Note: Here it is folks the follow up I've been asked to do from Helena's
point of view. Hope you enjoy it with all its angsty goodness. Also I
should've mentioned in the last chapter that this thing contains character
death, sorry.
Disclaimer: This is the worst part right here having to admit that I don't own them.
How? How could this have happened to us? Us, the birds of prey. Super heroes that protect the city. How can one of us be dead? God damn it! It's not fucking fair! Why here! My throat burns from the screaming I've done, but I can't find it within me to care right now. How could I when I'm holding here, dead in my arms?
Her head's cradled in my lap, and I've never felt so. . . so. I don't know. . . empty I guess is the word. Even in death she looks beautiful. Her golden blond hair, it smelt like peaches. I don't know why I remember that, but I do. I'll never see those vibrant blue eyes again.
The blood that had been pouring from her writs stopped a while ago. I don't remember how long ago it was, or how long I watch as it continued to flow out of her after she died. But it doesn't anymore, and it never will again. How can that be fair? I don't even think she realized what I was telling her at the end. I don't know if she was even alive when I said it.
I know that she had been depressed lately. Lately isn't exactly the right word, she had been depressed for months. At the exact time I started dating Reese. It started slow, her not talking sometimes, her eyes gaining a dull look. Nothing to worry about, or so I thought.
Later on Barbara and I started getting worried. She wouldn't do sweeps anymore, and she loved sweeps. She always wore long sleeves to, even refusing to train. I should've seen this coming sooner; I know I should've. How couldn't I? I'm Helena Kyle, Huntress, I have feral eyes perfect for observation, but somehow this escaped my attention. Worthless, empty, hell I probably feel about as dead as Dinah does right now.
She said that she loved me, and I think that it's why she did this. She saw me with Reese all the time, and I flirted shamelessly in front of her. God damn, I'm such a stupid, stupid bitch. This is my fault.
This morning Reese and I had had another fight; we had been fighting a lot over the past month. It ended with us breaking up, and him storming out. He was always accusing me of cheating, saying that my mind was obviously on someone else. I realized too late that I didn't love him, although I was in love. We had been having sex that morning, and when I climaxed, it wasn't him I was thinking about, and it wasn't his name I screamed out. It was Dinah's.
So, he left and I went to breakfast. Dinah seemed even less talkative, and she left breakfast without saying so much as good morning. I talked to Dinah, and we both agreed that something was obviously wrong, and also that she should see a shrink. Before she came back I spilled the news, the fact that I loved her. Barbara seemed shocked, but okay with it.
Me being the stupid fuck up that I am though decided that I should wait to tell Dinah, that I should wait until she was better. And. . . Fuck! If I had just told her that morning, if I had just gone for it. It's like a hole has been torn in my stomach, and one by one my organs are dropping out.
The guilt is just eating me alive, and not only that, but the fact that I don't know if she knows that I love her. I FUCKING LOVE DINAH LANCE! It feels good to keep screaming, cause I don't know what else I can do. I love her, and she said that she loves me. How can she? How can she love me when I've fucked up so badly?
I don't know when I put her body down, but here I am on the railing, looking down at the city below me. Wonder how high up I am right now. It's a pretty good distance, I know that much. Barbara isn't here yet. How can she have slept through all the screaming I've done? Doesn't matter, I'm still just a stupid, pathetic, idiotic fuck up.
That's it, a fuck up. I'm responsible for my loves death, and I hate myself for that. I've killed at person. The world doesn't need someone like me. I seem to have a killer touch, everyone I love dies. My mom, Dinah, if I stick around Barbara might bite it to. There's only one solution. I stand to my full height, spread my arms and lean forward.
Gravity pulls me downward, and I'm in freefall. The wind ruffles my hair, my clothes, and for the first time since I saw that scene I feel like things will be okay. Like, I've done something right. I know that the pavement is closing in, and I await it. Who knows, maybe I'll meet up with Dinah. There's pressure, and a disgusting sound that I've never heard before and hope to never hear again, then there's nothing.
Note: How's that for some more angst? You'll excuse all the cussing I hope; I just think that Helena would wind up with a sailor's mouth after something like this. I've been thinking about doing one more and putting it in Barbara's point of view, but I'm not to sure. Review and tell me A) what you thought of this part and B) if I should do another.
Disclaimer: This is the worst part right here having to admit that I don't own them.
How? How could this have happened to us? Us, the birds of prey. Super heroes that protect the city. How can one of us be dead? God damn it! It's not fucking fair! Why here! My throat burns from the screaming I've done, but I can't find it within me to care right now. How could I when I'm holding here, dead in my arms?
Her head's cradled in my lap, and I've never felt so. . . so. I don't know. . . empty I guess is the word. Even in death she looks beautiful. Her golden blond hair, it smelt like peaches. I don't know why I remember that, but I do. I'll never see those vibrant blue eyes again.
The blood that had been pouring from her writs stopped a while ago. I don't remember how long ago it was, or how long I watch as it continued to flow out of her after she died. But it doesn't anymore, and it never will again. How can that be fair? I don't even think she realized what I was telling her at the end. I don't know if she was even alive when I said it.
I know that she had been depressed lately. Lately isn't exactly the right word, she had been depressed for months. At the exact time I started dating Reese. It started slow, her not talking sometimes, her eyes gaining a dull look. Nothing to worry about, or so I thought.
Later on Barbara and I started getting worried. She wouldn't do sweeps anymore, and she loved sweeps. She always wore long sleeves to, even refusing to train. I should've seen this coming sooner; I know I should've. How couldn't I? I'm Helena Kyle, Huntress, I have feral eyes perfect for observation, but somehow this escaped my attention. Worthless, empty, hell I probably feel about as dead as Dinah does right now.
She said that she loved me, and I think that it's why she did this. She saw me with Reese all the time, and I flirted shamelessly in front of her. God damn, I'm such a stupid, stupid bitch. This is my fault.
This morning Reese and I had had another fight; we had been fighting a lot over the past month. It ended with us breaking up, and him storming out. He was always accusing me of cheating, saying that my mind was obviously on someone else. I realized too late that I didn't love him, although I was in love. We had been having sex that morning, and when I climaxed, it wasn't him I was thinking about, and it wasn't his name I screamed out. It was Dinah's.
So, he left and I went to breakfast. Dinah seemed even less talkative, and she left breakfast without saying so much as good morning. I talked to Dinah, and we both agreed that something was obviously wrong, and also that she should see a shrink. Before she came back I spilled the news, the fact that I loved her. Barbara seemed shocked, but okay with it.
Me being the stupid fuck up that I am though decided that I should wait to tell Dinah, that I should wait until she was better. And. . . Fuck! If I had just told her that morning, if I had just gone for it. It's like a hole has been torn in my stomach, and one by one my organs are dropping out.
The guilt is just eating me alive, and not only that, but the fact that I don't know if she knows that I love her. I FUCKING LOVE DINAH LANCE! It feels good to keep screaming, cause I don't know what else I can do. I love her, and she said that she loves me. How can she? How can she love me when I've fucked up so badly?
I don't know when I put her body down, but here I am on the railing, looking down at the city below me. Wonder how high up I am right now. It's a pretty good distance, I know that much. Barbara isn't here yet. How can she have slept through all the screaming I've done? Doesn't matter, I'm still just a stupid, pathetic, idiotic fuck up.
That's it, a fuck up. I'm responsible for my loves death, and I hate myself for that. I've killed at person. The world doesn't need someone like me. I seem to have a killer touch, everyone I love dies. My mom, Dinah, if I stick around Barbara might bite it to. There's only one solution. I stand to my full height, spread my arms and lean forward.
Gravity pulls me downward, and I'm in freefall. The wind ruffles my hair, my clothes, and for the first time since I saw that scene I feel like things will be okay. Like, I've done something right. I know that the pavement is closing in, and I await it. Who knows, maybe I'll meet up with Dinah. There's pressure, and a disgusting sound that I've never heard before and hope to never hear again, then there's nothing.
Note: How's that for some more angst? You'll excuse all the cussing I hope; I just think that Helena would wind up with a sailor's mouth after something like this. I've been thinking about doing one more and putting it in Barbara's point of view, but I'm not to sure. Review and tell me A) what you thought of this part and B) if I should do another.
