Chapter Eight
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." - Abraham Lincoln
July 1944
The front door slammed shut and Maria awoke with a start. She relaxed when she heard the
lock clank into place, and closed her eyes again. Max had finally come home.
She listened as his footsteps approached the bedroom. He had come home this late many
times before, sometimes even later. Maria was becoming used to falling asleep by herself, and
waking up in the morning to find the other side of the bed slept in and empty. At least on
those nights they didn't fight.
The bedroom door opened and the shadow of a figure, outlined by the harsh light of the
hallway, draped itself across the bed. Maria turned over to look and shivered despite herself.
There was Max in his official uniform: his shirt and tie, an armband, riding pants and
polished leather boots. The uniform Maria hated so much, on the man she had married for love.
She wondered if she would ever become used to the sight.
Later, covers bunched around her for warmth, Maria lay quietly and listened to the faint
snoring coming from Max. Please God, she prayed, Please let that have been the time it worked.
I want that baby so badly, and I'm afraid of what he might do to me if I can't get pregnant
again. Please let me have Max's baby.
The doctor was lost in thought as he drove down the long road to work. It was a warm,
dry summer morning and the hood of the car was flecked with dust kicked up by the tires.
Things were not working out as smoothly as he would like. Last month, the Allied forces
had invaded Europe through Normandy and had settled in firmly to make trouble for the Reich.
It was this threat that preyed on the doctor's concentration and was holding him back in his
work. He was making impressive advances in reproductive and evolutionary studies, but he knew
he would be capable of even more if he could only be completely confident that Germany would
crush her opponents and leave him to continue his research. This was such a perfect place to
do it, and he had all the resources he needed.
On the other side of the iron gates, the doctor acknowledged a number of salutes as he
made his way to the medical offices. His co-workers seemed to respect him with an awe that
occasionally bordered on fear, and he planned to keep it that way. He could not let them know,
therefore, that he was secretly embarrassed about his personal life. Nearly three years ago
Maria had lost the baby and she hadn't been pregnant since. It was humiliating; a top
biologist whose wife couldn't accomplish something even the simplest of his laboratory animals
were capable of. Surely people would start to talk soon, if they hadn't already. And his rival
scientists would have a field day with it. So much for his standing with the Fuhrer then.
If you cannot create life, Maria, then I will, he vowed, as he pulled on a white lab
coat.
August 1944
"Will you come with me?"
Lonia closed the front door for their privacy. "Where?"
"Doctor's appointment," answered Maria. She smiled anxiously.
Several worrisome circumstances ran through Lonia's mind before she realised what Maria
was up to.
"Oh my God..." she began excitedly. Maria threw her arms around Lonia and they hopped
about in the front hall, hugging and laughing.
The two women tightly held hands as they waited for the doctor to return with the
results. The tests had to be positive, they just had to be. Maria was never this late, not
even when she was under stress, and Lonia assured her that this was exactly what had convinced
her to get tested when she found out she was pregnant with her first child.
After what felt like hours, the doctor finally came back into the office. He gave a
polite nod to Lonia, understanding why she had appeared in the office by her friend's side
while he had been gone. She and Maria stared at him expectantly and he cleared his throat.
"Congratulations, Mrs. von Reichter, you're going to be a mother!"
Maria sat nearly motionless as she took in the news, feeling complete and utter happiness
fill her heart. Then she was laughing and crying in Lonia's arms, tears of joy tickling her
face. A baby was finally coming.
"So, are you going to tell Max the news when he comes home tonight?" asked Lonia as they
walked home.
"I don't know," replied Maria. She was deciding upon a plan of action. "I think I'll say
nothing and see how long it takes for him to figure it out himself."
"Ooh, you play tough, young lady!" quipped Lonia, and Maria laughed. Maybe it was sneaky
of her, but she figured she was entitled to a little experimenting.
The novelty quickly wore off however when, after two weeks, Max still hadn't noticed
anything different It was still too early for Maria to be showing, but she was noticing other
changes in herself that she couldn't believe Max failed to see. She was eating different foods
(some things made her feel sick now), she felt tired more often, and she was convinced than
her face looked different, rounder somehow. Maria didn't believe that he had noticed but not
cared. She knew he wanted a baby every bit as much as she did. No, she concluded, he was just
too involved in his theories and measurements and equations to notice that the heir he wanted
was now more than just a wish.
One night, whether it was her temper or another bout of nausea, Maria's patience finally
wore out. She stalked into the drawing room, where Max was working industriously at his desk,
and glowered at the back of his head with anger. Enough was enough.
She kept walking until she was standing right behind his chair. He hadn't heard her
approach.
"Is that all you ever do?" she asked, voice dripping with contempt.
Max was startled. He hated being startled. Turning to respond to the insolent remark, he
stood up and gave Maria a look of disgust.
"What I am doing," he replied through clenched teeth, "is of the utmost importance to
the future of the Reich. And when I am busy" -and here his voice began to increase in volume-
"I cannot be interrupted simply to entertain you!"
"You're always busy! You love Germany more than you love me!" accused Maria.
She made a noise of surprise as Max grabbed her wrists and pulled her towards him.
"Don't you ever say that to me again," he growled at her, "Don't you ever say that!"
Finding her voice, Maria shot back, "I'll say it whenever I want because it's true,
von Reichter!"
He smacked her in the face, hard. She cried out and stumbled away from him, holding her
cheek to make it stop hurting. Looking back at Max through a blur of hot tears, she saw that
his expression was the same as before. He stood his ground, shaking with rage.
"Oh Max," she whimpered, "I'm going to have a baby and you're too busy to even notice."
She collapsed onto the couch, sobbing.
Maria would have been satisfied, had she looked up, to see the look of horror on her
husband's face as the news sunk in. She had done it. After three years of trying she had
finally done it. But were there still risks? What if he had just caused her to miscarry again?
Max approached her and tried to calm his emotions. Maria had curled herself into a ball
at the far end of the couch, facing away from him and was crying softly.
"Are you sure?" he asked after a moment.
"Yes!" Her reply was teary and frustrated. She didn't look up.
He put his hands on his hips and tried to think of something to say.
Silence.
"You should go to bed and get some sleep then," he ventured quietly. It was all he could
come up with.
"All right." Maria complied and started to get up. She was too tired and sore to argue.
Lying underneath her cool linen sheets, Maria stared at the ceiling and listened to the
noise coming from the yard. It sounded like cursing, but she could only catch a few random
pieces of words. There was a sudden smash of broken glass and she realised that Max was drunk.
I hope he doesn't wake up Lonia's children with that racket, She thought ruefully. Good luck
explaining to them about "the drunk, wife-beating scientist next door." God.
Some time later, the noise died down to Max stumbling back into the house. Maria
pretended to be asleep and listened as his footsteps crossed the threshold of the bedroom door,
and went about half a meter before he lost his balance and fell over himself.
"Damn floor moved," he slurred as he got up and crawled onto the bed. Maria felt a hand
groping for her, and angrily flipped over. She lay stiffly and waited for him to give up.
Mercifully, he soon did as he passed out in a drunken stupor.
"Jerk," muttered Maria, and finally let herself drift off to sleep.
September 1944
If Fall 1944 had a theme, for Maria it was worry. More specifically, it was worry about
parents. Germany was losing the war and was being bombed by the British and the Americans.
Frequently she would call her parents, or Max's, on the telephone to make sure they were still
safe and healthy. Lonia, whose parents were rather elderly, moved her family to stay with them
for a year, worried just like Maria about what the war might deal them. Before she left, Lonia
had given Maria her old maternity clothes, saying it was the least she could to since she
probably couldn't make it for the birth in March. Maria promised to send her weekly updates,
and they shared a tearful goodbye.
Now that she was on her own all day and getting bored, Maria decided to explore the
countryside around her, and embarked on a series of daily walks, Lilli excitedly running
alongside her.
For the first little while, they walked along quiet roads stretching past acres of
farmland, found pleasant country lanes and cottages, and greeted people they met along the
way. Lilli investigated every gatepost and tree of interest, and happily chased the dry leaves
twirling down from their branches. It was on these walks that Maria first felt her baby
kicking inside her, and heard her intuition saying that it was a boy. She felt calmer and
safer out here, away from the noisy town and the German soldiers occupying it. She felt calm
away from Max.
There was a puzzle in the countryside, however, that Maria wanted to solve. There was a
funny, sweetish smell in the air, she found, which got stronger the further Southwest she
went. It had always been present, but smells seemed more pronounced now that she was pregnant,
and more disagreeable. She had asked a few people about it, but they appeared to know nothing
more than she did. Maria became more and more curious, and by October she was determined to
find the source.
Lilli, for some reason, liked the smell even less. She would whine as they got to a
particular forested area, standing in one place and looking back towards home. Maria wasn't
about to ignore her pet's odd behaviour, and began to leave Lilli in the house whenever she
went out to investigate. The dog had obviously discovered something she hadn't. Something
about the smell was frightening her.
On a cool, overcast afternoon, Maria put on a winter coat and set out on what she hoped
would be her final quest to get to the smell's source. She had narrowed the field down to the
deeper part of the thicket Lilli disliked, within view of the nearby Sola River. Reaching it,
she found herself becoming nervous, and paused at the edge of the wood to calm herself before
starting into the shadows.
The smell, as Maria continued, became stronger and stronger, and she tried to breathe
through her mouth to block it out. It was sweet but rancid, like burning sugar or fat. Is it a
factory? Maria wondered. Or some kind of depository?
She saw ahead of her that the trees thinned out into a small clearing. Reaching it, she
heard a humming sound and looked across to where the forest thickened again. Through the
branches she could see a brick building and an imposing fence with what looked like a white
sign on it. This had to be where the smell was coming from!
Carefully trying to stay hidden, Maria finally reached the fence, but quickly backed
away. As the sign boldly declared, it was humming with thousands of volts of electricity.
She clapped her hands over her mouth to keep from crying out at how close she had just come
to death. There was a sudden yell from somewhere on the other side of the fence, and finding
the edge of the brick building, Maria peered in at a sight she wished dearly was a nightmare
she could wake up from.
There were people everywhere. Starving, beaten, cadaverous people, more dead than alive,
in striped uniforms like prisoners wore. There were SS officers with guns and dogs, ordering
the people into rows. Maria saw that the prisoners wore something like a badge on their chests.
Yellow badges which, she realised in horror, were Stars of David. Blood pounding in her ears,
Maria felt her heart plunge into her guts as she uneasily followed the bricks of the building
beside her with her eyes, up until they formed rows of chimneys.
And with that terrible sight, it all came together. Where the Jews had gone. What Hitler
had meant by a solution to the "Jewish Problem."
Why Max was called to Poland.
There was the sound of a gunshot and Maria turned and ran. She ran through the forest.
She ran across the fields. She ran, half-crazed with fear and she didn't stop running until
she was back inside her house, locking the deadbolt on the front door.
Lilli ran to her owner, barking and whimpering as if to ask what was wrong. Maria was
leaning against the door, crying hysterically. Presently, she felt the little dog pawing
worriedly at her leg and kneeled down to pick her up.
"They're dying, they're dying," she sobbed, and pressed her face to Lilli's warm,
velvety brown fur, letting the dachshund gently lick the tears from her face.
Dizzy from running and crying, Maria felt a wave of nausea hit her. Putting down Lilli,
who followed behind, she ran into the washroom and was violently sick.
When Max arrived home, he found his wife sitting on the floor beside the toilet, staring
at the floor and looking pale and upset. Assuming she was nauseous from the pregnancy again,
he put a hand on her shoulder and looked for her eyes hidden by her hair.
Don't touch me, she wanted to scream, you're a monster. But she was too exhausted, and
simply sat unmoving until he kissed her head and left the room.
November 1944
"And how are you two doing?"
"Oh, we're fine," answered Maria lightly. She just couldn't bear to tell Max's mother about
the things that really went on. It would break her heart.
"So do you still feel like it's going to be a boy?" asked her mother-in-law excitedly.
"I think so." Maria shifted the phone onto her shoulder and sat down on a kitchen chair.
Standing up was a lot of work with an active baby competing in the Olympics on her bladder.
"Have you picked out any special names yet?"
"I know exactly what I'm going to call him," Maria replied happily. She looked down at
her stomach and smiled as she thought of her baby's namesake. "I'm going to call him Josef."
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." - Abraham Lincoln
July 1944
The front door slammed shut and Maria awoke with a start. She relaxed when she heard the
lock clank into place, and closed her eyes again. Max had finally come home.
She listened as his footsteps approached the bedroom. He had come home this late many
times before, sometimes even later. Maria was becoming used to falling asleep by herself, and
waking up in the morning to find the other side of the bed slept in and empty. At least on
those nights they didn't fight.
The bedroom door opened and the shadow of a figure, outlined by the harsh light of the
hallway, draped itself across the bed. Maria turned over to look and shivered despite herself.
There was Max in his official uniform: his shirt and tie, an armband, riding pants and
polished leather boots. The uniform Maria hated so much, on the man she had married for love.
She wondered if she would ever become used to the sight.
Later, covers bunched around her for warmth, Maria lay quietly and listened to the faint
snoring coming from Max. Please God, she prayed, Please let that have been the time it worked.
I want that baby so badly, and I'm afraid of what he might do to me if I can't get pregnant
again. Please let me have Max's baby.
The doctor was lost in thought as he drove down the long road to work. It was a warm,
dry summer morning and the hood of the car was flecked with dust kicked up by the tires.
Things were not working out as smoothly as he would like. Last month, the Allied forces
had invaded Europe through Normandy and had settled in firmly to make trouble for the Reich.
It was this threat that preyed on the doctor's concentration and was holding him back in his
work. He was making impressive advances in reproductive and evolutionary studies, but he knew
he would be capable of even more if he could only be completely confident that Germany would
crush her opponents and leave him to continue his research. This was such a perfect place to
do it, and he had all the resources he needed.
On the other side of the iron gates, the doctor acknowledged a number of salutes as he
made his way to the medical offices. His co-workers seemed to respect him with an awe that
occasionally bordered on fear, and he planned to keep it that way. He could not let them know,
therefore, that he was secretly embarrassed about his personal life. Nearly three years ago
Maria had lost the baby and she hadn't been pregnant since. It was humiliating; a top
biologist whose wife couldn't accomplish something even the simplest of his laboratory animals
were capable of. Surely people would start to talk soon, if they hadn't already. And his rival
scientists would have a field day with it. So much for his standing with the Fuhrer then.
If you cannot create life, Maria, then I will, he vowed, as he pulled on a white lab
coat.
August 1944
"Will you come with me?"
Lonia closed the front door for their privacy. "Where?"
"Doctor's appointment," answered Maria. She smiled anxiously.
Several worrisome circumstances ran through Lonia's mind before she realised what Maria
was up to.
"Oh my God..." she began excitedly. Maria threw her arms around Lonia and they hopped
about in the front hall, hugging and laughing.
The two women tightly held hands as they waited for the doctor to return with the
results. The tests had to be positive, they just had to be. Maria was never this late, not
even when she was under stress, and Lonia assured her that this was exactly what had convinced
her to get tested when she found out she was pregnant with her first child.
After what felt like hours, the doctor finally came back into the office. He gave a
polite nod to Lonia, understanding why she had appeared in the office by her friend's side
while he had been gone. She and Maria stared at him expectantly and he cleared his throat.
"Congratulations, Mrs. von Reichter, you're going to be a mother!"
Maria sat nearly motionless as she took in the news, feeling complete and utter happiness
fill her heart. Then she was laughing and crying in Lonia's arms, tears of joy tickling her
face. A baby was finally coming.
"So, are you going to tell Max the news when he comes home tonight?" asked Lonia as they
walked home.
"I don't know," replied Maria. She was deciding upon a plan of action. "I think I'll say
nothing and see how long it takes for him to figure it out himself."
"Ooh, you play tough, young lady!" quipped Lonia, and Maria laughed. Maybe it was sneaky
of her, but she figured she was entitled to a little experimenting.
The novelty quickly wore off however when, after two weeks, Max still hadn't noticed
anything different It was still too early for Maria to be showing, but she was noticing other
changes in herself that she couldn't believe Max failed to see. She was eating different foods
(some things made her feel sick now), she felt tired more often, and she was convinced than
her face looked different, rounder somehow. Maria didn't believe that he had noticed but not
cared. She knew he wanted a baby every bit as much as she did. No, she concluded, he was just
too involved in his theories and measurements and equations to notice that the heir he wanted
was now more than just a wish.
One night, whether it was her temper or another bout of nausea, Maria's patience finally
wore out. She stalked into the drawing room, where Max was working industriously at his desk,
and glowered at the back of his head with anger. Enough was enough.
She kept walking until she was standing right behind his chair. He hadn't heard her
approach.
"Is that all you ever do?" she asked, voice dripping with contempt.
Max was startled. He hated being startled. Turning to respond to the insolent remark, he
stood up and gave Maria a look of disgust.
"What I am doing," he replied through clenched teeth, "is of the utmost importance to
the future of the Reich. And when I am busy" -and here his voice began to increase in volume-
"I cannot be interrupted simply to entertain you!"
"You're always busy! You love Germany more than you love me!" accused Maria.
She made a noise of surprise as Max grabbed her wrists and pulled her towards him.
"Don't you ever say that to me again," he growled at her, "Don't you ever say that!"
Finding her voice, Maria shot back, "I'll say it whenever I want because it's true,
von Reichter!"
He smacked her in the face, hard. She cried out and stumbled away from him, holding her
cheek to make it stop hurting. Looking back at Max through a blur of hot tears, she saw that
his expression was the same as before. He stood his ground, shaking with rage.
"Oh Max," she whimpered, "I'm going to have a baby and you're too busy to even notice."
She collapsed onto the couch, sobbing.
Maria would have been satisfied, had she looked up, to see the look of horror on her
husband's face as the news sunk in. She had done it. After three years of trying she had
finally done it. But were there still risks? What if he had just caused her to miscarry again?
Max approached her and tried to calm his emotions. Maria had curled herself into a ball
at the far end of the couch, facing away from him and was crying softly.
"Are you sure?" he asked after a moment.
"Yes!" Her reply was teary and frustrated. She didn't look up.
He put his hands on his hips and tried to think of something to say.
Silence.
"You should go to bed and get some sleep then," he ventured quietly. It was all he could
come up with.
"All right." Maria complied and started to get up. She was too tired and sore to argue.
Lying underneath her cool linen sheets, Maria stared at the ceiling and listened to the
noise coming from the yard. It sounded like cursing, but she could only catch a few random
pieces of words. There was a sudden smash of broken glass and she realised that Max was drunk.
I hope he doesn't wake up Lonia's children with that racket, She thought ruefully. Good luck
explaining to them about "the drunk, wife-beating scientist next door." God.
Some time later, the noise died down to Max stumbling back into the house. Maria
pretended to be asleep and listened as his footsteps crossed the threshold of the bedroom door,
and went about half a meter before he lost his balance and fell over himself.
"Damn floor moved," he slurred as he got up and crawled onto the bed. Maria felt a hand
groping for her, and angrily flipped over. She lay stiffly and waited for him to give up.
Mercifully, he soon did as he passed out in a drunken stupor.
"Jerk," muttered Maria, and finally let herself drift off to sleep.
September 1944
If Fall 1944 had a theme, for Maria it was worry. More specifically, it was worry about
parents. Germany was losing the war and was being bombed by the British and the Americans.
Frequently she would call her parents, or Max's, on the telephone to make sure they were still
safe and healthy. Lonia, whose parents were rather elderly, moved her family to stay with them
for a year, worried just like Maria about what the war might deal them. Before she left, Lonia
had given Maria her old maternity clothes, saying it was the least she could to since she
probably couldn't make it for the birth in March. Maria promised to send her weekly updates,
and they shared a tearful goodbye.
Now that she was on her own all day and getting bored, Maria decided to explore the
countryside around her, and embarked on a series of daily walks, Lilli excitedly running
alongside her.
For the first little while, they walked along quiet roads stretching past acres of
farmland, found pleasant country lanes and cottages, and greeted people they met along the
way. Lilli investigated every gatepost and tree of interest, and happily chased the dry leaves
twirling down from their branches. It was on these walks that Maria first felt her baby
kicking inside her, and heard her intuition saying that it was a boy. She felt calmer and
safer out here, away from the noisy town and the German soldiers occupying it. She felt calm
away from Max.
There was a puzzle in the countryside, however, that Maria wanted to solve. There was a
funny, sweetish smell in the air, she found, which got stronger the further Southwest she
went. It had always been present, but smells seemed more pronounced now that she was pregnant,
and more disagreeable. She had asked a few people about it, but they appeared to know nothing
more than she did. Maria became more and more curious, and by October she was determined to
find the source.
Lilli, for some reason, liked the smell even less. She would whine as they got to a
particular forested area, standing in one place and looking back towards home. Maria wasn't
about to ignore her pet's odd behaviour, and began to leave Lilli in the house whenever she
went out to investigate. The dog had obviously discovered something she hadn't. Something
about the smell was frightening her.
On a cool, overcast afternoon, Maria put on a winter coat and set out on what she hoped
would be her final quest to get to the smell's source. She had narrowed the field down to the
deeper part of the thicket Lilli disliked, within view of the nearby Sola River. Reaching it,
she found herself becoming nervous, and paused at the edge of the wood to calm herself before
starting into the shadows.
The smell, as Maria continued, became stronger and stronger, and she tried to breathe
through her mouth to block it out. It was sweet but rancid, like burning sugar or fat. Is it a
factory? Maria wondered. Or some kind of depository?
She saw ahead of her that the trees thinned out into a small clearing. Reaching it, she
heard a humming sound and looked across to where the forest thickened again. Through the
branches she could see a brick building and an imposing fence with what looked like a white
sign on it. This had to be where the smell was coming from!
Carefully trying to stay hidden, Maria finally reached the fence, but quickly backed
away. As the sign boldly declared, it was humming with thousands of volts of electricity.
She clapped her hands over her mouth to keep from crying out at how close she had just come
to death. There was a sudden yell from somewhere on the other side of the fence, and finding
the edge of the brick building, Maria peered in at a sight she wished dearly was a nightmare
she could wake up from.
There were people everywhere. Starving, beaten, cadaverous people, more dead than alive,
in striped uniforms like prisoners wore. There were SS officers with guns and dogs, ordering
the people into rows. Maria saw that the prisoners wore something like a badge on their chests.
Yellow badges which, she realised in horror, were Stars of David. Blood pounding in her ears,
Maria felt her heart plunge into her guts as she uneasily followed the bricks of the building
beside her with her eyes, up until they formed rows of chimneys.
And with that terrible sight, it all came together. Where the Jews had gone. What Hitler
had meant by a solution to the "Jewish Problem."
Why Max was called to Poland.
There was the sound of a gunshot and Maria turned and ran. She ran through the forest.
She ran across the fields. She ran, half-crazed with fear and she didn't stop running until
she was back inside her house, locking the deadbolt on the front door.
Lilli ran to her owner, barking and whimpering as if to ask what was wrong. Maria was
leaning against the door, crying hysterically. Presently, she felt the little dog pawing
worriedly at her leg and kneeled down to pick her up.
"They're dying, they're dying," she sobbed, and pressed her face to Lilli's warm,
velvety brown fur, letting the dachshund gently lick the tears from her face.
Dizzy from running and crying, Maria felt a wave of nausea hit her. Putting down Lilli,
who followed behind, she ran into the washroom and was violently sick.
When Max arrived home, he found his wife sitting on the floor beside the toilet, staring
at the floor and looking pale and upset. Assuming she was nauseous from the pregnancy again,
he put a hand on her shoulder and looked for her eyes hidden by her hair.
Don't touch me, she wanted to scream, you're a monster. But she was too exhausted, and
simply sat unmoving until he kissed her head and left the room.
November 1944
"And how are you two doing?"
"Oh, we're fine," answered Maria lightly. She just couldn't bear to tell Max's mother about
the things that really went on. It would break her heart.
"So do you still feel like it's going to be a boy?" asked her mother-in-law excitedly.
"I think so." Maria shifted the phone onto her shoulder and sat down on a kitchen chair.
Standing up was a lot of work with an active baby competing in the Olympics on her bladder.
"Have you picked out any special names yet?"
"I know exactly what I'm going to call him," Maria replied happily. She looked down at
her stomach and smiled as she thought of her baby's namesake. "I'm going to call him Josef."
