"Inbetween C.R.E.A.M and 411 on the DL"
by Kirsten Tapp

Disclaimer:

Dark Angel doesn't belong to the author, but to James Cameron, etc. No copyright infringement intended.

Summary:

What happens at the end of CREAM leading up to the beginning of 411 on the DL.

Spoilers:

C.R.E.A.M and 411 on the DL

Rating:

PG

Category:

Drama/Romance


Logan coped with Nathan's death the same way he always coped with traumatic experiences. When he could walk, he would go for jogs and alternate them with his journalistic assignments. Now, instead of jogging he worked with weights until his arms felt as though they would drop off. But as always, the exhaustive workouts and the extensive research on articles didn't change or make the pain of his loss go away.

He blamed himself for Nathan's death. As cynical as he had seemed when he had first met with Alina as 'Eyes Only', he had actually wanted to believe that she wanted her father back. Max had been right. He had turned this case into being all about himself.

He had felt so betrayed when Max had told him that Nathan was alive. Logan had made Nathan into a great hero who had died trying to bring down the corruption in the world. At least that's the way everything had seemed in his head. Finding out that Nathan had faked his own death and stopped fighting for what he believed in, to stay alive had made Logan feel so alone. He felt as though he was fighting the war against corruption by himself, from a wheelchair.

When he had finished his 'Eyes Only' broadcast tonight, he had at least felt that he had made a small move towards making things right with Nathan, even though it was rather late in the piece.

"You know killing yourself with those weights isn't going to bring Nathan back." Max had let herself in. As was becoming a regular occurrence, she had done so without making enough noise to alert Logan to her presence until she was ready to have it known.

"I'm not trying to kill myself." Logan took the towel that Max held out to him and wiped his sweaty face. "I'm trying to work through some things in my head." Realizing that he hadn't paged Max, Logan started to wonder what she was doing there in his apartment. "So what's up? I'm sorry I haven't got any further searching for your family."

Max shrugged her shoulders. "No problem. I thought you'd like to know I caught up with Alina. It was the strangest thing. The money she got for turning her father in to the highest bidder, most of it went flying off of the train. I figure the way the wind was blowing, all that money probably made it to Canada." She gave Logan a small smile. "All Alina has left to keep her warm at night is her hate."

Logan pulled his glasses off of the neckline of his shirt and put them back on his face. "Hate doesn't keep you warm for long. It does eat away at you though until you're just a shell of a person."

"You speaking from experience?" Max knew that Logan took his 'Eyes Only' cases personally, but she couldn't imagine him hating anyone.

"Not exactly." Logan stayed sitting on his workout bench as his arms felt like led from overdoing the weight lifting. If he tried to move to his chair at that moment, he would probably end up face first on the floor. "I watched hate eat away at more than one member of my family and money doesn't help change them, or stop the hate."

Max considered what Logan had said. "I guess I've never cared enough about anything to be able to hate. The closest I can claim is how I feel about what Lydecker and Manticore did to us." Max moved to sit on the other end of the workout bench. "I figure it must take a skill that Manticore didn't teach us to be able to hate."

Logan allowed himself to smile a little. "You mean there's actually something you can't do?"

Max grinned at Logan, relieved to see he was pulling himself out of his depression, if only for a moment. "I didn't say I couldn't do it. I just haven't been trained to hate. Hate is an emotion. We were taught at Manticore that emotions make you weak."

"Some do." Logan found himself despising Lydecker even though he had never met the man. Anyone who wanted to keep someone as vibrant as Max in a cage and stop her from showing any emotion should be locked away himself. "Some emotions make you stronger. Keeping your emotions locked up inside you, that's what makes you weak."

Max knew in her heart what Logan was saying was true, but after being told the opposite for most of her childhood, it had become difficult to put to practice. "So are you going to admit that you miss Nathan, or are you going to numb all the feeling in your body by lifting weights all night?" She had a sneaking suspicion that Logan had already overdone things.

"I wish I could have spent more time with Nathan." Logan finally admitted it. "I wasted my time being pissed with him for wanting to lead a comfortable life. I figured that because I kept fighting no matter what the danger was, that he should as well. I don't blame Nathan for not wanting to end up in a wheelchair or dead. Ironic how things still ended up working that way. All because I wanted to reunite Alina with her father."

Max reached out and touched Logan's hand without a second thought. "You don't get to blame yourself for Nathan's death. Alina had me fooled as well, remember. You made sure that people knew what a great man Nathan was.'

"Better late than never, I guess." Logan decided to change the subject instead of feeling sorry for himself. "So how's work been going? Has Sketchy come up with any new excuses for you being late for work?"

Max shook her head and chuckled. "No, this time the fool lost some money he got from some mobsters. Original Cindy and I went and won enough money for him to pay his debt and then this morning, that idiot suggests we make a career out of ripping off casinos together. Can you believe that?"

Logan laughed. "I'm sure he just saw it as grabbing an opportunity as it arose."

"It was him grabbing an opportunity that got him in trouble in the first place." Max pointed out. "This isn't the first time I've had to save his sorry ass. About a month back he was cheating on his girlfriend. I had to rescue him from the physco chick he was seeing on the side. It's beginning to feel as though I have three jobs. One working for Jam Pony, one doing leg work for you and one watching Sketchy's back."

"Ah, but at least doing leg work for me comes with a free gourmet meal." Logan joked.

Max smiled. "Yeah, working with you does come with some bonus'."

"I'll keep trying to dig up anything I can on your family." Logan didn't want Max to think that he wouldn't keep his end of their bargain.

"I know." Max wondered for a moment if Logan would ever go back to the arrogant, self assured man that had stood her in front of an expensive mirror. "You're lucky you have your gourmet cooking as a backup Chef Cale. My family were taught well how to cover their tracks. I think I got the easier part of the deal. Kicking ass is what I was made for."

"Well, I'm not giving up the search." Logan gave Max a devilish grin, a little of the old Logan showing itself. "Besides I like a challenge." When Logan had been shot, he had lost more than the feeling of his body below the waist. He had also lost a lot of his confidence. His determination to make the world a better place had remained firmly intact though. If anything, it was stronger than ever.

"So I've noticed." Max knew she was flirting with danger. Somehow, without realizing it Logan had found his way under the wall she had built around her. She sensed that she was starting to break through the brick wall Logan had built around himself since the accident, brick by brick as well. "I'd better go so that you can get your beauty sleep." She wrinkled up her nose. "And a shower."

Logan nodded as he watched Max leave. When she was in the room, he had to fight hard to concentrate on something other than the gorgeous woman in the room with him. He had completely forgotten the sweat he had worked up pushing himself beyond his limits. Slowly and cautiously, he shifted himself into his chair. He almost ended up on the floor as he had feared, when at the last minute his arms announced their protest at being worked so hard. Narrowly making it into his chair, Logan made his way to the shower. No doubt his body would be aching tomorrow, the parts of his body he could actually feel. With any luck a hot shower would stop his muscles from protesting too loudly.

Max had waited outside Logan's apartment listening to make sure that Logan made it into his chair alright. She knew that he wouldn't want her to see him struggle, but she had wanted to make sure that he was alright.

There were still a lot hours to fill before it was time to go to work. Not needing very much sleep, Max loved the night. It seemed such a waste to sleep when there were better ways to pass the dark hours of the night.

Climbing on her bike, Max's face lit up with pure joy when she started her most prized pocession up and heard it's deep purr. "Come on Baby. Let's find some fun." She spoke to the motorcycle with such affection.

Roaring into the night, Max rode with the wind blowing through her dark hair. It didn't take long for her to find a playmate. Another night rider was only too happy to take up Max's unspoken challenge. Her challenger's identity was hidden beneath a dark motorcycle helmet, but it made no difference to Max. She was happy just to play the game.

The End