Author's Note:  So right about now, I'm hoping you all don't hate me.  I had this story on a week's hiatus all for good reason:  I was enduring Colorguard Boot Camp.  For those of you who don't know what Colorguard is, we're those pretty girls (and guys at times) who do that 'thing' with flags (the sport/art form is next in line for the Olympics.  Enough said.)  So while I whittled away at my bones and lost about 15 pounds beneath the unforgiving sun growing darker than a Dutch girl should and perfecting 20 minute routines and tosses that could land on the roof of a house… I thought of you, the reader.  So for the precious ten minutes before I couldn't help the unconsciousness, I wrote, and reread, and wrote again, and reread again… and realized that I really should get one of those beta reader things.  I think I'm making Lisa come across weaker/dumber than she should…  Even though it is such a sensitive plot…  Anyways, thanks for all the reviews, and I'll keep 'em coming if you keep on wanting them.

Lose Yourself

Chapter 4

*~ Syren ~*

* ~ *

            It was hard for Jimmy to find words, to face this man who had for so long been as close of a match to himself in terms of will, wit and business.  He wasn't sure how to talk to him, knowing he wouldn't answer; the encouragement from the women behind him didn't help, either.

            Shoving his hands in his pockets, a manner he had attuned himself to, Jimmy drew nearer to the bedside, his eyes craning down at Dave's sleeping form.  "I remember one time, you paid me nine dollars to hear my feelings of my employees and such; to hear my words."  Pulling his hand out of his pocket, his wallet came with it.  He took out a crisp ten dollar bill and set it on the tray beside the bed, tapping it with his index finger.  "Now I'd like to hear yours."

Glancing at the clock, which told that nearly an hour had passed, Jimmy finally noticed a missing presence in the room.  He started towards the door, pausing at Patricia Nelson's questioning.

            "Lisa never made it up," he answered, opening the door.  "I better go find out what happened to her."  Kissing the two women on their cheeks, he gave them his goodbyes and well wishes, promising that he'd return tomorrow.  Coughing to get Jimmy's attention, Patricia pointed to the tray beside Dave.  Nodding, Jimmy trotted over, grabbed his money and slapping his forehead comically, then left.

             Once the door shut quietly behind him, Jimmy headed towards the third floor lobby, asking the same nurse he had seen earlier if she had seen the young woman he had entered with.

            "Yes, I saw her leave through the elevators not long ago, sir," she answered, pointing in the said direction.  Thanking her, Mr. James followed Lisa's path downstairs and then out to the parking garage, taking a moment to remember where they had parked.  When he came to the car, he found Lisa in the driver's seat, head lolled back with her eyes closed.  Tapping on the passenger window for her to unlock the door, he climbed in, fastening his seatbelt without a word.  Lisa started the ignition, revving the engine slightly before pulling out of the lot and onto the street.

            Unable to meet her friend's eyes, Lisa kept her gaze trained ahead of her.  "You spoke with the doctor?"  Jimmy's question seemed far away, and it took a moment for the words to touch.  Gulping back more silent sobs, she nodded, trying with her might to keep her eyes straightforward.  But when Jimmy's hand rested on her arm, she felt a warm tear trail down her cheek.

            "I just couldn't…"

* ~ *

            Janet sat at her desk, waiting impatiently for Cecile and Max to wrap up their final broadcast in the radio's windowed room.  Catching Cecile's eye, she made a 'hurry up' motion with her hands, and then tapped her watch. 

            "In a bit of a hurry, are we?" Ryan murmured, sneaking up from behind his fellow reporter.  Jumping slightly, Janet swiveled her chair around to face him.

            "I've got some news," she answered, a twinkle in her eye.  "About that news director from WNYX."  Not wanting to spill the beans too early and be overhead by the slightly less… observant coworkers, she turned back to watch the booth, where Cecile thankfully hit the "off-air" switch and began packing up.  Ignoring Max's eccentric announcement of "That's a wrap!" Cecile followed him out and over to her two favored colleagues.  Trying to look busy, the three waited a mere half of a minute for the office to empty out, leaving them to their gossip.

            Checking her watch, Cecile tried not to look annoyed.  "What's so important, Janet?"

            Beaming, Janet latched onto her wrist.  "Dave Nelson…"

            That grasped Cecile's attention.  Ryan was the first to answer: "Yeah, we established that."

            Casting the man behind her a look, Janet returned to the woman before her.  "He's in the hospital.  I believe it's a rather serious condition, accounting the way Lisa and Jimmy James spoke of it.  Not directly, of course, but I deduced."  She smiled, albeit a bit sarcastically.  "Aren't you proud of me?"

            Though her eyes glimmered, Cecile seemed unfazed.  Taking her briefcase into her hand, she bid her goodbyes, leaving her confidantes to their shock.

* ~ *

            The hotel room had a breathtaking view of the city, it being on the top floor of the building.  The suite, though not as large as some, was extravagant and spacious, and Jimmy adored the bay windows that acted as a wall in the sitting room.  And the one thing that made the suite perfect was that he had a 'roomie' to share it with… even though she wasn't, at the moment, the most fun person to be around. 

            It had been a chore for Mr. James to avoid listening in on Lisa's telephone conversations with Johnny.  He figured he was turning into a natural Beth…  Though the calls were rare, when Lisa did get in touch with her husband, the tête-à-tête weren't very loving.  There were moments when Lisa would raise her voice, but they never lasted longer than half a minute.  Afterwards, she'd slam the phone down, and the entire suite would go silent.  Then, Jimmy's heart would sink; quiet, smothered crying could be heard from behind Lisa's closed door.  Every time, he had wanted to go in and comfort her.  But what was there for him to say?

            At this moment, that was why he was busying himself, staring out the window, trying to ignore the shouts that came from her room.  Gladly, they were unintelligible from his distance, but still, he could tell that the words were heated.  What surprised him was when the anger in the yelling began breaking into open sobs, cracking with each breath she took.  Closing his eyes and resting his head against the windowpane, Jimmy waited for the bawling to subside.  When it did, the silence didn't come.  Instead, he could hear Lisa throw her door open, stomping her feet all the while, and then leave, slamming the next door. 

* ~ *

Her step wasn't as bright today as Nancy headed down the hall towards room 722, a fresh bouquet of flowers in hand.  Smelling the perfume they emitted made her feel at ease, though a headache was rapidly growing.  The incident from last night hadn't been very comforting, and she wasn't looking forward to any new visitors.

            Once in the room, she smiled.  She had called for an extra quarter hour for lunch and, understanding the pain she was enduring, her boss had compassionately agreed.  When Dave had first been admitted to the hospital, she had received a phone call from Mrs. Nelson, as had just about everyone else who had known her son.  Within two days, she was on her way from Wisconsin to the big city, and had stayed ever since.  After the first few weeks, she had driven herself into a rut of near-depression, and, of the empathetic request from Mrs. Nelson to 'get her mind of things,' Nancy had searched for a job and been hired as a waitress at a quaint little restaurant near to the hospital.

            Dumping out the slightly wilted carnations at Dave's bedside table, Nancy replaced them with the new assorted bouquet, her mind wandering to the phone call from Patricia what seemed so long ago.  She could remember every word.  She could remember every exchanged tear between them.  Before, she and Mrs. Nelson hadn't been very close, but in history, she recalled, with every tragedy comes some joy.  She was like a second mother now to Nancy, and when she got closer to Patricia, she felt like she got closer to Dave.

            But the phone call…  Once again, she found herself spiting those who worked at WNYX, save Matthew, who had most likely no clue what was going on.  It was hard to be mad at him… but then, Lisa, who had failed to make an appearance yesterday, was a different story.  Months had passed, and now she wanted to visit.  Nancy had prayed nightly that her and Dave's relationship was over.  She figured Dave wasn't very good with commitment, but Lisa's finally showing up wavered her judgment a bit.  But again, why hadn't any of the WNYX crew come?  True, Nancy wasn't there 24-7, but she and Mrs. Nelson were there enough to know if any of them had showed face.  Did they not care?

            A muted knock drew Nancy out of her daydream, and as the door opened, she began gritting her teeth.

* ~ *

            A sudden intake of breath caused Lisa to choke, grasping her throat as she coughed.  Seated a few feet away from her, hands clasped in her lap and a disbelieving expression on her face was Nancy, her eyes randomly scanning the new company.  Regaining composure, Lisa's mouth formed words, but no sound produced.  Instead, her stare settled on the man resting on the gurney-like bed.  The man that the last time she saw was telling her of the mistake she was making.  She hadn't listened, but she wished he were able to tell her that now.

            A clear respirator's mask covered his mouth and nose, and tubes ran down his throat and attached to the respirator behind his bed.  Two IV's were connected to him, one of which seemed to be an insulin pump.  Besides the three obvious extensions, the others were unfamiliar to Lisa, and she didn't want to know what they were for.

            What the doctor spoke of the day before began registering at the sight of Dave's small form.  He had, apparently, lost a substantial amount of weight, so much that in between the tubing and mask he wore over his mouth, Lisa couldn't even make out his boyish dimples.  His arms and wrists were thin, and it seemed as if the IV's and tubing were sucking the very life out of his limbs.  His skin was blanched in pallor, his hair had grown lighter, and she could only guess the fading of his once stunning blue eyes.

            "He woke, once," Nancy murmured, reaching out and touching the man's hand gingerly.  "Quite a while ago.  The doctors say he isn't improving, but he's not getting any worse."

            Lisa's hand inched closer to Dave's, but within centimeters, she withdrew, clutching them instead.  "Will he… will he, uh…"? She stifled another choke, berating herself for her weakness.

            "I know he will," Nancy finished for her.  "He did it once, he can do it again."

* ~ *

            After a succinct chat with the third floor lobby secretary, Patricia Nelson wrote her name on the sign-in sheet and started towards the room that had become like a second home.  She had gotten caught in the noonday lunch rush, but, though she despised traffic immensely, she had made her way through to the hospital.  Jimmy James had promised to make another visit, and she hadn't wanted to miss him.  He had been like a father to David while he was away from his own, and through the tough times, he had been unbelievable.  He had given her husband an amazingly touching funeral, and of the current events, had agreed to pay what Dave's medical insurance didn't cover.  She had so much to thank him for, and she didn't know where or how to begin.

            Rounding the corner, Patricia hefted her purse higher on her shoulder, slowing her pace at the sight of a young woman leaving room 722.  Dismissing the notion that she was a nurse, for she lacked the uniform, Mrs. Nelson continued forward, ready to introduce herself.

            "Excuse me, dear," she started, bending to see the woman's down-turned face.  Lisa, not wanting to be rude, straightened and extended her hand, noticing the familiar features of the woman.  She was a much more feminine, of course, and prettier version of Dave, save a few manly characteristics.  Breathing back the sniffles she had held, she smiled at the elder.

            "You must be Mrs. Nelson."  Patricia nodded.

            "Patricia.  Pardon my informality, but who are you, dear?"

            Pausing a beat to close the door behind her, Lisa answered.  "Lisa Miller-Johnson.  I used to be an associate of your son's."

            A bemused look washed over Mr. Nelson's face.  "Ah … 'used to be'?"

            Lisa nodded.  "A few others and I moved to a different station in New Hampshire with Mr. James."

            "Oh yes," Patricia returned.  "I knew Jimmy left WNYX.  He took a few of you with him?"

            Biting her lip, Lisa continued.  "Uh, no.  You see, we had been working with Mr. James for so long.  He's like family to us.  When he decided to move on to New Hampshire, we chose to follow."

            Patricia stopped, staring the brunette in the eyes.  "David didn't join you?"

            "He didn't want to," Lisa answered, her hands writhing together.  For some reason, this woman made her nervous.  "He thought it was a mistake for us to leave him."

            "You left him behind?"  She shook her head.  "Pardon my impertinence, but while I adore Jimmy, wasn't my son 'like family' to you as well?"

            Gulping, Lisa backed off slightly.  "Of course, Mrs. Nelson.  We just thought it would be best for us—"

            "For you to leave him behind.  I see." Patricia motioned for Lisa to step aside and grasped the door handle.  "I know he'd hate me for telling you this, but Dave has always been pretty damn good at hiding his emotions.  Now that I hear all of this, things make sense.  Now I know why he was so depressed months ago.  He loses his friends, he loses his father…" She opened the door and, stepping inside, turned back.  "He loses himself."

* ~ *

(Another) Author's Note:  Oh, I forgot to mention:  Thanks to those who gave their sympathy.  It is much appreciated, and I send the love right back at ya!

If you are or will be in the Metro-Detroit area the weekend of October 6th, listen up!  The annual Foundation for Diabetes 6-Mile Walk is taking place.  It's like what the title says: you gather up donations (for example, someone will pay you a dollar for each mile you walk) and then you walk the number of miles you can.  In return, for how much money you raise for your team or for just yourself, you get prizes.  The biggest prize (I think you need to raise about $5,000), you get a DVD player and $200 gift certificate to Lands'End (a really nice store.)  If you're interested and would like more information, feel free to e-mail me at BitchCakes@dangerous-minds.com.  Your generosity will help raise money for children with diabetes as well as further research on a cure.  Thanks again!