Disclaimer: Disclaimers at the top of every chapter are annoying. I've already disclaimed stuff twice; I don't see it necessary to disclaim again.
Chapter III: An Eye for an Eye (and a Crossover for a Crossover)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Bleak, dismal, hopeless...all these words describe this corrupted society. Larceny, murder, rape, the English Yu-Gi-Oh anime, French class...the list of vile, contemptible things goes on and on. It pains me greatly to see the common people degrade in moral and social values every passing day...which is why we, ACROSS, must rightfully conquer this city! To liberate the masses! To forge a utopian empire! THAT is our duty as ACROSS!"
Upon the conclusion of Lord Ilpalazzo's articulate speech, the sound of a lone cricket could be heard inside ACROSS's hallways.
"...you are supposed to HAIL me now!" Ilpalazzo said, pissed, as he looked down upon his four new recruits for his understaffed cult: X, Zero, Alia, and Signas. Each of them looked at each other, confused.
"...here, let me show you how it's done," Ilpalazzo sighed. With that, he rose from his throne and turned his back to the former Maverick Hunters. Then he thrust his hand into the air, fingers extended, and shouted, "Hail Ilpalazzo!" Then he turned to face his underlings. "Now, repeat."
"Not on your life," Zero mumbled.
Ilpalazzo fell silent. After a moment, he continued speaking. "Well...if you will not hail by your will, then I have the means of coaxing you. I feel the readers have been...waiting for this to happen." As Ilpalazzo finished his sentence, 'the rope' lowered from the ceiling.
Zero and the others looked inquisitively at the rope. X questioned its power. "What are you gonna do, drop anvils on our heads?
"...more like drop your heads on anvils," Ilpalazzo said, as he pulled the rope sending the four former Maverick Hunters for a long fall. About a minute later, balls of light started to emanate from the pits.
"ULTRA KILL!" the Unreal Tournament announcer yelled from out of nowhere.
Ilpalazzo chuckled. "Wow. They actually DIED. A pity."
No sooner had he said this that the word 'Ready' appeared out of nowhere, and the four new recruits beamed back in from the sky.
"I hope that now you will see things my way?" Ilpalazzo asked.
Conceding, X, Zero, Alia, and Signas thrust their hands into the air, shouting, "Hail Ilpalazzo!"
"Good!" Ilpalazzo said cheerfully. "Now, as soon as Excel and Hyatt get back with that pizza, I will announce the new roster."
*******************
Little did the five know that they were being...watched. For within the halls of ACROSS's secret underground headquarters, an unseen eye watched the happenings of the organization.
"So...they have recruited new, competent agents. It was fortunate that the Protoss lent me this Observer so I could see what they were doing at all times."
Doctor Kabapu watched ACROSS's base from a monitor on his desk. He stroked his mustache anxiously. However, he stroked it once too many times, and it fell to the floor.
"Argh!" he yelled.
"Allow me to get that for you, sir..." a corny voice mumbled from the shadows.
A tall figure cloaked in the shadows of Kabapu's office, which had its lights turned off for no apparent reason other than to set the mood. The figure was ominous, and...bald(dead giveaway on who it is!!).
"Ah, if you would be so kind, my dear friend-"
The sound of a ferociously loud 18-wheeler horn from the nearby highway blocked out the utterance of the mystery man's name.
The shadowed man picked Kabapu's mustache off of the floor and stuck it back on Kabapu's face.
"Yes, thank you. Now, would you be so willing as to tell me how your plan is going?" Kabapu inquired.
"With pleasure," the shadowed man responded. "I have completed one of my exactly eight anti-ACROSS combat machines. WOrk is being initiated on the second one as we speak."
"Good!" Kabapu said gleefully, as he turned back to the screen. "No matter who you hire, you will never take my precious city, you bastards...speaking of which, what ARE those bastards sitting there doing nothing for?" Kabapu noticed that ACROSS was, in fact, sitting there collecting dust. This was because they were waiting for...
****************
Excel and Hyatt stepped back as they watched the two ninjas stare each other down.
Yes, indeed, their valuable magic pizza became a target for collectors. The two girls had already evaded about 8 PKs since they left Peachy Pete's, and now they were getting attacked by a pair of ninjas. But these weren't just your run-of-the-mill, everyday common ninja. These were female ninjas. Not only that, these were exceptionally sexy female ninjas. Not only THAT, these were exceptionally sexy female ninjas from two rival fighting games.
"I saw that pizza first!" said the ninja with the tighter-than-her-own-skin red leotard that left absolutely nothing to the imagination, Taki. "That pizza's mushrooms might have fragments of Soul Edge in them!"
"Is that right?" asked the ninja with the impossibly purple hair, Ayane. "Well...uh...hm...I can trade that pizza for an Arkaine's Valor AND a Windforce AND 14 SoJs!"
"If you want this amazingly powerful pizza..." Taki began, "...you must duel me!"
"Fine then!" Ayane agreed, as she dashed towards Taki. Taki began to brace herself for the oncoming assault.
Just as Ayane got about 3 feet away from Taki, she stopped. Then she took a deep breath and stuck her chest out as far as she could. Taki, in response, did the same. The two assassins stared at each other's breasts for a minute, and then Taki fell to her knees.
"I cannot believe this...your boobs ARE bigger than mine!" Taki admitted in defeat.
"I knew it all along. You Soul Calibur bitches can't possibly compare to us," Ayane said proudly.
Taki, however, glanced back up at Ayane. "But there's one advantage I have, and that's a SERIOUS fighting engine!" With that, Taki began to 8-way Run Ayane into confusion before unleashing her A,B,4+B+K combo on the rival ninja, sending her flying 50 feet into the air. Taki then proceeded to juggle Ayane until she was KO'd.
"The gameplay comes BEFORE the sex appeal!" Taki said with a sneer. "Now, for that-hey, where'd those two go?!"
Sure enough, Excel and Hyatt were long gone.
***************
Ilpalazzo looked up from his book, entitled "Creating and Becoming the Leader of a Utopian Society for Dummies", to find that Excel and Hyatt had returned with the pizza. He looked at them with a vicious hunger in his eyes.
"Excellent! Bring the pizza to me," he ordered.
"With PLEASURE, sir!!" Excel responded, as she skipped over to her Lord gleefully, and bowing before him as she held the pizza out to him. Ilpalazzo accepted the pizza from his most devoted operative and opened the box. Despite the fact that the pizza had been in that geeky teen's Stash for God-knows-how-long, it was warm and fresh. The aroma of the pizza washed over his face, whetting his appetite even further. Without hesitation or a thanks to his loyal underlings, he took a piece of the pizza and ate it down disturblingly fast, almost swallowing the thing in a single bite. He took a moment to savor the pizza, but noticed something was a bit wrong. He leered at Excel with those evil catlike eyes.
"Where. Are. The. Chocolate. Chips!!" Ilpalazzo roared, each word so stressed and forced that it sounded like a different sentence each time, just like I typed it.
"Oh, uh, well, uh, y'see, the-uh-the pizza, and, uh, Stash, and, uh, voluptuous ninjas, and, uhhHHHHHWWwAAAAAA!!!" Excel's voice echoed through the pit as her ungrateful Lord sent her plummeting through it with the yank of a rope. Oddly enough, only one pit opened this time, whereas the same rope opened four pits earlier on this chapter.
"A member of ACROSS-even the latrine orderly-should be able to dispatch any number of petty ninjas...even if their cup size goes all the way to the hypothetical size of R!" Ilpalazzo declared, as he took another slice of the pizza, which he would have to settle for without the chocolate chips. Stuffing it in his mouth, he started speaking. "Nfrphtphh, mrft shrer urnucne tffh phpthlls-"
"Uh, Lord Ilparablos or whatever your name is...could you try speaking without your mouth full of-WHOAAAAAAAAAHHH!" X tried to say, but he was cut short by Ilpalazzo yanking the exact same rope he did a two paragraphs ago to send him soaring down another pit. It also sent Excel falling back down her pit, as she was just getting a leg up on the edge of the floor to get out of the pit.
"I will not be educated in the frivolous art of MANNERS by my own sla--er, agents," Ilpalazzo declared after swallowing his second slice of pizza. "Now, as I was saying before I was so RUDELY (extreme emphasis) interrupted, I shall now assign the new roster and position assignments. First, we have the position of Senior Officer, which will be appointed to...Hyatt!"
As everybody looked towards Hyatt, with the exceptions of X and Excel, they all rose an eyebrow. Hyatt had, of all things, a plunger. And she was using it on her mouth. Once, twice, three times she pumped it. On the fourth time, the plunger flew from her hands, and an explosion of blood gushed forth from her mouth. Catching her breath, she looked up at Ilpalazzo. "Please...*cough*excuse me...I*cough cough* had a clogged throat..."
Keeping a poker face, Ilpalazzo said, "It's alright."
"Thank you...*cough wheeze cough*Lord Ilpalazzo, sir...*cough cough death*"
"Moving on," Ilpalazzo said, "the position of Primary Assault Combatant is assigned to...Zero! And as Secondary Support Combatant...X!"
Zero struck a 'cool thumbs-up' pose with a gleam in his eyes. "All right! Take THAT, X!"
Climbing out of the pit, X spat. "No fair, dammit! I'm the one who should be Primary Assault Combatant!"
"I'm the stronger and higher ranked Hunter!" Zero retaliated.
"Psh, we're not even IN the Hunters anymore! Besides, if it weren't for me, your sorry ass would've been dead!"
"The same to you! I saved your ass in the very first level of the very first Mega Man X!!"
Ilpalazzo would not tolerate altercations between his new recruits. You can guess what he did to put an end to it. And he did the same to Excel, just as she was getting out of the pit...again.
"Next," Ilpalazzo said, "as the position of Defcon 1 Emergency Nourishment Source...Mince!!"
"Sir?" Hyatt asked.
"Yes, Hyatt?"
"I thought that her name was 'Menchi'..."
"Well...that depends. Is this fanfiction based on the Anime or the Manga moreso?"
From out of absolutely nowhere, I--that's ME, the one typing this sentence--appear out of thin air. I point to Nabeshin fighting off Puuchuus with the style of Dante from Devil May Cry (the first one, not the lame excuse for a sequel).
"Ah, thanks," Ilpalazzo said. "I stand corrected. Her name IS Menchi."
Then I disappear.
"Next, we have Informations Analyst and All-around Smart Person...Alia!" Ilpalazzo announced.
"Good!" Alia beamed. "I will assure you that I will find methods of Sigma-proofing this place! Don't you worry!"
"Finally," Ilpalazzo said, "we have Latrine Orderly...Excel!"
Silence.
"Excel?" Ilpalazzo called.
"Oh, I'm alright!" Excel called from out of the pit. "I just stepped on a highly poisonous Cone Shell in the ocean you threw me into, that's all!"
"Very well," Ilpalazzo sighed. "That is all. You are now dismissed until the next chapter."
"Wait a damn minute!" Signas shouted. "What about me?!"
"Oh, yes..." Ilpalazzo said, grinning. "I read that you were a 'Leader-type person' back in your days as a Maverick Hunter. Being as that we already have one of those-namely, myself-I have decided that ACROSS has no need for you!" With this, Ilpalazzo yanked the rope, sending Signas on a long fall. Unlike usual, however, the pit door closed before Signas got out of the pit. It was clear that he wasn't getting out of there.
***************
Kabapu watched and heard this whole exchange through his expenditure of 25 minerals and 75 Gas. He put his hands together, intertwining his fingers, and laughed softly.
"So, now the real battle begins...right, my best friend-
A coincedental nuclear strike in the nearby ocean prevented the mention of the stranger's name from being heard.
"Yes...the second one is complete, and the other six should be done by the next chapter..."
Then they both started laughing maniacally.
***************
Meanwhile...
"I wonder if I could train myself to use my nipples as weapons?" Taki thought.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
End Chapter III
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OK, I'm pretty proud of this chapter. Thanks to everyone who reviewed for your positive feedback and encouragement to quit procrastinating and get this chapter done. I'm going to learn to quit procrastinating--maybe in a few years or so. But more feedback is still welcome! Chapter 4 will be up sometime within the next few weeks to a month or so.
Chapter III: An Eye for an Eye (and a Crossover for a Crossover)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Bleak, dismal, hopeless...all these words describe this corrupted society. Larceny, murder, rape, the English Yu-Gi-Oh anime, French class...the list of vile, contemptible things goes on and on. It pains me greatly to see the common people degrade in moral and social values every passing day...which is why we, ACROSS, must rightfully conquer this city! To liberate the masses! To forge a utopian empire! THAT is our duty as ACROSS!"
Upon the conclusion of Lord Ilpalazzo's articulate speech, the sound of a lone cricket could be heard inside ACROSS's hallways.
"...you are supposed to HAIL me now!" Ilpalazzo said, pissed, as he looked down upon his four new recruits for his understaffed cult: X, Zero, Alia, and Signas. Each of them looked at each other, confused.
"...here, let me show you how it's done," Ilpalazzo sighed. With that, he rose from his throne and turned his back to the former Maverick Hunters. Then he thrust his hand into the air, fingers extended, and shouted, "Hail Ilpalazzo!" Then he turned to face his underlings. "Now, repeat."
"Not on your life," Zero mumbled.
Ilpalazzo fell silent. After a moment, he continued speaking. "Well...if you will not hail by your will, then I have the means of coaxing you. I feel the readers have been...waiting for this to happen." As Ilpalazzo finished his sentence, 'the rope' lowered from the ceiling.
Zero and the others looked inquisitively at the rope. X questioned its power. "What are you gonna do, drop anvils on our heads?
"...more like drop your heads on anvils," Ilpalazzo said, as he pulled the rope sending the four former Maverick Hunters for a long fall. About a minute later, balls of light started to emanate from the pits.
"ULTRA KILL!" the Unreal Tournament announcer yelled from out of nowhere.
Ilpalazzo chuckled. "Wow. They actually DIED. A pity."
No sooner had he said this that the word 'Ready' appeared out of nowhere, and the four new recruits beamed back in from the sky.
"I hope that now you will see things my way?" Ilpalazzo asked.
Conceding, X, Zero, Alia, and Signas thrust their hands into the air, shouting, "Hail Ilpalazzo!"
"Good!" Ilpalazzo said cheerfully. "Now, as soon as Excel and Hyatt get back with that pizza, I will announce the new roster."
*******************
Little did the five know that they were being...watched. For within the halls of ACROSS's secret underground headquarters, an unseen eye watched the happenings of the organization.
"So...they have recruited new, competent agents. It was fortunate that the Protoss lent me this Observer so I could see what they were doing at all times."
Doctor Kabapu watched ACROSS's base from a monitor on his desk. He stroked his mustache anxiously. However, he stroked it once too many times, and it fell to the floor.
"Argh!" he yelled.
"Allow me to get that for you, sir..." a corny voice mumbled from the shadows.
A tall figure cloaked in the shadows of Kabapu's office, which had its lights turned off for no apparent reason other than to set the mood. The figure was ominous, and...bald(dead giveaway on who it is!!).
"Ah, if you would be so kind, my dear friend-"
The sound of a ferociously loud 18-wheeler horn from the nearby highway blocked out the utterance of the mystery man's name.
The shadowed man picked Kabapu's mustache off of the floor and stuck it back on Kabapu's face.
"Yes, thank you. Now, would you be so willing as to tell me how your plan is going?" Kabapu inquired.
"With pleasure," the shadowed man responded. "I have completed one of my exactly eight anti-ACROSS combat machines. WOrk is being initiated on the second one as we speak."
"Good!" Kabapu said gleefully, as he turned back to the screen. "No matter who you hire, you will never take my precious city, you bastards...speaking of which, what ARE those bastards sitting there doing nothing for?" Kabapu noticed that ACROSS was, in fact, sitting there collecting dust. This was because they were waiting for...
****************
Excel and Hyatt stepped back as they watched the two ninjas stare each other down.
Yes, indeed, their valuable magic pizza became a target for collectors. The two girls had already evaded about 8 PKs since they left Peachy Pete's, and now they were getting attacked by a pair of ninjas. But these weren't just your run-of-the-mill, everyday common ninja. These were female ninjas. Not only that, these were exceptionally sexy female ninjas. Not only THAT, these were exceptionally sexy female ninjas from two rival fighting games.
"I saw that pizza first!" said the ninja with the tighter-than-her-own-skin red leotard that left absolutely nothing to the imagination, Taki. "That pizza's mushrooms might have fragments of Soul Edge in them!"
"Is that right?" asked the ninja with the impossibly purple hair, Ayane. "Well...uh...hm...I can trade that pizza for an Arkaine's Valor AND a Windforce AND 14 SoJs!"
"If you want this amazingly powerful pizza..." Taki began, "...you must duel me!"
"Fine then!" Ayane agreed, as she dashed towards Taki. Taki began to brace herself for the oncoming assault.
Just as Ayane got about 3 feet away from Taki, she stopped. Then she took a deep breath and stuck her chest out as far as she could. Taki, in response, did the same. The two assassins stared at each other's breasts for a minute, and then Taki fell to her knees.
"I cannot believe this...your boobs ARE bigger than mine!" Taki admitted in defeat.
"I knew it all along. You Soul Calibur bitches can't possibly compare to us," Ayane said proudly.
Taki, however, glanced back up at Ayane. "But there's one advantage I have, and that's a SERIOUS fighting engine!" With that, Taki began to 8-way Run Ayane into confusion before unleashing her A,B,4+B+K combo on the rival ninja, sending her flying 50 feet into the air. Taki then proceeded to juggle Ayane until she was KO'd.
"The gameplay comes BEFORE the sex appeal!" Taki said with a sneer. "Now, for that-hey, where'd those two go?!"
Sure enough, Excel and Hyatt were long gone.
***************
Ilpalazzo looked up from his book, entitled "Creating and Becoming the Leader of a Utopian Society for Dummies", to find that Excel and Hyatt had returned with the pizza. He looked at them with a vicious hunger in his eyes.
"Excellent! Bring the pizza to me," he ordered.
"With PLEASURE, sir!!" Excel responded, as she skipped over to her Lord gleefully, and bowing before him as she held the pizza out to him. Ilpalazzo accepted the pizza from his most devoted operative and opened the box. Despite the fact that the pizza had been in that geeky teen's Stash for God-knows-how-long, it was warm and fresh. The aroma of the pizza washed over his face, whetting his appetite even further. Without hesitation or a thanks to his loyal underlings, he took a piece of the pizza and ate it down disturblingly fast, almost swallowing the thing in a single bite. He took a moment to savor the pizza, but noticed something was a bit wrong. He leered at Excel with those evil catlike eyes.
"Where. Are. The. Chocolate. Chips!!" Ilpalazzo roared, each word so stressed and forced that it sounded like a different sentence each time, just like I typed it.
"Oh, uh, well, uh, y'see, the-uh-the pizza, and, uh, Stash, and, uh, voluptuous ninjas, and, uhhHHHHHWWwAAAAAA!!!" Excel's voice echoed through the pit as her ungrateful Lord sent her plummeting through it with the yank of a rope. Oddly enough, only one pit opened this time, whereas the same rope opened four pits earlier on this chapter.
"A member of ACROSS-even the latrine orderly-should be able to dispatch any number of petty ninjas...even if their cup size goes all the way to the hypothetical size of R!" Ilpalazzo declared, as he took another slice of the pizza, which he would have to settle for without the chocolate chips. Stuffing it in his mouth, he started speaking. "Nfrphtphh, mrft shrer urnucne tffh phpthlls-"
"Uh, Lord Ilparablos or whatever your name is...could you try speaking without your mouth full of-WHOAAAAAAAAAHHH!" X tried to say, but he was cut short by Ilpalazzo yanking the exact same rope he did a two paragraphs ago to send him soaring down another pit. It also sent Excel falling back down her pit, as she was just getting a leg up on the edge of the floor to get out of the pit.
"I will not be educated in the frivolous art of MANNERS by my own sla--er, agents," Ilpalazzo declared after swallowing his second slice of pizza. "Now, as I was saying before I was so RUDELY (extreme emphasis) interrupted, I shall now assign the new roster and position assignments. First, we have the position of Senior Officer, which will be appointed to...Hyatt!"
As everybody looked towards Hyatt, with the exceptions of X and Excel, they all rose an eyebrow. Hyatt had, of all things, a plunger. And she was using it on her mouth. Once, twice, three times she pumped it. On the fourth time, the plunger flew from her hands, and an explosion of blood gushed forth from her mouth. Catching her breath, she looked up at Ilpalazzo. "Please...*cough*excuse me...I*cough cough* had a clogged throat..."
Keeping a poker face, Ilpalazzo said, "It's alright."
"Thank you...*cough wheeze cough*Lord Ilpalazzo, sir...*cough cough death*"
"Moving on," Ilpalazzo said, "the position of Primary Assault Combatant is assigned to...Zero! And as Secondary Support Combatant...X!"
Zero struck a 'cool thumbs-up' pose with a gleam in his eyes. "All right! Take THAT, X!"
Climbing out of the pit, X spat. "No fair, dammit! I'm the one who should be Primary Assault Combatant!"
"I'm the stronger and higher ranked Hunter!" Zero retaliated.
"Psh, we're not even IN the Hunters anymore! Besides, if it weren't for me, your sorry ass would've been dead!"
"The same to you! I saved your ass in the very first level of the very first Mega Man X!!"
Ilpalazzo would not tolerate altercations between his new recruits. You can guess what he did to put an end to it. And he did the same to Excel, just as she was getting out of the pit...again.
"Next," Ilpalazzo said, "as the position of Defcon 1 Emergency Nourishment Source...Mince!!"
"Sir?" Hyatt asked.
"Yes, Hyatt?"
"I thought that her name was 'Menchi'..."
"Well...that depends. Is this fanfiction based on the Anime or the Manga moreso?"
From out of absolutely nowhere, I--that's ME, the one typing this sentence--appear out of thin air. I point to Nabeshin fighting off Puuchuus with the style of Dante from Devil May Cry (the first one, not the lame excuse for a sequel).
"Ah, thanks," Ilpalazzo said. "I stand corrected. Her name IS Menchi."
Then I disappear.
"Next, we have Informations Analyst and All-around Smart Person...Alia!" Ilpalazzo announced.
"Good!" Alia beamed. "I will assure you that I will find methods of Sigma-proofing this place! Don't you worry!"
"Finally," Ilpalazzo said, "we have Latrine Orderly...Excel!"
Silence.
"Excel?" Ilpalazzo called.
"Oh, I'm alright!" Excel called from out of the pit. "I just stepped on a highly poisonous Cone Shell in the ocean you threw me into, that's all!"
"Very well," Ilpalazzo sighed. "That is all. You are now dismissed until the next chapter."
"Wait a damn minute!" Signas shouted. "What about me?!"
"Oh, yes..." Ilpalazzo said, grinning. "I read that you were a 'Leader-type person' back in your days as a Maverick Hunter. Being as that we already have one of those-namely, myself-I have decided that ACROSS has no need for you!" With this, Ilpalazzo yanked the rope, sending Signas on a long fall. Unlike usual, however, the pit door closed before Signas got out of the pit. It was clear that he wasn't getting out of there.
***************
Kabapu watched and heard this whole exchange through his expenditure of 25 minerals and 75 Gas. He put his hands together, intertwining his fingers, and laughed softly.
"So, now the real battle begins...right, my best friend-
A coincedental nuclear strike in the nearby ocean prevented the mention of the stranger's name from being heard.
"Yes...the second one is complete, and the other six should be done by the next chapter..."
Then they both started laughing maniacally.
***************
Meanwhile...
"I wonder if I could train myself to use my nipples as weapons?" Taki thought.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
End Chapter III
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OK, I'm pretty proud of this chapter. Thanks to everyone who reviewed for your positive feedback and encouragement to quit procrastinating and get this chapter done. I'm going to learn to quit procrastinating--maybe in a few years or so. But more feedback is still welcome! Chapter 4 will be up sometime within the next few weeks to a month or so.
