MDT's "Hey Arnold!" Fan Fiction

"Burnt Red"

Written By Shaun Blankenship

Author's Note:

Well, I can't stay out of the looming shadow of Same In The End, so this one too was influenced by a lot of music… except in this story, I never give the quotes. However, I do in that story but I do make a lot of small references to the songs that may be hard to catch and only noticeable by someone like me. All of them are by the same band that, for some reason or another, just dropped right off the face of the Earth. They tour every once in a while (Mostly in Europe) and kept talking about how they were going to quit the music industry back in 94… then they did some soundtrack songs… then made two new albums… then they disappeared. If you can figure it out, you get a free Tootsie-Pop.

And only then after you do three back-flips on burning hot coals.

Anyways, with all the fun I had writing Same In The End, I had the most fun writing about Curly and Sid. It was then I realized I never did a story about them in particular. I also feel this story is really back (Unlike the last story) to my old school, Shaun Blankenship, View-Askew-ish type of style. Well… voila.

Also, I've decided to break it into two acts: one for now and the other for later. Why? One – because this Act I alone is just 5,000 and somethin' words long, longer than my average single story. Think of it as a half-hour episode. Two – because I can't wait to post it! I need feedback! I need a review of how it's goin' so far! Please! Somebody!

ACT I

SCENE: The bus is pulling away from P.S. 118 on its way to drop the children off to their homes. Our focus is on Rhonda who, today, is sitting by herself. Curly slowly creeps his head up from the seat behind her and starts to sniff her hair. Rhonda's face is stone solid as if she is unaware. Without moving anything but her mouth, she speaks…

RHONDA: If you don't go back to whatever hole you crawled out of in three seconds, freak-boy, I'm gonna make your life unbearably painful.

CURLY: [Slowly creeps back into his seat without saying anything. Once in his seat, he turns over to Park, the kid sharing the seat with him.] What are you looking at?

PARK: Nothing. [Turns his head forward to avoid eye contact, yet talks with much confidence.]

CURLY: [Grips onto Park's shoulders and turns his body to face him.] You were looking at me, weren't you? You think I'm crazy, don't you?!

PARK: No, actually I was thinking of whatever happened to Rhonda's glasses.

CURLY: I bet you think I'm two cards short of a full-deck, don't you? Loony! Nuttier than a friggin' fruitcake! Crazier than a rat in a…

PARK: Calm down, Curly! You're really scaring me!

CURLY: Oh, so now I'm scary! What are you trying to say? [Pulls him closer while park turns his head to dodge spit.] That I'm ugly? You think I'm just hideous, don't you? Homely! Grotesque! Repugnant! Repulsive! Look at me! [The bus driver turns off into a supermarket parking lot and stops the bus. Suprisingly, Murray is driving the bus.]

MURRAY: [Walks from the steering wheel to Curly.] Is there some kind of problem back here?

CURLY: [Gripping Park closer but staring head-on at the bus driver.] Oh, so now I'm some kind of problem? That I'm just some kind of nuisance? I've got this calling me a hideous psycho and now you're gonna try and tell me that I have some kind of issues?

MURRAY: [Calmly, yet annoyed… in the usual Murray manner.] Slick, if you can't behave and let the kid go, I'm gonna have to ask you to get off of my bus.

CURLY: Oh, so now you're kicking me off for being harassed? I will sue this whole city! [Let's go of Park and stands in his seat.] I will sue you! I will sue Wartz! I will sue Simmons! I demand a fair trial before I am taken from this bus! I shall not be moved! [Puts a fist in the air.]

MURRAY: [Blinking.] Can you make it off by yourself or shall I escort you?

CURLY: [Steps off of the seat.] Oh, I see how this is… [Turns to the back of the bus.] Don't worry, everyone! Crazy Curly'll be gone soon!

HELGA: Just get off already so we can go home!

HAROLD: Yeah! I'm missing my after-school snack because of this!

CURLY: [Ignoring what everyone is saying as he walks backwards to the front of the bus.] Don't worry! Curly's been a bad boy! He must be dealt with! [Murray stands in Rhonda's seat space so that Curly doesn't bump into him while he's walking.] Score one for the system! Curly's finally out of here! [He walks down the steps to the doors but quickly jumps back.] All I wanna know is… who's coming with me?

EVERYONE: GO!

MURRAY: Get up, get out and get gone!

CURLY: Who's coming with me?

MURRAY: [Walks to the front of the bus.]

SCENE: Outside of the bus, the doors open and Curly is thrown out onto the pavement. He dusts himself on and shakes a fist at the bus driver.

CURLY: This injustice shall be avenged! AVENGED! [The door closes and the bus pulls away. One of the windows opens and Helga throws a pop can at his head. The window quickly slides back up.] Geez! A guy can't even speak his mind anymore! [Starts walking away. A few yards down the street, he walks to the apartment where his family lives. He throws his backpack on the couch and jumps over its arm to lay down and watch TV. His mom enters the room. I hardly ever describe characters to let your imagination make its own visual. Has anyone else noticed that? The mom walks up and turns the TV off.]

MOM: Did you steal the box of jewelry from the guest bedroom again?

CURLY: I've been at school the entire day, mother, when would I have to the upstairs room?

MOM: Don't talk to me like I'm some kind of idiot!

CURLY: Don't accuse me of stuff I couldn't do! You've kept it under lock and key ever since the last time you thought I stole it, and then just found it later in your room!

MOM: Only because you put it there…

CURLY: Mom, I didn't nor could I have taken your stupid necklace box today. [Turns TV back on with the remote.] Who cares? The guy at the pawnshop only gave me twenty for it yesterday. Nothing too valuable could've been there.

MOM: It's missing today, Thaddeus, not yesterday!

CURLY: Then somebody must've taken it after I sold it because it was gone yesterday. Maybe three days before if my memory's starting to slip.

MOM: [Sighs and walks off.] I'm searching your room.

CURLY: [Changes the channel.] Good luck, Betty.

SCENE: Sid and Stinky are crossing the street over to Slausen's at night. Yeah, that's what's up. There's nothing more to it.

STINKY: …And then I reckon that she about had been fed up with his tomfoolery, and then Helga socked him in the face! [Starts chuckling.] Man-o-man, I love seeing that Brainy kid take one in the face.

SID: [Not laughing at all.] Stinky, it happens everyday. How can you find it funny after all these times?

STINKY: I dunno, I just do. Seeing any boy socked in the face by a girl is funnier than shoes on a duck.

SID: Yeah, but I don't know if you noticed or not that Helga is by no means some Lil' Miss Cupcake.

STINKY: I hear that. She's a heartbreaker, on account of how she left me after we were going out for a few days. Alas, it just was not meant to be.

SID: [Silent as they walk to the front of Slausen's.] I think I liked it better when all you would talk about was lemon pudding and Lila.

STINKY: [Starts tearing up and pauses at the door.] Helga always loved ice cream…

SID: [Slaps him on the face.] Everyone loves ice cream, unless they're lactose intolerant, and even then they love it but they can't eat it, and those people are missing the world. The relationship you had was typical. Focus on Lila. I am not wasting my time while you obsess over that shrew. Theorize and talk yourself until you're tired and old; I don't care.

STINKY: [Clearer now.] Okay.

SID: Besides, we all know who she has a crush on.

STINKY: Yeah… [Clenches his fists.] That Eugene character…

SID: Clearer than glass. [Finally walks into the ice cream parlor. Stinky immediately spots someone with a bowl of strawberry ice cream. Stinky freezes and Sid turns to him.] What? What's wrong?

STINKY: That ice cream is pink.

SID: [Looks over and back at Stinky.] Yeah? So what?

STINKY: [Tearing up again.] Helga always wears pink…

SID: [Plops his hands across his own face.] I'm gonna be sick.

STINKY: [Turns and someone had an ice cream cone with Vanilla.] She also always wears wh-

SID: [Pushes Stinky down onto a stool and sits next to him.] When was the last time you had ice cream?

STINKY: [Thinking.] Last month.

SID: You're horribly deprived. [Raises a hand to the clerk behind the counter.] Someone get this man a parfait!

CLERK: [Tall, gangly twenty-something in a red, button-up shirt that is unbuttoned (Polo? The name of those shirts escapes me, but I don't think it's Polo) with a white T-shirt underneath and a backwards baseball cap.] What do you want?

SID: I want the Slausen's Sundae with Slausen's Sauce. Stink?

STINKY: [Through some light tears.] A Sarasota Split with some slices of strawberry spliced inside.

CLERK: Okay… [Pulls out a notepad from the nothingness of under the counter.] One sundae with sauce… one split with strawberries. I'll get that to you in about a half-hour.

SID: A half-hour? Why so long?

STINKY: Because I wanna see if they let Van Wilder back into school. I got a VCR in the back room just callin' for me.

SID: Can't you just make the ice cream and then go back to your movie?

CLERK: No can do. The electrician shorted out this entire store a while back when he was trying to fix the freezer. After that, the pause button on the VCR never worked.

SID: Why can't you just…

CLERK: Wait, hold that thought. [Walks off into the back room. The sound of the TV is now very clear and sounds as if it gets louder.]

SID: It's times like these that make me just hate people… and bulldogs… and Tara Reid.

STINKY: Helga used to always watch TV… [Sid smacks him in the back of the head.] Oomph! [Rubs his head.] Thanks.

SID: Anytime. That's what I'm here for.

ARNOLD: [Takes a seat next to Sid.] Hey guys.

SID AND STINKY: Hey, Arnold.

ARNOLD: Consider yourselves lucky. I've been waiting at that booth since he started the movie.

STINKY: Gosh, what've you been doin' all that time?

ARNOLD: Thinking. [Stops and is quiet for a minute.] Have you ever just stopped to think about everything?

SID: Yes, and it never gets me anywhere.

STINKY: Why didn't you just leave once he started the movie?

ARNOLD: To "ensure the best service", he had me pay up front. I leave now and I'm out two-fifty.

SID: Boy, does it stink to be you, man.

ARNOLD: Did you hear what happened to Curly?

SID: I was on the bus, you know.

ARNOLD: No, not that. This happened about an hour after he got home.

SID: [His eyes widen in that sickening interest people have for other's misfortune.] Nah, what happened?

SCENE: Arnold narrates the scene as everything he says happens in a dramatization of his words.

ARNOLD: Well, he walked home and watched TV for a while…

SID: Typical.

ARNOLD: …and then he went to go make some popcorn or something. His family doesn't have a microwave so he had to use the Wiffy-Pop stuff. While he's making it, he goes to get a drink of water. He stands on a chair and reaches for a glass from an over the counter cupboard. In the process, his elbow accidentally knocks down a roll of paper towel on the counter. The paper towel falls onto the Wiffy Pop, knocks it to the floor and then catches on fire. Curly, being in too much of a panic to just use the sink attachment, runs around the house looking for an extinguisher. The cupboards catch on fire; the counters catch on fire. It starts to spread to his living room, and Curly's running panicked unsure of what to do.

STINKY: Gee-willikers.

ARNOLD: He finally finds an extinguisher and starts spraying it on the couch to contain the fire to the kitchen. He moves his way there and puts the whole thing out. His house is filled with smoke and his parents finally come out of their room to see what's going on. The smoke detectors then start going off finally and Curly snaps. He runs through the smoke of his kitchen and starts punching the detector off of the wall. His parents are trying to reason with him as they open the windows, but when they do that, the people across the street see the smoke coming out and call the fire department. When they get there, Curly's apartment was still smoking out the window, so they get out the hose and start shooting water inside of his house.

SID: Holy cow!

ARNOLD: Yeah. The water shorts all of their low-to-the-ground power outlets and destroys everything electronic in their house, while at the same time it pretty much knocks them to the floor giving them quick shocks from time to time. They had to crawl to get out of their home and outside to tell the firefighters to quit it.

SID: So what are they gonna do now?

ARNOLD: Their apartment was overall destroyed but luckily the landlord has insurance for the whole place. Being a nice guy, he didn't evict Curly's family, but it's gonna take about a month for that place to be deemed livable again. They have to put in new walls, ceilings, everything, yet the fire didn't hurt anybody else's apartment.

SCENE: Back at the counter.

SID: Boy howdy! So where's he gonna go now?

ARNOLD: That's the thing. Right now, they're at the boarding house but they're not staying for long. Maybe they'll only be there for tomorrow and the night after. They're trying to get a hold of Curly's Grandma to see if she'll let them stay with her. The only problem with that is with school in session, Curly doesn't want to leave the city. I don't know what they're gonna do.

CLERK: [Comes out of the back room.] All right then, what did you kids want?

SID: I thought you wrote it down.

CLERK: [Once again, pulls a notepad out of the nothingness under the counter.] Okay, one split and sundae. What's with the human football?

ARNOLD: [A bit insulted.] I was sitting over there. I ordered the Slausen's Special Super Slick Shake. You made me pay already.

CLERK: Right.

SCENE: The next day, Arnold is walking back home with Gerald.

ARNOLD: Well, I can imagine that Ewoks would have to pay some sort of tax on Endor. I mean, it may not be money as the humans do but they may have to sacrifice some food from their hut.

GERALD: Well, which do you think came first – Chewie or…

CURLY: [Runs up and throws his hands around their shoulders.] Hiya, guys!

BOTH: [Leery.] Hey, Curly.

CURLY: What are you two doing today? Wanna hang out?

GERALD: [Shifts his eyes back and forth looking for an escape. Speaks ver quickly-] Oh, man, there's my mom over at that bowling alley! See ya! [Darts across the road, causing traffic to halt and drivers to shake fists. Fists are shaking, people. May you not be blind to the power of a shaking fist.]

ARNOLD: [Glares at Gerald running away and turns frightened over to Curly, grinning like a dark secret.] Um, I have a bunch of back homework to do…

CURLY: Great, we can do it together!

ARNOLD: [More silence as they walk.] Yeah, it's really hard. Math problems. Long division. REALLY long division. Three-sheeters.

CURLY: Great! I've always excelled in math! In fact, it's the only subject I've ever been good at!

ARNOLD: [Silence. Curly's still grinning.] Yeah, and that's due a week from now. What I'm really focused on is this Social Studies presentation I have to make tomorrow… which requires me to… go over to Gerald's house and… prepare our presentation.

CURLY: I don't remember Mister Simmons giving us any Social Studies presentation.

ARNOLD: Oh, it's just Gerald and me. We were… selected for our outstanding grades… and are doing a presentation to… the first graders! We have to find a way to be able to explain our topic to them.

CURLY: What's your topic?

ARNOLD: [Silence.] Economic reform.

CURLY: And what's that?

ARNOLD: [Silence.] That's what we're working on.

CURLY: [Thinks for a few seconds.] Okay! [Silence.] Can I come?

ARNOLD: Oh, you don't want to. Gerald's little sister caught some disease and…

CURLY: What disease?

ARNOLD: [Thinking.] Um, leprosy.

CURLY: Really?

ARNOLD: Yeah, and it's very contagious. EXTREMELY contagious. She's quarantined and everything. We're living in fear.

CURLY: Well, why are you going there?

ARNOLD: I don't want a failing grade.

CURLY: Okay… well, I'll see you when you get back! We're here until Friday!

ARNOLD: Yeah, see ya. [Keeps walking along with Curly.] Where are you going?

CURLY: I'm living at the boarding house too for the moment.

ARNOLD: Oh, yeah.

SCENE: Arnold is walking into Gerald's room with… Gerald. Shut up.

ARNOLD: Way to leave me alone back there.

GERALD: I thought it was my mom. Turned out it was someone else.

ARNOLD: Right. We need to find some way to get rid of him or at least keep him occupied until he's gone. I can't take this. This morning, I woke up and he was sitting on my computer surfing the Internet.

SCENE: Quick, no weird-fade flashback of Arnold in his pajamas going up to Curly on his computer.

ARNOLD: What are you doing?

CURLY: Oh, just checking my e-mail. [The screen goes black and a large skull and crossbones appears.]

COMPUTER: YOUR COMPUTER HAS BEEN INFECTED WITH THE WALDORF VIRUS! PLEASE WAIT WHILE YOUR HARD DRIVE COMPLETELY ERASES ITSELF…

ARNOLD: [Glares at Curly.]

CURLY: Heh-heh… sorry?

SCENE: Back in Gerald's room.

GERALD: That's nothing.

SCENE: Another "no-fade" flashback. Curly is standing in the lunch line in front of Gerald waiting to be served and searching his pockets.

CURLY: Oh, crap! [Turns to Gerald.] Hey, I accidentally left my money at home. Could I bum a few dollars off of you until tomorrow?

GERALD: [Rolls his eyes and shrugs.] Yeah, sure. [Reaches in his pocket and grips three dollars. He hands it near Curly but pulls back quick.] Wait a minute. You get free lunch.

CURLY: So?

GERALD: [Crosses his arms still holding the money.] If you get it free, you don't need money.

CURLY: [The line moves up and Curly is now in front of the lunch lady but still talking to Gerald.] Come on! Give me my money!

GERALD: Your money?

CURLY: Come on! I need my lunch money!

GERALD: This is my money!

LUNCH LADY: [Pulls out a walkie-talkie from her apron.] This is Doris in the cafeteria. We have a one-seventeen on our hands. I need backup.

WARTZ: [Cuts to Principal Wartz storming down the hall talking on a walkie-talkie.] Back up is on the way, over.

SCENE: Gerald's room.

GERALD: And now, not only did I have to give my money to Curly, but I have a week's detention for student robbery and insubordination.

ARNOLD: Wow… [Thinks for a minute.] I don't see how that's worse then my computer being erased but okay. That's pretty bad.

GERALD: I have a week full of detention! That can't be fixed! I tried telling them the truth but they wouldn't listen! They're saying that I shouldn't have taken advantage over someone who's just been in a traumatizing accident. This whole fire thing won't blow over until he's back in his house.

ARNOLD: Okay. But it's agreed something must be done. I'm scared to go back home. [Visual of the boarding house in the rain and Curly sinisterly grinning in the front window. Every time lightening strikes, the view zooms in a little bit more on Curly and eventually just shows his teeth. Arnold snaps to reality and shivers.]

GERALD: Well, what do we do until then?

SCENE: Gerald and Arnold are playing a fighting game against Sid and Stinky at the arcade.

SID: Why not try Big Gino?

ARNOLD: That's too risky. When he makes people disappear, they don't come back. Ruth and Cecile are still missing. [Gerald, Stinky and Sid all stop playing at look at Arnold… with that look that says "Where have you been? Wake up!"]

GERALD: Let's be fair. [They all go back to playing.] We know he had something to with Ruth's disappearance, but Cecile… you mean you really don't know?

ARNOLD: Know what?

SID: Didn't you seem to think at one point that there was something… "familiar" about her?

ARNOLD: [Thinks.] No.

SID: She didn't remind you of anyone?

STINKY: [Stinky lets go of his controller and starts crying on the video game. He pulls away and starts pounding on it.] Why? Why did you leave me?! WHY?!

SID: [Smacks Stinky and he falls to the floor.] Anyway, why not Gino? He'll be out of your hair!

ARNOLD: Because I won't know exactly what happened to him. What if they… you know…

STINKY: [From the floor.] Why did you leave me? Why… [Sid kicks him.] Ow…

ARNOLD: I don't want him to… [Makes a motion with his finger across his neck.]

SID: Point made. Well…[The video game is still being played but Stinky's character doesn't move. Because of this, no one attacks it.] …Why don't you try finding him a new place? Show his parents; talk to the people selling it….

ARNOLD: That takes too long. By that time, their apartment'll be back together. I need something for him to stay occupied. [Hits at the buttons.] I call this move "Shake Dog Shake"!

GERALD: Why don't we just find another person he can stay with?

ARNOLD: Why, do you want to live with him.

GERALD: All right, I'm out of ideas.

SID: I got it.

ARNOLD: What?

SID: He's bothering you two, right?

GERALD & ARNOLD: Right.

SID: You need time away from him both at home and school until this tragedy blows over, right?

GERALD & ARNOLD: Right.

SID: Let me bug him.

ARNOLD: What do you mean, "bug him"?

SID: Let me try and take him out of your hair for a few days until things cool down. I'll keep him occupied.

GERALD: Sid, this is Curly. You can't cage the boy.

SID: Why cage him when I can leash him? I'll just divert his attention away from you two and you won't have to deal with him.

ARNOLD: Why would you subject yourself to that kind of punishment?

SID: I got nothing else to do, and all this guy [Looks down over at Stinky] wants to do is whine about Helga.

ARNOLD: He's still not over it?

SID: His dad tells me that he keeps sleepwalking over to her house. Weird, huh?

ARNOLD: Yeah… [Starts heavily playing the game, but then Gerald, Arnold, and Sid's characters all jump and kick at each other, then they all fall down. The screen reads, "Triple KO. Player 4 wins!"]

SID: Huh. Isn't that something? [Nudges Stinky with his foot.] Hey, Stink. You won.

STINKY: I did?

SID: Yeah. Any funny, three-lettered combination you want me to put as your initials?

STINKY: Yeah: S-P-P.

SID: [Thinks.] Why?

STINKY: For Stinky Peterson-Pata… [Sid kicks him before he finishes.] Ow… Fine, just put D-A-G.

SID: That's more like it. [Switches over to Stinky's controller.] So, are you willing to make an offer?

GERALD: For what?

SID: For my services. Following that little time bomb is gonna be a whole lot of trouble. I'm not cheap.

ARNOLD: [Reaches into his pockets.] All I have is two bucks.

SID: Two-fifty.

GERALD: [Reaches into his pocket.] Two-fifty. [Puts fifty cents into Arnold's hands. He then puts all the money in Sid's hands.]

SID: We are in business. [Walks away from the video game.] Come on, Stinky. [Stinky doesn't move.] Come on, Stinky! [Doesn't move. Sid talks very slick.] We'll stop by her house

STINKY: [Jumps up.] Really?

SID: No, come on.

STINKY: [Keeps talking as they walk out of the doors of the arcade.] Well, can I just go to her house without you?

SID: [Stops in front of the arcade.] Fine!

STINKY: [Runs down the street.] YEEEE-HAW!

ARNOLD: [Looks over at Gerald.] Does this seem familiar to you? I feel like I've seen this in a movie somewhere.

GERALD: You have. Ten Things I Hate About You.

ARNOLD: [Thinks.] Oh, yeah… except that they were trying to conform her to get her sister dating.

GERALD: Plus, that was based off of Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew.

ARNOLD: Yeah, but since there is no dating involved, our idea is completely original, right?

GERALD: [Starts walking out of the arcade with Arnold.] Completely original!

ARNOLD: Nothing like that movie.

SCENE: The next day at school, Curly is eating lunch by himself. Sid sits next to him and Stinky follows.

SID: How ya doin', buddy?

CURLY: [Narrows his eyes. Speaks with a mouth full of cobbler.] Who sent you?

SID: Well, I didn't want to have to be the one to tell you this but… [Leans over to Sid's ear.] …I'm an ex-government official - Stinky and me. We've come to warn you…

CURLY: You two never worked for the government.

SID: [Stares blankly at Curly's interruption.] Are you so sure?

CURLY: Yes. Yes, I am.

SID: Don't you think it's funny that I always wear black, and that Stinky's last name is Peterson?

CURLY: [Thinks.] What?

SID: Stinky Peterson? Stinky Pete? [Has his hands outstretched trying to emphasize his point.] Come on!

STINKY: I don't get it, Sid.

SID: Nobody does. [Collapses his head onto the table but a few seconds, he lifts back up.] That's not important! The important thing is that…

CURLY: You know, wouldn't exposing a past classified government position land you in a position to where you could find yourself executed?

SID: [Stares blankly.] We know… but yet… we have to tell you…

CURLY: Why's that?

SID: That's what I've been trying to tell you! [Pounds his fist down onto the table. Everyone in the cafeteria turns "his or her" head (freakin' spellcheck errors) to him. He slumps down and life resumes. He turns back to Curly.] Curly, our lives are on the line to tell you this, but they want you dead.

CURLY: [Pauses with a face full of no expression and a mouth full of a chicken roll-up.] Who's "they"? [Swallows his food.]

SID: [Stares blankly.] Them.

CURLY: Okay… who would you be referring to when you say them?

SID: The people! The government people!

CURLY: Which ones?

SID: THEM! T-H-E-M!

CURLY: [Thinks.] Them as in Extra-Terrestrials, or them as in the Grassy Knoll "them"?

SID: Grassy Knoll them!

CURLY: [Skeptical.] All right then, they want to kill me. Any particular reason why?

SID: Because you know things! Things nobody else is supposed to know!

CURLY: [Squints his eyes.] What do you know?

SID: You know what they know and we know what they know, and you knowing what we know put you in the position to be destroyed. Whether you knew it or not what they know for the sake of knowing or had you stumbled upon it unknowingly, we know they want what you know and will not stop until they know that you don't know what we know and know you are dead.

CURLY: [Takes in what Sid has said.] Well, that explains a lot…

SID: I knew it would. We have to get you out of here, Curly. They're coming today.

CURLY: How do you two know this? When you started talking, you said that you were ex-government officials.

SID: Our mission was to find you and take you out, and me and Stinky…

CURLY: You mean… out on the town or something?

SID: If I could just say the important part of the story without being interrupted for stupid questions that I'm about to answer, I could grow old knowing my mission in life is fulfilled! [Starts panting in his chair.]

CURLY: Okay… calm down…

SID: We were sent to tie a cinderblock around your feet and toss you in the middle of the lake. Kill you! Being how that you were our friend…

CURLY: I didn't know I was your friend

SID: BEING HOW THAT YOU WERE OUR FRIEND, we refused to carry out the job. They relieved us from duty, took our badge, and we were kicked out of the department.

CURLY: You know, you never did tell me what the department you guys worked in.

SID: [Stares blankly.] It's that private.

CURLY: Well, so was your identity as government officials, but you jumped the hedge for that one rather quickly.

SID: Fine! We work for… [Eyes around.] …The Shop.

CURLY: Like in Firestarter?

SID: Yes! Exactly like in Firestarter! We work in silence… [Thinks] …yet we have expanded our limitations. We don't just handle the pyrokenetic cases anymore.

CURLY: [Fascinated.] Really…

SID: The point is that we need to get you out of here as soon as possible. Ain't that right, Stinky?

STINKY: [Wakes up from sleeping, grasping at air.] Helga! Helg... huh? What?

SID: They'll come for you, and being here you're a sitting duck.

CURLY: But I'm not done with lunch…

SID: Let's move! [Grabs Curly's hand and runs out of the cafeteria with him. Stinky is still sitting at the table stunned.]

STINKY: I fall asleep with no idear of what's goin' on, and I wake up with no idear of what's goin' on. [Stands up from the table and pushes his chair in.]

Write a review, people! Do it now! Come on! Do it or the innocent, little bunny dies! There will not be any more bunny hopping!

To be continued… in Act II… any day now…

Well, I must be going. CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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