"A Whole New World"
Chapter 4
"It Sounds Like A Horrid Disease!"
Angelina sat by Munch's bed, holding his warm hand between her own. His skin was no longer pale and clammy, and as far as she could tell his temperature had returned to normal, meaning that he was no longer in shock. Whatever nanites were, they evidently did their work quickly. She was talking quietly to Munch, murmuring words of encouragement and affection when an oddly shaped shadow fell upon her. She looked up at the new arrival, a dour, formidable-looking elderly Time Lord with dark piercing eyes and a disapproving frown. He wore full Prydonian regalia, which of course Angelina didn't recognize as such; while his robes were unquestionably stately and did add to his air of quiet dignity, she thought his helmet and winged headdress looked bizarre, if not just plain outlandish.
"Are you one of the medics?" she asked politely, giving him her dazzling supermodel smile. The man was unmoved.
"I am Lord Gamma of the House of Lungbarrow, Dean of the Prydonian Academy," he proclaimed grandly.
"I'm Angelina," she said simply, offering her hand for him to shake. He glared at it as though offended.
"I know who you are," he snapped contemptuously. He suddenly glared down at Munch. "A human in a Time Lord medical facility," he murmured in a What is the world coming to? sort of tone, his voice dripping venom.
"I beg your pardon?" she asked, beginning to get annoyed. His dark eyes shifted back in her direction.
"And you," he continued.
"What about me?" she asked curiously.
"You should not even exist!" Her eyebrows went up.
"Oh well, bad luck there!" she said, amused. "I'm afraid it's rather too late to do anything about it. Though if you feel really strongly about it, you could always pop into a time machine, go back a few years and offer my father a condom!" Her words and her tone absolutely infuriated the venerable old Time Lord.
"You will never be admitted to the Prydonian Academy!" he told her, livid.
"Oh damn!" she said in a tone of rather poorly feigned disappointment. "What on Earth will I tell my parents?" Being a Time Lord, he answered her question as literally as he could.
"You can tell them this, that the Lungbarrows are all in agreement that you will not be recognized as one of us!" he told her angrily. If he was hoping to upset her with this news, he was to be gravely disappointed.
"Who wants to be a Lungbarrow anyway?" she asked, wrinkling her nose. "It sounds like something horrible… a really awful sort of disease, maybe." Lord Gamma's eyes were dark with fury.
"When I tell Lord Theta how you've spoken to me – " he began.
"Oh no, not Lord Theta!" she protested with mock dismay.
" – he will be quite annoyed!" the Time Lord finished sternly. Though she had very little idea what this whole conversation was all about, she was suddenly just as furious as he was.
"Oh yes, run and tell this Lord Theta person all about it! While you're at it, tell him that he can kiss my ass too!" she snapped, rising to her feet, her deep blue eyes flashing with anger. "Along with Lord Alpha, Lord Omega, and everyone in between!" She advanced on him, patting her rear. "The line forms here, gentlemen!" Lord Gamma blinked.
"I – " he began. She barely paused for breath.
"How dare you come in here to bother me with your pointless nonsense?" She gestured at Munch. "Can't you see I'm occupied with more important things? Judging by your behavior, you probably don't have anyone who gives a toss about you, but I happen to care very deeply for this man and I'm very worried about him. So you can just take your bad attitude, your incomprehensible twaddle, your ridiculous outfit, and your silly hat and bugger off!"
"Well, I never!" he huffed, very offended.
"Well, perhaps you should!" she shouted after him as he left.
"Remind me not to make you mad," Munch said sleepily from the bed. With a little cry of delight, Angelina raced back to his side.
"Are you alright?" she asked, and then stifled any answer he might have given by kissing him soundly on the lips.
"If this is how they treat patients on Gallifrey, they'd better admit me to the hospital right away, 'cause I'm not a well man!" Angelina looked up to see Briscoe and Green standing in the medical ward's doorway. Briscoe clutched his heart theatrically and went on. "I tell ya, I'm dyin'!" A medic hurried over to the two detectives, looking concerned.
"You require medical attention?" he asked Briscoe, peering at the human worriedly.
"Yeah, he needs an enema!" Munch joked.
"Better make it a high colonic," Green added.
"Everyone's a comic," Briscoe complained, making his way over to Munch's bed, followed by the medic and Green.
"You are awake," the medic stated.
"Hey, you're good, Doc," Briscoe told the medic mildly. "Nothing gets by you." Briscoe watched the medic pick up Munch's wrist to feel his pulse, and then pull aside the blanket and inspect his shoulder, where no sign of the grisly staser wound remained.
"It appears that you are completely healed," the medic told Munch. "I have never treated a human before and I am quite satisfied with the results," he continued, looking very pleased with himself.
"Glad to be your guinea pig," Munch said, sitting up. "Any idea where my clothes went?" He blinked and peered around, squinting. "And my glasses?"
"Your clothing has been cleaned and mended, and the damage to your glasses has been repaired," the medic said. "I'll send someone to fetch them."
"Thanks," Munch said, watching him go. "So, this is Gallifrey," he mused aloud. "It's hard to believe I'm actually on another planet."
"You've always been on another planet, Munch," Briscoe told him amiably.
"If you need to be convinced that you're on another planet, spend some time talking to the locals," Green said ruefully.
"Everyone here in the medical center's been terribly nice," Angelina said. "But some of the others…" She shook her head. "Very strange." The medic returned with Munch's clothes folded in a neat pile.
"Here you are, Detective Munch," he said, placing the bundle at the foot of the bed. "I must say, I've never seen such interesting clothing!" He gave Briscoe and Green a quick once-over. "Does everyone on Earth dress like this?"
"Only if they're homicide detectives," Briscoe told him.
"Yeah, we're not exactly known as the snappy dressers of the world," Green added.
"Well, I'll just leave you to it, shall I?" Angelina said to Munch, indicating his clothes. She leaned over and gave him a kiss. "I'm going to see if I can find my father and find out about getting home."
"All right," he agreed, reaching for his clothes. She bent to give him another kiss before departing. Briscoe and Green exchanged a glance, eyebrows raised.
"It was nice of her to leave while you get dressed," Briscoe said meaningfully.
"Yeah, very polite," Green agreed. Munch gave them both a look.
"We're not sleeping together, all right?" he asked, exasperated. "Is that what you wanted to know? Lots of kissing, a little petting, but no sex. It's like being back in high school!" His tone was frustrated, and Briscoe and Green were openly grinning. Leave it to Munch, their looks seemed to say. Only someone with his luck could somehow manage to get together with a chaste supermodel! "I'm glad you guys think it's funny!" Munch told them, getting out of bed and beginning to dress.
"Hey, I saw what the Doctor did to Zeta's control panel," Green said. "If I were you, I'd be damn glad I hadn't slept with her!"
"Yeah, that's definitely the bright side," Munch agreed.
"Let me guess," Briscoe said. "The not-so-bright side is that she wants a ring on her finger before you get to boldly go where no man has gone before. Am I right?"
"That's an affirmative, Mister Spock," Munch said wryly.
"At least if you marry her, the Doctor won't bash your head in when you finally do it," Green pointed out. "Well, probably not, anyway," he added.
"The divorce could get messy," Briscoe mused.
"Divorce?" Munch squeaked out. "We're not even engaged and already you're talking about divorce!"
"Hey, your track record at marriage is worse than mine," Briscoe reminded him with a shrug.
"She'll probably make you sign a pre-nup, you know," Green told him thoughtfully. "Probably has a team of lawyers drawing it up as we speak."
"You know, I love how I can always count on you guys for moral support," Munch said sarcastically.
"That's what friends are for," Green said.
"Yeah, don't bother to thank us," Briscoe told him magnanimously.
"Don't worry, I wasn't planning on it!"
As Angelina left the medical ward, she encountered the Doctor and Zeta on their way in to visit Munch.
"They say he's fully recovered, thank God," she told them. "He's getting dressed now and hopefully we can get out of here soon."
"I can take you all back whenever you're ready," Zeta told her.
"How was your meeting with the President?" she asked the Doctor, looking distracted.
"Very informative," he said dryly.
"Good." She glanced up and down the corridors apprehensively.
"Expecting a visitor?" Zeta asked.
"I hope not," she told him with feeling. "I'm not sure I could take being yelled at by another grumpy old geezer. I just might say something that I'll only regret later."
"Someone yelled at you?" the Doctor asked, frowning. She shook her head.
"Not exactly. He just bitched about a human getting treatment in the medical center and… well, truthfully I didn't have a clue what he was on about half the time. I got a bit cheeky with him and he threatened to send another old codger around to yell at me some more."
"Who was this paragon of manners and hospitality?" Zeta asked ironically.
"Someone called Lord Gamma Lungbarrow, or something like that." The two Time Lords exchanged a glance.
"Those Lungbarrows," Zeta said seriously. "Quite the bunch of pompous asses."
"Hmm." The Doctor crossed his arms over his chest and rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
"Yes, well, I don't think I should create yet another scene on your planet today, so I'd really like to clear off before Lord Theta shows up to give me a good ticking off as promised," she told them. The Doctor blinked.
"What?"
"Oh, he said he's going to tattle about me to someone called Lord Theta and that he wouldn't be pleased," she told him with a shrug.
"Oh my," Zeta said, a huge smile forming on his lips. "I do so hope he finds Lord Theta and complains to him about you! What I wouldn't give to witness that…"
"As if I give a fig what anyone here thinks about me," she said scornfully. "Imagine, he actually thought I'd care that I'll never be admitted to some Academy or get to be a Lungbarrow." She made a face. "A Lungbarrow. I told him it sounds like some kind of horrid disease."
"Very close," Zeta told her, laughing. The Doctor looked considerably less amused.
"He said those things to you?" he asked in a deceptively calm, quiet voice. Only someone who knew him very well would have realized how furious he was.
"Yes, and more besides," she told him. "Really, I don't care about it. I just don't want another scene here at the medical center if this Lord Theta comes 'round to let me have it."
"I don't think you have to worry about that," the Doctor told her dryly.
"Are you going to go shout at Gamma?" Zeta asked him hopefully.
"Do you think it would accomplish anything?"
"Aside from providing no end of amusing gossip for the rest of the Prydonians, probably not," Zeta said regretfully.
"Then there's your answer," the Doctor said.
"Good," Angelina told him. "I think I've been quite rude and disruptive enough for both of us today."
"It's all right, you were provoked," the Doctor told her gently. He looked at Zeta. "I think I'd prefer to handle this with a bit more subtlety than storming into his office and yelling at him." Zeta's eyebrows went up.
"Oh? Sounds like fun!"
"It would be a shame if talk of Gamma's behavior in the medical ward today were to get out, wouldn't it?"
"Do you mean his overt prejudice towards a human, the very same human who courageously and at great danger to himself helped to apprehend the Rani?" Zeta asked. "Or did you mean his unforgivably rude treatment of one of our Lady President's personal guests, the beloved daughter of one of her oldest and dearest friends?"
"Surely neither would enhance his reputation," the Doctor said with a smile. "Especially not among the boot-lickers who are always jockeying for our Lady President's favor."
"Very true. Important positions, such as, oh, I don't know… Dean of the Prydonian Academy, for example… have been lost over less," Zeta reminded him solemnly.
"Wouldn't that be a shame?" the Doctor asked regretfully.
"Oh, it would indeed. I would feel terrible for him." Zeta paused for a beat. "Consider the word already spread," he assured the Doctor, grinning. "I think I know exactly the ears to whisper in when I return from taking you back to Earth." Meanwhile, Angelina had been listening to this exchange with growing surprise.
"You two are a real couple of connivers, aren't you?" she said, her tone somewhere between disgust and admiration.
"We're Prydonians," Zeta told her with a shrug, his tone suggesting that this fact explained it all.
"Connivers, Prydonians… six of one, half a dozen of the other," the Doctor added helpfully.
"I'm suddenly glad that I'm not to be one," she told them, shaking her head.
"Don't tell me there's no ruthless backstabbing going on in the world of high fashion!" the Doctor said, raising his eyebrows.
"Well…" she began in a conceding tone.
"And I bet you're quite good at that game, aren't you?" Zeta added knowingly. Angelina shrugged, unwilling to reply.
"Are you kids ready to hit the road?" Briscoe's voice asked. They turned to see the three detectives approaching from the medical ward.
"I am," Angelina replied. "But I'm not sure if these two are finished plotting ways to get their old headmaster sacked."
"Sacked?" Zeta repeated, sounding insulted. "Only sacked? My dear, you quite underestimate us!"
Only an hour of local time had gone by when Zeta's TARDIS materialized in the alley behind the club. As his passengers filed out, he noted that his time capsule had resumed its previous form.
"Lord Zeta's Flying Dumpster," he noted acidly as the Doctor stepped out.
"Mmm. It has a certain je ne sais quoi, don't you think?" the other Time Lord asked as the small group walked toward the club's back door.
"Oh, absolutely," Zeta agreed in that same acid tone.
"Hey, it could've been worse, Zete," Briscoe told him. "It could've turned into a huge statue of a naked guy."
"With a six foot willy!" Angelina added.
"Or a sewage treatment plant," Munch suggested.
"Or a brothel," Green supplied.
"Or a crack house," Briscoe mused.
"The Oscar Meyer Weinermobile!" Green put in.
"A barrel of toxic waste!" Munch exclaimed.
"A lingerie shop!" Angelina offered.
"Oh my," Zeta said, looking a bit alarmed at this spontaneous catalog of mortifying possibilities. "I don't think I'll be coming back to Earth with it until I get the chameleon circuit sorted out once and for all!"
"Look on the bright side," the Doctor told him. "At least it's not stuck as a dumpster!"
"True," Zeta agreed, and snickered. "Lord Theta's Flying Phone Booth."
"Lord Theta's Flying Police Box," the Doctor corrected punctiliously.
"Ah, but 'Lord Theta's Flying Phone Booth' sounds so much more… hmm… what was the word you used before?" Zeta's brushstroke eyebrows came together in thought, and then he suddenly brightened. "Oh yes. Ignominious." The Doctor laughed. Angelina turned to look at him, her deep blue eyes wide.
"Wait a minute, you're Lord – " she began, but they had reached the door and Munch was already escorting her inside, where the deafening music made further conversation impossible. As they passed the dance floor, Angelina pointed at someone in the crowd. "Look!" she screamed, trying to be heard over the pounding music. "Dancing with Heidi… is that Mick Jagger?" Munch shouted a reply that she couldn't make out.
"We'd better find Tegan!" the Doctor yelled at Zeta. "We've lost an hour… she's probably pretty angry by now!" They climbed the steps to the balcony, where the noise faded to a more reasonable level. "Now, where was she sitting?"
"Oh, look! It's the birthday girl!" a male voice called out. Angelina stopped at a table where four men were sitting with drinks. The man who had called out to her rose to his feet and kissed both of her cheeks.
"Isaac," Angelina said with a nod to the standing man, "Calvin, Tommy, John." Briefly, she introduced the men to the detectives and the Time Lords. "And this is Zeta – "
"Oh, he's marvelous!" Isaac exclaimed, moving closer to peer at the suddenly discomfited Time Lord. "Isn't he marvelous, Calvin?" The other designer came to his feet.
"Do you model?" Calvin asked.
"No, I – " Zeta began.
"Well, you simply must be in my next show," Tommy said, also standing.
"After he does my show, bitch!" Isaac said. "I saw him first!"
"I'm sure he'd rather go with a more established designer for his debut," Calvin said smugly.
"But I don't – " Zeta began. Isaac grabbed the Time Lord's wrist and held his arm up.
"Marvelous," the designer sighed. "Such long limbs. And those cheekbones! You could use them to split kindling!"
"And those eyes!" Tommy gushed. "Like emeralds!"
"But look at this haircut," Calvin said with dismay, grabbing a piece of the Time Lord's hair and holding it out from his head. The Doctor, Angelina and the detectives all exchanged a look, with the Doctor clearly wondering how long Zeta was going to continue to tolerate all this. "And the style… or should I say the lack of style!" Calvin was saying. "John, what can you do with it?" The hairstylist stood and regarded the Time Lord with a critical eye.
"Well," he finally said, reaching up to grab his own handful of shiny black hair, "I'd begin by – "
"Excuse me," Zeta said coldly, trying to shake off the four humans and their hot, grasping hands.
"What?" Tommy asked, clearly puzzled. Seeing trouble on the horizon, Angelina tried to intervene.
"You know, I think you'd better – " she began, trying to pull all four men away simultaneously, which turned out to be a losing battle. As soon as she'd pried one set of fingers off of the increasingly annoyed Time Lord, another pair of grasping hands would replace them. It was like trying to bail out a sinking ship with a teaspoon.
"Come on, Honey," John said to Zeta, grabbing his chin. "Just turn your head for me, Sweetie. I want to see how your hair falls on that side."
"Oh dear," the Doctor said quietly, trying very hard to stifle his laughter. On the other hand, the three detectives weren't even trying. They were howling with laughter at the sight of Zeta being poked, prodded, groped, pawed, and pulled this way and that by the four determined men.
"Ooo, what a nice firm little butt!" one of the designers exclaimed. Angelina couldn't see exactly what was going on, but when she saw Zeta's eyes pop open in surprise she had a pretty good idea what must've happened.
"That will be quite enough!" Zeta suddenly proclaimed in an icy voice, wrenching himself away from the four men and drawing himself up to his full height, his dark green eyes blazing with indignation. "I am a Time Lord of Gallifrey, not some brainless little clothes rack!"
"Ooo, Miss Thang's got a little 'tude going on!" Isaac observed in a snarky tone. At this point, the Doctor couldn't hold out any longer; he gave in and joined the detectives in helpless laughter.
"Isaac," Angelina said warningly, laying a restraining hand on his arm. She glanced at the other three men. "Really, you're all being quite rude! How would you guys like to be manhandled by four strangers in the middle of a club?" There was a very long silence at that question, filled with much throat-clearing and overly innocent glancing about. "Ahem. Well, anyway, obviously Zeta doesn't like it!" she finished a bit lamely. Gradually, the Doctor and the detectives were able to get their laughter under control.
"Well, I don't know who he thinks he is – " Tommy began, sounding miffed.
"I am Lord Zeta of the House of – "
"All right, all right," the Doctor said hastily, stepping between the Time Lord and the four humans. "Noninterference, remember?" the Doctor reminded Zeta quietly, grasping his arm and leading him away. "Really, Zeta," he chided mildly. "Do try to pull yourself together and behave like a proper Time Lord!" Zeta opened his mouth to issue a caustic retort but was interrupted by Calvin's voice calling after them.
"Oh I'm sorry! We didn't realize you two were together!" The Time Lords stopped walking and turned.
"I beg your pardon?" the Doctor inquired politely. The three detectives were once again lost to helpless laughter.
"We didn't know you're a couple," Isaac said.
"Why would you think we're – " Zeta began. Suddenly aware of the Doctor's hand on his arm, he pulled away with a scowl. "We are not a couple," Zeta said coldly. "Certainly I could do much better than him, don't you think?" Angelina broke out laughing at the expression on the Doctor's face; for once in his lives, he appeared to be totally at a loss for words. Zeta stalked away into the crowd with enormous dignity, taking care that no one saw the satisfied smile on his lips.
CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 5, "It's A Hell Of A Town!"
