Disclaimer: I can almost guarantee you that anything good here belongs to J.K. Rowling and anything bad is mine. Standard disclaimers apply. Do not sue me.
Chapter Eight
The Carefree Way of Resolving and Dissolving
…*…
When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away
So if you ever feel neglected,
If you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost
…*…
Up and down several of the many winding Hogwarts staircases, James and Thalia walked in silence, mulling over the harsh words they had just yelled at their best friends. They finally stopped when they had reached the top of the astronomy tower because they couldn't go any further.
"Exactly what just happened in there?" James looked completely bewildered, as if he had just witnessed the scene instead of being a part of it.
"I guess we blew up?" Thalia suggested lamely.
James glowered at her before growing thoughtful.
Thalia ignored him and continued, "Well, we definitely didn't mean it? Right?"
"I think so, in a way. I mean, sometimes it just seems so stupid, all of it. And like, is Sirius just using his family to fuel his hatred of the Snape's? Because he never talks about it unless he's cursing them out." James plopped down on the ancient slabs of stone that made up the floor in this tower.
"I know what you mean, and doesn't he get the whole reason they were killed was hatred in the first place?"
James was nodding, only half listening to her responses to his questions, "I mean, Sirius is the best friend I could ever have had, really. Totally selfless about us, I know he would pry die for our friendship, which is kind of a serious thing right now, but he's just so… "
"High-strung?"
"Yeah! High-strung about everything; I guess its just more than I can take at times. And we're getting older… its just getting old too." James finished; picking at the ivy that grew up the tower.
"I see…" Thalia was thoughtful, the very idea of James and Sirius not being friends was horrible, but then again, things would end very badly if they didn't part at the right time…. " So, you're ready to give it up then?" She asked casually.
"Give what up?" Did Thalia just miss the point? Or were they having their two different conversations. "I don't have too much to do Thalia, I'm just not sure what I do have to do is working anymore."
Thalia gave a kind of exhausted laugh, "No, I mean are you done with it?"
"With what?" This was getting frustrating.
"Being a Marauder?"
"Hello NO!" James jumped up, somewhat taken back by the strength of his own reply. He hadn't really admitted to himself that the idea had been in the back of his mind a lot the last week or so.
Thalia raised an eyebrow, "Well then, I guess that's that it comes down to. Since you don't want to stop being part of the fab four Marauders', maybe you should redefine what that is. Since you have an idea about what's bothering you now."
"And what's bothering me again?" asked the somewhat lost James'
"You're outgrowing your shell I suppose. You're no longer comfortable in the positioned you've been placed in. Then again, its so nice being who you are that you don't want to give it up. But you feel like you don't have a choice. You're family and Sirius' are targeted, big time. And your friendship has to change too, or else you gotta give it up."
"Oh, come on-."
"Think about it, what did you do when your friendship with Remus changed because of what he was?"
"Remus never changed! There was just new part of him to deal with. "
"And you dealt with it. Sirius hasn't changed either; there's a new part. The death of his family has been added. And the disappearance of your family has been added to you."
"Which is worse?"
"You tell me?"
James grinned for the first time in an hour (which was a rather long stretch for him), "You know, for a careless ditz, you're rather handy with the advise."
Thalia bowed, "And for a careless rich hooligan you sure seem to have a lot on your mind."
James even laughed a little this time. The sounded echoed in the round tower and seemed to drop suddenly; he turned back to her. "So aside from the usual lack of sleep, what's been bugging you?"
"Same as you I guess. I mean, I've spent years of my life until now becoming what I am. I've given my life to being a Natural, and that means I've given my life to being a friend. But, joy of joys, now I get to grow up and it doesn't seem life its working. I mean, look at this. I thought we had the perfect group. Open, fun, honest and prank pulling…. But we had all this crap that we kept from each other until we blew? That doesn't seem right to me."
"Technically, only four out of seven blew."
"Yeah, but that's only because Clio and Remus are too absorbed in each other to blow up at us… and poor little Peter. Where does he even fit in? Everyone in the group has a partner of sorts. But Peter is kind of everyone's, but he gets left out a lot too. And he just doesn't seem like the kinda guy you can leave alone… There are just so many faults in what I considered to be perfect and safe." She fiddled with the railing. Slowly she had been moving towered the balcony and now had the perfect view that made the astronomy tower what it was.
"Oh, I get it now." James was oddly cheerful, "So, are you ready to give up being the Natural?"
Thalia looked up startled, "Oh!" She was trapped by her own logic; she didn't like that very much. She slapped James playfully on the arm and pretended to sulk while thinking it out. "No, I guess I'm not."
While nursing his wound James said, "Well, that's what it comes down to, doesn't it?" Thalia nodded mutely. This was probably only the fourth time in their whole friendship that she didn't have a comeback. James made note of this before saying, "Look, as everyone says, you're 'carefree.' You don't seem to care what people will think, what you're punishment will be, or whether or not you'll be blown up during the process. But then again, You do think ahead when planning a prank, at least enough to cover your tracks and you care about all of us a lot, I know. Its just, we all have our parts and yours is the Head Natural. Everyone wonder how the three of you are still functioning so perfectly. You make it your charm. I know you feel kind of trapped, but there are a lot of good things about this. So I guess what I mean is, don't throw the baby out of the bath water, as they say."
"That is one sadistic saying."
"Yeah."
"So I suppose all we have to do now is make the best out of the bath water?"
"Um… ok, we can go with that analogy."
" Haha, now, shut up and give me a hug so we can go downstairs and sort this out."
From somewhere below them in one of the trees, a snow owl smiled and went to report to her friends that things should be ok after all.
James and Thalia did go back to the Gryffindor tower, after grabbing a snack from the house elves. They were totally unaware that from somewhere to the left and below the balcony in the tower, a slimy grin had spread across Severus Snape's face as he thought about the picture he had just taken.
So, if Lily and James' were going to be a couple, then it was the Slytherin's job to take them apart. If little Potter lost all his friends and his girl, it would be much easier to do as his father had instructed. To many people Lily and James looked like a couple and, according to Severus' soon to be developed photograph, so did Thalia and James.
...*...
When you thought it was over,
You could feel it all around,
And everybody's out to get you,
Don't you let it drag you down.
…*…
In the passage between the two Gryffindor fifth year dorms, Sirius was blowing off steam by other blowing things up. Lily tried to organize things out in her life by sorting things out in the room. So obviously, neither was being much help to the other. This went on for about ten minutes before Lily seemed to come to a conclusion in her mind, snapped out of it and said, "Padfoot, will you cut that out!"
He gave a Padfoot growl and grumbled, "That is not my name."
"Of course it's your name, and stop blowing things up, you're ruining the décor!"
The teddy bear sized Gryffindor lion was weaving in and out of their feet, as he often did this when groups of them appeared.
"I think it's having a great effect on this décor. I've decided to give this crap up, its obviously not making anyone happy, and besides, I'm too stressed." He blew a slight hole in the wall and got up to pace, only to trip over the lion. "Damnit!" He yelled.
"Pardon me sir," said the lion patiently, "but are you any happier now?"
Lily shot an infuriating smiled at Sirius and addressed the stuffed creature. "No, he's not Gryffy, see Sirius had a lot of faith in the friendship we all shared. And after our first real -but stupid- fight, he's decided to throw his life out that little hole he just made."
"Did you just say stupid fight? Please tell me you've taken some sort of pill to ease the pain, because that was no our usual little spat."
"No, it wasn't." admitted the still oddly calm Lily.
"James just totally disregarded the fact that my family is dead, Lily, like, not coming back, gone forever…you know DEAD!" He punctuated the last words of this statement by making the new hole in the wall, bigger.
They now had a window. If Lily didn't stop him soon, they would have a door. "Look Sirius, he didn't disregard it, he just said don't use it as an excuse. Which he could've put in better terms, but he's right. His family's dying too."
"So what? Is he upset I'm taking all the morbid attention away? Sorry, I had no idea Jamey boy was feeling neglected."
"You're both feeling neglected, and you're both tired and cranky. And it's no excuse to lose everything we've worked for!"
Sirius stared at her for a long time with a dead pan expression on his face. Her arms were folded, her eyebrows were relaxed, and though one was raised slightly higher than the other was and her foot was tapping. She had a very odd smile on her face. Looking at her, he couldn't help smiling himself. "Leave it to you to defend you're boy friend. Oops! I mean, enemy."
Lily rolled her eyes and sat down, "No changing subjects. There's nothing much I can do about it, but I can see both sides of the argument. I always have been able to, that's what got me in trouble tonight. But at least I'm usually good at solving problems… "
There was a pause.
"So you really don't think my moonlighting days are over?" Sirius asked, not looking at her and petting the purring lion.
"Oh good gods no." She paused, "At least, I could never, ever, betray any of you, and a few nasty words shouldn't tear apart the 'dream team.' I think the gears of our gang are just shifting and taking us along for the ride."
"True, but come on, is it really worth it?"
Lily seemed startled at this comment. He wasn't serious about giving it up was he? This was another time when his temper took over, right? "Change into Padfoot and look out that window you just made, now." Sirius was about to protest when Lily snapped, "Now!" and pointed to the window. Padfoot was suddenly at her feet looking slightly alarmed, "Good boy, now look out there."
Padfoot turned to look and caught site of the half moon; he let out a low, almost silent mournful howl, one that shared a likeness with Moony. When it was done he looked out again and let another louder howl out. Finally, he stood up and put his paws on the edge of the "window," letting an earsplitting sound loose, a sound of desperate need. Padfoot was suddenly Sirius and looking rather sheepish.
"See," said Lily, "You get antsy if you don't go for a run."
Sirius glowered at her.
"Come on, you need that. Tell me that you weren't thinking of Remus, Peter, and yes James. Tell me that you didn't contemplate jumping out of that whole to go find them and run. Tell me that wasn't the best release you've had all month." Sirius was silent, but by the way he was looking at his shoes, she knew she had gotten him. Sirius never looked at his shoes unless he was beaten. This was the first time since he was five he had so openly looked at his shoes. "Tell me that because you lost you're confidence and suddenly you can't quite tell what's going on with your friends that you never want to slip out under James' cloak again. Tell me you don't want to rescue Remus from a night of sheer hell and that you no longer care. Because not two months ago you swore to honor the friendship that you're willing to throw away right now. I don't think so Padfoot." Sirius looked out at the moon, weighing his options. "And even if the moons aren't enough, what about everyday? What about helping me with my stupid addiction to muggle coffee? And Clio calm down when she can't find one of her books, or keeping Thalia from blowing up unsuspecting passersby in Hogsmead? Or helping James (and yes you) cope when another black owl swoops down to say that someone is missing again. Tell me that you don't want to do that stuff ever again. Think about it Sirius, the good far outweighs the bad."
Sirius did count things, and with a final pat on the head to the "Gryffy," he ran downstairs to the common room just as James came through the portrait hole. They had both been running but suddenly skidded to stops and faced each other silently for a moment. Considering each other and what had been said, finally, the both muttered "sorry" grinned, and sat down with Remus and Peter to plan for the next moon. It was almost here and they hadn't even decided whether to dung bomb anyone.
"Boys." Muttered Clio, who's attention now moved to her two best friends. Her fears were confirmed, because it was not so easy with Lily and Thalia, who had come in right behind the boys. They stood across the room for about two minutes; unsure whether to cry or slap each other, or not do neither and just keep looking at one another for eternity. Clio, exhausted from just watching them grabbed them both by the ears ("Owe, owe, owe, OWE!" cried Lily and Thalia in unison) and dragged them upstairs to their dorm and locked it. Lily and Thalia sighed, sat on their beds and faced one another.
"And you can't come out until you've resolved everything and this fight is dissolved and gone!" With that, she stormed back downstairs to look over the party plans with Peter (who had sufficiently recovered).
For one more moment they both looked at the door and listened to her as she stormed down the steps and then looked back at one another. Their response to her was this, as it so often can be when you're oh so very tired and have had a hard Quidditch practice and your emotions were drained long ago. They smiled at one another, and then their bodies shook with silent laughter. They finally collapsed into giggling until their whole beds were bouncing as they rolled around in fits of hysterics, not stopping for a whole ten minutes.
It was now two thirty in the morning and with their concords drifting off to sleep, Remus and Clio were curled up in the common room drinking hot cocoa from Dumbledore's special batch and enjoying themselves beautifully.
"Well, obviously I wasn't there, but Peter said it was a big fight."
"Big as in our opinion, or big as in Peters opinion."
"Ours."
"Wow. But I guess the guys are cool with each other now?"
"Yeah, they were saying stuff has gotta change, but I guess its between the two of them."
"Please, how manly of you. Don't lie to me, I know you're going to get involved."
"Maybe, but certainly not as involved as you. I still can't believe you locked them in their room, mum."
"Ok, first rule of dating, do not call your girlfriend mum under any circumstance. Rule number two, don't mock her tactics, they obviously work."
"Point taken, so Lily and Thalia are cool?"
"They're perfectly content yes. They both just said it was time to start being a little more considerate of what everyone's going through. And while we're all being angst ridden teenagers we need to open about it and not to let it drag us down. Stupid obvious stuff you should never have to tell a friend but always seem to anyway."
Remus nodded. "So how come we don't fight half as much as they all do? We have just as many problems."
"No, we have one less, romance is all sorted out between the two of us. "
"Ah, all is revealed." Remus gave her a small kiss on the forehead.
Before the two lovebirds could get comfortable they heard several familiar voices yelling, "Ewe! Mushy stuff!" And were ambushed by their very awake and very together friends.
…*…
So if you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up
My demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost
…*…
A.N. Yes, I'm back from the dead! Actually, I've just finally recovered from school and such… of course, now its time to start it all again. *Sobs* However! I finally have an outline of all the chapters and have fussed over them for a couple of months while harvesting my plentiful plot bunny garden and I believe this story will finally be finished before I die! YAY!
A.N. #2: This and the last chapter were just too long for a one sitting so I split it into two and have edited it since I last posted it a couple months ago. Here's the dish on the next posted chapter, number nine: in which we finally get to play Quidditch, the "ruddy" ball is finally ready to go and find a few more plot bunnies that even surprised me. Heaven forbid I know what's going on in my own story.
Midnight: We just like to keep you on your toe's, deary.
Me: *Grumbles* Review and Enjoy!
