Chapter Three: Burned Bridges and Beyond (Jack)

I never wanted to be a hero or god-like in some kid's eyes. When I started that strike it was because I was fed up with working for just above nothing day in and day out. I did it to show them hot shots in their fancy offices that we're just as human and every bit as important as they are. I didn't expect, nor did I want, the fame I received afterwards. You can credit that to my teenage stupidity if you want, but I'm not joking around.

I got a lot of respect after the strike. Kids on the street would recognize me and run up to talk to me. Or grown men would tip there hats as they passed by me. A lot of girls approached me too. In general I was known. And respected. And liked.

And I hated every moment of it.

Maybe that's hard for anyone to believe. That a dirty, orphaned newsie like me wouldn't want all that stuff. Sometimes it's even hard for me to believe it. But for some reason I enjoy being the 'nobody' I was before all this mess. I had somewhere to sleep, enough money to buy food with and friends that trusted me. Who needed more than that?

I think that's why I ended up going over to Brooklyn. Spot was the only person I knew who has ever had to deal with something like this before. Besides that though, was the fact that I'm not very welcome in Brooklyn. After the strike it just got worse. I don't know why, but I don't think they liked me being such close friends with Spot, but I never asked them so I can't be for sure. All I know was that after the constant flow of praise I was getting from Manhattan and Queens alike, the open glares and unpleasant tones with which Spot's boys greeted me with were actually quite appreciated.

I don't know why I kissed him in the first place. Caught up in my own thoughts I suppose. (I really do think to much) I remember watching him and noticing for the first time that he wasn't all that bad looking. Short, yes, and not all that muscular either, but his eyes. . . his eyes might have been what made me kiss him. They're clear and blue, but strangely deep. They're nice eyes to just stare at.

If my own kissing him surprised me, then what really stunned me was whenever I went over their to talk after that we'd always end up kissing. And we were never caught. I figured Spot must've told his boys to back off when I came around. But I'm not for sure on that either. For sure, the only thing I knew was that somewhere between the talking and kissing I fell for him.

Hard.

And that's why I kept going back. Kept letting him have his way with me. Love will give you illusions and it'll kill you if you let it. I almost let it too.

You can't possibly understand what being with Spot was like. No one could even begin to comprehend the feelings I got. This mixture of icy denial and fiery lust. It was like he had this war fighting, boiling just beneath his soul. Half of him telling him that doing anything with me was wrong. While the other half was whimpering, moaning and clawing at my back like a wild and tortured animal. But like I said, love will screw with your mind and make you believe things that aren't really there. It probably didn't hurt that I could fool myself either.

I broke it up when the fooling around ended and the blinds finally lifted from my eyes. He pleaded, asked, yelled, in fact, the only thing he didn't do was get down on his knees and beg me not to go. I won't say he didn't need me. Because I think he did. I think he'd gotten use to the nighttime sex and the daytime forgetting. I think in some sense he crave it. Like an addiction or something.

What I found was weird was that towards the end he became so much gentler. Like he sensed I was going to leave soon. Normally he was really rough. I'm not certain if that was because I was another guy or what, I just remember the end being kinder, gentler, easier on my body in general. Just little things, ya know. Like instead of biting he would just nip and while he normally scratched and dug his nails into my back, then it was just soft caresses. I don't know what made him change so drastically and perhaps I never will.

I won't deny that I was hung up on him for the longest time. But if you were me you would be too. He's like this fire that smolders even after you've thrown water on it. Or rather, that's how my feelings for him were. I guess I'll have to thank Race for dousing the smolders with ice and ending it completely.

I have a lot to thank Race for.

For one, he was there for me, and somehow he knew everything about Spot and me. He's a great listener and that's what he did then. He listened and helped me whenever he could. Just him being there helped like you wouldn't believe. That little gambler has quite the presence for being barely 5'5. Not that I mind his height. Hmm. . .first Spot and now him. I must have a thing for short guys.

Spot's kisses and everything beyond, like I said earlier, were a mixture of lust, denial, desire and a few other haphazard emotions thrown in for good measure. Race's kisses are different. I'm not saying better, (You see, Spot has the fuller lips to nibble and tease, but Race has the more talented tongue) just different. Because, through them I could tell that he loved me. Which was something I wasn't used too. But I recognized the emotion that I had once reserved for Spot.

It took me longer to fall for Race than it did for Conlon. Mostly, I think, because I've been friends with Race longer and I was more guarded the second time around. It helped that he already knew and understood about the Spot situation. He even went as far as telling me he thought Spot actually loved me now and that he'd understand if I wanted to go back to him.

Sometimes, Race isn't all that bright.

That night has to be one of the greatest of my entire life. (Even if I am only eighteen years old) Besides my mother when I was real little, he was the first person to say he loved me. And you couldn't imagine (even if I was able to explain it to ya) how much that meant to me. So I said it back and really knew that what I said was true. The rest of the night went just as well if you catch my drift. Though I was almost certain someone would wake and come down stairs to find out what was going on. Race is every bit the screamer (if not more so) that Spot was. But the end result was beyond worth it. He looked absolutely irresistible with his eyes barely open in desire and his whole body covered in sweat. If I had a camera I'd have taken a picture of him. He looked THAT good.

As I'm sure you can imagine.

And things have been as close to perfect as they can possibly get since then. With the one unfortunate exception of Spot. Who knows about Race and I and seems to be on some sort of personal crusade to bring Race down anyway he can. Which I don't really understand. Unless Race was right after all. . .

. . . Nah. I don't believe it. And I won't unless he says it too my face. And even then I'd be a little leery. I mean, this is Spot Conlon we're talking about. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe he's even human! Humans show emotion. We feel. I'm not so sure that he does, or can do, either.

I don't mean to sound bitter, but, well, I guess in a way I am. Wouldn't you be? He used me. USED ME. I can't just forgive and forget something like that. No one in their right (or left) mind could. I suppose, though, that someday I'll be able to let the whole thing go. Let it blow over me, a process that might be speeded up since I have Race here now. But the rejection still has it's own after stings.

I wouldn't classify myself as a sadist, (David told me what that meant the other day, so I can actually understand it now) but when it comes to Spot, seeing him in any kind of pain would be a pleasant sight. Not to sound nasty or anything, but, he deserves it, because I know for a fact I'm not the only person he's had his way with and left.

Although, I technically left him, so I guess that analogy doesn't work.

The guys know about me and Race. We weren't all that concerned that they would find out, I mean, we were pretty obvious. (Though it took them a month after to actually figure it out) Besides, Specs and Dutchy were never that subtle either, and we just joked with them but let things be. Plus Mush and Blink are practically married they're so together, but they were actually surprised to see me and Race. I guess we didn't fit the stereotype or something.

"What da hell is going on in 'ere?!" Skittery's voice cracked through my thoughts. Which were kind of consumed with what I was doing at the time. I hadn't even heard the bunkroom door open, let alone all the weary newsies wander in. Skittery broke the moment though and I sat up so fast, I smacked the back of my head on the bunk just above me.

Race and I flew apart instantly upon hearing the voice. Straightening our clothes and trying, desperately, not to look to frazzled, we even went as far as to plant perfectly innocent expressions on our faces. Even though we knew that everyone who was now openly staring at us in shock had seen enough to know exactly what was going on.

"Hey guys," Race said nervously, licking his lips slowly. I just smiled at the gang.

Skittery smirked, and crossed his arms firmly around his chest. The expression on his face wasn't one of anger, more along the lines of amusement. Like he'd been just waiting to catch us. Maybe he knew all along. Maybe. Skittery is pretty observant when he wants to be about certain things. The rest of the guys though, looked absolutely stunned and the expressions weren't going to be fading anytime soon.

"Were youse plannin on tell us about. . .dis, anytime soon?" Skittery asked eyeing us. Talking for the entire group since he seemed to be the only one that managed to keep his vocal chords working.

"Well, um, sure Skitts, jist waitin fer da right time," Race answered weakly. I only nodded to back up his statement.

"How long it been going on fer?"

Race and I exchanged guilty glances before fidgeting with our hands, unable to meet any of the guy's eyes. Since Race had been doing all the talking I decided to answer this question.

"About a month."

At this Skittery laughed - out loud - and smiled brightly down at us. "An' ta think wese jist now is finding dis out. Youse are betteah hiders den Specs and Dutchy," He gasped in between the breaths.

And that was that. Nobody asked, nobody frowned on us nobody even seemed to care. The only thing they did do was jab at us un-mercilessly whenever the chance presented itself. Especially getting at Race since I'm the leader of the boys. And because he's smaller then most of them. (Though I wouldn't want to mess with him, that little Italian could kick my ass if he wanted too)

If I were to ask me about what's going to happen after this, how things will turn out or end up like in five or ten years, I won't be able to answer you. Because honestly, I don't know. And maybe, it's better if we don't know how things are going to turn out in the end ya know? Take Spot, Race and me for example. I was with Spot and pretty much blinded by only him. So when we broke up it was one of the hardest things for me to do. But if I hadn't done it, I wouldn't be with Race now and let me tell that that, my friends, would be the greatest mistake. Something I'd have totally missed out on.

I like to think about things this way. Don't forget the stuff that happened yesterday, who knows when the information you learn then will come in handy someday? But don't let yourself focus solely on the past either. Live for tomorrow. And worry about today in only the here and now. Don't put off things you could do today til tomorrow. It'll only end up screwing you over in the near future. For being a poor newsie kid I've been living a pretty good life so far by using that advice. So learn it. Live it. Breathe it and pass it on to the next unlucky fellow.

If you never take risks then you're life isn't going to end up the way you want it to. I CAN guarantee you that much in life. So go out and do whatever you want too, when you want to it and don't let anyone tell you that you can't for some reason or not.

Because who know. Happiness and the rest of your life might be waiting for you just around the next corner.

* * *

A/N: Done! WOO HOO! Anyways, I'm happy, it's my 2nd finished fanfic and I'm always excited about things like that. Although, if anyone wants me to write another chapter on this I suppose I could. But only if enough people want me too. Because I have like six other stories I'm working on and I need to get moving on them. (Too much to do in too little a time span!) I think I'll go finish the next chapter for "Prayers and Promises" now. . or Delinquent Central. Hmm. . . or maybe I'll just go watch newsies again! (I love the DVD with all the extra stuff! It's great!) Alright, I've babbled enough. So I'll wrap this a/n up now.

Special Thanks to the following:

anUNDERCOVERnewsie: happy dances! I love happy dances!!! Lol, I'm stupid today. But thanks for the review!

SpotLover421: I finished Jack's POV. . .it's short and was really hard for me to write. Don't know why. I read the second chap, and I think you're doing a good job right now. And I love most anything with Spot too, so. . .

TheCrazyUnknown: I have a stalker!!! * dances around stupidly in giddiness * I have no idea why that makes me happy, but whatever. And I updated, don't send Spot over here, please!

Nakaia Aidan-Sun: They are cute together! Although I have no freakin clue why, they just are. And Spot and Jack are too, but recently I've been going through a whole Race/Jack thing, which is probably I haven't written anything on "Prayers and Promises" lately. . .I probably should now though. Thanks for the review anyways! It is greatly appreciated. Oh, and you have to update "The Cowboy and the Gambler". It's on my favorites list and well, I need Race/Jack stories! You mentioned that you didn't know if you were going to post the 2nd chapter, but if you don't could you at least email me and send it there so I could read it? I'd love you forever. And if you wanted to write more to send to me that would be cool too. . . * whistles innocently *