"Happy, uh, surprise, Zim!"

When Dib represented the colorfully wrapped box, complete with ridiculous bow, he just stood there, peering at him contemptuously, waiting for the punch-line, the explanation. It could be that, in Dib's half-cooked and foolish custom, he was celebrating his hatching day, not that he wanted to be reminded of his age without any kind of shining conquest on his résumé.

"S-Surprise?" He looked from his human's dubiously smiling face to the box that was suspiciously large for a 'surprise.' And he very much doubted it would be the fusion fuel he so badly needed.

"Don't tell me obnoxious, egotistical Irkens don't like gifts?" Dib carefully set it down like he was handling a ticking bomb, still smiling that detestable goofy smile.

As much as Zim wanted to berate him, he could not help but feel mildly pleased at the gesture. "So?" He stooped closer, "What is it? Super weapons? The glowing lava emulsion fuel that I specifically asked for?"

"Urm, no. It's nothing like that, Zim. Just open it. Besides, what's the point in ruining the surprise if I just tell you what it is?"

"Very well. Let's see w-what you call a 'surprise.'" He confronted it, quickly reducing the ribbon to shreds with his claws, but before he had even opened the flaps, the box started to wriggle.

He yelled out and backed away, frightened.

Dib opened the flap, and a small, furry head emerged. A black, wet nose probed the air, sniffing and snorting. Then two little black eyes peered out, and a long pink tongue lolled out of its grizzly white muzzle.

Zim stepped backwards, eyes on the beast. Dib did next to nothing to impede it when it jumped out of the box and bounded over to him, also wearing a ridiculous pink bow around its tawny neck.

He held his claws in front of his face. "Stop! Get it away from me!"

The stink of it hit him full in the face, making him think of lice and diseases, when the bumbling thing went to coat its slippery wet tongue over his defending hands.

"Dib!" He croakily hollered when the idiot merely stood there, bemused. The beast reengaged him, the slobber dripping off his hands. "Get away! Shoo! Shoo you horrid thing!" He hit the creature on the nose, wanting space, and freedom from its repulsive smell. The responding yelp of the dog stirred something in him however, and the sudden guilt paralyzed him to the spot.

Dib reached out, grabbed the bow tied around its neck and drew it away from him. "It's okay, Zim, she likes you."

"What… what the hell is it?" As he asked, the beast turned to Dib, sniffing miserably like a punished child, and when he kindly patted it on the shoulders, the beast perked up instantly.

"It's a dog. She's a border collie mix."

"A border collie what?"

Dib had truly gone completely mad bonkers bringing something hairy and smelly in here, disguised as a 'gift.' But as he watched the beast fuss over all Dib, he realized the animal was closed to him, when once all language was as translatable as words. When it yelped or barked, all he heard were gruff, disrupting noises that only made him jump.

"I don't care what it is! Get it out of here! What's possessed you?!"

"You don't like her?"

"Like? Why would I like it?"

Sorrow washed over the man's features. "I'm sorry, Zim. I just thought…"

"I don't like it when you think! It worries me!"

"I just thought you'd like her… for company."

"What?" The explanation made no sense. "Why would I want a dumb mutt for 'company?' Why would anyone want a smelly, slobbery thing, of all things, for company?"

Dib suddenly didn't seem able to meet eyes with him. "Well, it's just… studies have shown that dogs can reduce stress, among other things, and she can help you be more independent. And that's just to name a few…"

"What? You just made all of that up! There's no way a four-legged mutt can do all that unless it's a multi-functioning robot!"

Dib went on patting the dog along its back, with its tail stupidly wagging. The dog's seemingly constant need for attention was already starting to annoy the Irken. "Fine, Zim. You win. We'll hold on to her for tonight, the shelter doesn't open again until ten."

"S-Shelter?"

"Yeah. It's where all abandoned dogs go, until they have new homes."

"Don't they all get… adopted?"

"No."

"What happens to the ones who don't…?"

Dib shrugged. "They just get put down I guess."

"But why…? Why would humans do that?"

"We don't live in an ideal world, hotshot. When something isn't needed, or wanted, it's discarded." He flicked eyes at him, knowing he had hit a spot that was still sore.

"Humph. Whatever. I have things to do. You've already wasted enough of my time with your impetuous impetuousness!" He stormed out the room, still unsure why Dib's stupid gesture had unearthed such anger and resentment. That stupid boy!

He had no idea what Dib was doing, but then again, he'd never understood the idiot in the first place.

As he staggered to his room, he realized that the usual kitten on the stairs had vanished, and he was vexed to find that the ferret had also 'absconded,' leaving him feeling quite abandoned. The smell of 'dog' had obviously displeased them as well.

-x-

"It's all right, girl." He patted her, and felt the warmth of her tongue as she happily plastered it all over his face. "Not everything's ever straight forward, huh? Pity me. I have to live with the old coot."

He supposed it had been worth a shot.

He looked into her chocolate brown eyes, and caught himself smiling.

"I'm sorry this didn't work out. Guess not everyone appreciate dogs." He scratched behind her ears, already dreading the ride back to the shelter. She was young, strong, and smart. She also happened to be the only dog that hadn't reacted aggressively towards Zim. Under the pretension of a 'very special and secret mission,' he had finally managed to trick Zim into leaving the house, and taking a car ride to the shelter. Zim had reluctantly gone along, but remained very mistrustful.

His disguise had fooled the receptionist at the desk, but not the dogs. They caught the whiff of his alien distinction instantly, and either tried to bite through the bars of their cage to get to him, or ran to the furthest corner they could find, shaking and whining with fear.

Zim had followed Dib halfway into the shelter before he realized something was afoot, and kind of just staggered into a stoop, fear making his eyes look like deep red pools about to spill.

The experiment had backfired. Or so he thought. As Dib turned him back round, feeling ashamed and foolish, with dogs wildly jumping at their cages, and Zim now a shell-shocked, stooped thing of a creature ("Dib? D-Dib? What is th-this?"), he saw the border collie near the back of the shelter, with her tail excitably wagging amongst the psychotic din of angry barks and frightened yelps.

He would not have ever usually considered such a venture, especially without sharing it with Zim. But he knew Zim would never consider it, much less try, unless he showed him, hoping a young dog would support him. But even that hadn't worked.

He went into the kitchen to scrounge the cupboards for the food he had bought her earlier. Bringing out two big silver dishes, he filled one with water, and one with dog food. She chowed and chomped into the food hungrily as soon as he set the dishes down.

He leaned against the counter, watching her chew and swallow down the food. You'd think, with all the kittens, badgers, and other critters that Zim 'seemingly' let in, a dog would surely fit right in with his menagerie. Maybe it was her size that so effectively intimidated him, or what he'd seen at the shelter…

"Guess I've screwed up again." He blew out a sigh, feeling spent and altogether disappointed.

-x-

He blinked tiredly at the screen, claws scratching at his eyes. The data looked more scrambled, and somehow made even less sense. Figuring to give it a rest, he hopped off the chair, shuffled into bed and hooked the hearing aid off his antenna, leaving it beside his growing bottles of medicine and cough mixture. He could never truly escape the heavy stench of antiseptic and blood, and it seemed to get on all his clothes.

Yanking on the nearby cord, he snapped the curtains shut, with the nightlight warming the room in serene cherry pinks.

He was just about to drift off when a nose, wet and black, poked through the doorway. The dog then quietly nudged the door the rest of the way open with her shoulder, with Zim snorting out his annoyance when he could smell her over the clinging stink of antiseptic. "Go away." He turned on his side, PAK to her, and tried to go back to sleep.

That was when he felt her heavy paws press on the blankets, the mattress starting to squeak in protest.

Would this thing get the message already?

He shuffled as far away from her as he could until he was practically hanging off the side, clutching the blankets to him in the hopes she would give up and leave.

She whined. It was a low, needy kind of sound, like a puppy entreating to its mother.

He grabbed the pillow and tried to hide under it, and again she whined, louder this time, and twice as needy.

"Go and bother that idiot Dib! He's th-the one that bought you! I didn't invite you! This isn't your bed!"

The bed suddenly rocked, mattress springs clonking and squealing.

Unable to stand it any longer he threw off the pillow, and stared into her big brown and happy eyes.

"No!" He croaked, and sharply pointed to the door, the sleeve hanging off his arm. "I said go! I command you!"

She drew closer, and he could feel her hot, meaty breath on his face. Her jaws parted, releasing a hot, long, and slightly wrinkly tongue.

Fear swelled through him when he realized just how small and vulnerable he was. Her teeth were sharp ivory pillars that looked capable of crushing bone, and as she whined, there was a definite growl rumbling from deep inside her throat.

"Urm… Dib?" He couldn't take his eyes off her in case she attacked, "Dib, can you come in? I… I…."

She loomed closer, her eyes as indecipherable as black glass. As he stared, trapped within the confines of his own paralysis, she started licking his trembling face and neck. Her hot breath felt like the hot windy breath of a giant, and her ruffled, tawny fur brushed against his thin and brittle skin.

He feared what she would do, what she might be capable of doing, and why she was on his bed in the first place. Just when he was close to losing it, exhaustion ringing him out, she lay down beside him and rested her heavy head on his pillow.

He stared at her, feeling his heart pound. The dog peered back at him, her whine soft and somewhat soothing.

"You're… you're hairy, you kn-know…" He said, slowly getting his breath back.

Now he was stuck with her. There was no way he could get her off, and when he went to sit up, teasing one leg out of the sheets, her warm eyes followed him, her soft whine seemingly trying to reassure him.

tbc