"...we found large amounts of Valium and alcohol in her system…"
"...any idea where she could have obtained it..."
"...perhaps consider some time in the psychiatric ward..."
"...want her to come home as possible..."
It all felt like a dream. Marissa heard strange, muffled voices as she blinked her eyes open, and she initially felt disoriented, not recognizing her surroundings. Only after looking around did she realize that she was in a hospital, again. After much effort, she managed to turn her head to see several large machines next to her bed beeping and flashing numbers she didn't understand. She struggled to remember the events that led to her arrival here, but she could only remember getting out of Luke's car and seeing Ryan in her driveway. Ryan, she thought, what have I done?
Then it all came crashing down on her: the party, Ryan in the pool house with that woman, losing her virginity to Luke, and finally taking her sleeping pills. Is that why she was here? She could've sworn she had only taken a few, no more than she had taken in the past… Fear gripped her as she considered the possibilities. There was no doubt in her mind that she would get into trouble for buying it illegally. Didn't someone mention going to a psychiatric ward? Surely her father would never let that happen, and besides, she wasn't crazy. What's wrong with needing a little help falling asleep?
Her thoughts were interrupted when her father entered her room, looking extremely tired and anxious. Marissa half-hoped that her mother would be behind him, but like always, Julie Cooper was nowhere to be found.
"Hi Dad." she murmured weakly, her throat feeling dry and bruised.
Jimmy looked up in alarm, his face immediately lighting up at the sound of Marissa's voice. He rushed to her side, thankful that his daughter had finally woken up.
"No sweetie, try not to speak too loud right now. They pumped your stomach when you arrived in the emergency room last night, and the doctor said your throat would be a little sore for a few days." He brushed her hair aside, wishing he knew what to do. "But are you feeling okay otherwise?"
"I'm fine, Daddy, just a little tired." Marissa wanted to ask her father about what the doctor said, but she didn't have to courage, afraid that her father had agreed to send her away. "Are Mom and Caitlin here?"
Jimmy shook his head, "They were here earlier, but Caitlin was getting antsy, so your mom took her to the mall."
Marissa forced a smile, knowing that her father was lying. Julie rarely visited hospitals, always saying that the smell made her feel nauseous. Truth was that she never cared enough to come.
"Honey, about what happened last night…" Jimmy began uncomfortably, the words of the doctor still weighing on his mind. "Did you want to talk about it? You know you can always talk to me if you have any problems."
Shame washed over Marissa as she looked at her father's watery eyes. She had always been able to talk to him in the past; when did that change? It felt like so many things were changing in her life, but she just couldn't keep up. She longed to tell him everything, to confess all of her sins, but deep down she knew that he wouldn't understand. Maybe no one could.
"I know, Daddy, but I don't really feel like talking about it right now," she whispered, "I just want to go home."
Jimmy watched her face close up, wondering when his baby had turned into a woman who was clearly going through so much pain. "The doctor said you should be okay to come home by tomorrow morning. I promise I'll get you back in your own bed as soon as I can." He kissed her softly on her forehead, hoping she didn't see the uncertainty in his eyes.
In an effort to lighten the mood, he put on a smile, "By the way, you have some visitors waiting outside. It's Seth Cohen, and Ryan, from next door. Did you want me to call them in?"
---
He never liked the smell of hospitals. It always reminded Ryan of the many times he had to bring his mother to the emergency room for alcohol poisoning and drug overdoses. Seeing someone you care about getting carted off in a gurney is bad, but waiting for the doctor to come out with news of the patient is much worse. Each time he sat in that waiting room, he was sure he was never going to see his mother again, but somehow she always managed to pull through, only to be back where she was in a matter of days.
The glass doors automatically opened as Ryan and Seth entered the Jennato Memorial Hospital a few hours after Marissa was rushed there by ambulance. So, Ryan thought to himself, this is where rich people go when they're sick. The entrance looked like a 5-star hotel lobby, and classical music wafted pleasantly from hidden speakers. The high ceilings and stained glass windows seemed more appropriate for a renaissance church, but the atmosphere seemed to relax the patients lounging on the plush sofas. Seth interrupted Ryan's survey with Marissa's room number.
Nearly eight hours later, Seth was fast asleep on a lounger and Ryan was re-reading, yet again, an ancient copy of National Geographic. They had left the hospital only twice since they arrived, and both times were due to Seth's complaints about being hungry and refusing the eat the "slop they serve in the cafeteria downstairs." Ryan repeatedly told Seth to go home without him, which led to many Seth-speeches about brotherhood and being part of a team. It was enough to make a person think that they were starring in an after school special instead of sitting in a hospital waiting room.
But despite all of his efforts to appear calm, Ryan was scared by how Marissa's life had suddenly become so similar to his mother's. He had overheard the conversations Jimmy Cooper had with Marissa's doctor, and if those conversations were any indication, Marissa could potentially spend a lot more time in this hospital. The doctor mentioned that she had overdosed on Valium, a prescription drug Ryan recognized as one of the many in his mother's personal pharmaceutical collection. What was Marissa doing with Valium? He strained his ears to catch more of the conversation, but he still didn't know if Marissa had really tried to kill herself, or if it was all just an accident.
He stared at the door of her hospital room, wondering if she would ever wake up. Jimmy had been inside for almost half an hour, and surely that meant she was okay. All Ryan wanted to do was see her, maybe try to explain his actions, and leave. If she decided she never wanted to see him again, that would just have to be something he'd learn to live with. He made his mistakes last night; he knew by now that there was no point trying to escape punishment.
The door opened slowly, and Ryan said a quick prayer, hoping that God hadn't forgotten about him yet. Jimmy exited the room, still looking tired but with a small smile on his face.
"She's awake, so if you boys want to go inside and say hello, she said that would be fine." Jimmy reached for his wallet and pointed in the direction of the cafeteria. "I'm just going to grab a cup of coffee and something to eat while you're keeping her company."
Ryan stood up, not sure what to say but managing to blurt out a quiet "thank you" to Jimmy. Seth finally woke up, and after hearing the news, decided to let Ryan go in ahead without him.
"Maybe it would be better if you went in first, you know, get a little more time to talk to her one-on-one." Seth knew that Ryan would refuse, but he definitely didn't want to be in that room while Ryan and Marissa made googly-eyes at each other. He imagined that Ryan had some things to say to Marissa, and it would probably be pretty awkward if he was hanging around in the corner.
Ryan looked at him in disbelief, not entirely sure he could go in there by himself. "What the hell are you going to do out here by yourself?"
"I don't know," Seth shrugged, "Maybe I can ask Mr. Cooper for some investment advice or something. Okay, that was a bad joke. Or wait, maybe I can raid the other waiting rooms for magazines that were printed in the last decade." Seth gave Ryan an encouraging push towards the door. "Come on, don't worry about me. I'll be right here when you come out, I promise."
Allowing himself to be pushed, Ryan grabbed the doorknob and turned it open, trying to remember what he had planned to say to Marissa. He had spent most of the last eight hours thinking of the best way to explain what had happened last night, and he had forgotten all of it. I guess I'll have to improvise, he thought as he entered the room.
