Rachel plunked down on the orange couch and sighed. "You will not believe the day I..."

She took a good look at Monica's face and stopped short. "Mon, what's wrong?"

"You see those lilies on the counter?"

"Oooh, yeah, they're gorgeous! Did Chandler send those to you?"

"Yeah, right! No, they're for Phoebe."

"Ooooh!"

"From Richard."

"Ohhhh."

"They have a date on Thursday. Can you believe it?"

"Well, um, Monica... didn't Phoebe ask your permission to date Richard?"

"Well yeah! In front of Chandler! Like I could say no in front of Chandler!"

"Well, Monica, I mean, you are sort of engaged."

"Oh yeah? And how would you feel if you were engaged, and Phoebe started dating Ross?"

Rachel burst into hysterical laughter.

"Oh, shut up, Rachel."

"Sorry, sorry, Mon. I understand, I do. Why don't you just tell Phoebe that you don't feel comfortable with her dating Richard?"

"Because then Chandler will want to know why, you know, and it will be all awkward, and... I mean, the thing is, it'd be one thing if this just sort of spontaneously happened, but she had just given me this speech!"

"Oh really? What speech?"

"Y'know, about how maybe I should be with Richard, and maybe Chandler's not such a great match for me, and how I should think about why I was really with him, since I seem to be so hung up on Richard. Which was a really crappy speech, since I'd just gotten pretty much the same one from Kip, y'know, minus the Richard, heavier on the Chandler-sucks."

"Kip, Kip of phased-out Kip? Said Chandler sucked? Did you beat him up? Tell me you beat him up. What did he say?"

"Oh, you know, a bunch of stuff. Basically he implied that Chandler was my safety school and I'd lost the balls to apply anywhere else. And he started describing the kind of guy he always thought I'd end up with, which was basically Richard, like, completely."

"Well, Monica, I mean, Richard's great and all, but Chandler's not some safety school. Kip's just an ass. Chandler's great! Y'know, he's hilarious, and sweet, and smart, and he's got that cute little goofball thing going on."

"He is cute."

"Yeah, he's cute! You know who Chandler is? He's *that guy*. He's the guy in the movie, you know, he's played by John Cusack, o-or Michael J. Fox, and of course every girl in the audience is in love with him, and his best friend the girl is in love with him, but the high school hottie isn't in love with him... because, you know, even though he's John Cusack and gorgeous, it's movie-land and we're supposed to pretend he's a dork. And he falls down, and screws up, but the whole time, you see his inner, romantic, trenchcoat wearing poetic soul! I mean, who do you want to be, the chick who sees the inner beauty, or the one who leaves him for the captain of the ski team?"

"So what you're saying is that Richard is the captain of the ski team?"

"Well, no, Richard's too nice. Richard's Cary Grant or something, he's in a whole different movie, it's not in color, forget about Richard."

"But Rach -- why can't I be the girl in *that* movie? Y'know, what if I want to be Audrey Hepburn? Why can't I be in that movie instead of the stupid 80's ski movie? That movie was depressing."

"Okay, you're missing my whole trenchcoat, poetic soul point here."

"No, I'm not, Rach. I mean, what if Chandler and I are just meant to be in different movies, you know? And we've been miscast. I'm meant to be in the other movie with Cary Grant, and he's waiting around for some chick with big hair."

"Okay, okay, Monica, you need The Test."

"The what?"

"The test. Okay, here's the deal. Chandler's dating... he's dating... okay, give me a girl that's not Janice."

"Okay... you."

"Yeah, not me, let's use Phoebe."

"Why not you? Believe me, I'm imagining enough scenarios involving Phoebe right now."

"Okay, whatever, me. Close your eyes."

Monica dutifully closed them and leaned back against the couch.

"So... I'm dating Chandler. We're living together, we're both living with Joey, we're right across the hall from you, you have to see us together all the time."

"So the Barcolounger's gone?"

"Monica, concentrate. Okay, so we're all hanging out, we're here, and Chandler and I are leaving. And we're going to the door, and he puts his hand on my waist. A-and so I reach up, and gently, gently, brush his hair back from his forehead. And then he touches my face, you know, caresses me on the cheek, and then he drags his thumb slo-o-owly over my bottom lip, and our eyes lock onto each other, and he kisses me... softly at first, you know, and then more passionately, cause he just can't help it, and I run my fingers through his hair, and he picks me up and slams me against the wall and molds his body to mine as we rip each other's clothes off, and..."

"Wow, you're *good* at this!"

"Huh?" Rachel blinked, reverie interrupted.

"I mean, I was getting a little hot there, you're good at that! Who were you really thinking about?"

"Um, yeah, um... Ewan MacGregor. But Mon, you weren't supposed to get hot, you were supposed to get jealous. Do I need to go on to the part where you come over to get the TV guide and hear the sounds of our passionate lovemaking?"

"No, I'm sorry, you know, I just can't concentrate with those stupid flowers in my face. I close my eyes, I can still smell 'em. And Lilies! You know, why couldn't he have gotten her carnations, o-or daisies, or a big basket of dog crap?"

Rachel gave Monica an appraising look, and put on her lightest, most casual tone. "Hey, Mon? You know if Chandler has any plans for... *lunch* tomorrow?"

"Nah, don't think so, why?"

"Well, uh, why don't you tell him to meet me at Nagoya around 11:30?"

"Sure, okay."

Rachel sipped her coffee, watching Monica's face, waiting.

"Do you think Richard is trying to make me jealous? I mean, that could be what this is all about, right? Trying to make me jealous?"

Rachel listened to Monica's rant, nodded and smiled in all the right places, and pretended that her mind wasn't on something else entirely.

***

"Dr. Burke? Your 4:00 is here."

"Thanks, Sandy. Be there in just a second."

He carried his clipboard into the examining room. "Well, Miss Davis, it's always nice to see you. So what brings you in today?"

"It's my contacts. I think I'm going to have to switch to glasses. There's just so much dust and fumes at work, you know, I mean, people think I'm weeping over the extinction of the Apatosaurus."

"Here, hold this over your eye and look at the chart." Richard paused. "Did you say... Apatosaurus?"

"Oh yeah, that's right, I haven't talked to you since I switched departments! I like it so much better! I mean, I never knew how incredibly fascinating Dinosaurs were, you know, I'm learning everything I can about them, but there's so much to learn... and... oh, I'm sorry, I'm blabbing, I ought to be reading the chart, um, E, and then..."

"Miss Davis? Wendy? Um... are you seeing anyone right now?"

"Oh, Dr. Burke, I'm really flattered, but um..."

"Oh, no, no. Not me. You read the chart, and we'll talk."

***

"I am *not* going on a double-date with you and Richard! That i-is creepy, and sick, and wrong."

"Oh Ross, come on. The girl is perfect for you!"

"This is not about the girl! This is about you and Richard, and how *incredibly* freaky that is!"

"Look, Ross. Do you deny that Richard's a really great guy, who treated Monica amazingly well?"

"No..."

"I mean, the *only* reason she dumped him was because he didn't want to have kids. Other than that, the man was perfect. So he's just a perfect man, floatin' all about. Why can't I date him? I mean, Monica's engaged, what does she care? I mean, *Chandler* thinks I should go for it."

"Of *course* Chandler thinks that! You could tell him you were flying Richard to Zarkon 5 and Chandler would think you should 'go for it'!"

"Well, if you go... then you can be there to chaperone the freakiness. And did I mention that Richard says this Wendy girl is a dead ringer for Alyssa Milano?"

"Huh. Well, I suppose it would be good to chaperone."

"I didn't even tell you what her job is yet."

"Huh-yeah? What's her job?"

"She builds those animatronic dinosaurs at 'Touch the Past'."

"She works... she builds... that's the coolest place *ever*! None of you would ever go with me!"

Phoebe's voice dropped to a sultry register. "Oh yeah, she works there. She's always working to perfect the dinosaurs, y'know. Make 'em really... *accurate*. And she's learning as much as she can about them. She just looooves to talk about dinosaurs, and she apparently told Richard how she was sooo excited to meet you and get your..." Phoebe paused for just a moment, licked her lips lightly, then whispered: "Expert opinion."

"Y'okay, I'll go, but I'm only doing this for you!"

***

Phoebe and Richard caught each other's eyes and had to resist the urge not to giggle. Not that Ross and Wendy would have noticed if they'd rolled on the floor laughing, or for that matter, tap-danced naked on top of the table.

"And I'm about to start researching Sauropods, that's my next project."

"Oooh -- you know what you should do? Attach a group of Anurognathus."

"A what? My god, I can't believe I didn't bring my notebook. Dr. Geller, you're... fascinating."

"Oh please, just Ross. Anurognathus are a type of pterosaur... they live almost their entire lives on Sauropod backs."

Ross drew a finger lightly over his wine glass. "You know... if you wanted... I used to work at the museum, I still have some friends over there. We could go on kind of a behind-the-scenes tour, y'know, see how they assemble the fossils."

"Are you serious? That would be incredible! That would help me so much. I'm really trying to learn as much as I can. I ordered that entire series on DVD, y'know, 'Walking With Dinosaurs'? It just came from Amazon this afternoon, I haven't had a chance to rip into it yet."

"Oh my god, you have 'Walking With Dinosaurs' on DVD? I missed, like, four episodes!"

"Do you want to come watch it with me? I could pop popcorn, we could have a dino-marathon."

"That would rock!"

"Tonight?"

"Yeah, sure, just let me get the check..."

"Oh no, no, Ross," Richard grinned. "Lemme get this one. You guys go have your marathon, and say hi to the, er, Anoo..."

"Anurognathus."

"Yeah, say hi to him for me. And all his little birdy friends."

"Thanks, Richard! We should do this again sometime, it was fun. Wendy, I'll get our coats, okay?"

As Ross walked off, Wendy grabbed Richard by both hands.

"Dr. Burke, thank you, thank you, thank you... I mean, I thought it'd be so cool to talk to a paleontologist, but I never dreamed he'd be so gorgeous! I am going to refer everyone I know to you, whether they have bad vision or not!"

Richard laughed and squeezed Wendy's hands. "You go have fun, and enjoy your new glasses."

"I'm gonna enjoy steaming them up!" She watched Ross' retreating rear. "Hommina."

Wendy practically sprinted to join Ross's side, and Phoebe and Richard looked at each other with sly grins.

"I propose a toast," Richard said. "To Phase One."

"Well, Ross will probably screw this up, but if he doesn't... To Phase One!"

They clinked glasses and downed their wine.


--------------

To be continued...

CREDITS: Dinosaur information taken from the BBC website.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dinosaurs