RJ loved food.
Hell, he probably loved it just as much as he cared for the Hedgies.
However, there was one food item that was clearly more cared for than anything other piece of food they had.
And they were Spuddies.
This was something that Heather was the first to catch onto. She noticed that whenever the Hedgies came back from a successful heist, RJ would make sure to save an extra can of Spuddies for himself. Not only that, sometimes during the heists, RJ would keep an eye out for Spuddies. Early on, it made her wonder if RJ was going to fall back into his old ways, maybe it would result in RJ actually ditching them for good.
No, it wasn't happening again. Plus, eventually it was determined that RJ wasn't leaving anytime soon.
But that just raised even more questions, all of which looped back to those cans of chips. Why did he take extra precaution when it came to looking for Spuddies? Why did he keep an extra stash for himself? Why did he look like he was about to have one of those things called a heart attack when Hammy held up a can of them?
What did they even taste like?
It was one of the many mysteries surrounding the raccoon, but it was one that, since the mishap with Gladys, The Verminator, and Vincent, pretty much made this mystery the most…well…mysterious.
Maybe it was time for some answers.
"Hey, Verne." Heather spoke to the neurotic turtle, who was picking up some sticks, likely to just keep out of the way to avoid any of the porcupine kids or Hammy tripping over them. "Oh, hi Heather." He responded in his usual slow tone. "Verne, do you ever wonder what those spuddies taste like?" Heather asked, and that prompted Verne to give her a quizzical look.
"No?" Verne replied. "Why do you ask?" Uh oh, the tone in his voice already suspected mischief, which Heather wasn't initially planning on, but it was giving her an idea. Before she could think of one however, a noticeable voice and scent made its presence known. "What're y'all talking about?" Stella asked.
"I was just about to ask Verne if he knew why RJ loves those spuddies." Heather replied. "You just noticed?" Stella asked, which now caused Verne and Heather to turn their attention to her.
"What, yall didn't notice how much he loves those spuddies, or how he keeps his own stash by now?" She asked. "Seriously?"
"Jeepers, is Stella having a fight with Tiger for the first time?" A southern sounding voice sounded out. Now joining the fray was Penny, Lou, and their three kids. "No, we were just wondering what the whole deal was with RJ and his Spuddies." Verne quickly spoke, sensing that Stella was close to mouthing off at Penny. Penny seemed to realize this too, as the look on her face told her that she dodged a bullet.
"RJ seems real protective of those Spuddies, I'm not sure why he seems so insistent on keeping extra for himself." Lou chimed in. "It's like he treats them as if it's the Holy Grail of food or something." A new voice chimed in, and it was at this point that Heather knew this was going to be the talking point of today once her father, Ozzie joined the fray.
"Come to think of it, what was it that he said before he did that distraction on Vincent?" Stella asked. "One just isn't enough?"
"Hi! Are we talking about food?" One more voice called out, and it was the hyperactive squirrel in Hammy. "We're talking about Spuddies and RJ's obsession with them." Heather finally chimed in. "I feel it'd be a good idea to ask him about it."
"Why not ask now?" One final voice spoke up, and up above them in a tree was the raccoon that had an obsession with Spuddies, RJ. He looked down at the Hedgies, and behind his back he pulled a can of unopened Spuddies.
"Uh…okay, what do Spuddies taste like?" Verne asked, and RJ would give him one of his trademark smirks. "You all want to know the magic of Spuddies, huh?" He asked. "Well, I could give it to you, but I have another idea."
Everyone looked up in anticipation, while Verne was clearly nervous. Usually, RJ's plans involved high risks, such as nearly getting hit by cars in order to scam some girl scouts out of their thin mints. Heck, last week involved them actually going out of the neighborhood to the amusement park to get their hands on a popcorn machine. While it was a success, they had to deal with an angry guard dog, and being shot at after they ended up in the shooting gallery.
Needless to say, Verne wasn't very keen on the idea of them ending up back at the amusement park, or any of RJ's plans.
"Give me about five minutes, and I'll tell you all the plan."
Five minutes eventually became five hours, as the group waited in anticipation by the log. It was confusing as to why RJ was taking so long, but just as they were about to walk off, RJ suddenly dropped down from the tree in front of them, landing on the log.
"Alright gang, now I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here." He spoke. "I think we have a pretty good idea." Verne replied to which RJ simply ignored him. "You're all wondering what the taste of Spuddies are like, well, I'm willing to give away…this!"
As he said that, he raised one can of Spuddies high above his head, as if he were holding a trophy of great importance, and it was clearly not a can of Spuddies. "This is what you all will be competing for in the Great Spuddies Heist!"
Welp, it was a heist.
"Wait, RJ, how does this…heist work?" Verne asked.
"I'm glad you asked my amphibious friend." RJ replied, once again ignoring Verne's annoyed correction of "reptile". "I have in my possession, one can of Spuddies that will be given out to the winner of this heist. The one who has this can by the time this twelve-hour timer goes off, will be the winner!" He said, holding up a digital timer.
"It's a free for all, for real?" Stella asked in astonishment. "Well, not exactly, you can team up if you want, but in the end, the can only goes to one, and…" RJ would beckon the Hedgies over to a blanket that was covering something. "In addition to winning this can of Spuddies, you'll get this!"
The raccoon would pull off the blanket, revealing a makeshift throne of sorts. Granted it was a yellow baby seat with a scepter that might've been from an action figure, but it was certainly a throne. "Along with this, you'll get this crown I stole from the rat king the night we went to get that projector." He spoke.
"So, the winner gets a throne, a crown, and a can of Spuddies, how does this heist even go?" Verne asked.
"Simple! In these woods are a special can of Spuddies marked with a few stickers we got from that first grader's backpack." He spoke. "I still feel a bit bad about that one." Verne mumbled. "Relax Verne, a few weeks ago, that girl pushed another kid, as far as I can tell, she deserved it." RJ replied.
"Was it an accident?" Verne asked.
"Not sure. Anyways, remember, whoever has the can by the time the timer goes off, wins the heist."
As he said that, he kicked a branch behind him, causing something to fall out of the tree above him.
Once it landed, it appears to be an empty can of Spuddies, covered in a lot of pink. Upon closer inspection though, it was covered in unicorn stickers...
The stickers that were gotten from the backpack from the girl who may or may not have pushed another kid on purpose.
"Let the Great Spuddies Heist begin!"
So, I recently rewatched this movie and I just enjoyed it so much that I couldn't help but write a story about a movie I saw when I was about 7. It's just a really fun movie that I honestly love more than I should.
I also realized the Halloween Heists from Brooklyn Nine-Nine would fit so well in here, so why not?
Also, not sure yet if I'll include shipping, but who knows, things could change.
Anyways, get ready for one of the wildest and wackiest adventures of the Hedgies yet, and they don't even leave the hedge! Or do they?
See you when I see you!
