Of Drunken Jedi, Devilish Apprentices, and Eyes the Color of Fine
Correllian Brandy
Disclaimer: Don't own any characters in here.
Author's Notes: Humor fic-obviously. Involves a certain Jedi we all know and love, an extremely precocious and annoying apprentice whom we know even better, and a prostitute. And lots and lots of wine.
If I hadn't been completely drunk, I wouldn't have done it.
If that fifteen-year-old demonchild of an apprentice hadn't dared me to do it, the thought never would have occurred to me, intoxicated though I was.
And if she hadn't had eyes the exact color of fine Correllian brandy, I wouldn't have gone through with it.
So here follows an account of what was-indisputably-the stupidest thing I have ever done.
* * *
"How in the *galaxy* did I manage to get myself into this one?"
"You were drunk, and I dared you to."
"Remind me to *never* get drunk again!"
"But you're so much more fun when your drunk, Master. You do such entertaining things."
"I do *not* get drunk that often, and you know it."
"I know. But you're still much more fun when you do. Now, remember the deal. You go in there and get serviced, and I'll stop making jokes about your ridiculous fastidiousness."
"I don't think this is such a good idea.I'm sure it breaks every rule- "
"Aw, come on, Master. *Live* a little. I've made some very good and lasting friendships in here."
I turned to my apprentice in shock. "You mean you've."
Anakin nodded, grinning widely with definite smugness. "Yup. Enjoyed myself, too. Trust me, you will enjoy yourself also."
"Ominous words," I muttered.
"Master, believe me, these people are really nice. The wine is good, too."
"You're not supposed to be drinking. It interferes with your concentration, and you have little enough of that."
Anakin groaned. "*Please,* Master. Not another lecture on control. Not here."
"Why not?"
"Because it would ruin my reputation!"
I sighed. "I do *not* want to go into a gods-be-damned brothel!"
Anakin snorted, and looked up to the sky. "And he lectures me on *my* language."
"You won't get any answers from up there, I can tell you that."
"Come *on,* Master. Just once."
"Fine," I sighed. "I *know* I'm going to regret this."
"Only if you saddle the girl with a kid, and *only* if she knows who you are and decides to take you to task for it."
I was becoming more horrified by the minute. "You mean they don't use contraceptive measures?"
"Of course they do, but nothing works all the time. And sometimes they *want* kids and don't take their drugs."
I rolled my eyes to the sky. "*Why* do I put up with him?"
"Because you have to. And who was it who was just lecturing me on talking to the sky? You know it can't answer."
I threw up my hands in disgust and walked into the brothel-if only to escape from a fifteen-year-old boy who was *far* too intelligent and always managed to stay a step ahead of me.
Correllian Brandy
Disclaimer: Don't own any characters in here.
Author's Notes: Humor fic-obviously. Involves a certain Jedi we all know and love, an extremely precocious and annoying apprentice whom we know even better, and a prostitute. And lots and lots of wine.
If I hadn't been completely drunk, I wouldn't have done it.
If that fifteen-year-old demonchild of an apprentice hadn't dared me to do it, the thought never would have occurred to me, intoxicated though I was.
And if she hadn't had eyes the exact color of fine Correllian brandy, I wouldn't have gone through with it.
So here follows an account of what was-indisputably-the stupidest thing I have ever done.
* * *
"How in the *galaxy* did I manage to get myself into this one?"
"You were drunk, and I dared you to."
"Remind me to *never* get drunk again!"
"But you're so much more fun when your drunk, Master. You do such entertaining things."
"I do *not* get drunk that often, and you know it."
"I know. But you're still much more fun when you do. Now, remember the deal. You go in there and get serviced, and I'll stop making jokes about your ridiculous fastidiousness."
"I don't think this is such a good idea.I'm sure it breaks every rule- "
"Aw, come on, Master. *Live* a little. I've made some very good and lasting friendships in here."
I turned to my apprentice in shock. "You mean you've."
Anakin nodded, grinning widely with definite smugness. "Yup. Enjoyed myself, too. Trust me, you will enjoy yourself also."
"Ominous words," I muttered.
"Master, believe me, these people are really nice. The wine is good, too."
"You're not supposed to be drinking. It interferes with your concentration, and you have little enough of that."
Anakin groaned. "*Please,* Master. Not another lecture on control. Not here."
"Why not?"
"Because it would ruin my reputation!"
I sighed. "I do *not* want to go into a gods-be-damned brothel!"
Anakin snorted, and looked up to the sky. "And he lectures me on *my* language."
"You won't get any answers from up there, I can tell you that."
"Come *on,* Master. Just once."
"Fine," I sighed. "I *know* I'm going to regret this."
"Only if you saddle the girl with a kid, and *only* if she knows who you are and decides to take you to task for it."
I was becoming more horrified by the minute. "You mean they don't use contraceptive measures?"
"Of course they do, but nothing works all the time. And sometimes they *want* kids and don't take their drugs."
I rolled my eyes to the sky. "*Why* do I put up with him?"
"Because you have to. And who was it who was just lecturing me on talking to the sky? You know it can't answer."
I threw up my hands in disgust and walked into the brothel-if only to escape from a fifteen-year-old boy who was *far* too intelligent and always managed to stay a step ahead of me.
