It's Kei again~

My boyfriend died last night. May 23, 2003. But he'll always be alive in my heart. I know a huge part of me died with him, and I don't know if I could ever love anyone as much as I did him. But as they say: It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved. And it's so true. The short time I did get to spend with him was blissful, and I know that I definitely grew as a person when I was with him. Every time I go the extra step, every time I aspire to greater heights, I'll know it's because of him. So I move on in life without my Jamie in body, but with him in soul. And though I may learn to love again, he is my one and only, now and forever.

Right now I really feel like Sesshoumaru in my last real chapter. Like I'm just now learning how to cry. It's the first time since I can remember that I've cried myself to sleep. When I woke up this morning, my eyes and cheeks were still wet with tears. It's so hard, coming to the realization that I'll never see him again, at least here on Earth. If there really is Heaven, maybe I'll see him there. But right now, I'm just a crying wreck, just trying to sort out the pieces of my shattered heart. I miss him so much already it hurts. It hasn't even been 24 hours yet and I feel like he's so far away.

But, I'm so glad my friends have been there to help me through this. Even thought they're hurting too, they've come through for me, and I love them for it. Thanks Mide, Darrin, Roy, Aaron, Dani, and anyone and everyone else I've forgotten. I owe you so much. And all who went out of their way online and didn't just comment on the last chapter, but Imed and emailed me.thanks so much. You've all been such an inspiration and driving force for me.

I've decided to continue Jam and Marmalade, and also, I'm going to start writing a book based on our story. Even if I can't get it published, I'll probably put it up on FictionPress. Writing is like medicine to me, except for it heals my heart and soul. I've realized I can't stop writing, because it's like not eating for me. Art is my Gods' nectar in a sense. I hope to have the next chapter up next weekend or so.

I know Jamie'd be glad to read it.