Chapter 2: The Interview
Aizen Sousuke sat on his lovely white throne, resting his face on one hand and looking bored. He inhaled softly and sighed, blinking slowly and ignoring Gin as he entered the room.
"Aww," the silver-haired shinigami said, sympathetically, "Someone looks like he is about to die of boredom. We can't have that, can we?"
"What do you want, Gin?" Aizen asked, still not looking up, "I am not in the mood for…"
"Are you in the mood for hearing the latest about Byakuya-san?"
"What about Byakuya-san," muttered Aizen, "Things haven't been nearly as interesting since he left the Seireitei and became taichou of the King's Hogosha."
"Yes, well, it was fun capturing and teasing him on occasion, but he's impossible to reach now, right?"
"I think that if I had a way into the spirit realm, I would have used it by now. Get to the point, Gin."
"Well, you remember the invitations that the king sent out? The ones to find a mate for Byakuya-san?"
"Yes, of course…and I remember as well that we were not given invitations. Not that I would have stooped to accepting one, but it might have gotten us into the spirit dimension…"
"True…I can't get us into the spirit dimension exactly, but…"
"But you stumbled across something?" Aizen asked, lifting his face off of his palm.
"I did, actually," grinned Gin, "I found out that Urahara-san will be arranging fantasies for the suitors to use to try to court the lovely Byakuya-san…"
Aizen's eyes narrowed warningly.
"So you seek to tease, me. Well, let me tell you that you chose a bad day to rile me, Gin!" he said, coming to his feet and raising his spiritual pressure warningly.
"Calm down," said Gin, shaking his head, "I was trying to tell you that I managed to hack my way into a certain computer…a simulation computer…"
A slow, evil smile rose on Aizen's lips.
XXXXXXXXXX
"So, aren't you going to fill that out?" Rukia asked her red-haired friend, shaking her head as Renji sighed softly and dropped the invitation into the trash bin, "Renji, what are you doing? You're crazy about my brother. You have been for years! You've been miserable since he left for the spirit dimension. You should apply."
"Why?" Renji asked unhappily, turning back to his work, "If he didn't notice me for all of the years I was his subordinate and his friend, then why would he notice me now?"
"Oh come on!" Rukia rebuked him gently, "You never tried that hard."
"Not like he would have noticed if I did. Face it. He belongs with some rich, pretty noble girl…not with a red-haired mess like me."
"If you were a mess, then I don't think you'd be wearing that haori!"
"What about Zaraki?"
"Ahm…um…" sputtered Rukia.
Then, she brightened.
"Zaraki taichou doesn't have any commendations, Renji. You have tons of them!"
"Not that he'd ever notice. I was right there all of the time, Rukia. If he was going to notice me…if he really wanted me, then he would said something."
"Well," said Rukia, fishing the invitation out of the garbage and handing it back to him, "Maybe my brother was waiting for someone else to make the first move…Renji."
"Get outta here, will you?" grumbled Renji, "I have a division to run."
"You think about what I said," Rukia admonished him, "Really think about it…because I know you kick yourself pretty darned hard if you had another chance and blew it."
He waited until she had gone before picking up the invitation, glancing at it again, then quietly disposing of it.
"Abarai taichou!" said a youthful, male voice.
"Ah, if it isn't the little whiz kid," Renji said, smiling down at the nerdy, red-haired tyke, "How are things in the twelfth today, Akio-Kun?"
"Fine, sir," Akio reported, sounding cutely official, "Nemu-chan sent me to tell about some intelligence we received! It is very important!"
"Oh?" Renji asked, his face taking on a more serious expression.
"Hai! We intercepted signals passing from Hueco Mundo into the spirit dimension. It appears that Aizen Sousuke is trying to hack into the spirit dimension computers. They may be trying to find a way to affect the dimension wall. They haven't found a way yet, but they did invade some computers. It seems they have gotten into the computers that are being used to run the simulations for Kuchiki taichou's suitor competition! We don't know what they plan to do, but we have a way to infiltrate the competition ourselves in the meantime to stop whatever they attempt."
"Well, then you should be off to take care of that."
"Kurotsuchi taichou says he has no time for such rubbish and has ordered me to remind him that you owe him for…"
"All right, all right!" Renji said, raising a hand, "I don't want to think about that. Just tell me what he wants me to do."
"You will need to come with me. I will put you into our simulator and attempt to inject you into the game. While we continue trying to stop Aizen's interference, you will have to protect Kuchiki taichou from being annoyed by that traitor."
"What?" Renji objected, "You mean, like babysitting? No way! I spent too many years being that guy's protector and…"
"But Renji, what if Aizen Sousuke finds a way to hurt Kuchiki taichou? You would feel awfully bad if…"
"Grrr!" snarled Renji, "Okay! Fine…I'll go with you."
"Oh, arigato, Abarai taichou!" the boy exclaimed, smiling widely.
Renji grumbled some more, but then stood and grudgingly followed the boy out of the fifth division and towards the twelfth.
"I know I'm going to regret this," he muttered, "I just know it!"
XXXXXXXXXX
"Ah, come in, Kuchiki-san," Kisuke greeted Byakuya, smiling and indicating a chair near the big machine he was working on, "Have a seat before it disappears underneath all of these applications!"
Byakuya's lips frowned and he sat down, crossing his arms and waiting as Kisuke finished tinkering with the machine. He wiped off his hands and sat down across from the noble with a sheet of paper in front of him.
"Sorry about that," he said apologetically, "It's been crazy in here, trying to keep everything straight. But here, I've generated a list of questions that should help us to eliminate a lot of these."
"Very well," Byakuya said, straightening and uncrossing his arms, "but I need to check in with the king soon, so I hope this won't take too long."
"Not at all," Kisuke said, grinning, "I don't have that many questions. I just wanted to be sure that I asked the ones that were most likely to bring out the traits you are looking for. Okay, first…male, female or open to either?"
"Open to either."
"Do you want a virgin?" Kisuke asked, almost chuckling at the blush that erupted onto the noble's face.
"It doesn't matter," Byakuya said, sounding flustered, "though I don't want someone who will be sharing himself or herself with everyone who comes along…"
"Ah, right. Well, the not caring whether the person's a virgin is good. We might have lost most of the applicants…"
"Go on, Urahara-san," Byakuya said brusquely.
Are there any physical characteristics that you favor…height, weight, complexion, hair and eye color, age, species, you know…"
"Species?" asked Byakuya, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, we got a number oddities…hollows, shapeshifters, that kind of thing…"
"I'm not partial to shapeshifters," the noble said, giving Kisuke a soft glare.
"And hollows?"
"If they are intelligent and not bloodthirsty."
"Okay, huge, tall, medium, small, petite or miniscule…we're talking whole body, not just…"
"I get the point, Urahara-san. I imagine the person must fit into normal size buildings and not be so small as to…"
"…get squashed when you…"
"…are intimate," Byakuya finished.
"Fair, medium or dark complexion."
"It doesn't matter."
"Fetishes?"
"What?"
"Fetishes…you know, sexual things…likes to nibble on feet, B&D, S&M…"
"I understand. I was indicating that the question was unexpected. And are you asking if I have any fetishes or if I am requesting a partner who does?"
"Yes and yes," answered Kisuke, earning an eye roll.
"No and…perhaps…" the noble answered softly, his fingers drifting to the scarf at his throat.
"If you had to inflict or receive pain, then which…?"
A sudden rise in the noble's reiatsu stopped the scientist mid-question.
"Ah…we'll come back to that. Hair colors? Eye colors?"
"I am not terribly selective about those things, but I enjoy coloring that is pleasantly eye-catching and not gaudy."
"Ah, okay. We'll be sending the goth kids home…"
"G-goth kids…?" Byakuya repeated, glaring, "I certainly hope you are not including anyone underage! I do NOT engage in…"
"Check," said Kisuke, "Not a pedophile. But while we're on the subject, do you have any sexual oddities like an incessant hunger for sex…"
"Everyone has an incessant hunger for sex," argued Byakuya, "or it would only be useful for mating."
"But what I mean is…is that ALL you can think about? Do you think about it day and night, masturbate until your hand is ready to fall off and still can't get enough?"
"Do you WANT me to kill you?"
"N-not particularly. But since you're already riled, let's just grab the bull by the horns and talk about sexual preferences."
"I already said…"
"I know," said Kisuke, "but we need to go into a little more depth to match you with someone complimentary. I mean, you said you don't mind a guy partner, but if both like to top and no one bottoms…"
"It depends on my mood,"
"Wh-what?" mumbled Kisuke, blinking in surprise that he had answered and not insulted.
"I was answering your question. I don't mind either, but it depends on my mood."
"Ah…erm…" Urahara said, blushing and shifting the papers in front of him, "D-do you enjoy having any particular areas stimulated? You know, lips, nipples, navel, anal area…"
"I am open to exploration."
The stack of papers on the scientist's lap suddenly fell and scattered.
"Ah…sorry," said Kisuke, leaning forward to pick them up and arranging them more carefully in his lap, "Okay…open…got it."
"I do enjoy being gently stroked in one area," said the noble, smirking at the expression on Kisuke's face.
"What? Okay, where?" the scientist said, blushing.
Urahara froze as Byakuya captured his hand, turned it over and lightly brushed his fingertips along the sensitive skin of his wrist. Kisuke stared and blushed harder. Byakuya remained leaned forward, and when he spoke, his soft voice entered nearly into Kisuke's ear.
"My gloves usually cover this area, so it is extra sensitive, but I prefer light touches here," he said, then let his fingers brush the scientist's inner thigh, "and there."
"Inner wrists and th-thighs, okay," Kisuke concluded, looking a bit dizzy.
"I also like the feel of warm, pleasant breath on my skin," Byakuya went on, breathing the words against Kisuke's ear and biting his lips to keep from laughing.
"Any other erogenous zones I should know about?" Kisuke asked, clearing his throat and straightening.
"Just the usual," Byakuya said, meeting his eyes placidly.
"Do you enjoy penetration of orifices? And if so, with what items or appendages?"
"I do not know. I am untouched that way."
"A-anal virgin…right."
"So I do not know what I would enjoy or even if I would enjoy the penetration. Would you like to examine that?"
Kisuke stared back at him incredulously for a moment, then his eyes narrowed and he laughed heartily.
"Ah…hah, good one, Byakuya-bo. You had me going there…all hot and bothered."
"You think I was joking?" Byakuya asked quietly, "Now that you mention it, I am curious. And you are a scientist trying to determine what I would enjoy. Wouldn't the best way to do that be to test it yourself?"
"Ah…um…hah, I think we'd better just leave that part for the fantasies, ne? I'm sure your prospective partners will do all of the discovery they need to. Well, let's finish up with a test fantasy in the simulator. Just go inside and I'll start the test."
He rose and walked to the big machine, opening a door on one side and motioning to a chair in a small booth.
"Sit down there and the fantasy will start in a few seconds. I just have to get my lab assistant in here to help."
"Lab assistant?"
"Yeah, it'll just take a sec. Relax, you'll know when it starts."
Byakuya sighed resignedly and blinked several times as Kisuke closed the door and everything went dark.
"Okay," said Kisuke's voice, "First, atmosphere. We have romantic evenings, comic adventures, rescue dramas, imminent peril. What do you want to try?"
"Something sedate," Byakuya suggested.
"S-sedate…sedate. All right, what do we have here? Ah, this should do."
There was a slight pause, then suddenly Byakuya found himself standing under a lovely sakura tree, overlooking a waterfall and tranquil meadow. He had to admit (only to himself, of course) that Kisuke, while being somewhat annoying, was certainly a capable scientist. He studied his surroundings carefully, enjoying the lovely scents of the sakura, water and grass, the warmth of the sun and the peacefulness of the afternoon. He looked down at himself and frowned.
"The surroundings are acceptable," he reported, "but I have no body."
"Yeah, I was just about to put that in. Oh, and my lab assistant just got here."
Byakuya watched as his body suddenly appeared and solidified, then made a sound of annoyance.
"Urahara-san…, you've made me a teenager!"
He heard feminine laughter and tensed as there was a yank on his hair and the hair tie he wore in the fantasy was suddenly removed from his hair. It dropped into his eyes, nearly blinding him as the culprit flash stepped away.
"You've made my hair too long!" Byakuya snapped, shoving the thick lengths out of his eyes and launching himself after Yoruichi, who laughed and ran faster.
"I think that horse's mane of yours is holding you back!" she shouted, bounding down the cliff face, flash stepping over the lake and landing in the meadow, near a darker forest.
"This is ridiculous!" Byakuya seethed, "Urahara-san, end this at once!"
There was no answer.
"Imbecile…" Byakuya muttered, realizing that the only way the scientist would let him out of the simulator was for him to finish the 'fantasy.'
He blazed across the meadow and into the darkness of the forest, flash stepping at top speed down a winding trail. He was surprised at how dark it was in the trees, despite being so near that sunny meadow and wondered if it was just an idiosyncrasy of the machine, or if…
His thoughts spun away as his body made contact with something soft, wickedly strong and decidedly sticky.
A…giant spiderweb?
A length of webbing dropped down over his eyes and wrapped around his head, blinding him.
"Very amusing, Urahara-san," Byakuya said in a low, dangerous voice.
He tried to raise his reiatsu, but found himself suddenly powerless.
It figures. Bastards…
He tried to carefully extract a hand, but only ended up entangling himself more.
And with my luck, there's a…
He felt movement on the giant web and felt the warmth of another body dropping down in front of his. The masculine scent told him the person's gender.
So this is not Yoruichi…
"Who are you?" he asked, moving his head to try to see through the sticky webbing.
The man didn't answer, but laced his fingers into Byakuya's with one hand, while cupping his cheek with the other.
Apparently, this stuff doesn't stick to him…
Warm lips touched his very lightly and another body pressed up snugly against his.
"I like to see my romantic partners," Byakuya said dryly, but then found himself unable to speak as the other began to plunder his mouth enthusiastically.
And as much as he objected to the person's approach, he had to admit, he had never been kissed like that before…
His assailant plunged deeply into his mouth and despite his objections, Byakuya found himself kissing the person back. It was, of course, scandalous…but scandalous sort of went hand in hand with sexual fantasy…and it wasn't real, so…
"I'll save you Taichou!" yelled an all too familiar voice.
The next thing Byakuya knew, he was swept out of the web and into strong, familiar arms and the webbing was pulled away from his eyes.
"R-renji?" he stammered, still somewhat flustered over the kissing, "Wh-what are you doing in my fantasy?"
"Well," said Renji, coming down in the meadow and setting him back on his feet, "We got word from the twelfth that…oh shit!"
"Renji?" Byakuya said, looking confused as everything faded away around him and he found himself back in the booth.
Kisuke opened the door and Byakuya couldn't exit the place quickly enough.
"What is the meaning of this?" he demanded, "First that demon cat appears and plays her games, then I am assaulted by a webbed wonder and then, R…"
"What?" said Kisuke, turning back to the machine and scratching his head, "I only programmed it so that Yoruichi would tease you. Something must have gone wrong! I'm terribly sorry, Byakuya-san! I will fix this up and have it ready for the first fantasy tomorrow."
"I won't hold my breath," Byakuya said, turning and sweeping out the door.
Kisuke looked back at the machine.
"Webbed wonder?" he mused, then he shook his head and went back to his work.
