He knew how to solve everything. And this answer seemed even plainer than the first solutions he had arrived at earlier that year. It was so simple.
~ 30 ~
Below him, Kitty had ceased sobbing, and was looking up at Levin quizzically. What did he plan to do? What evil and saydo-masochistic thought was running through his head? She did not have long to wait. Levin looked straight at her, or at least it seemed he did. The rising sun came up behind him, leaving him as nothing more than a black silhouette against a blinding brilliance. He aimed the gun straight at her head, and Kitty shut her eyes again. A series of shots rent the air, and the only sound remaining was Levin's labored breathing. Kitty opened her eyes slowly, and found Levin still standing over her. She was covered in white dust, which seemed to have fallen from above her. She looked up and saw that the name that was once imprinted upon the headstone had almost been completely punched out by bullets. Kitty barely recognized the flowery script, and realized that she was at her mother's grave. She looked back up at Levin, and saw that he was swaying slightly, as if it took so much effort just to stand. He looked straight at her, and this time she saw his face as the sun had had time to climb a bit higher in the now rosy sky. His eyes were pained, and his mouth moved, but no sounds came out. Finally he cleared his throat with a cough and opened his mouth again. "I'm so sorry, Kátia. Please forgive me." Kitty couldn't say a thing, but could only watch helplessly as Levin pulled a long dagger from his coat. "I'm sorry," he whispered again before plunging the blade into his gut. Kitty screamed, and kept screaming although she knew no help was forthcoming. She saw Levin fall to his knees, blood running through his fingers and his lips. Kitty stopped screaming and crawled over to him, pressing white fingers to his red-stained wrist to find a pulse, but has no luck. He was gone. Kitty sank back to the ground, her face screwed up in pain. She put clenched fists over her eyes, then removed them when she felt Levin's blood dripping down her face. Why had she been so cruel to him all this time? She had driven him mad, and he had returned the favor. She opened her eyes and saw that the snowdrops she had gathered were in a crushed heap on the ground. Blood had dripped from her hands onto the bruised petals, and now tears fell from her face to trace patterns in the freshly crimson dew. She got to her feet shakily after arranging the flowers in front of her the old princess's defaced grave. She looked down on the marble and then gestured to Levin's spread-eagled body. "Well, mother. I certainly hope you're happy now." With a final moment spent in quiet, Kitty slipped away, a ghost among the headstones. She walked out the way she came, this time not bothering to close the gate. It swung back and forth behind her, leaving nothing but emptiness and a windy void. Both of which could have very well been Kitty's heart.
The End
Thanks first of all to Neritic Nebula who goaded me along the entire time I've been working on this (I think a year and a half now. Sad, isn't it?). Now I will return the favor and bug her until she finishes "Blackest Star," "Midnight Flame", etc. her HP fanfics. Also to encouragement from my sister who read it and said it sucked. *translation: not bad at all* And finally, to Mr. R. I wrote this in the hopes of being able to spite you one day, and so I have. I figure that is a pretty good formula for success, because I wrote my kate chopin essay last year to piss you off, and look who was first place freshman. Those authors I hero-worship who must also be mentioned: Cassandra Claire, Dan Brown, Michael Connelly, Michael Crichton, JRR Tolkien, Oscar Wilde, Shakespeare, and my fav: Alexandre Dumas. Thanks for reading and putting up with my random writing!
- Rhysla
