Again, much thanks to my awesome beta and also to Mariana for the help with Portuguese, and an extra thank you to Etherealtrail for helping out with a first read through on the chapter
November 16th, 1981
Terra was working deep in the jungles of the Amazon Rainforest with a unique species of magical serpent when she received communication from Remus about their friend's passing.
Their murder.
It was a small comfort to hear that their son had survived.
One international portkey and two jet-lagged apparitions later, she finally made it to their gravesite and broke down. For her, having Lily as her only real point of contact since graduation and only constant friend, the grief hit hard. She had no idea how long she'd been kneeling in front of their graves when she felt someone's hand on her shoulder, but it was after dark.
Terra lunged to her feet, wand out in an offensive stance as she spun around, then froze when she was met with an achingly familiar ebony gaze. Merlin, Severus looked so worn and broken with dark circles under his eyes and an uncharacteristic slump to his shoulders. She threw herself at him with a cry and buried her face in the soft wool of his robes as she started crying once again. Both in loss, and relief, because he was still alive and free.
Severus wrapped an arm around her waist, the other going around her shoulders while his cheek pressed against the top of her soft brown hair. He had been surprised to see her tonight but, gods he was glad that she was here, even if she was crying on him. His eyes slid shut while he listened to her sobs, his hold tightening around her, glad to have someone to grieve alongside him.
With a deep inhaling breath, Terra let his familiar scent of cedar and herbs wash over her senses until she finally calmed. She could feel his hand rubbing gently between her shoulder blades and hear his heartbeat, strong and steady in his chest, a wonderful reminder that he really was there. And, as she calmed more, she could feel a piece of her magic thrumming somewhere on his person. Her letter, still unopened, but carried with him even now.
Feeling her hands move between their bodies to rest where her face was against his chest, Severus slowly loosened his hold. He took half a step back and watched her rub at her face with the heels of her hands. "I'm sorry I couldn't reach you sooner. I was…detained for questioning."
Terra's brows furrowed. "Why? I mean, in Brazil, I got a letter from Remus, but he didn't say anything other than…" She trailed off and savagely wiped at her eyes again when tears started to reform.
Severus sighed tiredly and moved to steer her away from the gravestone. He didn't want to talk right in front of Lily's grave, not about this. Once they reached the edge of the graveyard, he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to her before speaking. "I was arrested for being a marked death eater and held in a lower level cell in Azkaban until the Headmaster could get me a trial. I know I haven't written at all but…"
He sighed and ran his fingers through his long black hair. "I defected and became a spy for Headmaster Dumbledore around the same time I was hired on to be a teacher at the school. Potions Professor no less."
Terra laughed softly. "You must hate that, all those brainless teenagers ruining potions left and right."
"Indeed." Severus watched her wring the handkerchief between her fingers. "I apologize that I never wrote. And for never opening this."
He reached into the inner pocket of his frock coat and drew out her letter, folded and worn from being handled multiple times. "I could feel your magic on this and it helped me get through the roughest days of learning that I was a fool."
She smiled, nothing how his long fingers absently rubbed the sides of the envelope. "I'm glad for that then."
The corners of his lips twitched upwards in a half-smile and he met her eyes, taking a moment to study her face. "I could remember you and that foreign phrase whenever I looked at it." He paused, lips parted. A finger stilled on the envelope. "Whenever I focused on the feel of your magic."
Another soft laugh escaped her and she shook her head. "Você é como minha sombra e roubou meu coração. Mesmo que você seja espinhoso como um lindo ouriço." She wrinkled her nose in amusement. "It is translated in there, when you're ready to open it."
He hummed softly and looked back down at the envelope before tucking it back into his pocket. "Perhaps I will save it for another time. How is your mastery coming along?"
"Oh, I'll have it finished next summer if this serpent nest doesn't go badly. Newt wanted me to go back to Romania and work with the dragon reserve again. But..I like not being set on fire."
"Yes…imagine that. Not wanting to become flambe."
Terra laughed again, a melancholic sound. "Mostly it's because in the Amazon I am also a predator and not just prey. I like dragons well enough, but I like my feathers even more."
"Oh? I was unaware that you were an animagus."
She nodded. "A snowy owl, seven black bars on each wing and annoyingly diurnal."
"A useful form. I'm sure it has come in handy for some of your apprentice work."
"Well…it certainly pays dividends on the nights of the full moon. Come to find out, the Amazon has a very unique population of werewolves."
Severus narrowed his eyes. "You go out on those nights?"
"Sometimes I have to. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find winged serpents with a Lumos? To hell with that. I will risk werewolves so I don't end up serpent food, thank you very much. Besides, they're stunning in the moonlight. Silver feathered wings and jet black bodies…and during breeding season they have a bioluminescence that makes them look like spirits. Serpentos dos Mortos as my guides call them." Terra smiled in remembrance. "It's worth it just to see that. When I get back I'll have to pack up some of the scales and stuff to send you."
"Now that is intriguing. Do the scales maintain the bioluminescence after they're lost?"
"Some do. But I suspect you'll be more interested in their venom and feathers."
He nodded thoughtfully then cast a wandless tempus. "Have you eaten?"
"No, it's been a long day of traveling and arranging the portkey."
"Then let us go find somewhere in Muggle London to eat and you can tell me what else you've studied."
"Sounds reasonable to me, meu coração." She grinned when he shook his head. "Translations Severus, learn more languages."
"I suppose now I have time to do so. But first," He reached over and pulled her against his side. "Food. I'm going to assume you're fine with side along?"
"Of course."
Twenty minutes later they were seated in the back corner of Maggie Jones Restaurant in Kensington, a pint of Guinness in front of each of them.
Terra smiled at the waitress as she set her order of fish and chips down in front of her. Delightedly eyeing her greasy basket of food, she picked up one of the hot chips and popped it in her mouth with a happy groan of enjoyment.
Severus lifted one dark eyebrow, a small uptick at the corner of his mouth while he watched her blissfully eat another greasy chip dipped in the provided curry sauce. "You know, I don't think I have ever seen anyone go into raptures over chips and curry before."
She grinned and broke a piece of flaky fish off. "You've never been stuck in the jungle with very limited food sources. Nothing fried and everything is very, very, organic. This!" She held up the fried fish. "This is manna from the gods and the curry is so amazing. It has flavor!"
He shook his head and picked up his own fish. "I can only imagine how pudding will make you react."
A shiver danced through her body. "Is it bad that I can feel my toes curling at the thought of it? I can get very fresh cocoa powder pretty easily but anything with sugar always brings out the bugs. The ants there are vicious and voracious when they get even a whiff of sugar."
"Viciously voracious vermin veering vainly towards you camp?" His lips curled into a full smile when she laughed at his alliteration. "Learn from experience, did you?"
Terra shook her head and chewed another piece of fish, swallowing before she answered. "Merlin, no! I'm a yank, I've seen the way insects swarm anything sugary. Had a guy from Iceland join us for the first month out and he had brought all sorts of junk with him. The third night in the bush he comes screaming out of his tent, covered in ants, poor bastard. Took an hour for us to get all of them cleared from camp. Turns out the idiot had fallen asleep with candy wrappers in his cot."
She picked up her Guinness. "First mistake on his part anyway. Most of us slept in hammocks with netting and repelling charms around us."
He watched as she took a long drink from her Guinness then shifted when her tongue darted out to clear foam from her upper lip. "Are you still in a group with him?"
"No, thank fuck. He was a class A prick with no sense of personal boundaries. I had to set wards around my assistant's sleeping area because he kept harassing her. Honey badgers are still fantastic deterrents."
Severus shifted again when she smiled and licked curry from her thumb after dipping a chip a little too enthusiastically. "Have...you met anyone interesting since you left?"
"Oh sure, got to meet Queenie Goldstein when Newt dragged me to New York for Christmas. That was a lesson on how to shield my mind. That woman would bring up everything that crossed my thoughts until I could block her. Then there was the Shoshone medicine man who taught me how to center and calm myself so I could safely work with the more elementally inclined creatures."
A small, soft smile curved her mouth. "He tried to marry me off to his twelve year old grandson. Flattering but unrealistic by any stretch. Even if the kid was adorably scowly and serious all the time. He kind of reminded me of a younger version of you from school. Just, you know, with feathers and beads in hair that went down to his waist. Fecking adorable."
"Maybe you will change your mind once he is an adult?" Severus actually hoped that would not be the case. Especially when she dipped her index finger in the curry sauce and sucked it off with a slow drag past her lips.
Terra snorted. "Not likely. For one, I would have to stop traveling indefinitely. He's tapped to be the next Shaman and they draw their power from the land they call home. For another, querido coração, my path has always led back to England one day." She looked down at her Guinness in thought. "Well, that's always been my hope anyway. I suppose I will have to check on Lupin at some point, make sure the moron hasn't lost himself to the wolf."
"Ah…so the wolf draws you back?"
"No, as one of my friends he gets the added benefit of my not setting honey badgers on him if he's being stupid." She looked up at the clock hanging over the mantle and sighed. "It's late, I've officially been awake for twenty-two hours and, in spite of my desperately wanting sweets, I know you're itching for an argument or something. Just say whatever it is you want to say, Severus."
He sighed as well. "I am not itching for an argument Terra. Stressed, certainly, not looking forward to returning to the school and dealing with the inevitable landslide of howlers from concerned parents, most definitely. Running into you at the graveyard was a…" His fingertips drummed on the table. "You were, and are, the only person to accept my choices and the way I am as a part of who I am. You never tried to change me or tell me I was being an idiot. Though I suspect the thought did cross your mind."
Terra smiled and reached out, covering his fingertips with her hand. "I was afraid for you, yes. But I understood your reasoning and what you hoped to achieve. I might not have agreed with your choice, but it wasn't my place to try and decide for you. If it had been, I would have dragged you along with me where you would be miserably tan and complaining about Guatemalan Quintapeds or something equally as ridiculous."
Ebony eyes stared down at her tanned fingers covering his own pale digits. "Where would we be in that situation, I wonder?"
She shrugged. "Probably cussing at each other from our hammocks under the world's most unrelenting downpour."
"How…unappealing." He turned his hand over so his fingertips could stroke her palm. "Nothing like soaking wet clothing to sleep in all night."
A laugh shook her shoulders. "No Severus, only a fool would stay fully clothed in an Amazonian downpour at night. I tend to keep a bikini on hand so I can quickly store or hang stuff up to wash out in the rain."
His gaze lifted to meet hers. "A bikini?"
She blinked. "Oh…I forget that you stay on the wizarding side of things here. It's a swim costume that looks…erm..like lingerie. A bra and knickers, only to swim in. Not that it's particularly safe to swim near camp right now. Our section of the river has piranhas and monstrous sized catfish, among other species."
"So you wear…the equivalent of a bra and knickers in the rain?" He continued to stroke her palm, eyes intense. "And would you be wearing that while arguing with me?"
"Of course, by that point you'd have had to pull leeches off of me more than once. No need to be shy."
"I see."
"It's all very unappealing, I know. But right now, I love it there."
"There are certain appealing aspects of your supposed scenario."
She looked down at their hands then back up to his, still intense, gaze and licked her lips nervously. "It's the leeches isn't it?"
He shook his head. "Not as much, no. Though I wonder if that species could be of any use in potions."
"Oh…"
"Now I have this visual of you almost naked, hanging up clothing in the middle of a downpour. That is appealing. No doubt you have had admirers or even a suitor to tell you as much?"
Terra swallowed. "Um...no. I try to avoid entanglements. Newt originally planned for me to complete my mastery working with a herd of Unicorns in Greenland. But I didn't want to be stuck in the snow for so long." She cleared her throat. "Though that is still my backup plan, I guess. Honestly the thought of spending the next two years studying unicorns is extremely unappealing when one considers the qualifications required to do so."
A thoughtful look settled on his face as he released her hand and sat back. "Then you would be marginally safer instead of running in a werewolf-infested jungle trying to find out more information on these flying serpents."
She sighed softly. "Sure, safer and lonely because I would be isolated with the herd." Her hands came up to scrub at her face. "That is not the direction I thought my life would be heading at this age."
"Better than ending up in Azkaban waiting for trial like I was."
"Oh I can't argue that. Can I? And Merlin knows I am beyond happy you are alright…well, as alright as one can be considering." She pushed her hair back from her face with a strangled laugh. "I'm not going to lie, it was hard not knowing how things were going for you. No one mentioned you even once and it's not like…gods, I thought I'd get a letter from Lily one day saying everything was fine. She couldn't write to me, you see? And out of everyone, she was the only one to tell me stuff."
His hands twitched then grabbed onto the edge of the table. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep her safe. I tried, you know what she meant to me."
Terra's eyes stung beneath her hands. Everyone knew what Lily Evans meant to Severus and that was a painful reminder of the uselessness of her very one-sided feelings. "Yes Severus, I know what she meant to you. And I'm very sure you did everything you could with what you had available to work with."
"And I still failed." There was a bitter edge to his voice.
"No, you did not fail her. That lies solely at the feet of Sirius Black and the Dark Lord, not you!" She uncovered her eyes and grabbed her Guinness, finishing off the remainder in one go before slamming the mug back down on the table top. "Fuck, never blame yourself meu coração. Never."
"That is easy for you to say, after all, you were in Brazil during all of this."
Terra rolled her eyes. "Deus me dê a força…do you not think that perhaps there was a reason Newt refused to let me join the war effort? Do you not believe that he and I did not clash over it? We are both Hufflepuffs, loyalty and perseverance, Severus. Newt was part of the Grindelwald conflict. He threatened to revoke my apprenticeship and bar me from ever gaining my mastery. And that ass owled Lily, who, I might add, chewed me out with a howler during her pregnancy. So yes, you are so right. It is easy for me to tell you not to blame yourself while my friends were here and I was not wanted or needed."
She stood up and tossed a wad of english pound notes on the table. "I need to go before you say something truly stupid and I lose my temper."
Severus stood as well, signaling the waitress, before following her out of the restaurant. "Terra wait." He could see her tense even as she tilted her head back and inhaled deeply. "You're right to be angry. I'm taking it out on you and…dammit this whole day started out a cunt. I don't want it to end badly, not with you."
Turning to face him, she studied him with narrowed eyes then grabbed him by the front of his transfigured jacket. "Você é meu coração, minha vida, meu tudo. I am angry, I am hurting, and I do not want to fight you. Well…" Terra grinned. "Sometimes I want to fight with you. But not tonight. Tonight I will mourn those who I have lost and celebrate those who I still have alive. You may celebrate with me if you like, or go back to the castle. It matters not what you choose because I plan to get pissed and enjoy the fact that I still have people I care about who I can talk to."
He held her gaze then nodded. "Then we celebrate, I've had two weeks to mourn and selfishly forgot that you have only just found out."
"Thank you. And I'm going to send you a Portuguese to English dictionary for Christmas next year if you never open that damn letter."
"I like having your magic on me. It reminds me that you are still alive."
She smiled and nodded then released his coat. "Fair enough. Let's go find a good pub and drink. Hopefully I can find some decent Tequila out here."
Severus rather doubted that possibility as he followed her down the road and listened to her start talking about the various storefronts they passed.
The next morning he woke up hungover and alone in her hotel room with a bottle of hangover relief sitting on top of a note.
Severus,
Thank you for not storming off last night. I needed your company more than you even knew. And I'm sorry to leave like this, my master sent a patronus about issues back at the camp that I need to deal with. I will see you again soon enough.
Você é meu coração, minha vida, meu tudo.
Agora e para sempre.
Terra
Translations
Você é como minha sombra e roubou meu coração. Mesmo que você seja espinhoso como um lindo ouriço. - You are like my shadow and have stolen my heart. Even if you are prickly like a lovely hedgehog.
Deus me dê a força - God give me the strength
Você é meu coração, minha vida, meu tudo - You are my heart, my life, my everything
meu coração - my heart
Agora e para sempre - now and forever
