Disclaimer: I do not own Excel Saga, Mega Man X, Diablo II, or whatever else is mentioned in this chapter.
Note from the author: Just consider the first chapter as a prologue. I'm going to put forth more effort in the remainder of this series, so I hope you enjoy it.
Mega Man X-cel Saga
Chapter 2: Unlikely Alliances
**********************
The humble little story begins in Rikdo Koshi's bedroom, where we find him playing a nonexistent sequel of the Mega Man X series (We'll call it Mega Man X -1.)
Playing as Zero, Rikdo makes his way to the boss of the stage, who is known as...Permission-Giving Aardvark! He makes a traditional introduction before beginning the fight, and Rikdo reads it aloud.
"I, Rikdo Koshi, give my permission to pair up Excel Saga and Mega Man X, along with whatever else the author may choose, in a crazy action/comedy crossover fanfiction!"
Aardvark's life bar filled up, and immediately attacked Zero with a stamp. The stamp was Rikdo's red seal of approval...and it killed Zero in one shot!
"Well, they never said THAT would happen on the GameFAQs.com message boards!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(insert Excel Saga opening sequence with X and Zero thrown in at random places here)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Zero...?
...Zero, can you hear me? Please wake up..."
Groaning, Zero opened his eyes. His red armor was now charred black in several places. He struggled to get up as he heard that voice, which sounded ghastly familiar.
"I...Iris?" he sputtered.
"Zero...don't let yourself die..." Iris' voice echoed in the distance.
Zero managed to pull himself to his feet to look for the one he thought he had lost so long ago. However, an ethereal mist surrounded him, obscuring his vision. As he looked, though, he saw a silhouette in the distance.
"Iris! I thought that...that I...!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zero awoke from his dream quickly as his head was sprayed with water. He looked around to find that he was no longer in the misty place. He then put his face in his palm. "It was only a dream..."
As he looked around, he realized that he was no longer in Maverick Hunter HQ. The main thing he noticed was a square pit in the middle of the floor in front of him.
"I said NO ANCHOVIES..." a regal voice spoke.
Zero glared in the direction from which the voice came. In that direction was a throne, covered in an orange-red cloth. Sitting upon this throne was an intimidating figure, cloaked in a grand silver cape, completely encircling his body, save for his head and a hand, which held a rope extending from the ceiling. A stream of shining silver hair cascaded from his head, adorned in the front with some sort of decorative forehead ornament. His cat-like eyes glared at the pit in the floor through a pair of spectacles.
The kingly man spoke again. "A fine thing, a pizza plagued with anchovies, in my secret headquarters. Our utopia will be devoid of such disgusting toppings!" He shook his head, and then turned in a direction to the left of Zero. "Agent Hyatt, would you be so kind as to give me a mission report?"
"Yes, sir..." a feeble female voice spoke. Zero was still in pain and lying on the ground, unable to get up, but he tried to turn his head to his left. A pair of slender legs reached up to a body outfitted in a rather risque purple, pink, and black outfit. Though her beautiful bluish-purple hair shined, her face was devoid of any expression. "Though it would appear that the building in question has been completely, utterly, thoroughly, totally, absolutely, and positively destroyed, we managed to retrieve some of the occupants of the building," she spoke.
"Very well," replied the man on the throne. "I guess it's better than nothing. Now, for your next assignment...you will go with Agent Excel to get another pizza. And this time, make SURE to get a REAL pizza--like one with turnip greens and chocolate chips."
Zero would have vomited if he was programmed to do so.
"Hail Ilpalazzo..." the feeble voice said unenergetically as she held her hand straight up in the air, fingers extended upward. She then reached between her cleavage (Hey, where else would she put stuff in such a small and tight outfit?) and pulled from within...a Scroll of Town Portal! She then ripped open a blue dimensional rift, from which a blonde girl with a strange green outfit, which was also slightly risque, fell out of at an alarming speed. The impact on the floor shattered some of the tiling. Pieces of it rained down on Zero.
"Wow, Lord Ilpalazzo!" she said through the shards of blue floor in her mouth. As she spat them out, she continued. "The pit seemed not to end today! In fact, were it not for the obscure Diablo II item appearance, I fear I never would have stopped!"
"Would you like to find out if it really does end?" this 'Lord Ilpalazzo' sitting on the throne inquired as the grabbed the rope hanging from the ceiling again.
"Well, Ha-chan, I think the pizza place closes in an hour, sowegottagetgoingnowOKTHANKSBYE!!" the blonde girl exclaimed as she grabbed this 'Ha-chan' and dragged her out of the room hastily.
Consciousness started to drain from Zero's body. The explosion he had been in was quite a marvelous one, as Maverick Hunter HQ doesn't skimp when it comes to self-destruction mechanisms. Unable to keep his eyes open, he blacked out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thirty minutes later...
Zero finally regained all of his consciousness. As he hopped back up to his feet, he saw a familiar blue metallic hand tap him on the shoulder.
"X! Where is this place?" Zero asked.
"Beats the hell out of me..." X responded.
"I know where we are!" said Alia as she recovered her consciousness and made her way over to the two Hunters. "We HAVE to be in Sigma's ultimate cyber-fortress! I'll bet he's just itching to kill us, and he wants to scratch that itch! It's like we're a histamine reaction or something!"
"I don't know..." said Signas as he appeared out of nowhere. "Sigma has better taste than this." This prompted the other Maverick Hunters to take a look around the place.
"Yeah," Zero agreed. "Sigma may be a completely evil bad-guy trying to destroy the world, but you can't deny his 1337 interior decorating skillz..."
"Yup...these blue tiles sure are fugly..." X observed.
"And those pillars are so last millenia," Alia noted.
"And those curtains are so out-of-place..." Signas said.
"And I'm Nabeshin!"
The Maverick Hunters turned to the odd, afro-wearing man who made this comment. He had a goofy smile on his face. "But you don't care, so I'm leaving!" With that, he pulled out a Scroll of Town Portal, used it, and took his leave.
"You seem not to realize that I'm sitting right here..." the kingly figure on the throne noted, which nobody but Zero had noticed until this point.
X turned and pointed his X-buster at him. "And just who the hell are you?!"
Alia slapped X upside the head.
"OW!" X yelped.
"You moron! Can't you figure out that THAT's Sigma! It couldn't possibly be anyone else!" Alia blurted. However, she seemed unsure of herself. "But...if that's Sigma--which he without a doubt IS!--what about the mandatory 8 Mavericks we have to kill? Then the final levels, then the rematch between the 8 Mavericks?!"
X returned the hit to Alia with his X-buster arm (Note that he didn't actually shoot her, just smacked her in the head). "Don't REMIND him! I HATE fighting ALL 8 Mavericks ALL OVER again! It's, like, repetitive and redundant! Not only that, it's, like, repetitive and redundant!"
"SILENCE!" roared the kingly figure.
"You know, yelling 'silence' is...an oxymoron, or something." Signas replied. "But nevermind that! Tell us your name, so the writer won't have to keep referring to you as 'kingly figure'!"
With a dramatic close-up of his cape flowing around him as he spun, the kingly figure ("ARGH" -Signas) struck a dramatic pose, with his hand covering his mouth as she spoke. "I...am...Lord Ilpalazzo! The Great Leader of the Organization for the Promotion of the Institutionalization of the [Supreme Ideological] Ideal [On Earth]...ACROSS!!!"
The four Maverick Hunters (well, Alia and Signas aren't Maverick Hunters, but I count them anyway) stared at him. There was silence, save for the cliche chirping cricket.
"...and you four are the newest members!"
X, Zero, and Alia gasped. Signas actually said, "Gasp!"
"Now just a damn minute!" Zero protested. "Who the hell said that we want to join this...whatever the hell you just said?!"
"And why aren't you Sigma?!" Alia questioned. "Oh...wait...you must be under Sigma's control! Just like that easily-forgettable Dr. Doppler! You can't fool us, I know Sigma's behind your every move!"
Lord Ilpalazzo sighed and shrugged his shoulders, which was a daunting task, considering his gigantic cape. "Considering the fact that your secret base is destroyed, do you really have any alternatives than to join the ranks of the Organization for the Promotion of the Institutionalization of the [Supreme Ideological] Ideal [On Earth] ACROSS?"
The four Hunters started discussing the myriad of answers to that question.
"I mean, joining ACROSS has great benefits...401K, health and dental plans..."
Like an onstage cue, the mention of 'dental plans' sparked the pain in Zero's mouth to catch up with him. He cringed as he became conscious that he had 18 cavities again. However, he still wasn't interested in joining this ACROSS thing.
"...and you each get a *laminated* ACROSS ID card!"
"WE'RE IN!!!" all four of them screamed in unison.
"Good!" Ilpalazzo beamed as another rope lowered from the ceiling. "Just sign this tiny bit of paperwork, and you'll be good to go." He then yanked the rope, and a mountain of paper cascaded from the ceiling, crushing the Maverick Hunters beneath it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile...
"Welcome to Peachy Pete's Peachy Pizza Plaza..." a zit-riddled, nasal-voiced teenager with thick coke-bottle glasses moaned unemotionally from behind the counter of said eating facility.
"I WANT A SUPER PEACHY PIZZA WITH ALL THE TOPPINGS!!!" the blonde...oh, hell, you should know her name...Excel said.
"Except no anchovies..." Hyatt added.
"OK, I already have one made..." the greasy teen responded. He reached in his apron and pulled out a Scroll of Town Portal, used it, and went inside.
Five minutes later, he came back with the pizza.
"I always keep stuff like this in my Stash," he said.
"WOW!" Excel said in awe of the mighty pizza. "They don't hold back, do they? Wait, what's this?" Excel pointed at a a glowing blue mushroom.
"Well, let's find out, Senior," Hyatt said as she pulled yet another Scroll of Town Portal from her cleavage (heh) and used it. Excel followed Hyatt through it and brought the pizza with her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whether Excel and Hyatt went to Rogue Encampment, Lut Gholein, Kurast, Pandemonium Fortress, or Harrogath is open for interpretation.
"Good to see you!" Deckard Cain said cheerfully in his ol' man voice.
"IDENTIFY THIS!" Excel screamed.
"Well, that mushroom makes this a Lizard's Large Pizza of the Jackal. +5 to Life and +5 to Mana when you eat it," Cain observed.
And then Excel and Hyatt were gone back through the portal.
Cain sighed. "I TRY to be nice to them, but all they ever say is 'Identify this, identify that.' Never just want to sit down and talk. I should start charging for identification again. I could finally retire for the two years I have left in my life."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excel and Hyatt arrived back at the pizza place. They paid for the pizza (Yes, they actually have money!) and left for the secret headquarters.
*********************
Yeah, I know this is a bad stopping place, but I'm getting a bit tired of typing right now. So, did I make an improvement over Chapter 1? Do you like the story so far? Any constructive criticism? Please R & R!
Note from the author: Just consider the first chapter as a prologue. I'm going to put forth more effort in the remainder of this series, so I hope you enjoy it.
Mega Man X-cel Saga
Chapter 2: Unlikely Alliances
**********************
The humble little story begins in Rikdo Koshi's bedroom, where we find him playing a nonexistent sequel of the Mega Man X series (We'll call it Mega Man X -1.)
Playing as Zero, Rikdo makes his way to the boss of the stage, who is known as...Permission-Giving Aardvark! He makes a traditional introduction before beginning the fight, and Rikdo reads it aloud.
"I, Rikdo Koshi, give my permission to pair up Excel Saga and Mega Man X, along with whatever else the author may choose, in a crazy action/comedy crossover fanfiction!"
Aardvark's life bar filled up, and immediately attacked Zero with a stamp. The stamp was Rikdo's red seal of approval...and it killed Zero in one shot!
"Well, they never said THAT would happen on the GameFAQs.com message boards!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(insert Excel Saga opening sequence with X and Zero thrown in at random places here)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Zero...?
...Zero, can you hear me? Please wake up..."
Groaning, Zero opened his eyes. His red armor was now charred black in several places. He struggled to get up as he heard that voice, which sounded ghastly familiar.
"I...Iris?" he sputtered.
"Zero...don't let yourself die..." Iris' voice echoed in the distance.
Zero managed to pull himself to his feet to look for the one he thought he had lost so long ago. However, an ethereal mist surrounded him, obscuring his vision. As he looked, though, he saw a silhouette in the distance.
"Iris! I thought that...that I...!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zero awoke from his dream quickly as his head was sprayed with water. He looked around to find that he was no longer in the misty place. He then put his face in his palm. "It was only a dream..."
As he looked around, he realized that he was no longer in Maverick Hunter HQ. The main thing he noticed was a square pit in the middle of the floor in front of him.
"I said NO ANCHOVIES..." a regal voice spoke.
Zero glared in the direction from which the voice came. In that direction was a throne, covered in an orange-red cloth. Sitting upon this throne was an intimidating figure, cloaked in a grand silver cape, completely encircling his body, save for his head and a hand, which held a rope extending from the ceiling. A stream of shining silver hair cascaded from his head, adorned in the front with some sort of decorative forehead ornament. His cat-like eyes glared at the pit in the floor through a pair of spectacles.
The kingly man spoke again. "A fine thing, a pizza plagued with anchovies, in my secret headquarters. Our utopia will be devoid of such disgusting toppings!" He shook his head, and then turned in a direction to the left of Zero. "Agent Hyatt, would you be so kind as to give me a mission report?"
"Yes, sir..." a feeble female voice spoke. Zero was still in pain and lying on the ground, unable to get up, but he tried to turn his head to his left. A pair of slender legs reached up to a body outfitted in a rather risque purple, pink, and black outfit. Though her beautiful bluish-purple hair shined, her face was devoid of any expression. "Though it would appear that the building in question has been completely, utterly, thoroughly, totally, absolutely, and positively destroyed, we managed to retrieve some of the occupants of the building," she spoke.
"Very well," replied the man on the throne. "I guess it's better than nothing. Now, for your next assignment...you will go with Agent Excel to get another pizza. And this time, make SURE to get a REAL pizza--like one with turnip greens and chocolate chips."
Zero would have vomited if he was programmed to do so.
"Hail Ilpalazzo..." the feeble voice said unenergetically as she held her hand straight up in the air, fingers extended upward. She then reached between her cleavage (Hey, where else would she put stuff in such a small and tight outfit?) and pulled from within...a Scroll of Town Portal! She then ripped open a blue dimensional rift, from which a blonde girl with a strange green outfit, which was also slightly risque, fell out of at an alarming speed. The impact on the floor shattered some of the tiling. Pieces of it rained down on Zero.
"Wow, Lord Ilpalazzo!" she said through the shards of blue floor in her mouth. As she spat them out, she continued. "The pit seemed not to end today! In fact, were it not for the obscure Diablo II item appearance, I fear I never would have stopped!"
"Would you like to find out if it really does end?" this 'Lord Ilpalazzo' sitting on the throne inquired as the grabbed the rope hanging from the ceiling again.
"Well, Ha-chan, I think the pizza place closes in an hour, sowegottagetgoingnowOKTHANKSBYE!!" the blonde girl exclaimed as she grabbed this 'Ha-chan' and dragged her out of the room hastily.
Consciousness started to drain from Zero's body. The explosion he had been in was quite a marvelous one, as Maverick Hunter HQ doesn't skimp when it comes to self-destruction mechanisms. Unable to keep his eyes open, he blacked out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thirty minutes later...
Zero finally regained all of his consciousness. As he hopped back up to his feet, he saw a familiar blue metallic hand tap him on the shoulder.
"X! Where is this place?" Zero asked.
"Beats the hell out of me..." X responded.
"I know where we are!" said Alia as she recovered her consciousness and made her way over to the two Hunters. "We HAVE to be in Sigma's ultimate cyber-fortress! I'll bet he's just itching to kill us, and he wants to scratch that itch! It's like we're a histamine reaction or something!"
"I don't know..." said Signas as he appeared out of nowhere. "Sigma has better taste than this." This prompted the other Maverick Hunters to take a look around the place.
"Yeah," Zero agreed. "Sigma may be a completely evil bad-guy trying to destroy the world, but you can't deny his 1337 interior decorating skillz..."
"Yup...these blue tiles sure are fugly..." X observed.
"And those pillars are so last millenia," Alia noted.
"And those curtains are so out-of-place..." Signas said.
"And I'm Nabeshin!"
The Maverick Hunters turned to the odd, afro-wearing man who made this comment. He had a goofy smile on his face. "But you don't care, so I'm leaving!" With that, he pulled out a Scroll of Town Portal, used it, and took his leave.
"You seem not to realize that I'm sitting right here..." the kingly figure on the throne noted, which nobody but Zero had noticed until this point.
X turned and pointed his X-buster at him. "And just who the hell are you?!"
Alia slapped X upside the head.
"OW!" X yelped.
"You moron! Can't you figure out that THAT's Sigma! It couldn't possibly be anyone else!" Alia blurted. However, she seemed unsure of herself. "But...if that's Sigma--which he without a doubt IS!--what about the mandatory 8 Mavericks we have to kill? Then the final levels, then the rematch between the 8 Mavericks?!"
X returned the hit to Alia with his X-buster arm (Note that he didn't actually shoot her, just smacked her in the head). "Don't REMIND him! I HATE fighting ALL 8 Mavericks ALL OVER again! It's, like, repetitive and redundant! Not only that, it's, like, repetitive and redundant!"
"SILENCE!" roared the kingly figure.
"You know, yelling 'silence' is...an oxymoron, or something." Signas replied. "But nevermind that! Tell us your name, so the writer won't have to keep referring to you as 'kingly figure'!"
With a dramatic close-up of his cape flowing around him as he spun, the kingly figure ("ARGH" -Signas) struck a dramatic pose, with his hand covering his mouth as she spoke. "I...am...Lord Ilpalazzo! The Great Leader of the Organization for the Promotion of the Institutionalization of the [Supreme Ideological] Ideal [On Earth]...ACROSS!!!"
The four Maverick Hunters (well, Alia and Signas aren't Maverick Hunters, but I count them anyway) stared at him. There was silence, save for the cliche chirping cricket.
"...and you four are the newest members!"
X, Zero, and Alia gasped. Signas actually said, "Gasp!"
"Now just a damn minute!" Zero protested. "Who the hell said that we want to join this...whatever the hell you just said?!"
"And why aren't you Sigma?!" Alia questioned. "Oh...wait...you must be under Sigma's control! Just like that easily-forgettable Dr. Doppler! You can't fool us, I know Sigma's behind your every move!"
Lord Ilpalazzo sighed and shrugged his shoulders, which was a daunting task, considering his gigantic cape. "Considering the fact that your secret base is destroyed, do you really have any alternatives than to join the ranks of the Organization for the Promotion of the Institutionalization of the [Supreme Ideological] Ideal [On Earth] ACROSS?"
The four Hunters started discussing the myriad of answers to that question.
"I mean, joining ACROSS has great benefits...401K, health and dental plans..."
Like an onstage cue, the mention of 'dental plans' sparked the pain in Zero's mouth to catch up with him. He cringed as he became conscious that he had 18 cavities again. However, he still wasn't interested in joining this ACROSS thing.
"...and you each get a *laminated* ACROSS ID card!"
"WE'RE IN!!!" all four of them screamed in unison.
"Good!" Ilpalazzo beamed as another rope lowered from the ceiling. "Just sign this tiny bit of paperwork, and you'll be good to go." He then yanked the rope, and a mountain of paper cascaded from the ceiling, crushing the Maverick Hunters beneath it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile...
"Welcome to Peachy Pete's Peachy Pizza Plaza..." a zit-riddled, nasal-voiced teenager with thick coke-bottle glasses moaned unemotionally from behind the counter of said eating facility.
"I WANT A SUPER PEACHY PIZZA WITH ALL THE TOPPINGS!!!" the blonde...oh, hell, you should know her name...Excel said.
"Except no anchovies..." Hyatt added.
"OK, I already have one made..." the greasy teen responded. He reached in his apron and pulled out a Scroll of Town Portal, used it, and went inside.
Five minutes later, he came back with the pizza.
"I always keep stuff like this in my Stash," he said.
"WOW!" Excel said in awe of the mighty pizza. "They don't hold back, do they? Wait, what's this?" Excel pointed at a a glowing blue mushroom.
"Well, let's find out, Senior," Hyatt said as she pulled yet another Scroll of Town Portal from her cleavage (heh) and used it. Excel followed Hyatt through it and brought the pizza with her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whether Excel and Hyatt went to Rogue Encampment, Lut Gholein, Kurast, Pandemonium Fortress, or Harrogath is open for interpretation.
"Good to see you!" Deckard Cain said cheerfully in his ol' man voice.
"IDENTIFY THIS!" Excel screamed.
"Well, that mushroom makes this a Lizard's Large Pizza of the Jackal. +5 to Life and +5 to Mana when you eat it," Cain observed.
And then Excel and Hyatt were gone back through the portal.
Cain sighed. "I TRY to be nice to them, but all they ever say is 'Identify this, identify that.' Never just want to sit down and talk. I should start charging for identification again. I could finally retire for the two years I have left in my life."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excel and Hyatt arrived back at the pizza place. They paid for the pizza (Yes, they actually have money!) and left for the secret headquarters.
*********************
Yeah, I know this is a bad stopping place, but I'm getting a bit tired of typing right now. So, did I make an improvement over Chapter 1? Do you like the story so far? Any constructive criticism? Please R & R!
