Chapter 1: Cracks
Izuku Midoriya has been an abnormal kid for as long as he remembered…
Normal kids get to have a quirk of their own…but Izuku can only remember his own tears and the way his mother apologized to him for something out of her control.
He can only remember the day his father left without a word…
But being a hero has always been Izuku's dream…to save people with a smile, fearless, brave, and strong. So he moves ahead with that hope, with those childish thoughts, Izuku wasn't afraid to try.
But before he knew it, Izuku lost his name…
It wasn't a pleasant memory, the day when his childhood friend's face contorted into anger…and suddenly Izuku realizes something has changed.
From that day, Deku was his name…
It was surreal to see how fast everyone turned against you, for being different, that friendly smiles can easily crumble into vicious snarls…
The teacher that used to cheerfully praise him for being smart now hardly spared him a glance. Friends, then Deku came to realize, is something he didn't deserve.
The name Deku now took a different meaning…no longer that naïve misspoken character Kacchan repeatedly to annoy him, but an epitome for his entire being.
Useless…
It wasn't long until the whispering and hushed words, and disgusted look turn into verbal threats. A sentence was all it takes before everyone follows them like common sense.
Kacchan has been the instigator, insulting him, and berating him before everyone. People were reluctant at first, but seeing the teacher doesn't even bat an eye, they begin to get bold.
It wasn't long until the verbal threat turns physical, as Deku returned home with more bruises and more bruises every day.
'I was clumsy' 'I tripped.' 'Kacchan is a little rough today.' The excuses just keep pilling can't remember how these lies start to come into being, but a familiar feeling of every eye turning against him realize that speaking up doesn't mean it will get better.
It's easier to lie anyway…
And then Deku seemingly noticed how cold the house felt after his dad left, he starved for his mother's attention, but she has been always at work, trying to provide for him…
Deku has been alone…ever since…
Such warm childhood memories now only remind Deku of how much he has lost…
But Deku still want to be a hero, he can be useful…if he can just prove Kacchan wrong, maybe he can sort out this misunderstanding and they will be friends again.
And then one day, he can repay his mother for all the suffering she faced because of him.
He doesn't care if the world continues to beat him down, because he will always get up…even though he can't stop crying, he knows that one day he will become stronger.
It wasn't long until Deku felt something is wrong with his head, how his simple hobby of hero analysis turn into something different.
At first, what he realized is that he doze off more than usual, feeling sluggish every time he snaps out of his daydreaming. He realizes how his simple strength analysis, rough sketches, and friendly suggestions turn more detailed, more accurate, and more malicious.
Deku remembered being scared out of his wit when he found his analysis notebook with a familiar pro hero in it, along with information about his personal life, his hobby, and the most brutal and effective way to take him down.
And while Deku always seems to do it mindlessly, he recognizes the danger should these ever fall into the wrong hand. So he learns to start writing this analysis in code, with much trial and error, and many more months of researching, eventually gaining some acceptable computer hacking skills…something Deku never bothers to develop it any further.
But the problem keeps getting worse as he eventually noticed chunks of memory missing from his mind…how that feeling crept into his mind every time he went into class, only to find out that he did something he didn't remember doing.
He didn't tell his mom, he didn't want to burden her with more problems, especially since the bag under her eyes is getting worse. Ever since his father left, money start to become more and more scarce, and Inko was forced to take extra shifts to get by…for both of them.
But now sitting alone in his room with only the sound of the rain outside…suddenly, Deku felt as if he is not alone…
The first time Deku felt hurt was when Kacchan first hit him, anger filled his voice. About Deku being a liar, about if Deku thinks he is above him.
Such thoughts have never crossed Deku's mind before…
Not like it changed anything in this awful game fueled by childish misconceptions. Pain has started to become familiar to Deku, almost dull now he thought about it.
But sometimes it still shatters his wall like glass.
One such time, perhaps the most painful time he felt was when his mother first hits him…
His mother is the only one that still stays kind to him, the only source of warmth for him. So maybe that's why even though it's not enough to draw blood like Kacchan's explosion, it still knocks Deku off his feet, his tiny hand caressing his face in shock.
It was an accident, really! Only a bad day at the hospital along with her accumulated stress lead to her lashing out. What surprised him is that his mother managed to endure this for so long.
And it's not she meant to do it…judging by how she fretted all day about it, apologizing to him and consoling him with kind words…
But despite her best effort, Deku can't bring himself to perceive her words the same way as before. And apparently wanting to blame her, who did everything for him, is something Deku felt guilty for.
Now the only thing apparent in Deku was how his uselessness start to leak…his mother already have enough, she doesn't need to baby him. She didn't need to waste her time trying to fix something that served no purpose in this cruel world.
If only he was as strong as Kacchan, as smart and as brave as him, his mom wouldn't have suffered. Maybe then, he won't be a burden anymore.
So one particular day, he instead asked his mother to let him take a self-defense class, coming to terms with himself that all of this will be worth it later. If he put effort into training himself, he won't remain weak…
Kacchan wouldn't remain weak…
To be like Kacchan was his wish. And when he becomes a hero, he was going to protect her. He will make her feel safe instead of making her worry like this.
He doesn't notice that he has put on a strong front…he doesn't notice the bruise has hurt less, he doesn't notice the false confidence every time he comes to the self-defense class, hiding whatever weakness inside.
In a twisted sense, he has gotten stronger…
It was a coincidence that once upon many times he trailed home, he met a girl with blond hair and piercing yellow eyes. The girl was nice enough, but Deku was familiar enough to see what it really is…a façade.
But what was hidden behind those rigid eyes was a presence that seriously unnerve him, like a beast trying to break out.
Suppressing one's true self, so to say.
But Despite how his mind protests that this got nothing to do with him, Deku doesn't give up…because he somehow sees himself in that girl, and he wants to help.
"Hey, can I sit here?" He has asked in such an awkward tone
"Um…of course! I don't mind." She has responded, albeit reluctantly
It first starts with conversations bland and awkward, but eventually, both of them open themselves more and more as time when by.
Perhaps this is the first friend Deku has in a long time…
"Hey…I have been wondering…what exactly is your quirk?" Deku asked absent-mindedly "Um…sorry if it's insensitive, I was curious-"
"What's your quirk, then?" The girl, Himiko, asked back, slightly annoyed at him poking his nose where he doesn't belong. That's totally understandable.
"I-" Deku composed himself before sighing sadly "I'm quirkless…"
"Oh…" Silence cramps between them for a second… "I'm supposed to be quirkless, too…"
"Supposed?" He raised a brow at that
"I…the doctor told me I'm supposed to have a quirk, but my parents didn't tell me anything," Himiko whispered softly
"Do you know why?" He asked gears start turning in his head
"I don't know…but I think they are scared of me…"
Maybe…perhaps they are…concerned about this quirk? No, terrified is the right term. Not only the quirkless suffer, but people with weak quirks or quirks that are considered villainous faced discrimination at every turn. It isn't a very good reason, though, suppressing a quirk… can have unforeseeable consequences.
"I tried to find out what it's on my own…but I can't feel anything different in my body, well, besides these very sharp teeth here." Himiko said, pointing at her fangs.
"What else did you think that you are…unique from others?" Deku inquired
"I…I did have a fascination with blood since very young…I think it looks, well, I know this is kind of creepy…but it's…I think it's somehow beautiful…I know it's unnerving but I-"
"Then that means your quirk must have something to do with this tendency of yours…a blood quirk, perhaps? These are quite rare…"
"I don't know…but you seem to know a lot about this stuff, perhaps you can help me find out?" Himiko asked, but Deku can see a glint of excitement in her eyes.
To be fair, he would be like that too if he were in her shoes.
"I will do my best! I just need to do some research first! I think I can pinpoint it somewhat…hm…there are a lot of things to do…" Deku mumbled before getting up "I think I will go home first for now. I will see you next week and show you what I found, then!"
"Goodbye, Deku. See you again…and thank you in advance."
"No problem, Himiko."
The next time he met her has been unexpected, on his usual route walking home, Deku encountered her curling to a ball inside the alleyway, expression rigid.
He wants to ask her what was wrong…but before he can react, she lunged at him, her expression devoid of any sanity left, and dig her fangs into the side of his neck. He felt his blood being sucked out, as her expression slowly becomes clearer…and a look of horror washed over her face as she pushes him away, her hair flickering to a curling green.
At least the mystery of her quirk is solved…
Himiko hugged him tightly, with tears staining her now reddened uniform as she apologize profusely. Instead, Deku only hugged her back, promising to help her control this newly discovered quirk.
Both of them agree that this should be kept a secret…
After waving her goodbye, they go separate ways…but the familiar nagging feeling in his guts happened again.
A few days later, he stopped taking the self-defense class…but he noticed his mother still pays for it monthly.
It's strange that the pit in his stomach is growing…
Deku was just glad to help Himiko with her power…
That means gushing about his theories to her all day while suggesting ways to improve them and noting all her weaknesses in hindsight.
He even bought her a clove of garlic to see if it's actually toxic to her…it's not, but seeing her face scrunched up was actually hilarious.
It's probably not a good idea to laugh as Himiko got upset and refused to talk to him…for a day.
But there are days when rare moments of childish innocence, talk about heroes, and dreams turn into a grim overcoat. There are days when Himiko came at him, tears filled her face as she wail…
She doesn't have the best family…a family that is willing to accept her quirk as a part of her, and instead, look upon it with scorn and fear.
It makes Deku think…even if he's quirkless, he has at least his Mom to fall back to.
And if Himiko's family is too cowardly to be there for her, he won't be like them. He thought as he envelop her in a hug, while her tears streamed down continuously, staining his uniform.
"Why…why can't they understand?!" She choked as her voice came out raspy, desperate
"Shh…it's okay, Himiko…I'm here for you…"
Perhaps Deku should revel in the fact that he is pretty much useless in this situation. Deku can't help his friend, he can only offer words of consolation and encouragement in return.
Deku remembered every time his mother hold him, whispering his lullabies and good night…he remembered feeling better at hearing her soothing words. So he does the same for Himiko, trying his best to cheer him up, to make it so that she won't be alone.
He picked up some medical skills from his mother, trying the ease the pain from the bruise litter Himiko's body. He thought it will never stop increasing…and then one day, it did.
Himiko, now eyes as bright as ever, gush to him non-stop about a hero in black clothes and a grey scarf who saved her from her mother's temper, promising that he will come for her later, to save her from the hell she called home.
Turn out it's true…
Deku can't forget the day Himiko said goodbye as her mother got arrested and she found a new family that actually care about her.
Deku smiled bitterly when he handed her a quirk analysis book he made specifically for her, hoping she can become a hero with the little information Deku provided.
The day was a bittersweet memory with tears staining her face and tight hugs, reluctant goodbyes, and promises to see each other again someday, she disappeared in the sunset…
Deku doesn't realize he has been sitting at the park for hours until the ringing from his phone, a call from his mom, wakes him out of his shock.
Deku doesn't realize tears have quietly slid off his face, a stream non-stop.
Himiko held on until dawn, but Deku was left alone in the night…
Sometimes, Deku can't help but wander back to the bench where they used to talk all day with each other, The uncomfortable nagging feeling in his stomach start to grow again every time he came back.
It doesn't feel right anymore…
Once again, he felt like losing himself in the passage of time.
Deku has tried very hard to fight every day because however cruel fate beat him down, he always gets up.
But all it took is one bad day…
He had a bad feeling when his mom told him she had an urgent business that required her out of town for a few days. She promised she will come back with some katsudon.
Deku can take care of himself for a few days, he is a big boy after all…he isn't such a burden.
But after the first day she was gone, the little solace he found in her presence is gone, with only himself curled up in the corner of the room.
It was cold…
And it keeps getting worse…
His notebook, scorched by Kacchan now dripping with water, half of its content unreadable.
Being shouted at in the face by Kacchan, being told to take a swan dive off the roof.
'You can't be a hero. It's okay to have a dream, but you have to be realistic.'
Those words keep ringing in his ears… they won't stop as they choked him inside out.
'I don't need you saving me, useless Deku.'
Being told off by Kacchan once again, being criticized for being the only one that doesn't stay still and watch.
It keeps piling up, and Deku realizes that he can't tell anyone about this at all.
Before he can register the thought swimming in his head, he stood over the edge, feeling the smooth wind caress his skin.
'Will everything be better…if I'm gone?'
Such morbid thought…but Deku can't help but seriously considered it…
What meaning his life has left…how arrogant he thought he was, trying to be some sort of hero without a quirk?
Even All Might tell him he can't...then what's the point?
Deku has always known that this world isn't fair…
Becoming a doctor, a policeman…is that supposed to be realistic? As such naïve ideology can work. Being quirkless means you won't get a job most of the time…no one wants to accept people with such disabilities.
He can live if he can be clever about it, but to get a job of his own was impossible…with his circumstances, he will only be a burden. He doesn't want to impose it on his mother any longer.
He knew it was selfish, leaving his mother like that…but not as if anyone would remember him for him.
Kacchan will get into U.A and become a hero.
Himiko has moved on, and she will accomplish great things one day.
His mother will surely be sad…but at least without him tying her here, she can find herself a better life.
And nobody else will miss the useless Deku…
He doesn't want to die…doesn't want his dream to end here, after so long trying to chase it. But he can see no way out…
With Himiko, what she found, in the end, was a new dawn…
With Deku, what he found, in the end, was endless night, a future too hazy to make out as despair clutched his heart…
With that thought, Deku smiles sadly before taking a step toward the edge…and feels himself falling.
It doesn't give him much time to register as he heard a sickening crunch…
And everything went dark…
A girl with blond hair came back with a wide grin on her face.
It has been a while since she last saw Deku…assuming that's really his name, she was curious how he was doing.
Toga was probably not the sharpest tool in the shad, judging by her terrible perception of social cues, but she does care about others in her own way.
Or at least that is what she told herself…
Eraserhead…erm, Aizawa was very nice to take her in to live with him. He was caring, observant, and skilled! Toga can guess it's a quirk of being a hero himself…he's so cool!
It will take a while for Toga to confidently call him…dad, but at least now everything is not awkward anymore.
Memories of a time they have a staring contest at the dining table bring shivers up her spine. And she also needs to return the analysis book to her friend…
Okay, maybe that's a flimsy excuse for just wanting to see her friend again, but Aizawa gave her permission as long as she came home before curfew.
Toga can live with that…
Now where to find him? Toga remembered Deku mentioned Aldera Junior High as a passing remark. He surely must still be studying there, the year isn't over yet after all.
But everything seems to be quite…quiet. This is somehow unfitting for this time of day…and whatever it is, it's giving Toga a bad feeling.
So imagine her shock when she saw how crowded the gate of the school was, with her expression varying from horrified to shock to indifferent.
"Um…excuse me? What's happening here?" Toga poked a chubby boy with red wings lightly, earning his attention
"Shit-ah…erm, sorry…I didn't expect-" He cut himself off, as Toga narrowed her eyes in confusion
After a moment, the boy replied.
"Apparently, a quirkless loser in my class decide he couldn't take it anymore and off himself…a fitting way to go…" He spats begrudgingly…such cruel words came from someone so young never ceased to surprise her.
However…no…there is something about this that unnerves her…
A quirkless boy committed suicide…quirkless. Toga can't help but remembered what Deku told him about himself…the fact that he was-
Toga doesn't waste another second as she jumps across the wall and weaves through the crowd. Something in her chest is beating very hard as her hold on the notebook tightens.
She immediately freeze when she saw a tiny body crumpled on the school ground, limbs bent in an unnatural way.
It doesn't take her long to realize a strand of green behind the glistening color of red…
Toga can only register a loud thud as her hold on the notebook slip...bile is starting to rise in her throat.
Because the person that lied right there lifelessly was once her only friend, the only one that tried to help her out. Dead…by suicide…
It can't be…Deku promised they will be heroes together, hasn't he?
"This is not funny, Deku! Wakes up!" She shouted but it was dried and what come out was instead broken whisper
She doesn't realize tears start streaming down her face as the implication of what this means starts to set in.
Deku is gone…
The distant siren did nothing to wake Toga out of her stupor.
It was a day after the death of the quirkless teenager named Izuku Midoriya that a strange sound came from the morgue in the dead of the night.
Supporting himself sluggishly, but failed miserably as he instead rolled down the table, making him grunt in pain as his body hits the ground.
Blinking with the confusion of the world around him, The Analyst start to take in the surrounding environment.
What happened?
…
