Luke rubbed his 60 day chip between his fingers, feeling the weight of it.
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…" he counted, tapping the chip in time.
There was something off about today. It should have been one of the happiest days of his year, maybe of his life, but the cravings were back with a vengeance, and his body felt like it was full of molten lead.
"Hey, stranger." A lean figure propped against the desk at his elbow. He raised his head briefly and then returned to rolling the chip.
"Hey,"
"Are you not happy to see me?" Joey asked with a grin.
"Today? Sure," he smiled. Joey's smile faded. "It's bad today," he admitted. He stared at his hands, at the chip he never thought he'd hold.
"That's okay. Remember it's one day at a time, one fight at a time… Your sixty chip is a huge accomplishment. You should be proud."
He shook his head. "I am, just… there's this horrible, bone-deep pain in me today, and I can't escape it, I can't ease it, I'm just enduring..." He rubbed a small circle over his heart, and Joey's eyes followed the motion.
"Is today a hard anniversary?" she asked. He paused his circles. She frowned, looking at his face. "You're flushed."
He mulled the date over in his mind, turning it like a puzzle. An anniversary.
Luke hissed in pain, and his 60 day chip dropped to the floor with a thunk.
He looked at his hand expecting a welt but saw only his palm, unblemished and familiar. The burn continued and he rushed to the bathroom with Joey following after him her eyebrows arching in surprise. He turned on the cold water, cursing, shoving his hand beneath the spray, knocking his knuckles on the sink. The burn lessened a bit and then abruptly pulled back.
"Are you hurt?" Joey asked, staring at his unmarked hand.
"I don't know. I don't think so." When it was obvious a burn or blood was not about to appear, Joey became exasperated.
"I'm not sick. It felt like I grabbed an iron," he murmured. Then it hit him. Arthur's birthday. "Shit, Nell."
"Wait, where are you going?" Joey followed him down the hall to the front of the rehab where he found Paige sitting in the front office.
"I need a day pass tonight."
"Luke, congratulations again." She looked up from a document, smiling. "When? And what's the occasion?"
"Now."
Paige's smile disappeared, then she pointedly turned to the clock.
"It's 10 pm, Luke," she returned to flipping through the file in front of her.
"It's a family emergency."
Joey was looking at him like he had two heads and Paige wasn't far from that. The strict no cell phone or outside communication policy meant he couldn't have heard anything about an emergency. Luke calmly explained Nell's situation, and Paige closed the file in front of her, her voice soft.
"Luke, you don't know that she's not with family today, doing fine."
But Luke knew she wasn't fine. He'd felt like shit since he arrived at the clinic and thought it was only withdrawal and cravings, but maybe he'd missed something through their bond.
Nell, with her tender heart, needed him. Paige eventually agreed that he could have a day pass.
"But you go tomorrow," she said firmly.
"Thank you." He meant it with every part of himself. He and Joey headed back toward the bunk rooms and Luke felt like he was a walking on air until Joey's hand on his arm stopped him.
"You don't have to do anything… Especially with those cravings you described. Don't let family issues derail the progress you're making."
He only saw Nell's face, her wide smile and sky blue eyes. Luke placed a hand on Joey's shoulder, trying to convey strength, unsure if he was succeeding.
"I know that, but she needs me and Nell is who I've been fighting for," he said. "It's a twin thing, and I'm not abandoning her."
Joey frowned and opened her mouth, but Luke patted her shoulder and moved past her to his room.
"Goodnight."
He barely slept, and at 5 am, he was out the front door.
