Chapter 3.
"Sir, you can't park your car here." The security guard at the front gate tried to stop me. I ignored him, kept on running toward the rehab section. I couldn't afford another second to find out what Jamie was up to. The corridor to Jamie's room seemed endless. I ran like crazy. Maybe I was crazy, during that short period.
When I finally reached there, the door was closed. I took a deep breath, and pushed in.
I was petrified right at the spot.
Jamie wasn't in the room.
The bed where Jamie once lay was empty. Blanket folded neatly, with pillow on the top. I knew this is Jamie's way to make her bed. Those tubes that connected Jamie's arm to various medical devices were arranged orderly on the table right next to the bed. Their different colors made them almost look like a rainbow. At the corner, a clothes-rack stood lonelily. Jamie's pink sweater was hung there before. It was now gone, along with the wheel chair that was placed nearby, leaving the hanger behind. I remembered the window was shut before I left, now it opened slightly. Warm and moist afternoon wind sneaked through the gap, drifting the silvery white drape, bringing a strong scent of Carolinian lilac into the room.
Lilac was Jamie's favor.
"Sir, you have to remove your car." It was that security guard. I turned around, grabbed him by the arm. "Where's Jamie? Where is she?" I roared furiously. I felt I was going to launch at him if he doesn't give me a satisfied answer.
The guard was shocked, "Wh.who?"
"Jamie, my wife. She was in this room. Where did she go?" My voice raised to the point of raucousness.
"What's going on here? Mr. Carter?"
I turned around. It was Dr. Kerwin. I let go of the guard's arm. "My wife, she's not in her room. Where is she?" I tried my best to calm myself down, but my voice still trembled.
Dr. Kerwin glanced into the room. "Don't panic, Mr. Carter," he said, "Maybe your wife is taking a walk in the garden. Let's go ask the nurse."
We went to the front counter, and asked the nurses there. They called on the radio. For a long while no one answered. We went to the rehab park at the back of the hospital. Jamie wasn't there either. Dr. Kerwin's face darkened, showing his nervousness. Later, a search was called. All the security guards and nurses were given Jamie's features. The whole hospital turned into a commotion.
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3 hours passed. They still couldn't find a trace of her. I called every single person I knew in the town, asking them if Jamie was with them. They all disappointed me with their identical answers. Soon, Reverend Sullivan and my friends arrived, along with some policemen. Together we made a much more meticulous search in and outside the building. We searched almost every inch of the hospital. Again, no trace was found. It was like she literally disappeared.
I felt I was about to lose my mind.
I went back to Jamie's rehab room. Reverend Sullivan and all my friends were there, as well as Dr. Kerwin and the whole police unit. The Captain came up to me, an envelope in his hand.
"Mr. Carter," he said, "A nurse found this on the front desk. We think that your wife left it there so someone can hand it to you. Can you read it?"
I nodded, and took the envelope. On the front, it read, "To My Beloved Husband, Landon Carter", I recognized it was Jamie's hand writing. My hands began to shake. I felt dazed. An uncontrollable fear raged in me. Reverend Sullivan put his hands on my back, giving me support. "Go ahead Landon," he said, "go ahead read it."
Finally, I rose up my courage, and opened the envelope.
In her tidy and graceful handwriting, she wrote the words that took my breath away,
"Dear Landon,
By the time you read this letter, I'd been gone now. Do not search for me, because I will make sure you don't find me.
Falling in love with you and became your wife had been the most blissful thing that ever happened to me. But at some degree, it's equally distressing. Every time I see the pain on your face, I feel guilty to pull your into my world. I feel I was so selfish that I did not tell you the truth before you fell in love with me. I was so naive to think that we could both pull ourselves out of it. When I found out how deep we fell for each other, it was too late.
I'd been thinking about leaving you for a long time now. But every time I saw your face and enjoyed your embrace and kiss, my determination would melt apart and I ended up staying, day after day. Somewhere on the way, I allowed my emotion to blind my purpose.
Until yesterday, I saw the letter you wrote. I know your personality well. Therefore, before you do anything that would make us both regret, I have to make this decision. I have to leave you. I know it's best for both of us.
'Love is always patient and kind.' God sent this message to us. I believed God had planned us to fall in love. I believed God planned me to leave you. And I believe if we both are patient enough, perhaps He will plan us to meet again.
Love,
Your wife, Jamie Sullivan Carter."
Tears began to roll down my cheek. All kinds of emotions came to me at the same time, anger, sorrow, loss, fear, confusion, nervous, remorse and despair. They kept inflating, soon filled up my chest, like it's going to explode. I could not concentrate and hold my thought together, for it was flooded by million questions, questions that I could not answer and understand at all. They sharpened all those emotions like swords, breaking every piece of my heart, shattering every inch of my soul.
Jamie is gone.
I might never see her again.
Why this have to happen to me?
How did she know, about the letter?
....
I felt a hand landed on my shoulder. A soft female voice whispered in my ear, "Landon, don't worry. She will be okay." I turned my head. Through my blurry eyes, I saw Belinda's vague silhouette. Suddenly, a thought flashed in my mind, like a meteor stroking through the pitch dark sky. I swung her hand off my shoulder violently.
"It's you," I bellowed with rage, "you saw my letter! Didn't you?!"
Belinda was shocked. She stumbled few steps backward, shaking her head. Then, all of a sudden, she burst into tear.
"So.Sorry," she sobbed impetuously, "I. I couldn't let you do it, Landon. I couldn't.."
Everything became so clear to me now. Belinda came back last night after I fell asleep, and read the letter I throw in the trash can. And then she read it to Jamie.
Now I understand why Belinda asked for my forgiveness this morning.
Why Jamie acted the way she did.
Why she tricked me.
Why she had to leave..
I grabbed Belinda's arms, shook her violently.
"Where did she go? Where did Jamie go?"
Belinda looked into my eyes. "I don't know," she said, voice in trepidation, "Landon you have to trust me. I don't know where she goes."
I squeezed her even more, "No, you are lying. Tell me, where did she go!!"
"Ah." she was hurt.
Suddenly, Dean jumped out of the crowd. He grabbed my arm and threw me back. "Come on, Landon. She said she doesn't know."
I didn't expected Dean's action. I stumbled backward, almost fell on the floor. Leaning on the wall for support, I glanced over all these room full of people. The hatred in my eyes made everyone of them shuddered.
The room turned quiet. Only my heavy breathing could be heard. No one was willing to speak. They all stared at me like I'm crazy.
Maybe I was crazy.
Finally, Reverend Sullivan broke the silence, "Landon, I know it's hard for you. I'm her father, it's hard for me too. But you have to understand it's Jamie's will. You have to respect her decision. Let her go, Landon. It's her wish.."
"No," I said, word by word, slowly, "I will find her."
The phrase echoed in my heart,
I will find her.
************************************************************************
"Sir, you can't park your car here." The security guard at the front gate tried to stop me. I ignored him, kept on running toward the rehab section. I couldn't afford another second to find out what Jamie was up to. The corridor to Jamie's room seemed endless. I ran like crazy. Maybe I was crazy, during that short period.
When I finally reached there, the door was closed. I took a deep breath, and pushed in.
I was petrified right at the spot.
Jamie wasn't in the room.
The bed where Jamie once lay was empty. Blanket folded neatly, with pillow on the top. I knew this is Jamie's way to make her bed. Those tubes that connected Jamie's arm to various medical devices were arranged orderly on the table right next to the bed. Their different colors made them almost look like a rainbow. At the corner, a clothes-rack stood lonelily. Jamie's pink sweater was hung there before. It was now gone, along with the wheel chair that was placed nearby, leaving the hanger behind. I remembered the window was shut before I left, now it opened slightly. Warm and moist afternoon wind sneaked through the gap, drifting the silvery white drape, bringing a strong scent of Carolinian lilac into the room.
Lilac was Jamie's favor.
"Sir, you have to remove your car." It was that security guard. I turned around, grabbed him by the arm. "Where's Jamie? Where is she?" I roared furiously. I felt I was going to launch at him if he doesn't give me a satisfied answer.
The guard was shocked, "Wh.who?"
"Jamie, my wife. She was in this room. Where did she go?" My voice raised to the point of raucousness.
"What's going on here? Mr. Carter?"
I turned around. It was Dr. Kerwin. I let go of the guard's arm. "My wife, she's not in her room. Where is she?" I tried my best to calm myself down, but my voice still trembled.
Dr. Kerwin glanced into the room. "Don't panic, Mr. Carter," he said, "Maybe your wife is taking a walk in the garden. Let's go ask the nurse."
We went to the front counter, and asked the nurses there. They called on the radio. For a long while no one answered. We went to the rehab park at the back of the hospital. Jamie wasn't there either. Dr. Kerwin's face darkened, showing his nervousness. Later, a search was called. All the security guards and nurses were given Jamie's features. The whole hospital turned into a commotion.
************************************************************************
3 hours passed. They still couldn't find a trace of her. I called every single person I knew in the town, asking them if Jamie was with them. They all disappointed me with their identical answers. Soon, Reverend Sullivan and my friends arrived, along with some policemen. Together we made a much more meticulous search in and outside the building. We searched almost every inch of the hospital. Again, no trace was found. It was like she literally disappeared.
I felt I was about to lose my mind.
I went back to Jamie's rehab room. Reverend Sullivan and all my friends were there, as well as Dr. Kerwin and the whole police unit. The Captain came up to me, an envelope in his hand.
"Mr. Carter," he said, "A nurse found this on the front desk. We think that your wife left it there so someone can hand it to you. Can you read it?"
I nodded, and took the envelope. On the front, it read, "To My Beloved Husband, Landon Carter", I recognized it was Jamie's hand writing. My hands began to shake. I felt dazed. An uncontrollable fear raged in me. Reverend Sullivan put his hands on my back, giving me support. "Go ahead Landon," he said, "go ahead read it."
Finally, I rose up my courage, and opened the envelope.
In her tidy and graceful handwriting, she wrote the words that took my breath away,
"Dear Landon,
By the time you read this letter, I'd been gone now. Do not search for me, because I will make sure you don't find me.
Falling in love with you and became your wife had been the most blissful thing that ever happened to me. But at some degree, it's equally distressing. Every time I see the pain on your face, I feel guilty to pull your into my world. I feel I was so selfish that I did not tell you the truth before you fell in love with me. I was so naive to think that we could both pull ourselves out of it. When I found out how deep we fell for each other, it was too late.
I'd been thinking about leaving you for a long time now. But every time I saw your face and enjoyed your embrace and kiss, my determination would melt apart and I ended up staying, day after day. Somewhere on the way, I allowed my emotion to blind my purpose.
Until yesterday, I saw the letter you wrote. I know your personality well. Therefore, before you do anything that would make us both regret, I have to make this decision. I have to leave you. I know it's best for both of us.
'Love is always patient and kind.' God sent this message to us. I believed God had planned us to fall in love. I believed God planned me to leave you. And I believe if we both are patient enough, perhaps He will plan us to meet again.
Love,
Your wife, Jamie Sullivan Carter."
Tears began to roll down my cheek. All kinds of emotions came to me at the same time, anger, sorrow, loss, fear, confusion, nervous, remorse and despair. They kept inflating, soon filled up my chest, like it's going to explode. I could not concentrate and hold my thought together, for it was flooded by million questions, questions that I could not answer and understand at all. They sharpened all those emotions like swords, breaking every piece of my heart, shattering every inch of my soul.
Jamie is gone.
I might never see her again.
Why this have to happen to me?
How did she know, about the letter?
....
I felt a hand landed on my shoulder. A soft female voice whispered in my ear, "Landon, don't worry. She will be okay." I turned my head. Through my blurry eyes, I saw Belinda's vague silhouette. Suddenly, a thought flashed in my mind, like a meteor stroking through the pitch dark sky. I swung her hand off my shoulder violently.
"It's you," I bellowed with rage, "you saw my letter! Didn't you?!"
Belinda was shocked. She stumbled few steps backward, shaking her head. Then, all of a sudden, she burst into tear.
"So.Sorry," she sobbed impetuously, "I. I couldn't let you do it, Landon. I couldn't.."
Everything became so clear to me now. Belinda came back last night after I fell asleep, and read the letter I throw in the trash can. And then she read it to Jamie.
Now I understand why Belinda asked for my forgiveness this morning.
Why Jamie acted the way she did.
Why she tricked me.
Why she had to leave..
I grabbed Belinda's arms, shook her violently.
"Where did she go? Where did Jamie go?"
Belinda looked into my eyes. "I don't know," she said, voice in trepidation, "Landon you have to trust me. I don't know where she goes."
I squeezed her even more, "No, you are lying. Tell me, where did she go!!"
"Ah." she was hurt.
Suddenly, Dean jumped out of the crowd. He grabbed my arm and threw me back. "Come on, Landon. She said she doesn't know."
I didn't expected Dean's action. I stumbled backward, almost fell on the floor. Leaning on the wall for support, I glanced over all these room full of people. The hatred in my eyes made everyone of them shuddered.
The room turned quiet. Only my heavy breathing could be heard. No one was willing to speak. They all stared at me like I'm crazy.
Maybe I was crazy.
Finally, Reverend Sullivan broke the silence, "Landon, I know it's hard for you. I'm her father, it's hard for me too. But you have to understand it's Jamie's will. You have to respect her decision. Let her go, Landon. It's her wish.."
"No," I said, word by word, slowly, "I will find her."
The phrase echoed in my heart,
I will find her.
************************************************************************
