Author's Note: So... I've been gone lately, huh?... If you really want to know what has happened to me for the past couple of months, I'd be happy to oblige.

New Contacts: De_Heks_Sirene@hush.ai - and - IM: De Heks Sirene

New Sites: http://dehekssirene@diaryland.com (daily blog) http://wrstcptnever.diaryland.com (creative writing) - The old site is still up, as well: http://members.tripod.com/shorty_est_1986.htm - it will no longer be updated because I no longer have the program I created it in.

As for review replies... I see fit to reply to one in particular. bloodyredtubesockscuzilikelevisandcatsohyeahboohyahbababooeycuzselfmutilationismymotivation - uh... thank you for the interest you've placed in my story... can't deny I'm a bit taken back... and a bit frightened... but flattered, nonetheless. Not to sound inconsiderate or anything, but please refrain from a repeat of this review. A simple "please update soon" would suffice. :D Thanks again... I love you, please don't hurt me.

Last Chapter: Dave takes a trip to the doctor, and a new guest enters the Jimmy James residence. Also, Nancy makes a big decision... will we ever hear from her again? Who in the seven hells knows!

Lose Yourself

Chapter 11

*~ Syren ~*

The day, from that point on, took on a lighter atmosphere. As they had done to Nancy so long ago, everyone took a shine to Kristina, ever so shy. Getting to know every person in the lodge was almost a chore for her, her bashful manner getting in the way. Still, the others were glad to oblige, and before long, they were more than acquaintances. Even Lisa, who seemed so distant, had made a point of getting to know her, and for that, she was grateful. She was still something of a role model to Kristina, ever since she read the feature on her in the Washington Post.

After awhile, Kristina managed to get away from the commotion. The retired WNYX crew was an unusual bunch, but with their sarcastic, though friendly, conducts, she didn't feel as awkward as she feared.

"They didn't scare you, did they?" Dave's voice sounded from her doorway, and Kristina paused in her unpacking to wave him in. She coerced away a rising blush when he sat down on her bed beside her, a soft smile on his face. "I really am surprised you came all the way up here. Aren't the others jealous you got away?"

Laughing, Kristina tried busying herself with her suitcases, hoping he wouldn't catch sight of her… delicates. "I don't think they'll notice, anyway. They're always so busy."

"That's an understatement," Dave agreed. "I don't think I've had a true conversation with half of them."

Biting her lip, Kristina shied away from her words again. The worst part was that Dave knew when she had something to say, but was too reserved to point it out. Even more so, what she had to say was more likely than not something rather plausible. She reminded him of Lisa, albeit outgoing.

Sensing it, Dave leaned his elbows on his knees. "Kristina?" Again, silence; she made it a point to look occupied with putting her clothes away in her drawers. It was hard for both of them when she acted that way; her for finding valor, and him for bringing it out in her, not to mention trying to forget the reason for it all. One day, when he had become sick of her timidity and confronted her, under the pressure, she had spilled her guts to him. When she had graduated from college and found her first secretary's job, her boss hadn't been, to say the least, the best. As intelligent a girl as she was, the man had used her as a stair step, constantly and purposefully belittling her. When a mistake was made, he'd tantrum; when her words stammered, he'd tantruml; and when she refused his advances, he'd tantrum. Needless to say, she took the incidents painfully to heart, and had taken a year of the cruelty before finally reporting him for sexual harassment. When she came to work for Dave, her aptitude amazed him, but it was all he could take to keep from snapping at her withdrawn behavior. He had made it a point to keep her from becoming as the other new employies of WNYX had - workaholics without a bone of sentiment in their bodies. Alas, she would refuse speaking with him more than what was necessary, and kept to herself all day long. At last, when she confided in him, he had won her trust, and it had meant the world to her. Little did he know the true extent of her feelings.

"Kristina…" his voice was sympathetic, backed with the slightest demanding tone. Giving up her 'busy façade,' Kristina's shoulders slumped as she turned to face him.

"Dave… why don't you open up to any of your employees?"

Dumbstruck by her sudden bit of confidence, Dave hesitated. "Well, they aren't the easiest to get to know." He regretted the tinge of sarcasm in his voice.

"They won't open to you unless you allow yourself to open up to them."

Sighing, Dave rose to his feet and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's difficult to explain, Kristina. You of all people should understand that."

Letting her newfound self-assurance take over, Kristina countered; "You're right. It is hard. But that didn't stop me. I confided in you, as hard as it was, because I trust you. More than you could imagine." Forgetting the formality, she took his hand. "Now I want you to trust me, Dave."

After a moment's silence, Dave conceded with a sigh. There was something about the woman he couldn't refuse. "Before, I allowed myself to get close with my employees, one in particular. To make a tediously long story short, they packed up and moved to New Hampshire, leaving me here with Matthew." Detecting the knowing look in Kristina's eyes, he persisted. "That was my mistake. It's imperative to maintain the boss/employee relationship status than that of the boss/friend."

"You didn't go with them to New Hampshire because of that one person?" Kristina queried, her gaze unrelenting.

Shrugging in defeat, Dave answered, "Not entirely, but yes."

"What makes you think history will repeat itself?" Kristina's expression appeared hurt, but Dave knew the hurt was for him. "I want you to trust me," she repeated, stepping closer to him. "No matter of your past."

His blue eyes meeting her brown ones, his brow knitted together in empathy. "I do, Kristina."

She could sense the unconvincing tone in his voice. "I want to be your friend, Dave," she murmured. Disregarding every ounce of her shyness, she took his face in her hands. "If not more…" With that, she gently pulled his face down to hers and placed a tender kiss on his lips. Her touch was as light as a breath and ended as quickly as it had begun. When she opened her eyes, Kristina pulled abruptly away, embarrassment welling in her stomach; Dave's expression was of surprise. A hand flying to her mouth, Kristina apologized rapidly before sprinting from the room, her eyes moistening in her dismay.

Finding the breath Kristina had knocked out of him, Dave started after her, but as soon as he stepped into the hall, he stopped. Standing beside him, her mouth agape in astonishment, was Lisa, staring up at him with an expression that mirrored his own.

"Oh, uh…" she stuttered, wringing her hands and backing away. "I was just, uh, on my way to, uh-" Without finishing her sentence, she trotted down the hall to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

~ * ~

Leaning heavily against her door, Lisa had to force herself to release her breath. Her eyes clamped shut, she shook her head as if to clear it and fell onto her bed. She berated herself for eavesdropping, but more so, for feeling the jealousy that was beginning to rot her mind.

"Why am I feeling like this?" she whispered to herself, rubbing her temples. In the back of her mind, she knew, but her headache clouded her judgment. Not only was she a hypocrite for the recent sentiments that inhabited her heart, but also, she was a cheater. She had never once in her life cheated on any of her partners, and it pained her to know that, in a way, she was doing it now. Was it apt for her to be experiencing such emotions, even if she didn't understand them fully? If it wasn't… why did it feel so painfully right?

~ * ~

"What in the world was I thinking…?" Kristina murmured between sniffles. She had run from the house, despite the slight downpour, and now found herself sitting on the shabby fence that bordered the cabin's lot. Not only had she embarrassed herself to the point of no return, she had seen what she had feared: Dave's eyes held nothing for her, save admiration and the trust she had for so long wanted from him. The kiss they had shared was warm and tender, but the emotion was purely one-sided. Kristina knew that he didn't want to hurt her, but if so, why now was she aching so badly?

Muffled footsteps sounded ahead of her, and her head snapped up, almost losing her balance on the fence. Heading towards her was the man she had met earlier, Joe, thankfully equipped with an umbrella. As he drew nearer, she could make out a worried expression marring his features, and she had the urge to blush.

"You know, it's not easy to find someone in this giant ranch, let alone outside of it," Joe started, perching himself beside her and holding the umbrella above both of their heads. "Every time we chat, it seems you're drenched."

Laughing quietly, she rubbed her cold nose, her shyness returning. "You don't need to keep me company, I'll be alright…"

Shrugging, Joe grinned. "It's no skin off my back." Chewing the inside of his cheek temperately, Joe cleared his throat. "I wanted to know…" Looking to him, Kristina offered a small smile of encouragement. "Why do you like Dave so much?"

Her smile fading, Kristina busied herself twiddling her fingers together. "How… uh, how do you know about… about that?"

"It's pretty obvious," Joe replied, hoping not to sound derisive.

Gazing out towards the cabin, Kristina clutched the railing to keep her balance. "It's a lot of reasons, I guess… he's smart, intellectual, committed, trustworthy…adorable…" She laughed at her own naiveté. "His eyes are breathtaking…"

Nodding through her recitation, Joe looked down to his hands, pausing after she finished. "You know… I was thinking about getting those colored contacts…"

Kristina could only giggle at his timid charm, which she had a feeling wasn't common of him. But still, something was bothering her. "Joe…"

"Yeah?"

Biting her lip with hesitation, Kristina continued. "What are Dave and Lisa to each other?"

Joe raised his eyes to the sky. "They were a couple before… two times, actually." He laughed. "They broke the rulebooks by having an office relationship. After their second break up, they went their separate ways, and Lisa married this dude named Johnny Johnson."

The concept sinking in, Kristina frowned. For what Joe was saying, the impression she had felt of Lisa and Dave's connection with each other should be unsubstantial. But then, she couldn't dismiss the look she saw in Lisa's eyes when she ran from her room earlier. She knew that Lisa had overheard her, and at that moment, her expression was incomprehensible. But now, when the scene recurred in her mind, Kristina could tell exactly what was read in Lisa's eyes: love. And the love wasn't for this Johnny Johnson Joe spoke of.

~ * ~

Matthew was confused. He had been feeding his cats in the kitchen when the bustling around the cabin started. First, Kristina had made her way hastily down the stairs and out the front door, not bothering with a passing 'hi' on her way. Shortly after, a door slammed shut upstairs, causing Choo-Choo and Mitt-Mitt to jump and start fussing in annoyance. Then, umbrella in hand, Joe followed Kristina's tracks, with what could have been a concerned, but happy smile on his face. Finally, the phone rang, and as he headed over to answer it, someone from upstairs picked it up only after the first ring. Checking the caller ID, Matthew read 'Sutton,' and disregarded it.

"It's pretty boring, huh guys?" Matthew asked the cats, resenting how everyone seemed to be keeping to themselves for the most part…

The hushed commotion was enough to rouse Matthew's curiosity.

Picking up one of his cats, which growled at him for interrupting its meal, Matthew headed up the stairs. Stopping at Lisa's door, he knocked a rhythm on her door. Lisa's muffled response seemed derogatory, but he could make out the words 'go away.' Turning his nose up, he huffed, then made his way to the only open door on the floor: Kristina's. Inside, with the phone held to his ear, was Dave, a grim expression on his face. Heaving a sigh, Dave dropped the phone back into its cradle, finally acknowledging Matthew's presence.

"You've got some visitors," he announced in a singsong voice. Frowning, Dave strode past him and towards his room.

"Matthew, if you don't get that cat away from me…"

Of course, Matthew followed. "Oh come on, he likes you!" He had to dive to make it inside Dave's room before the door shut him out. "What's all the hubbub?"

Holding down his aggravation, Dave shook his head. "Nothing, Matthew."

"Who called? I don't know anyone named 'Sutton.'"

Dave cursed the Caller ID. "It was my therapist."

Confused, Matthew glanced down at Choo-Choo and back up to Dave. "You need a therapist? Is this whole ordeal driving you to insanity?"

"Not that kind of therapist," Dave replied. "It's therapeutic treatment, to make my body as responsive as it was before the diabetes and coma."

"So… why are you so frustrated?"

Dave bit back the sarcasm. "Just… a lot of things."

"Was it the doctor?"

"What is this, Twenty Questions?" Sitting at the edge of his bed, Dave ran a hand through his hair. "But yes, the doctor gave me some bad news. The results came back from the tests he took during my first session, and it seems that my body can't handle the new drug that's 'on the market.'"

"Drug?" Matthew dropped the cat and clutched Dave's shoulders. "Drugs aren't the answer, David. There are support groups for addicts, it'll be alright."

"No," Dave exclaimed, backing out of Matthew's grip. "A medicinal drug. It's supposed to be some kind of insulin substitute that's more affective."

"Ooo, you should get that. I get all queasy watching you give yourself shots."

His head lolling forward, Dave rubbed at his eyes. "Like I said, my body can't handle it."

Matthew shrugged. "So then keep on the insulin thingies."

"My body isn't responding to that very well," Dave theorized, glancing at the cat, which was now clawing at the door and meowing loudly. "I feel worse when I take them… You know Matthew, you don't look too well yourself."

Knowing Dave referred to his red, scratchy eyes, the nasally pitch, more so than usual, to his voice, and runny nose, Matthew waved it off. "Yeah, I've got the flu. But that's beside the point. You gotta do it, David," he insisted, his 'motherly' instinct kicking in. Dave nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder and directing him to the door.

"Will do… now get that cat out of here before I give it to Jimmy to stuff for another one of his decorations."

~ * ~