READ THIS BEFORE YOU CONTINUE!!!

Hey y'all *cringes*

I actually hate that slang word...but I'm in a super good mood today so...

Okay...Well let's see first order of business...

No I didn't know that 1984 is a favorite book of Adam's...I just happen to be reading it for my Lit class...though I haven't finished yet...oops. That was totally coincidental.

And yes the wiggling the fingers...I like memorize the things I read and watch. (Does anybody want to hear me repeat all of Lilo and Stitch? *those in the thread back away* Or not...) My friends say it's my one and only true gift from God.

Thanks for the reviews...and there was somebody who said about Gordo not wanting to be matched with Sarah...oh jeez I have the most obvious plot line don't I?

*cracks up*

Oh JEEZ I'm seriously beginning to lose it. Well because I hate keeping you guys waiting and I know the last chapter sucked majorly (reason why my review number was down to like...nil) This one will be better...more sappy, happy, fluffy romance.

I'm working on another story too, more g/l...FUN, FUN!!! Tee heee..*COUGH*

Okay one more thing, Gordo's parent's are named Howard and Roberta. Well that sure confuses me, because the last time I checked NEITHER one of them were Jewish/Hebrew names. And with a middle name like Zephyr, you'd think they'd have names like "Adam, Simon, or Hannah, Ruth" But whatever. So I'm sticking with Daniel and Hannah.

Disclaimer: Lizzie McGuire does not belong to the J~Fo...it in fact belongs to those at Disney Studios and Mr. Stan Rogow and company. Sarah Felderman and her parents though are proudly owned by the J~Fo...and are currently not for sale. Thank you!

--

Hamlet, Irony and the Matchmakers

She dialed the numbers cautiously, even if she did manage to get through, who's to say that she would even have to time to listen?

She slammed the phone back down.

"OH HELL!" She shouted. Hadn't she sworn, absolutely sworn that she would call ONCE A WEEK?? Her hands were shaking; she was the most god-awful pathetic excuse for a friend. They had spoken once, ONCE, only that one time a week after the move. A week after being stranded in the middle of a big city, with hundreds of people around her, talking so fast she couldn't get a breath in.

But that's when the phone rang.

"Hola!" she said quickly, trying to hide her irritancy.

"Um...sorry...I'm a French girl." A voice replied, a warm voice, a familiar voice, an AMERICAN VOICE.

"LIZZIE?"

"Hey Miranda." Lizzie replied.

"OH MY GOD!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM TO HEAR YOUR VOICE!!!"

"Miranda, chill you're yelling." Lizzie started to giggle.

"You, you just have no idea how nice it is to have a conversation with someone in ENGLISH."

Lizzie started to laugh. "Mexico that bad, eh?"

"BAD??? BAD???!!! YOU CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE HOW MUCH IT SUCKS!!"

"Well somebody needs to vent, so spill. What's your school like, what are your teacher's like? Got any new amigos? Maybe a bueno boyfriend?"

"Lizzie, whatever you do, don't go anywhere near a place that speaks Spanish...your accent is terrible."

She smiled, "I know..."

"So as an answer to your question, did you ever notice the little thing on the bottom of your screen, "SAP"?"

"Yeah..."

"Well we get "SAP" Transmitted in good 'ol El Espaniol. Did you have ANY idea what it's like to watch DUBBED episodes of FRIENDS?"

"Can't say that I'd know..."

"Yeah, well you know how Ross sounds retarded in English?"

"Well yes..."

"Okay multiply that by like a thousand!"

"Ewwwww!" Lizzie squealed.

"And hearing Joey say '?Que Pasa?' is nothing like 'How you doing?'"

Lizzie giggled.

"So, how are you?" Miranda said suddenly switching subjects.

"Fine." She paused. Hadn't she called to ask her what she was supposed to do? I mean she was caught in what seemed like the worst, most confusing situation. Lizzie bit her lower lip, to tell or not to tell, that was the question.

"Fine!!! I haven't seen you in what? 3 months and all you can say is 'FINE'!" Miranda broke off then into a long ramble of Spanish.

Lizzie started laughing despite herself on the other end. She had to tell Miranda, she was after all her very best friend.

"Ok!" she cried, "I'll tell you. Good God you sound like Ricky Ricardo!"

Miranda stopped shouting. "Desi Arnez was from CUBA, Lizzie, not Mexico."

"Cuba, Mexico, you're all Spanish right?"

She heard Miranda sigh loudly.

"Sorry...I'm from Europe."

"Lizzie, there is a Spanish speaking country in Europe, it's called Spain."

"Miranda I'm from Northern Europe, France, Ireland...Germany! Now would you please STOP?? I get enough Spanish American Histoire in School."

"Histoire?..."

"History, but that isn't the point! Let's continue okay?"

"Right, so what's going on up there?"

She breathed in deeply. "Well..."

"What?" Miranda cried.

"Oh, you're just not going to believe it..." she trailed off.

"DID KATE DIE?" Miranda shouted excitedly.

"NO! Please, I wish." Lizzie was feeling exasperated five minutes into their conversation.

"Okay...well then...ETHAN ASKED YOU OUT???"

"Miranda who is telling this story, ME OR YOU???" she demanded.

"Sorry...I'm done."

Lizzie breathed in, and then breathed out slightly. "Someone did ask me out." She said softly.

"Ooooh! Who?"

"Well...he's really nice. Real smart too, and cute...and we're really very happy."

"WHO IS IT?" Lizzie nearly lost her hearing.

"Miranda, this is hard..."

"Oh, my God...Don't even say, are you going out with..." she gulped, "Not...TUDGEMAN?"

"EWWWW NO!!! Miranda what do you take me for? An idiot???" Lizzie was being to get disgusted.

"Well...he's nice...in a weird way, and he's smart...but you know he could be cute...if he wore a clean shirt."

"Umm...right... Look Miranda I need to go, my Mom's calling for dinner."

"Don't you dare hang up the phone!" Miranda said warningly. "It is NO where near dinner, so don't even try that! Who is it?"

Lizzie paused again...

"McGUIRE!!"

"OKAY! Fine...It's...It's..."

"Lizzie..."

"Gordo."

There was a silence on the other end, dead silence.

Miranda Sanchez couldn't move...did she just hear correctly? Did she hear what Lizzie said, was there static?

"Miranda?" she whispered.

The silence broke by Miranda screaming. She had dropped the cordless purple phone on the floor of her bedroom and was now doing cartwheels on her red carpet floor.

"MIRANDA???" Lizzie hollered into the receiver, she could hear her friend shouting in Spanish, good Spanish or bad she had no idea, because she didn't know a thing about the language. "MIRANDA???!!!!" But Miranda had obviously given up on the conversation, and with a sigh Lizzie hung up the phone.

"Thank God I took French."

--

A half an hour later Miranda Sanchez had managed to call Elizabeth McGuire and talk to her friend like a normal ENGLISH speaking person. Rather than a hyper Mexican jumping bean.

As it turned out, Miranda had secretly wished that her two best friends would get together. "YOU WERE MEANT TO BE!!" She kept saying, over and over till Lizzie was on the floor in stitches.

Ten minutes after Lizzie had hung up with the Screaming Spaniard the door bell rang downstairs.

It was Gordo.

"I thought you had a date with your parents tonight." Lizzie said as she closed the white oak door behind him.

"That's not until later, and I didn't feel much like cleaning house." He replied with a shrug.

"So...what do you want to do?" She asked looking him over.

"I'm just in the mood to hang." He said quickly.

And truthfully, so was she. "Sure, that sounds good. Um..." she glanced around, "Let's just go to my room, listen to some music...ya know, old stuff."

Old stuff had become the term for things they had done before becoming 'boyfriend and girlfriend', it was in Lizzie's opinion the only way to make sure nothing screwed up their friendship.

Lizzie's room was filled with soft shades of pinks and blues, and a few purples and greens. Her bedspread was a light sky blue, with a big old brass headboard and footboard.

Gordo plopped down and Lizzie turned on her stereo.

She shuffled through a few of her favorite burned CDs until she found a particular fave.

~*~(LL Cool J)

Baby, don't go... Baby, don't go...

Baby, dont go... Baby, don't go...

Baby, don't go... Baby, don't go...

(Jennifer)

Ooh... Yeah... Yeah... Yeah...

(Jennifer)

It's such a shame but I'm leaving

Can't take the way you're mistreating me

And it's crazy, but oh baby

It don't matter, whatever

Don't phase me

(LL Cool J)

I don't believe you wanna leave like this

I don't believe I just had my last real kiss

I do believe we'll laugh and reminisce

Wait a minute, don't bounce baby,

let's talk about this, man... ~*~

Gordo covered his ears, "NOT RAP!!!"

Lizzie began laughing. "Aw come on, don't you like J. Lo?"

"Lizzie did you ever look at that woman's butt?"

She gave him a "Duh" look.

"Dang...I need some guy friends."

"Yes you do!" Lizzie agreed. "Well how about..." A punk rock intro started up

~*~Yeah!...here we go. ~*~

"This is much better!" Said Gordo with approval as Good Charlottes "Anthem" blasted out of the speakers.

She smiled as he mouthed along to the lyrics with a big happy grin on his face.

It's a new day, but it all feels old

It's a good life, that's what I'm told

But everything, it all just feels the same

At my high school, it felt more to me like a jail cell, a penitentiary

My time spent there it only made me see

That I don't ever wanna be like you

I don't wanna do the things you do

I'm never gonna hear the words you say

And I don't ever wanna.

I don't ever wanna be.you.

Don't wanna be just like you

What I'm saying is this is the anthem

throw all your hands up

you.don't wanna be you

Go to college, a university, get a real job

That's what they said to me

But I could never live the way they want

I'm gonna get by and just do my time

Out of step while they all get in line

I'm just a minor threat, so pay no mind

Do you really want to be like them,

Do you really wanna be another trend,

Do you wanna be part of that crowd

Cause I don't ever wanna.

I don't ever want to be you.

Don't wanna be just like you

What I'm saying is.this is the anthem

Throw all your hands up.you.

Don't wanna be you. ~*~

"This is song is so you!" she cried. Gordo could have cared less about what people thought, the biggest thing she admired about it him.

~*~(Shake it once, that's fine, shake it twice that's okay.

shake it 3 times your playing with yourself again.)

You.

Don't wanna be just like you,

What I'm saying is..this is the anthem

Throw all your hands up

Y'll got the feeling, sing if you're with me

You.don't wanna be just like you (just like you)

This is the anthem, throw all your hands up

Y'll got the feeling, sing if your with me

Another loser anthem (whoa)

"Okay...new song..." He insisted as it ended.

"How about..." she perused her choices.

~*~An old man turned ninety-eight

He won the lottery and died the next day

It's a black fly in your Chardonnay

It's a death row pardon two minutes too late

Isn't it ironic ... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

Who would've thought ... it figures ~*~

"You know..." he began to chuckle, "This is a lot like us."

"What Ironic?" she asked glancing over at him.

"Yeah. I mean here we were, having each other right there forever, and yet, we chose to ignore it."

She sat down next to him and brushed a strand or blonde hair out of her light eyes. "Maybe that's good though. We can spend more time making up for all the minutes we missed."

He smiled. "Yeah." He put an arm around her shoulder and she fell backwards on the bed, looking right into his blue eyes.

~*~Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly

He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye

He waited his whole damn life to take that flight

And as the plane crashed down he thought

'Well isn't this nice...'

And isn't it ironic ... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

Who would've thought ... it figures~*~

"You're so beautiful..." he whispered looking at her.

She couldn't talk. This was just too perfect.

~*~Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

When you think everything's okay and everything's going right

And life has a funny way of helping you out when

You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up

In your face ~*~

"But what if..." but her words were cut off as his lips brushed hers.

~*~It's a traffic jam when you're already late

It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break

It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife

It's meeting the man of my dreams

And then meeting his beautiful wife

And isn't it ironic... don't you think

A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

Who would've thought ... it figures~*~

He kissed her for a long time, his hand running though her soft blonde hair and she had suddenly forgotten just what she wanted to say. But it didn't matter now...

This was right, more Ironic than she would have liked...but completely perfect.

~*~Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out

Helping you out ~*~

--

An hour later Gordo entered through the front door of his house. He'd a nice time at Lizzie, they didn't kiss forever, because after a while they started laughing when Shania Twain's "I'm Gonna Getcha Good" came on.

He was humming under his breath as he walked into the spacious kitchen.

"Don't wantcha for the weekend-

Dont wantcha for a night

I'm only interested if I can

have you for life- yeah

I know I sound serious-

and baby I am

You're a fine piece of real estate,

and I'm gonna get me some land..."

"Someone is in a happy mood." Remarked his mother warmly.

"Huh?" He was spacing.

"You're singing David, you never sing."

"Yeah, well it's just a really good song." That song was now permanently written in his brain.

"You don't listen to country." Said his father, who was straightening a picture on the wall.

"Oh, yeah well..."

"Oh Daniel they probably played at the Digital Bean while he was eating."

Ooop, yeah, he had told him that's where he was going. "Yeah that's it."

"David do me a favor, while the Felderman's are here, how about saying 'yes' for a change? Hmmm? Now go upstairs and change." His mother commanded, as she stirred a pot on the stove.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" He demanded looking down at his mismatched plaid and stripes.

"I can't believe you asked that." Hannah shook here head. "Now go put on kakis and a nice clean shirt."

"I always wear clean shirts." He cried incredulously.

"Well then what's that stain on your shirt?" Hannah pointed to a spot on the navy shirt he was wearing under his the plaid over one.

"That's a faded decal!"

"Sure..." Hannah answered in an unconvincing voice.

He rolled his eyes, how many more years till college?

--

Ding-dong!

"I got it!" he shouted trampling down the stairs. It was half-an-hour after the clean clothes incident and he looked fresh and clean, and a lot like a jock. He sighed, his cargo kakis where just not him At least he'd kept on his red high tops. His mother would flip, but he didn't care.

Yanking upon the front door, he found three people on his door-step.

"Hello there, you most be Dauvid." It was Mr. Felderman, and he had a strong Polish accent.

"Why yes I am, welcome Mr. Felderman."

Simon Felderman entered the house, his short and pretty brunette wife, Ruth was right behind him, followed by a young girl of about fifteen. She had curly brown hair, and large, dark, wide eyes; Sarah.

"Hi." She smiled warmly.

He felt extraordinarily funny. Something wasn't quite right, he felt...well...embarrassed.

"Ruth!" cried Hannah, as she emerged from the kitchen, an apron covered in a daffodil print still wrapped around her thin waste.

"Hello, hello!" she greeted Mrs. Gordon with a hug and warm smile.

"Come into the kitchen; DANIEL THEY'RE HERE!!; Would you like anything to drink?"

Gordo didn't follow the pack of guests and neither did Sarah.

"Could I talk to you, privately, for a second?" She asked very politely.

"Uh...yeah-sure." He opened the front door for her, and followed her out into the soft, cool May evening.

"I'm not sure if you know or not..." she began.

He noticed then that she was wearing a very odd dress. It was a light green flower print, with a high neckline and quarter length sleeves, and the dress went below her knees. It donned on him that the Felderman's weren't nice about letting her wear whatever she chose, and it had to cover all the essentials.

His mind slipped back into focus as she said, "Do you know the reason why I'm here tonight David?"

"I wish I knew, my parents totally sprung this on me. And call me Gordo, everybody does." He answered.

"Well, they're trying to put us together." She answered quickly.

"What do you mean 'Put us together'?" He looked at her quizzically.

"They figure that maybe we'll hit if off and end up getting married or something."

"THEY WHAT?" This was almost too much. "How could they?"

"Listen, don't get upset, it'll be okay, really."

"No..." Gordo began.

"Really think about it, we can just play along, and 'pretend'."

"Uh..."

"Look, Gordo, I don't want you to be offended, but you seem very nice, I don't think this would ever work..."

"Excuse me? Sarah I didn't even consider making you the love of my life or anything..."

"Good, because I already have one." She answered.

"You have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, his name is Greg; we've been dating since September. I never told my parents though. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Wait, why didn't you tell your parents?"

"Because he's not Jewish."

Gordo started laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny?"

After he finally had calmed himself down he said, "My family is the same exact way! I've been dating my best friend for a little while now."

"You're best friend?"

"It's a long story."

She raised an eyebrow. "Alright, well I won't ask."

"So...what do you suggest we do?" he asked.

"Well I think we can be good friends."

"Yeah, truly we have a lot in common I think."

"So we'll just hang out all the time."

"And we can make other parents think that we really like each other."

"Oooh, that's perfect!" she said excitedly.

So they walked around the Gordon's house about twenty times discussing just how they were going to finesse this.

"Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. Find me a find, catch me a catch. Matchmaker, matchmaker, look through your book And make me a perfect match." She sang loudly.

He started to laugh, and joined in with her (because his voice wasn't really that bad)

"Matchmaker, matchmaker, I'll bring the veil. You bring the groom, slender and pale. Bring me a ring, for I'm longing to be The envy of all I see."

They were in hysterics by the time Mrs. Gordon opened the back window and yelled loudly for dinner.

So they went inside, but they had a secret, and Gordo was glad he had somebody to share it with.

--

Well there you go, I still have to do the date he has with Lizzie but that isn't until next week's episode!

I love reviews, but you don't have to, (really) and constructive criticism people!! I want some.

And one fave, if you do leave a review can you give me your e-mail (if that won't be invading your privacy) I should send back a message to everybody who sends one and thank them.

Thanks all!!

~The J~Fo