A/N: I got carried away. Hehe. And I'm posting this at 4 am, literally seeing double, so expect some mistakes here and there. But also; Enjoy!
Let It Blaze Alright
...
"Do it again."
Like the reminder of a beautiful dream, his words from the night before echoes in her head when she starts to stir in the morning. But it's essentially the sweet ache in her muscles that slowly pulls her to a semi conscious state; Her limbs feeling comfortably weakened and sated by what transpired in this bed a few hours prior.
Well, the bed, the hallway, the kitchen-
A faint smile spreads across her face when the memory turns into vivid images, making her blush as she squirms under the covers, acutely aware of the soreness between her legs.
"Do it again."
Jesus.
She turns, to face him. Opening her tired eyes only to rest them on his relaxed features; His eyes still closed, breathing steadily next to her. A sense of peacefulness seems to radiate from him, and she realizes then that she hasn't seen him like this since those early days of September, before everything changed.
There's a hickey low on his neck that she can't remember leaving, and it makes her wonder if there are any other marks on his body that she's responsible for, if he marked her in the same way. Small pieces of evidence to prove that last night was… Something else.
…
It starts in the car on their way home. When he moves a hand over to her thigh, squeezing it in a way that speaks of more than just sweatpants and cuddles on the couch when they enter the apartment in less than ten minutes.
Actually, that's a lie.
It starts when she's on stage. The bright light makes it almost impossible to find him in the crowd, but she's successful when the lecture ends, and he's there, looking at her. Looking proud, and if she's being honest, a little hungry.
So it starts on stage. And it continues in the car.
And then- Then there's the elevator ride. Usually always opting for the stairs, she pulls him towards the sliding doors instead.
His tongue is inside of her mouth before the doors close.
And when they open a minute later, his hand is already on her breast, kneading it roughly and making her breathe out a sigh of disapproval when they're forced to pull away and move down the hallway.
She's so distracted by the look he gives her behind Gigi's back, that when their nanny points out that she was just paid too much, Amanda simply rushes out a "keep it."
Anything to get Gigi out the door, and to get Carisi's tongue back in her mouth.
Then, after locking the door and turning to face him yet again; Silence, a quiet and wordless conversation shared between them. Something about "I want you" and "right now".
Seconds later, she has him up against the wall.
Something's definitely different tonight, even though she can't quite define it. But she knows that he's been holding back with her because he's been scared of hurting her.
And she's been holding back with him because, well, there's a multitude of reasons actually, tonight just isn't the night to dwell too much on that.
So when he says "do it again", it feels like a reset button.
And she does it again.
She bites his lip a second time, and then a third, and at that point, he has a hand in her hair, gently tugging at first, until she whispers his name and he pulls it, hard.
A month ago, or a week ago, maybe even three hours ago, the wince that escapes her parted lips would've made him stop. He would've stopped and looked at her with worry, he would've asked if she was ok, asked if they should stop or at least slow it down.
Not tonight.
No, when she makes that sound tonight, expressing pain and pleasure all at once, he simply grins against her mouth, pushing that reset button over and over again, allowing them this; To let go.
Her blazer is the first piece of clothing to fall to the floor, quickly joined by his suit jacket and tie, the tie that she fumbles with, making her laugh before groaning impatiently as it finally comes loose and gives into the insistent tug of her hands.
"Bed-" He breathes, moving both hands to grab her ass, pressing their bodies together to make sure that she can feel him and how much he needs her.
"Not yet." She responds, spinning them around so she's the one trapped between him and the wall, a loud thud echoing through the room when her back hits the hard surface.
Breathing fast and heavy against his mouth, she makes quick work of popping open the button of her black jeans, equally efficient with the zipper a second later before she grabs his hand.
"Fingers." She mumbles, guiding him to the top of her panties, bopping her head in encouragement.
"Fingers." He mumbles back, mirroring her nod while moving his hand between them, underneath lace, foregoing the unnecessary teasing, his journey much to determined to make any detours or pit stops along the way.
He smiles against her lips when he feels her, when he registers how her knees buckle and how her breath hitches. Realizing that if he wants, he'll have her coming in less than a minute. Unsure if he has ever felt her this ready and reactive before.
She might've whispered his name a moment ago, but now she groans it. Hips grinding to the rhythm that his hand sets for them, bucking and telling him to go lower, deeper.
"Inside?" He asks, teasing her entrance before moving over her clit again.
"Inside." She confirms, gasping when he obeys and slides into her with two digits.
"Jesus-" He whispers as her head falls back against the wall, unknowingly inviting him to latch onto her neck where he's quick to find the spot, that spot, that he has kissed so many times before. Except now there's sucking too, and teeth, and his hot breath and lowered voice close to her ear, telling her how wet she is, and how hard she's making him.
Moving his leg in between hers, he gives her the leverage she needs to ride his hand in earnest, his fingers curling inside of her while his palm firmly circles her clit, driving her closer and higher and-
"Sonny-" She whimpers, the sound of his name mixing in with the sound of his fingers working her. "I'm-" But she trails off, grabbing at his biceps, his chest, his neck, anything she can cling to as her body starts to unravel.
"Come." He says, recognizing the tremble in her thighs, her heaving chest, the pulsating sensation around his fingers.
He moves his lips from her neck to her mouth then, silencing her as she clamps down on his hand, the only thing keeping her from falling being the wall and his strong body against hers.
There's usually a time reserved for cooling down after she comes, sometimes hours, sometimes just a few minutes, time needed for her to return to earth, to steady her breaths.
But tonight? Tonight she's still riding the tail end of her orgasm, still riding him, when she places her hands against his chest.
"Bed." She moans, once again throwing her head back when he gives her a few, drawn out strokes before pulling out.
It's a good plan. But while she was the impatient one in the darkened space of their hallway, he's the one pulling at her wrist when they're about to pass through the kitchen.
"Wait."
She more or less crashes into him when she turns, but it's his hands, that strong hold on her hips that makes her pause to look up at him, wondering for a split second if he's about to step on the brakes, to ask her, for the millionth time since that day in September, if she's ok.
But no.
There's nothing but lust in his eyes, lust and something more dangerous than that, and she realizes then that they definitely won't make it to the bedroom.
So she goes in for another kiss; Open mouthed and needy, as she moves them closer to the counter, the chaotic energy between them reminding her of their first time; Ruined leggings, a courthouse stairwell, fumbling hands and hushed voices. The moment of panic when they realized no one had a condom, and the moment of reckless relief when they decided to wing it.
The energy might be similar, but it's not the same. It's never been like this.
"Do it." She whispers when he hooks his fingers in her already open, loosened jeans, catching the question in his eyes. Please, she wants to add when she sees how he briefly hesitates, glancing towards the girls' bedroom.
But the begging turns out to be unnecessary, because his hesitancy seems to evaporate as soon as it appeared, the urgency in his body made evident when he pulls her in for a kiss, giving as good as he's been getting when the tables turn and he bites down on already swollen lips before turning her around in his arms, guiding her while tugging her pants down.
He's in her before she has the chance to find her balance, making her reach out to grab blindly at the counter in front of her, discarded schoolwork, an empty bowl and a phone charger sliding off, crashing against the floor.
On any other night it would've made them freeze, bodies still while listening for sounds to make sure they didn't accidentally wake up their girls.
But tonight is different, and she can only pray that fate is on their side and that this is one of those rare nights where both of her daughters will sleep soundly in spite of the messy, beautiful chaos that is currently unfolding in their home.
It takes her a moment, but she finds her balance with the help of her elbows, head hanging low as he pushes into her from behind, making her groan and clench her teeth together, her body gradually adjusting to the abrupt intrusion.
Maybe it's the lack of sex lately, maybe it's this position, or maybe it's just the way everything feels new and almost a little foreign tonight, but either way, he seems to fill her in a way he's never done before.
It's painful and perfect and everything she's been missing, the sensation making her widen her stance, as much as she can with her jeans tugged down around her thighs, to accommodate him more than she already is.
"Fuck me." She begs, nails digging into the countertop before she reaches for the edge on the other side, fingers curling around it when she bends at the waist and he adds more muscle in his thrusts. "God, fuck me."
Losing all sense of time and space then, she lets out a piercing cry when he pulls out only to push into her, deeper than before. The sudden outburst makes him act on instinct, letting go of her hip to use his now free hand to cover her mouth.
"Quiet-" He growls, and it's the demanding, almost scolding tone in his voice that makes her clench, pushing back against him, using her body instead of her voice to let him know that she still needs more, harder, faster. And luckily, he listens, giving himself over in the same moment that she moves her hand to his, the one he's using to silence her, guiding two fingers between her lips and into her mouth.
A mumbled "fuck" fills the room as she twirls her tongue around his fingers, tasting herself, trapping him in the confines of her mouth as the rhythm in his hips seem to stagger and falter from his impending release.
"'Manda-" He moans, giving her that simple warning, but nothing else, seconds before slamming into her with a force that feels so unexpected, making her hiss and bite down on his fingers as a single tear rolls down on her chin.
One, two, three times, skin against skin, the sound of air being rapidly exhaled and inhaled through her nose, before he stills, a series of lowered groans tumbling out of him as he comes inside of her.
Then, the first moment of something that resembles peace since they crashed together in the hallway. His forehead, rested between her shoulder blades, fingers being slowly extracted from her mouth, both of them gasping for air as they work their way down from the high.
She hums when he starts to pull out, and registering that familiar, wet trickle down the inside of her thighs she looks around the counter, her eyes catching the pack of baby wipes. But when she reaches for it, he stops her.
"I got you." He mumbles, hands gliding down her sides before gripping her naked hips.
"Wh-" She starts, confused, but that's when he kneels behind her, hands now planted firmly on her ass, kneading her flesh before kissing it.
And then, tongue.
So much tongue that it makes her eyes roll back, realizing what his mission is and what he's about to do.
Tugging at her rolled down jeans and underwear, he moves his mouth in the opposite direction, up the inside of her leg before moving to the other side. Lapping at her, and his own release, as she steps out of her clothes, giving her more room to spread her legs, giving him better access.
"God, Carisi-"
She really has no idea what she was about to say. All she knows is that her body is screaming for more, pleading for him to move his mouth higher up.
He might've reached the finish line, but she is still grasping for it, and his mouth against her skin certainly isn't doing anything to ease the almost uncomfortable throb that now seems to overtake every nerve in her system.
"More-" She finally manages to beg through a gasp.
"Bed." He responds, lifting himself up behind her. And this time, she has no objections.
By the time they reach the bedroom, the only pieces of clothing left is her bra and his socks, making them pause after stumbling through the doorway, sharing a giggle when they take in their disheveled state.
"Take 'em off." She grins, nodding towards his feet.
"On three?" He responds, feigning nervousness while giving her a nod in return, his directed at her covered chest.
"You're so stupid." She laughs while unhooking the black underwear, making a show of dropping it to the floor, and revealing herself to him, as if he hasn't seen her like this hundreds of times before.
"Keep insulting me and I won't give you what you want right now." He jokes, quick to remove the socks and move towards her, eyes glued to hers as he makes her take a few steps backwards, closer to the bed. "Something about more?"
"More." She nods, the playful tone in her voice exchanged with something else entirely. Something needy. The throb between her legs now back with full force, her mind suddenly consumed by the thought of his tongue.
She knows he can see the impatience in her body, and in her expression, but when she's spread out before him, he still takes a moment, glancing down at her while placing his hands on her bent knees.
"God, you look so good like this." He says, somehow managing to make it sound like a declaration of love without breaking the raw intensity that started as soon as they found themselves alone tonight.
On any other night, his words, his praise, would've made her squirm. She would've ducked her head under his stare and smiled shyly, probably mumbling a halfhearted "stop-"
But in spite of everything; Including the scars on her body, including the new one, the reminder of everything they almost lost, she feels good. She feels powerful, confident, and sexy.
And she wants him to look.
But more than that, she wants him to taste. And while sliding a hand down her stomach, his eyes following every move, that's exactly what she tells him when she opens herself to him, rolling her hips, sighing when he finally settles between her legs.
"Keep it down." He orders, and it's the only warning she gets before he's on her, continuing his mission that started in the kitchen.
She tries to keep it down, she really does. But either she has forgotten how good he actually is at this, or, he is doing something new tonight. Because no one has ever done this; Sure, there's the usual mix of lips, and tongue, and fingers. But it's the way he does it, the way he moves, breathes, the faint vibrations when he groans against her. It's the way he devours her shamelessly that leaves her panting, roughly tugging at his hair, grabbing at the sheets, arching her back, kneading her breasts to the point where it hurts.
"Close-" She moans, digging her heels into the mattress, not really surprised that her release is already within reach after what just happened against the kitchen counter. She is however surprised when he pulls away only to bite the soft flesh of her inner thigh, seconds before he's kneeling between her legs, hooking one of them over his shoulder.
Their eyes meet, briefly, and she sees it then; Him, giving himself over to whatever this is. Letting go of whatever it is that's been holding him back before. And not just after September. He's letting go of something that seems to have been holding him back for a lot longer than just a couple of months.
Maybe she should be worried, scared that they'll actually hurt each other, or that she has pushed him, and herself, too far, but it's just-
She's not.
And how is she supposed to think about that when he drives into her without warning, pinning her wrists above her head in the process and essentially crushing her body with his.
She won't lie, it's uncomfortable as fuck. And if she wasn't distracted by his merciless thrusts, she might've laughed at the way her body is currently reminding her that she's definitely not twenty five anymore. Her body simply isn't supposed to be in this position; One knee more or less pressed against her shoulder, the need for air making her moans come out as muffled and almost comical "hmfs" and "unghs".
Uncomfortable, yes. And absolutely mind blowing.
Even more so when he aligns their lips, slowing down enough to slide his tongue against hers, and doing it over and over again with increased intensity, before the kiss turns into a bite.
The pain makes her act on instinct, freeing her hands from his hold, gripping his shoulders in response.
"Do it again." She whimpers, echoing his words from before, his teeth sinking into her lip in the same moment as her nails dig into his skin, drawing blood as she drags them down his back, keeping their position until she feels an impending cramp in her thigh that makes her wiggle underneath him to signal that they need to move.
"Up-" She groans, pushing against his chest before rolling them over, ignoring the burn in her tired body. When he wraps his hands around her waist, she's quick to guide them down and over her ass, leaning down against his chest while moving her own hand between them, aligning him with her entrance yet again.
Sucking his lower lip into her mouth, she moans when he starts to fill her, exhaling a trembling breath when he's finally buried inside of her.
She might've slowed them down a little, but it's only for the sake of dragging this out as much as she possibly can. Alternating between grinding and bouncing, driving them both closer, all while expertly keeping them a few inches from the actual edge.
It's that twitch in his jaw that makes her realize he won't be able to hold back much longer, and she knows exactly what she needs before this inevitably ends.
"Spank me." She whispers breathlessly, very much aware of how he keeps kneading her cheeks, wiggling her ass a little to encourage him, to let him know that she absolutely, undoubtedly wants this.
While the first hit definitely stings, she can tell that he didn't put much force behind it, knows the strength that lives in his arms, and that he's capable of more than that.
"Harder." She says, hands grabbing at the headboard to keep her somewhat upright. "Make it hurt."
He groans beneath her, the roughness of that sound a sharp contrast to how he's now gently soothing the skin he just struck. So maybe that's why she lets out a loud yelp when his hand comes down a second time, making her entire backside burn, forcing her to buckle down against him as her body once again rushes towards release.
"Again."
He does it again.
And again. Until the moment when she cries out the combination of a curse and his name, every muscle in her body contracting repeatedly before she collapses on top of him, face buried in the crook of his sweat covered neck.
For a long moment, they stay like that. Neither of them knowing what to say, neither of them really feeling the need to say anything at all. The tears that eventually roll down on her cheeks are unexplainable to her, but she suspects that they're a reaction to more than this night alone. And for the first time since what feels like forever, she doesn't mind their presence at all.
It's his attempt at a deep breath that makes her lift herself up and roll to the side, mindful of her need to still be close to him, smiling tiredly when he's quick to wrap an arm around her shoulder, pressing her close to his side.
"What was that?" He asks, running a hand through her hair, left tangled and messy.
"Something new?" She murmurs hesitantly, kissing his naked chest before glancing up at him. "Too much?"
"No-" He shakes his head while reassuring her with a smile. "Perfect."
She sighs then, relaxing against him once more as he pulls at the covers, shielding them from the autumn chill that has started to sneak its way into the city and into their bedroom.
"We should probably go clean up the mess we made." She says, eyes closed and head heavy against his chest.
"Yeah, we definitely should." He responds, sounding just as far gone as her.
They drift off half a minute later.
…
