All right, on July 19th I'm going on vacay (vacation) to Canada for the rest of the summer (till the end of August). I will have a laptop up there (and hopefully spell/grammar check!) but there will probably only be… three of them (or four… my family- *cough*dad*cough* is sort of… obsessed) but I'm going to be doing stuff up there (I think I'm going to be learning French… and hopefully waterskiing!) so I might not have too much time to update but I'll try and get a few chapters out! =)
From now until then I'll probably be able to get at least one chapter out... so yeah. See bottom for other excuses *g*
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"I do not understand you," I sigh looking up at Legolas, "How can you…?"
He is no longer looking down at me, but staring and smiling almost solemnly, "Some questions are not meant to be answered." I look over at the grave and other elves walk up, placing real flowers atop it- soft, precisely cut Niphredils and five-petal, golden Elanors.
His slender fingers graze the top of my hand for a brief moment and I look over at him. He is watching the whole ceremony carefully, making sure to remember every element. I wonder if he is reminiscing all the times he and Arwen shared together. I wonder if he is thinking about the 'Gift of Men.' I wonder if he is wondering about what I am wondering... and I wonder if he noticed his hand that had just grazed mine.
He does not seem to notice at all and I try to ignore it, even though I can still feel it lingering on my hand, like the light on the surface of water.
But I can still feel it. I almost want him to notice me... I want him to pick me up and kiss me tenderly... I want to throw my arms around him and apologize for everything... and I want to punish myself for thinking of these things- especially at an event so somber and grave.
I want to run my fingers across the intricate carving of our Elven princess and feel the tiny gems that add color to the pale golden wood of her casket, but I know the opportunity was lost when the golden earth was placed back over the empty box. I look pensively at the beautiful flowers and watch as one particular one- a gold colored Elanor, standing straight up.
It is odd how I can pick out that one in a whole ocean of Niphredils and Elanors, but that one seems distinctive, somehow. I gaze at its faultless, gleaming gold petals and its handsome green stem and watch its sharp colors start to blend into the earth and sea of black that surrounds it. The colors lose their luminosity and start to swirl into the dreary colors around them.
I wipe my tears maladroitly with the palm of my hand.
It is turning colder. I look up at the sky- even Anor herself seems to be saddened- though I can not see her. She is concealed beneath the gloomy, murky clouds, leaving only a light fog hanging in the air. I wipe my hands against the black silk of my skirt and wipe my eyes again.
Legolas is still standing there, staring almost perplexedly into the distance. I know because I looked. I took a deep breath and could hear myself, oblivious to the sobs and the laments and the all of the mourning that surrounds me.
I look down at the ground, letting the pieces of dirt mold together through the screen of my tears. I feel a pair of strong arms embrace my waist and I look up and try to smile, but I can not.
He is not smiling, either. His deep blue eyes are weary and distressed. It is the first time I have seen him cry. I turn around and throw my arms around him, snuggling close to him. His body is icy and feels thinner than usual. I look up at his face and notice that it is insipid and thin.
I bury my head in his shoulder, trying to feel a signal of comfort. He is cold. Cold and miserable. I feel his warm tears on my back where the dress does not quite cover.
"Sorry," he mumbles, brushing them away with the cold tips of his fingers. I take a deep breath and bury my face into his sturdy shoulder.
"It is all right," I reply, my throat cracking. It is arid and parched, "Voronildo," I murmur softly into his shoulder. He tightens the grip around my waist and I can still hear him crying.
"Elrohir... it is all right," I repeat, trying to tell myself more than him. I look up at his beautiful face- rivers of tears were flowing down it, his eyes were dull and gloomy, and his dark hair was crooked and disorganized- and clumps of it are sticking to the drying tears. I brush them away and he releases his grip from me. A few other elves come up to him and start consoling him and I just continue to stare at it. I let the chilly, frozen wind nip selfishly- hungrily- at my skin.
Never, in all the millennia of my life, would I have thought that Arwen would choose to part ways with me. I thought she was my best friend.
She was- still is. That is what I tell myself. But, it is hard to believe when I can not see her or speak to her. I wonder what the last thing I said to her was. It was probably something dull, something worthless... something that made her believe I would not miss her when she left. But I do. I miss her and she has scarcely departed.
"Canyaiel." I turn around sharply, but no body seems to notice. I can barely see anyone distinctively in the weeping wave of black.
"I love you, and I miss you. I will see you... perhaps." I know that voice- it is Arwen. I let the sweet, melodious chiming of her song-like voice ring through my head and I gently touch the necklace that she gave me long ago- a nightingale, of which their songs share the same tune as her voice- gentle and soothing.
"I love you, too. I miss you, more than you shall know," I whisper back, now clutching the pendant tightly, hoping that she heard me... hoping that she will say something else- reassure me that she is fine and she did, in fact, acknowledge my distress and pain.
She did not say anything else, though. I wipe my tears again, but this time I know that everything will turn out all right.
Argh! Sorry it took me so long and sorry it's so sad... and sorry it's so short- argh! I was going to have it happy but I realized that the funeral really wasn't that complete so I added some more (here, I meant, not in the last chapter). Plus, I'm going down to the shore for the weekend and I won't be able to update while I'm down there so... yeah! =) Leave lots-of reviews for me when I get back! =) (That would make me happy... perhaps even get out of this stupid writer's block I've been in- cough... hint hint)
