After debating on whether I should take a walk somewhere that I am familiar
with and risk running into someone I know, or walking somewhere I don't
know and risk getting lost, I finally decided to just go to the park again.
I felt like I hadn't had any fresh air in days. Karl's apartment was so stuffy and hot, it could make you feel like that.
Testing my strength, I walked the whole length of the park once, finding solace in the outdoors.
When I got back to where I started, I plopped down on a nearby bench. I was sweating a lot, something I usually never do unless I'm under the bright lights when I'm working. I breathed heavily, and took off my coat. My body' temperature was really fucked up lately. Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind me.
"Hello!"
I jumped.
I turned to see who it was. It was the man with the Squeegee.
"Oh, it's just you," I said, wondering if he had been following me.
"Honest Living," he replied, cheerfully. He glanced down at me.
"You wearing the clothes." He smiled.
"What? Oh, yeah.thank you again for giving them to me."
"You is much welcome." He motioned to the restaurant where Karl and his Dad worked.
"You with nice man?"
"Karl? Yes, he's a very nice man." I'd almost forgotten about what I'd seen earlier.
"He not bad man? You with other bad man before."
"How did you know about that?" I demanded. He was starting to creep me about a bit.
He smiled, and pointed to his head. "I know. I SEE."
To my surprise, he picked up my hand in his warm gloved one.
"You stay with nice man. Be happy."
"Thank you," I said, forcing a smile. "We'll see, won't we?"
He nodded, and gave my hand a pat. He tipped his felted snow cap.
"Feliz Navidad!" he said.
"Muchos Gracias," I said, smiling.
"Tener un dia simpatico."
The Squeegee man seemed overjoyed when I began to speak to him in Spanish. He raced down the pathway, squealing 'Feliz Navidad!' to everyone he saw walking along on it. He nearly tipped over an elderly woman in a wheelchair.
Shaking my head and laughing, I leaned against the arm of the bench. It felt as if my laughter was wearing me out.
I'd just lie down for a few moments.
***************
When I woke up, it was morning.
"Shit," I cursed, scrambling to my feet.
Karl was probably going nuts with worry.
I rushed out of the park and across the street as fast as I could, and burst through the door, surprised to find an empty room.
Karl's father sat at one of the tables with his hands folded in his lap, his back turned toward me.
"Mr. Larson?" I called softly.
He didn't turn around.
I frowned. "I'm sorry I wasn't here, I know I must have worried you."
Still no reply.
"Well.I'm going to go upstairs to let Karl know I'm here."
"Don't." he said, before I could reach the first step.
I stopped.
"Why not?" I asked, nervously.
He turned to me and held out his hand, in which a sheet of paper was grasped tightly.
I took it out of his hand gently, and began to unfold it.
"Read it thoroughly. Then I'd think it best that you leave."
I unfolded the letter and read to myself;
Mimi,
When Sharon left me, I didn't think there was anything to live for. I wouldn't come downstairs to eat or work, I couldn't fall asleep at nights. My father would literally have to throw me out of bed to get me to get up And take a shower. All that changed when I met you. I know have seen the Marks on my arm. The reason Sharon left me wasn't because she thought I needed to make a better life for herself. It was because she had found out I'd given her A.I.D.S. I didn't want to live with myself anymore, knowing That because of me, an innocent person was going to die. The day you walked
Into our restaurant was the day I was planning to take my own life. I was Going to do it after my shift, so not to make my father suspicious than if I Had left in the middle of it. You're bravery amazes me. You know you have Very little time you live, yet instead of running away from it, you embrace it. However, I'm not as brave as you. I'd rather leave on my own, rather than Have God take me before I'm expecting it. Always consider me close to Your heart. We may not have had something in this life, but perhaps I'll Meet you in the next. It's a comforting thought to think that I'm going to be up There, among the stores. Smile, Mimi. While you still can.
Karl
The last sentence was blurry. The letter slipped out of my trembling fingers. Turned to Karl's father, wanting him to comfort me and tell me that it was just a mistake. He met my gaze and held it for a moment, and then buried his face into his sleeve, sobbing quietly. He got up from the chair and went upstairs slowly. I heard a door close sharply behind him.
I concentrated on the spot where he'd just been, trying to make myself believe that he hadn't been there at all, that I'd just imagined this whole thing.
But then I lowered my eyes to the ground, where Karl's letter lay, crumpled and dead, just like him, on the ground.
I took one last look around me, trying to steady my own shaking.
And then I ran.
I felt like I hadn't had any fresh air in days. Karl's apartment was so stuffy and hot, it could make you feel like that.
Testing my strength, I walked the whole length of the park once, finding solace in the outdoors.
When I got back to where I started, I plopped down on a nearby bench. I was sweating a lot, something I usually never do unless I'm under the bright lights when I'm working. I breathed heavily, and took off my coat. My body' temperature was really fucked up lately. Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind me.
"Hello!"
I jumped.
I turned to see who it was. It was the man with the Squeegee.
"Oh, it's just you," I said, wondering if he had been following me.
"Honest Living," he replied, cheerfully. He glanced down at me.
"You wearing the clothes." He smiled.
"What? Oh, yeah.thank you again for giving them to me."
"You is much welcome." He motioned to the restaurant where Karl and his Dad worked.
"You with nice man?"
"Karl? Yes, he's a very nice man." I'd almost forgotten about what I'd seen earlier.
"He not bad man? You with other bad man before."
"How did you know about that?" I demanded. He was starting to creep me about a bit.
He smiled, and pointed to his head. "I know. I SEE."
To my surprise, he picked up my hand in his warm gloved one.
"You stay with nice man. Be happy."
"Thank you," I said, forcing a smile. "We'll see, won't we?"
He nodded, and gave my hand a pat. He tipped his felted snow cap.
"Feliz Navidad!" he said.
"Muchos Gracias," I said, smiling.
"Tener un dia simpatico."
The Squeegee man seemed overjoyed when I began to speak to him in Spanish. He raced down the pathway, squealing 'Feliz Navidad!' to everyone he saw walking along on it. He nearly tipped over an elderly woman in a wheelchair.
Shaking my head and laughing, I leaned against the arm of the bench. It felt as if my laughter was wearing me out.
I'd just lie down for a few moments.
***************
When I woke up, it was morning.
"Shit," I cursed, scrambling to my feet.
Karl was probably going nuts with worry.
I rushed out of the park and across the street as fast as I could, and burst through the door, surprised to find an empty room.
Karl's father sat at one of the tables with his hands folded in his lap, his back turned toward me.
"Mr. Larson?" I called softly.
He didn't turn around.
I frowned. "I'm sorry I wasn't here, I know I must have worried you."
Still no reply.
"Well.I'm going to go upstairs to let Karl know I'm here."
"Don't." he said, before I could reach the first step.
I stopped.
"Why not?" I asked, nervously.
He turned to me and held out his hand, in which a sheet of paper was grasped tightly.
I took it out of his hand gently, and began to unfold it.
"Read it thoroughly. Then I'd think it best that you leave."
I unfolded the letter and read to myself;
Mimi,
When Sharon left me, I didn't think there was anything to live for. I wouldn't come downstairs to eat or work, I couldn't fall asleep at nights. My father would literally have to throw me out of bed to get me to get up And take a shower. All that changed when I met you. I know have seen the Marks on my arm. The reason Sharon left me wasn't because she thought I needed to make a better life for herself. It was because she had found out I'd given her A.I.D.S. I didn't want to live with myself anymore, knowing That because of me, an innocent person was going to die. The day you walked
Into our restaurant was the day I was planning to take my own life. I was Going to do it after my shift, so not to make my father suspicious than if I Had left in the middle of it. You're bravery amazes me. You know you have Very little time you live, yet instead of running away from it, you embrace it. However, I'm not as brave as you. I'd rather leave on my own, rather than Have God take me before I'm expecting it. Always consider me close to Your heart. We may not have had something in this life, but perhaps I'll Meet you in the next. It's a comforting thought to think that I'm going to be up There, among the stores. Smile, Mimi. While you still can.
Karl
The last sentence was blurry. The letter slipped out of my trembling fingers. Turned to Karl's father, wanting him to comfort me and tell me that it was just a mistake. He met my gaze and held it for a moment, and then buried his face into his sleeve, sobbing quietly. He got up from the chair and went upstairs slowly. I heard a door close sharply behind him.
I concentrated on the spot where he'd just been, trying to make myself believe that he hadn't been there at all, that I'd just imagined this whole thing.
But then I lowered my eyes to the ground, where Karl's letter lay, crumpled and dead, just like him, on the ground.
I took one last look around me, trying to steady my own shaking.
And then I ran.
