Date. 04.13.2002
Time. 2.00 pm exactly
Music. jigglykat radio -- at the moment, its Boston.
Chapter 6

Copyright. Alas, none of us own the Vision of Escaflowne so lets just end our suffering.

Author's Notes. I'm currently trying to do my computer homework, which is to watch… cartoons. That's right. I have to watch cartoons for homework. Unfortunately, it can't be anime so I'm getting my Invader Zim on. But the sound isn't working on it right now, so while I'm waiting for that to get fixed, I'm working on Chapter 6.

The Vision of Escaflowne. Parvulus de Crepuscid.

Chapter 6. With or Without You

* * *

Her voice made no sound, though the words she wanted to scream began to build up in her throat. Flashes of her life had leapt in front of her eyes as if she was dying. And in a way, she was. Signing her existence away at such an early age was uncalled for.

Sellie's eyes shifted to Quidam, whose head hung low so that he could not see her gaze. She could feel the tears begin to water in her own eyes, but she tried to force them back. She looked to her parents who sat next to her. Her father's face was completely drained of all color while her mother held her hand to her mouth.

She couldn't be there right at that moment. She shoved back her chair and bolted out of the room, tears streaming down her face.

Why was she crying? She did not hate Quidam. Nor did she know him. Thirteen years old was too young to be married. And to be forced into this. Did her parents even consider about what she wanted? Van had put off being married because he loved her mother. They believed in love. She didn't wanted to be forced into it.

She could hear voices crying her name, but she did not stop. Her stomach churned as she raced down the hallway and into the guest living quarters. She barged through the door and shut it quickly with her back. She stayed there for a moment, she leaning upon it, and sobbing uncontrollably. She kicked off her shoes and collapsed onto her bed, hiding her face into the pillows and cried.

It could have been eternity, or it could have been a few moments later, but she could hear a muffled knocking on her door. She did not move as she could hear it open slowly and someone walk into the room. Nor did she move when that person's hands began to rub her back gently.

"Sweetie?" she could hear her mother's soft voice coaxing her. "Can you please come out of there?"

Sellie shook her head.

"Please?" This time, her voice sounded like it was about to break.

She slowly removed one of the pillows and tossed it onto the floor. She lifted herself up, her eyes already puffy. Hitomi sighed as she drew Sellie into her arms. As the young girl sobbed into her shoulder, all she wanted to do was to hold her and cry along with her.

"Why?" was all the girl could say. "Why did you do this to me? You of all people."

"We didn't do anything, sweetheart," Hitomi whispered, stroking her long, black, wavy hair. "This was as much as a surprise to us as it was to you."

"But why? Why would he do something like this so quick?"

"I don't know… but your father is talking to him right now," she hugged her tighter. "He demanded to see Tarn in private a minute after you left. Hopefully, this will be cleared up soon."

Hitomi broke the embrace and took a handkerchief out of her sleeve. She wiped away her wet cheeks as Sellie just sat still, sniffling every now and then.

"I know its not that late, but why don't you stay in your room for tonight," Hitomi said after a moment of silence. "You look really tired. I'll bring by some food later on."

"I'm not hungry," she muttered.

"Well, if you do, have someone bring you something." She brushed some of her wild locks out of her eyes. "I know what its like… to have your heart broken like that." She kissed her on the forehead. "Get some sleep?"

Sellie nodded. "Thank you, Mom," she whispered, her head still hanging.

Hitomi smiled at her and clicked the door shut.

* * *

The rage of a dragon roared inside of him, clawing to let him out and tear the man to tiny pieces. He had managed to take him into his council room without much of a scene out in the Banquet Hall, but it kept on building inside. He wanted to let it all loose.

But over the years and being with Hitomi made Van able to control his anger and he held everything back.

Tarn sat in his head chair, his hands crossed on his stomach calmly. He stared at the younger King with a cool exterior, mouth faintly curved upward in a smile. Van had yet to say anything since they arrived to this meeting and several minutes had passed by in silence.

"Is there a problem, Lord Van?" Tarn asked innocently.

"Don't give me that bullshit, Tarn," Van snapped. "You had no right."

"What? That I propose the suggestion of a union between our two countries?"

"We've already settled that union. It's called being allies." He stopped pacing the floor and stared into the older man's eyes. "But bringing in my daughter like this. It was completely uncalled for."

"Did you see the way your daughter interacted with my son tonight, Lord Van?" Tarn rose to his feet. "There was the definite awkwardness of love at first sight between the two. From the stories that you have told me about Princess Selmé, she doesn't seem to be one that shies away so easily. I caught her blushing once or twice and…"

"Just stop!" Van shouted. No, he couldn't listen to this. Sellie was nowhere near falling in love and marrying off to another noble. She was only 13 years old, for gods sake.

"The fact of the matter is, Lord Van," Tarn continued. "That there aren't too many available princesses in our area. Especially allied ones. The time is coming soon for you to find a proper suitor for your daughter to ensure the safety of Fanelia. My Queen is dead. Quidam is the only one that Cassia depends on. Our borders touch each other. In their marriage, Fanelia and Cassia could become one larger country and become more prosperous. Isn't that what you want? To make Fanelia bigger and better?"

"No," Van said firmly, his fury on the edge of exploding. "I want what is the best for Sellie. I have never considered and will never put her into a situation where she is forced to love someone. My parents married for love, and so did Hitomi and I. Fanelia will be prosperous in her own way."

Tarn walked across the room and stopped next to Van. He placed his large hand on the younger man's shoulder and squeezed tightly.

"Just think about, Lord Van," he said with a wicked look in his eye. "I'm offering you a better life for your daughter and country than what you have to give her. You want what is best for Selmé. Consider it." With that, he left Van alone in the council room.

Van fumed at the thought and those last words. He clenched his right hand into a fist and slammed it against the table as he cursed.

* * *

What is the news of our current situation?

Continue the plan. It will proceed tonight. The Fanels are too stressed to retire to their rooms early so they will be up. I have people watching them at all times.

Don't forget about that Mystic Moon bitch. She has clairvoyant powers. If she gets any sense of something following her, she can detect them with her mind.

You worry too much. No, these are undetectable spies that I have had working for me for years. Not even they can find their own.

Just beware: she can see the unseen.

I am aware.

Good.

When will you come?

I want them isolated. I have no quarrel with those other guests of yours.

They most likely want to be by themselves. To talk.

What did you do tonight to aggravate them so?

Let's just say its one of my little secrets.

We each may have our own. But tonight is the night where all secrets come unraveled.

* * *

There was no way that Sellie could stay cooped up in her room at such an early hour. The sun had set only a little while ago and she was too wide awake to go to sleep. There was nothing in her quarters to occupy her mind from boredom.

Besides, the forest outside was just calling to her.

She stripped out of her formal dress and quickly put on a linen shirt and breeches that she snuck into her bag. She kept the dagger strapped to her leg and put her hair up in a messy ponytail. Maybe the fresh air will ease my mind and calm me down, she thought.

She poked her out the hallway to see if anyone was lingering. Luckily, it was empty. She crept down the hall and wandered outside and into the courtyard. She could see some of the other guests walking about the gardens but no one had noticed her. She remained in the shadows and continued her journey.

The gates had been open ever since they had arrived that afternoon. The guards must have left it ajar so that it would be easier for people to leave the castle rather than opening it for every single party-goer.

Some of the merchants were bringing gifts for their King, leaving them at a designated point, and returning to the city outside of the gates. Sellie managed to sneak onto a cart and hide under the tarp until she reached the outskirts. From there, she quickly ran into the forest.

The moonlight cast a silvery glow upon everything, making it easier for her to see. The cool air felt so good on her flushed skin. She walked deeper into the trees, her destination the waterfall. She didn't know why. Something was drawing her towards the waterfall… as if she were destined to go there.

A mournful chirping threw her off track, though. Her ears perked up and followed the sound to a large bent-over tree where she could see something fluttering on the ground. She knelt down and tried to calm the fledgling's fidgeting. But something else caught her eye as well.

She drew the dagger from her leg and pivoted, holding the grip tightly. "Who's there?!" she cried.

"It's just me, Princess Selmé," a hushed voice from the brush called. Quidam emerged from his hiding place, his hands up in peace. Sellie lowered her weapon, but did not return it to its sheath.

"What are you doing here?" she asked cautiously, her eyes still narrowed.

"I… I saw you leave the castle… alone," he said. "I just wanted to make sure that you were alright."

"I'm fine," she replied bluntly, then went back to the bird. She sensed Quidam approaching her and peeking over her shoulder.

"What's wrong with it?" he asked.

"It fell out of its nest from up there," she pointed to one of the lower limbs. "Can you get me some of those big leaves over there please?"

As he retrieved the foliage that she asked for, she rubbed her hands harshly upon the ground. "What are you doing?" Quidam asked as he handed the leaves over to her.

"Aren't you full of questions tonight?" she muttered. "I'm trying to take away my scent so that when I put the baby back in the nest, it won't smell like me and its mother will accept it again." She carefully took in the fledgling and cupped it into one of the leaves. "Can you give me a boost up, please?"

He nodded and held out his hands. She stepped into them and he lifted her slowly. She gently put the bird back in with its siblings and Quidam lowered her to the ground.

"You must know a lot about nature," he commented. "I wish I did."

"Have you never gone out and played in the woods like this?" Sellie asked as she brushed off her pants.

He shook his head. "I haven't been out that far beyond the walls. Father wouldn't let me go. I had to focus on being Cassia's future King. I had to follow him to all his meetings and stuff."

"He never showed you what else your country was? Just the castle?"

He nodded in response. "That's all that a kingdom is."

"No, it's not. I leave the boundaries of the Fanelian estate to where I can go in half-a-day's travel on foot. I want to know every rock, tree, and creature as well."

He hesitated before responding. "I never heard of a marriage proposal before tonight. I'm sorry."

Sellie leaned herself on the tree, relieved that someone brought up the current situation. "So what do you think?" she asked softly

He shrugged his shoulders. "You seem to be really nice and all. I'm sure you'll make a great Queen. Maybe in a couple years…"

"Wait… you *actually* want to go through with this?" she interrupted.

"Why not?"

"Because it's unreasonable! I don't want to leave home. And I'm too young also." She could feel her anger building up again.

"But don't you want to please your father and make him proud?"

Sellie remained silent. She actually never had heard what Van had felt about this situation. What if he wanted a union between the two countries? He had seemed angry at first, but maybe after speaking with King Tarn, he could have been convinced that this was the right thing to do.

What if he did want this?

She shook her head of the thought. "Look, Quidam… I'm not…"

Another loud crashing sound through the bushes and another figure emerged into the clearing.

Oh gods, she thought. Not him too.

"What's going on, Sellie?" he asked as he stood next to Quidam. "Why did you go out running during dinner and then out here?"

She said nothing and flashed her angry green eyes at him.

Rouen's grinning face fell into a concerned look as his eyes fell upon her glare. "What's wrong?"

"None of your business," she said coldly. "I was just leaving."

"Alright, you know what? Just *stop* for a moment with this 'high and mighty' crap," he said gruffly. "What's up with you lately? Why do you hate me?"

She hesitated for a moment. "I don't hate you, Rouen," she replied softly. "I don't know what I think right now."

"It's not just tonight, Sellie," he said. "It's been awhile now. We used to be best friends and now you're all distant. We never talk anymore. Why?"

She closed her eyes and listened to his words. What was he talking about… me changing? He's the one that has changed. It was true; they had been best friends. When Dryden and Millerna would come to Fanelia, the two children were inseparable.

But now, Rouen stopped visiting because he had other obligations back in Palas. It had been awhile since they had last seen each other before this night.

She looked up at him and then, at Quidam, her eyes welling up with tears. "I can't think right now," she said, her voice growing stronger. "Please, just… just leave me alone right now!"

Rouen gave her a blank stare, then looked over at the other boy. "C'mon, Quidam," he said harshly. "Let's go back and leave Princess here alone." He returned the way he had arrived.
Quidam looked at her with a soulful stare, then followed.

She ran into the forest, tears streaming down her face. Why… why am I crying over Rouen? Are we still friends? Can I still be his friend? Or is it over?

* * *

Van slouched against the wall, his head hanging low as his eyes remained closed tightly. Though he wasn't sleeping, his mind flashed memories in his eyelids.

*** He had been working hard in his study all night, hunched over endless parchments of alliances between other countries, acts that needed editing, and letters of complaint. Palos had offered to help him in his state of illness, but Van sent him to his quarters without second thought.

"You need your sleep, Palos," he had told the elderly man. "I need you better later on so you can attend my meetings for me."

"Oh, I can hardly wait, Your Highness," he said sarcastically as he let out a whooping cough. But he had obeyed his orders and left him alone to work.

It must have been close to midnight as he was reading some documents when he heard his door creak open. He had expected to see either Hitomi or Palos, telling him to go to bed and do it in the morning, but instead, he saw Sellie.

Her nightie was too big for her 3-year-old toddler body. The sleeves kept falling beyond her hands as she rubbed her eyes.

"What are you still doing up?" he asked softly, sitting upright in his huge chair.

"I had a nightmare," she replied, a trace of fear in her voice. "I couldn't find Mommy."

He set down the paper and held his arms open. She eagerly left her position in the doorway and jumped into his lap. Van let out a "oof", but let the girl settle into him. She placed her head over his heart and stuck her thumb into her mouth. He eased back into his chair and placed his feet back on top of the papers.

Van supported her with one arm and stroked her hair. "So what was it this time… dragon? Swamp monster?"

"No… it was different this time… I was dreaming… dreaming that I was flying…"

"Flying?" Van asked slowly. At this point, he and Hitomi agreed that Sellie should not go on anymore "sky" adventures, for fear that she may remember the flights. "What type of flying? Inside a leviship like the Crusade?"

"No… it was flying with wings…" Sellie's voice began to fade as the rhythm of Van's heart beat made her slide into slumber's arms. "You and Mommy were there… you were flying too. But I… I started to fall… I couldn't fly anymore… I kept falling… and falling…"

The child had fallen asleep in mid-sentence. Van remained still as she shifted to make herself more comfortable, then kissed the top of her head.

Sellie… he thought. I'll always be there to catch you if you fall…

He sighed and gradually lifted himself out of the chair and carried her back to her room. He lowered into the soft bed and placed the covers over her.

"Daddy?" her sleepy voice broke the silence.

"Hmmm?"

"Stay with me tonight…" she faded away once more.

He smiled, then pulled up a large armchair and sat down in it, watching over his daughter.

Never let you fall… ***

Now, he felt like he was the one that was falling and that there was no one there to reach out for him. How would Sellie see him now? He had said no to the alleged proposal, but would he still be the same in his daughter's eyes? He felt so guilty for putting her through such an ordeal.

Smooth hands ran themselves up his arms. He didn't have to lift his head; he knew those hands.

"Where is she?" he asked calmly without looking up.

"Her room," Hitomi replied as she sat beside him, nuzzling into him. "I told her to stay in tonight."

"Good."

There was a brief pause. "Did you talk with Lord Tarn?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"I told him that I was never interested in linking our countries together by marriage, but he wants to ensure the safety of his own land." He rubbed his eyes. "I never wanted anything like this."

"None of us do, Van."

The silence filled the room once more, but for a longer amount of time. Outside, he could hear the crickets chirping gleefully. Almost like… laughter. They were laughing at him.

"It got me thinking though," he said finally.

Hitomi straightened. "Thinking of…" she said slowly.

"Sellie is 13 years… going on 14 years in a few colors," he murmured. "She is nowhere near ready to rule a kingdom if something happened to you or I… we haven't forced her to take proper etiquette lessons like normal princesses… gods, she doesn't even *act* like a normal princess…"

"But what is 'normal', Van?" she interrupted. "Do you want your daughter to act like those other girls? I didn't act like them… thank God… she should be her own person."

"I don't know what I'm trying to get at right now," Van replied. "I'm trying to think whether or not Sellie *should* be engaged to Quidam or some other royal."

Hitomi was silent. "You're actually considering this?" she asked cautiously.

"Yes… and no," he hit his head against his knee. "I don't know… I'm so tired, Hitomi. I can't think straight." He paused. "I just… don't want her to grow up and take over. That means that we won't be there for her anymore. I want to see her… all grown up and ruling Fanelia."

She took his hands and rubbed them within hers. "There are other ways besides arranged marriages," she brought up his chin so that she stared directly into his eyes. "Sellie is strong… like her father. And her father was able to rule Fanelia at the age of 15 by himself for years." she spoke so softly. "I have faith in her. I believe that she can handle this… along with her Advisors and trusted allies among her. Besides… she might find someone like you found me."

He let out a half-hearted laugh. "Gods, I hope so," he said. "How do you make things sound like they will come out for the best?"

"One of my gifts from living on Earth," she said smiling.

"If all the people from the Mystic Moon were as manipulating as you were…" Van was immediately cut off by a playful slap.

"I've been thinking also of some way that Sellie could rule Fanelia, but we could still watch her," Hitomi continued. "But I'll tell you later… I haven't gotten it all thought out yet."

"Alright," he stood up and stretched. "Gods, what an awful night. Where is everyone else?"

"Allen, Millerna, and Dryden went off into one of the parlors with some of the other guests. And Celena and Gaddes went off arm-in-arm into the Crusade… alone." She raised her eyebrow on the last word.

Van looked surprised. "Really?" he said thoughtfully. "And Allen doesn't know? He's going to be so pissed."

"He'll find out when its his time," Hitomi said. "But for now, let them be."

"Alright, I'm going to go straighten things out with Sellie… I'm assuming that she isn't sleeping so early." He gave Hitomi a kiss on her forehead. "I guess we're going to have to have those long talks when we get back."

"Fun."

* * *

In the combination of running and crying at the same time, Sellie quickly ran out of breath. Her heart pounded within her chest as she wiped away her wet tears. Never had she cried so much in one day… not even that, one night.

And why was it? Why was she so hurt when Tarn had announced to the group that she and Quidam were to be wed? There was the feeling of being used as an object. Or maybe she felt that she didn't belong to Quidam at all. Perhaps that she did come to the realization that Rouen was not the one that had changed… she had. He had remained the same old person while Sellie had distanced their friendship by maturing. Or was it something more than that? Could…

Could it be because she felt something more for Rouen?

At last she reached the waterfall. She hadn't ran in that direction on purpose… she just ended up arriving at her destination by chance. The moonlight made the spilling water glow in the darkness, giving it an ethereal feel that oddly comforted her.

She sat against the rock and placed her head between her knees, trying to calm her body down. The cool air was already cooling her skin, but still her blood pumped through her veins like adrenaline.

I have to talk to Rouen at some point, I guess… she thought. But what am I going to do?

* Why does thee heart ache, little one? *

Sellie ceased her sobs and looked around in the bushes, eyeing for someone creeping upon her. "Who's there?" she shouted into the darkness.

* No need to shout, child. I can hear thee quite fine. * Strangely, the voice seemed to be coming directly to her, as if it were inside of her.

What sort of magic is this… she thought.

* Not magic. This is the way I speak with thee. Thee are special, though. I have been waiting for thee for many years now. *

"What do you mean, 'many years now' ?" she asked still into the emptiness. This voice was peculiar. Not only did she not hear it vocally, but something of the way it spoke. It almost felt… inhuman.

* Thee may have not been aware of thee knowledge of me… but we have met before this occasion. *

"I'm sure I would remember something like this if some weird person was talking to me inside my head," she commented on.

The voice let out a rough laugh. * Thee thinks I am human? * It stopped chortling as Sellie felt confused. * Forgive me, dear child. Thee did not know. Come inside. We must speak urgently. And please, do not be startled by me. I am aware that thee has never seen one of my kind before. I promise thee that I would never hurt a Child of Gaea. *

If Sellie was not bewildered at this point in time, she most certainly reached her limit.

"What do you mean? Who are you? What's so important that involves me? WHAT are you? What's going…"

* Please, child. Do not ask so many questions at once, my mind cannot handle everything that you ask! I will try and explain some things to thee, but thee must come inside. *

"How can I come inside? It's solid rock!" To prove so, she raised her hand to the giant wall to rap her knuckles against it. But as soon as her skin made contact with the stone, it began to shimmer. She drew her hand back quickly.

* To a normal human, one lacks the Sight that would enable creatures like us to see past this illusion of a gap. This would look, feel, and even smell like rock to a human, but thee can open the illusion and enter. *

She brought her hand up to the wall again and touched the surface. Once more, it rippled at her touch.

"How do I know that you won't do anything to me?" she said.

* Thee feels it in thee heart that thee can trust me. *

She sighed. Whoever it was, the voice was right. Somehow, this voice did seem familiar, though she could not recognize it. She touched the surface once more, hesitated, and walked through the wall.

The sensation of passing through this magical cloak sent a chill up her spine. She now was in a giant dark room, the sounds of the falling water still echoing within the chamber. She did not expect to see what she did see in the shadows. She had thought that it would have been some sort of beast-creature shaman.

Instead, she looked into the golden eyes of a massive red dragon.

To be continued…

* * *

Eep! Don't kill poor kat-chan. This chapter was going to be one huuuuuuuge one, but I decided to cut it into two. I had a REALLY nice couple of days recently and I would like to enjoy them!! First of all, I would like to say that I won an auction and am getting in the mail… Hitomi's Tarot cards! I am sooooo happy. And then, I aced my midterms and one of my art projects that I've been working on for forever (and the pure reason why I haven't been writing) is now on display in one of the buildings. And I don't really have a lot of homework this weekend either (since being midterms) so all I need to do is finish my character in Illustrator and then I'm set for awhile. SIGH.

BTW, I just realized that I have already used the name Rouen in one of the previous chapters as the name as a servant. Please ignore. Its getting harder and harder to write, but I still do it for those of you who follow the story!!

Chapter title comes from U2's song "With or Without You"

04.26.2002 UPDATE. something happened and a whole part of the chapter was left out. so i hopefully fixed it. ^^