Chapter 5.

I was back in Beaufort 3pm that day. As I expected, my mom had a "surprise" welcome-home party for me. I found out about it this morning when I called my mom. She kept asking me when exactly I'm going to be back. And just before I hang up, she suggested me to dress a bit nicer today. That just totally gave it away. My mom could never lie well, unlike me. She's too nice and too honest. I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing, but I love my mom for that.

Three things did surprise me in that party though. Dean showed up in a U.S. Marine military uniform. Blue trousers deep blue jacket, shiny shoes white cover with a golden emblem on it. 2 rows of ribbons and badges listed neatly on his left chest. He looked so sharp, people could not help but looking at him. Talking to him, I found out that he joined the Marine Corps 2 months after I ran off to a wild search for Jamie. He went to Quantico and got his training. He is a 1st Lieutenant now. Thinking back, Dean was always the most reckless one of us in high school. It was rather strange to see him so disciplined and organized. While I congratulated him for his accomplishment, Belinda popped out of nowhere and brought me a second surprise. And I was thrilled. She held Dean's hand and told me that they were engaged.

"You bastard," I cursed with joy, followed with a punch on Dean's chest, "when did you guys got together? Why you never tell me?"

The answer I actually already had in mind. They got together a year ago. They tried to call me and tell me about it, but I was always preoccupied with my education. So after a while they just stopped trying.

Every time their eyes met each other, I could see radiant. From that, I knew they were truly in love. I remembered when Jamie and I were in love, sometimes I let Jamie leaned on my shoulder, we just gazed into each other's eyes, sitting there and smile like idiots for a long time. Love is just like that, both subtle and obvious. I felt very much happy for them. Finally Belinda's over me and found her true love.

Later that night Belinda and I talked. She tried to apologize to me again for that incident in the hospital 4 years ago. I told her I should be the one to apologize. Jamie did the right thing. And Belinda did the right thing too. I was the one who was so selfish and irresponsible. She hugged me and told me that we are going to be best friends forever, and then she shoved me the third surprise - she was pregnant. She said I was the only one who knew about it so far. She asked me not to tell Dean, because Dean was getting deployed next month and she didn't want him so worry. I nodded and promised.

Eric didn't show up at the party. He earned a degree in journalism during these 4 years, and scored a job with CNN. Now he's somewhere in Europe. We called him up and took turns making fun of him on phone. We had a lot of fun doing that. Clay, the poor kid who almost drowned in his senior year because of our dirty prank, showed up late to the party. Without remorse of the past, we murdered him with beers. This time, he's drowned in alcohol. Clay was doing pretty well with his life. He had an internship with a major law firm, and was on his way to become a lawyer.

My father was in the party too. He invited many of his peers, all highly educated doctors and physicians. I could sense the pride in every word he said and every move he made. Later we did a little father-son talk too. He offered me some tips on going to that medical school. When he asked me what I want to concentrate in, I told him oncology. He nodded, fell silent for a while, and asked, "Is it because of Jamie?"

"Yes, dad," I said, "Jamie's the reason I'm in for this whole thing."

He nodded again. His lips twitched a bit. I thought he was going to say something, but then he smiled and raised the beer in his right hand.

"For Jamie," he said, calmly.

I raised my beer too, "For Jamie."

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The welcome-home party was over by midnight. I watched all my friends and relatives left one by one. Of course, they all hugged me and made their final congratulation before they left. I noticed none of them mentioned Jamie. Matter of fact, all topics related to Jamie were secretly banned by them throughout the whole party. They never asked me about my educational process, for example, because they knew that would bring Jamie into the conversation. One of my classmates in high school had the same first name as Jamie. She showed up in the party, and people started calling her by her last name. It was ludicrous.

But I knew they all meant for good. They all knew the history between Jamie and me. And they all saw the wedding ring still binding tight to my finger. They all knew that means I'm not over Jamie yet.

Will I ever be over Jamie?

I asked my self this question. Looking at the empty room, my head felt heavy again. For 4 years, I'd numbed myself from asking questions like these through tight schedule of study and work time. I made myself so busy that I could not even have the tiny bit of excess time to wonder around about Jamie. Now when everything's settled, when there's nothing else to do and no one else's here, when there's just me and this empty room, and the rest of my numerous empty years to go, all the questions popped up like bubbles coming out of a sponge. Where is Jamie? Is she still alive? Is she happy? What is she doing right now, right at this moment? Is she looking at the stars? Does she miss me, at all? ..

"Landon, you ok?"

It was my mom. She was passing by my room.

"I'm alright, mom." I said.

Mom sighed, "You are thinking about her again?"

I sighed too, "mom, you know how it is."

"I think you should go talk to Reverend Sullivan. He might help you." My mom said.

I suddenly remembered that I didn't see my father-in-law in the party today, so I asked my mom about it.

"He didn't feel well yesterday." My mom answered.

"Is he ok?"

"Not a big deal, just a little cold. Doctor said couple days of rest he should be fine," Mom smiled and continued on, "he wanted to come to the party too, but I insisted him to stay at home and rest. I told him he's going to mess up the whole party if Landon sees you are sick and not in rest."

"I will go see him tomorrow." I said.

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I drove my mom's Ford the next day to Reverend Sullivan's house. Unlike most part of the town, Reverend's house did not change at all. On the porch, chair and bench still arranged in the same way that was 4 years ago. The wind chimes Jamie made still hang from the side of the porch, creating that forever peaceful and delightful melody. But it is far less able to calm my thought right now.

*It's been 4 years, and with the vision of Jamie walking towards me will stay with me forever.*

I knocked on the door, and took a deep breathe. I couldn't help but wish the one who opened the door is Jamie. With all the things stayed the same, why can't Jamie be here too?

The door opened. It wasn't Jamie after all. It was the maid that Reverend hired after Jamie ran away.

*"Hello, Mr. Carter. Come in, have a seat, please."*

*"Thank you."*

I entered. The inside was just like the outside, unchanged. The most eye- catching thing was that piano Jamie used to play. Although Jamie's not here, Reverend still kept the piano clean and ready to go. The maid did a great job on it. The wooden part of the piano was wiped down with pine oil. It was so shiny that as if the piano, too, was waiting for its owner to come back.

I walked into the living room and sat down. I heard a heavy sigh, and then I saw Reverend.

*"Landon! Heh, Heh!"*

I stood up.

*"Hey."*

We hugged.

*"You look good."* he said.

*"Aww, thank you. You too,"* I replied.

*"Oh, I'm getting by. What's new, Landon?"*

*"Well, I got into medical school."*

*"Your mother told me that. We are so proud of you, Jamie would've been proud of you too."*

Reverend smiled.

And then it hits me. I don't know where it comes from, how it comes to me. Maybe it's because the piano and the wind chimes; maybe it's because of all those unchanged things in and outside of the house; or maybe it's because of the certainty of the tone when Reverend said "Jamie would've been proud of you."

I suddenly felt Reverend Sullivan was hiding something from me.

What could he be possibly hiding from me? It must be about Jamie. If he knows Jamie's condition, why wouldn't he tell me? I'm her husband after all. I have the rights to know where my wife is.

If I was still me 4 years ago, I would've already jumped off my seats and started my accusation and interrogation at once. But I'd grown up. If said the only thing I'd learned in these 4 years, it would be how to use tact. Reverend Sullivan was famous for his stubbornness in town. If he wishes to tell me the true, he will tell me as soon as he can. Otherwise, no matter what I do, he would hold the words until death. The only thing I can do now is to get as much information of Jamie as I can.

All these thoughts ran through my mind in a flash second. I studied Reverend Sullivan's expression for a while, and I made my decision. I took out the book that Jamie gave me in that hospital. It'd been my most valuable treasure since. I handed it to Reverend.

*"Listen, I want you to have this."*

*"Oh, Landon."* He resisted, pushing the book back. His eyes stayed on that book. I knew how important this book was to him. The book contained his long-lost wife's handwritings, and Jamie's handwriting too. I was using it as bait. *"No."* I said, pushing it back to his side.

*"Oh, my. Thank you."* He fixed his spectacles, and opened the book. I studied his behavior. I saw a little redness in his eyes, and his hands were shaking. It is now or never. I made my move.

*"I'm sorry she never got her miracle."* I said, looking at him straight in the eyes.

Reverend looked back right at me, then he smiled, as if he suddenly understood what I was trying to do. *"She did,"* he said, *"it was you."*

I stayed silence for a while, wishing he would add more on that. But he changed the subject almost immediately. We talked about my schooling, living, and stuffs. During the whole time, I was actually thinking about the last thing he said about Jamie.

She did, it was you.

There was this immense subtlety within these 5 words. So is Jamie alive or not? She had her miracle, as she live? Or he meant she got her spiritual miracle?

Later that day, I went home to give my mom back the vehicle, and went out for a walk. This was a study habit I acquired during my college years. Whenever I meet some problem couldn't be solve, I would went out for a walk, and resolution would come to me somehow during the walk.

I walked around the town, while analyzing these 5 words over and over, until I realized I couldn't possibly get anything from them. When I raised my head and found out where I was, I was shocked. I was standing on that pier where Jamie and I first kissed. I shook my head and forced a smile. I must be obsessed. I walked to the end side of the pier, lean on the fence, and watching the beautiful sunset while enjoying the fresh smell of the wind coming from the sea. The wind stroked against my skin, just like Jamie's hands, soft and delicate, now both surreal and real at the same time.

*Jamie saved my life, she taught me everything. About life, hope, and the long journey ahead. I'll always miss her, but her love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it.*

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Disclaimer: Sentences marked with asterisks in front and rear, are excerpted from the original movie A Walk To Remember. This author did not create them and thus would not take credit from them. The reason for excerpt was purely to reinforce the relation between this fanfiction and the original movie. Thank you for understanding.