If only a smile
Chapter 4 - What becomes of the brokenhearted?
Genre: Angst (Ken Angst!), Drama, eventual Romance
Warning: AU, OOC and...*gasp* Original character! No, it's not a
self-insert and we didn't base her on anyone. We need the character for plot
development purposes and we're not letting her go!
Pairing: Ran+Ken (We'll get them together eventually), Schu+Youji,
Omi+Nagi
Spoiler: This doesn't follow the anime or manga plotline, so it's pretty
much safe.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed so far. We updated early just because...actually, Aki and Wai wanted this part out. Aki missed writing and she and Wai both love to write angst. Wait till you see what they have planned for future chapters.
Kittykat AoiMizu - Um...no, we really didn't plan any Brad/Farf here. But who knows, our muses (Yes, we each have a muse. Aki's muse is in the form of a chibi Youji, Wai's in the form of chibi Hisoka- she's got two muse but she loves Hisoka more and Ryoko's is in the form of a chibi Aoshi.) might think of something for them. We'll see...
siberian - Hehehe...that's how Ryoko and Wai react when they read any RanKen.
Karosai - Wai wai! (Wai-chan: Hey! Don't use my nickname!) Thank you very much!
Tschubi-chan - (This note is written by Aki and Wai) *hug* Thank you very much for your review! And we did mention updating early...so when's the new chapter for 'Wild Hunt' coming? Wai's been moody about that. Aki wants to see more YouKen in 'Eternal Return' but Wai's strongly against that. (Ryoko: Same here! RanKen forever!!!)
Disclaimer: Weiss Kreuz belong to Koyasu Takehito, Project Weiss etc. The character Naoko exists only in the twisted imagination of Aki and Wai.
His vision was clouded by a bright red light, swirling colors of red that shifts into a darker and lighter hue. Almost like a flickering flame. Wait a minute...flame?
His eyes widened as he saw the fire all around him. Instinctively, his whole body froze. This looked far too similar. With blind panic, he looked around him. The dancing flames, the deep crimson that looked too much like blood, surrounded him and he could feel the burning heat. He gritted his teeth, looking at the beckoning flames. Calling out to him.
He was hyperventilating, it was as if the flames were closing in, swirling and swirling closer in an endless cycle. In his moment of panic, a face appeared from the other side of the flames. He squinted his eyes until the face came to focus.
Eyes lighting up with renewed hope, he waved his hand about. He was going to be saved! But the smile on his face faded when the face smiled back with malice.
"You're going to die, my friend." The owner of the face said.
"N-nani?" He whispered softly. No...he couldn't! He came to save him! What was he doing???!!!
"Goodnight, sleep tight. Don't let the beasts bite."
"IIE!" He shouted with all his might, just as the flames flared and engulfed him. The pain was excruciating. Riding from his legs up, licking his skin. He was slowly burning, plunged into eternal damnation. This was his punishment.
His punishment...for being born.
He sat up from the bed, stomach churning with nausea at the sudden change of equilibrium. He placed a hand on the wall to steady himself, breathing in deep gulps of air. Body still shaking, panicked eyes regarded his surroundings. The unfamiliar surrounding.
When reality finally kicked in, so did familiarity. He knew where he was, in Weiss grounds. He went down on the battlefield and he now was under the full protection of Weiss. Events a few hours ago flooded into his head. Quietly, as he always does, he sobbed.
"Leave me alone." He whispered softly. "You've already killed my soul! Must you take my heart too?"
Hidaka Ken cried himself to sleep that night. He was the cursed one, forever haunted with the memories of the past. He was to blame for his parents' death, they were killed because the organization wanted to get to him. He was also to blame for his own pain, for the horrible fate he was handed when he was left to die in the burning of Rozenkreuz. But he didn't die, instead, he would be surrounded by the deaths of others. Have blood on his hands, the cruel path that fate has chosen for him. His life already written from the day of his birth.
He woke up for the...Kami knows how many times he woke up. His body drenched with sweat, twisting from this position to that. He simply couldn't sleep. When he was about to give up and try and stay awake the whole night, the door creaked open and Nagi's head appeared from the doorway.
"Hidaka-san?" He asked carefully.
"Aa? What is it, Nagi?" Ken asked warily.
"I wanted to check up on you." Nagi said, frowning. "I...felt the disturbance." He confessed. "You're having nightmares, aren't you?"
Ken blushed, praying thanks that the room was dark so the other telekinetic couldn't see the growing blush staining his cheeks. "Um...yes. But it's nothing really, I have them all the time." Ken said softly.
"All the time?" Nagi asked incredulously. He didn't know why he was there, but for some reason, he felt a connection with Ken. Almost as if a kindred spirit of some sort, probably because they were both telekinetic.
"Saa, they actually come at specific times. Always when I need sleep most." Ken said, a bitter laugh escaping his mouth.
"D-do you want to talk about it?" Nagi asked uncertainly. Ken looked at the younger boy, who sat down at the foot of his bed.
"Why do you want to? Why do you care?" Ken asked, voice soft. No one cared, no one ever bothered with him. Except maybe Schwarz. Although Crawford can be such a cold bastard, he was the one who taught Ken how to be wary of his surrounding. To expect the unexpected, never trust anyone easily. Sometimes, even, when Ken has a particularly bad night, Farf would stroll into his room, knives at hand. The Irishman would sit in a chair at one corner of Ken's room and play with his knives. But the presence of the Irishman in the room was enough for Ken to fall to a dreamless sleep. And there really weren't any explanations for Omi. The younger male simply was. A compassionate and caring friend, always loyal and always there.
"I had nightmares too, you know, when I first joined Weiss." Nagi said. "I was abandoned when I was a kid and Kritiker took me in, fed me and clothed me and gave me an identity, as well as something I believed in. They trained me and taught me how to use my powers. But training was so different from the real thing." He paused, looking at the distance, as if the scene was unfolding right in front of his eyes. "I finally killed someone, in my first mission. I-I couldn't sleep that night, tossing and turning, every time I closed my eyes I could see the face of the person I killed."
"What happened?"
Nagi smiled. "Schuldich happened. He sauntered into my room, declaring something about my dreams being too loud for him to sleep and asked me what I dreamt. He asked me what I feared and told me to get over it, because what we do is to save other people's lives by punishing the guilty."
"He gave you something to hold on to." Ken said carefully. Nagi nodded.
"Hai. That's why I respect Schu, despite his perverted comments and annoying attitude at times." Ken smiled at Nagi's words.
"I have the same respect for my teammates too. They're my family, the only ones who were there since the beginning." Ken said with a sigh. "The beginning of everything, of the suffering that became my nightmares."
"Are you dreaming of Rozenkreuz?"
"............"
"Ken-kun?" The brunette blinked at the nickname, but then smiled. Although Nagi had a cold front that he put up, an indifferent air that wasn't as icy as Ran's or as arrogant as Crawford's, but was simply Nagi's own, the boy was willing to pull back his mask.
"Hai, I was."
"Will you tell me? Let me understand at least?"
"Why would you want to?" Ken asked carefully. He needed to know whether Nagi's intentions were genuine or not. "You are Weiss and I am Schwarz. Why would white come near black? Black would only taint your soul."
"Not if your soul is already black." Nagi shot back. "And besides, your soul isn't black, Ken-kun. Though it's not white either."
"Do you really want to know?" Nagi nodded. "Then sit back and relax, this is going to be a long ride."
"Ken-kun...you went through all that?" Nagi asked, voice barely a whisper.
"Yup. Better than the plot for a soap opera, huh?" Ken asked, trying to cheer things up a little.
"We read your files...but I'd never imagined..."
"That they poked and prod me? That they'd inject me with some shit that made me feel nauseated for the whole day? That at one point my heart actually stopped beating? That I was dead for 5 minutes before being revived again?" Ken stopped, a sardonic smile on his face. "Life's a bitch, ain't it?"
"How could they?"
Ken sighed. "Ask that to any of the targets, Nagi. What would they answer? If they stayed alive long enough, anyway."
"This happened to you and Omi?" Nagi asked carefully. Ken's eyes softened at the mention of the boy who was too much like a brother to him.
"No, Brad...err, Crawford that is, managed to keep them from doing anything to fuck Omi up. I helped a little, but my mind was too fucked up for me to actually be able to protect the chibi."
"And you're making it up now." Observed Nagi. Ken nodded.
"I couldn't protect him before, he saw all the shit because his father couldn't protect him. He needed someone to look up to and Crawford and Farfarello were definitely out of the picture. I wouldn't want Omi to turn into some cold bastard or some psycho...so I had to be strong, for Omi."
"It's easier that way, isn't it? If you have a purpose, so you can do it for someone else and pretend you're not doing it for yourself."
"Excellent observation." Ken smiled. "You know, Nagi, if I didn't know you were a telekinetic, I'd have thought you're a telepath." Ken teased, winking.
"I-it's nothing really." There was an uncomfortable pause as Nagi looked at the floor. Ken, however, looked at the telekinetic of Weiss with an intense gaze.
"Nagi, you like Omi don't you?" Red alert. And I do mean red, Nagi turned a deep shade of crimson, a darker shade than even Ran's hair. Ken grinned. "I thought so!"
"Gomen ne...I really didn't mean to-" Ken cut him off.
"This is great!"
"Huh? Nani?"
"Look, Omi could use someone who's in the same wavelength as him. You're near Omi's age, right? You're perfect for him. Besides, it seems like Omi likes you too, am I right?" Nagi ducked his head and threw the cover of his futon above his head, causing Ken to snicker.
"Mou! Leave me alone!"
"Hah! No way, Nagi-chan."
"NAGI-CHAN?" The younger telekinetic sat up, eyes wide at the nickname. Ken laughed louder.
"Oh man, you're even worse than Omi!" He exclaimed. And that, was the beginning of the brotherly friendship between Ken and Nagi.
When Ken woke up the next day, his tense muscles were relaxed and he could move his shoulder easily. After spending the whole of the previous day in bed because it had been "direct orders from Manx", much to his own discontent due to the nightmares he had every time he fell asleep, he was glad something good came out of the horrible day. His head was finally clear and he smiled slightly as he looked out the window. He was glad for Nagi's company.
Nagi had insisted that he spend the night in the same room as Ken, just in case anything happened, the youngest of Weiss reasoned. Ran had frowned upon the 'request' but didn't object. Schuldich seem to trust Ken and Youji liked the little Siberian, so even if Ran protested, he would be outvoted. Thanks to Nagi, Ken slept dreamlessly. Although he did wake up once in the middle of the night, thinking about Ran. The redhead had avoided him, covering for Youji's shift at the flower shop as the playboy kept Ken company.
The door opened and Ran walked into the room. Ken promptly blushed at the arrival of the stoic leader of Weiss, but then frowned at the look on Ran's face. Suddenly, he felt that unsettling feeling at the pit of his stomach. The same one he felt just before he was struck two days ago as well as in most missions, just before anyone got hurt.
"Ohayo, Fujimiya-san." Ken said quietly, knowing that Ran wouldn't be too pleased if Ken called him by his real name. There was something in the redhead's eyes that left a pang in Ken's heart. Almost as if...he would be rejected.
"Forget what happened that night." That was all he said, not even a 'Ohayo Ken, how are you today?' Ken's eyes widened for a moment, looking at him with disbelief. How could anyone kiss someone one day and then tell them to forget about it the next day...OK, the day after that...but still! What the hell was he trying to pull?
"What did you say?" Ken asked, trying to keep his voice from breaking. Ran made a small noise of discontent.
"You heard me, forget all about it." He snapped. From the way his blood was boiling, Ran would regret that he ever toyed with Ken's temper. A pissed off Hidaka Ken was a natural hazard, a highly dangerous one at that.
"You fucking bastard." Spat Ken, jade eyes resorting to a darker hue. "Who gave you the right to toy with me?" He demanded.
Ran scoffed, possibly adding salt to the open wound. "Get over yourself, Hidaka." He said sharply. Suddenly, all of Ken's anger deflated. Just like that, the anger was replaced by indescribable hurt. Wasn't it enough that he was once betrayed? Why must history repeat itself?
Ken didn't say a word, instead his gaze dropped down to the floor. He murmured something under his breath, which caused Ran to look at the brunette with slight concern. But the prideful redhead swallowed it all down and ignored it, walking out of the room instead.
When he was finally sure that no one could see, the tears finally came, falling silently from jade orbs. He let out a small, bitter laugh. Yes, history repeats itself.
"Do you think Ken-kun is alright, Crawford?" Omi asked the older man. Crawford kept his eyes fixed on the road, but nodded his head.
"He's a fast healer, Omi. I'm sure he would heal soon, although Manx still insists on getting Weiss to watch after him."
"I still don't see why she insists Weiss should guard Ken-kun." Huffed Omi. It really was because he missed Ken's company. After all, the apartment wasn't the same without Ken's presence. Neither Crawford nor Farfarello can be relied on as someone to talk to.
"I have a feeling that Ken might have to stay a little longer there." Crawford said quietly.
"Premonition?" Omi asked.
"I'm not sure yet."
"Oh." Omi looked out the car window. Something must be wrong. No, something was definitely wrong. The feeling he had when Ken had to pose as the victim was still there. It had been the main reason why he was worried when they agreed Ken should act as a victim.
It was as if, the killer knew Ken would be there. And knowing that the killer had psychic power, judged by his or her ability to place a psychic block, they really had no idea what this killer's capabilities were. Maybe the killer is a telekinetic and a telepath. If that's the case, then Ken's life is in great danger.
The sound of Crawford slamming the car door startled Omi out of his thoughts. Trust the Schwarz leader not to tell him they've reached their destination before he gets out of the car. He resisted the urge to stick out his tongue, but he knew that Crawford wouldn't exactly be happy if he did that.
Crawford strolled into the shop, earning a grin from Schuldich and a raised eyebrow from Youji. Omi bowed politely to both men, rewarded instead by an appreciative smile from Youji and a wink from Schuldich. Omi blushed slightly at the reaction, but smiled anyway. He rather liked Schuldich, despite his dirty mind and-- sometimes--crude nature, the German can actually be quite amusing.
"Konnichi wa, Schuldich-san, Youji-san." Omi said.
"You can go upstairs, bishounen. Our stick-up-his-ass leader's up there right now." Youji said. Omi blushed at the nickname but beamed and bounded upstairs. He peeked through the doorway, a happy smile on his face.
"Ken-kun?" His smile quickly faded as he stepped into the empty room. "Nani?" He looked around the small room, but there was no place Ken could possibly hide. Was he in the bathroom? Omi walked out of the room and into the hallway, just as the bathroom door opened. To reveal Ran.
"Anno, Fujimiya-san, do you know where Ken-kun is?" Omi asked. Ran frowned and then slipped past the younger blonde to head into the room where Ken stayed. His eyes widened when he saw the empty bed.
"He's not here." Ran stated, though there was a flicker of panic in violet eyes. Omi wasted no time.
'Crawford! Ken's gone!' He called out telepathically to the American. In the shop, the leader of Schwarz's eyes widened.
'What do you mean he's gone?' Demanded Crawford.
'He's not in his room?' Schuldich joined the conversation, having picked up the conversation through his telepathic abilities.
'Iie, Fujimiya-san doesn't know where he is.' Crawford was growling silently when he heard this. Fujimiya yet again. First, he didn't watch Ken properly and got him hurt and now, he let him out of his sight yet again and Ken disappeared.
Ran and Omi stepped into the shop, Omi looking flustered and Ran kept his cold mask, although Schuldich's eyes could see that there was a definite strain in their emotionless leader's eyes. Maybe there really was something more than meets the eye with Ken.
"Any idea where he'd go?" Youji asked. Omi ran his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture.
"I don't know. Ken-kun usually goes off somewhere during the week doing various things. He could be in the park, in the stadium...by the harbor..." Omi's voice trailed off.
"The park." Ran said quietly. All eyes were focused on the stoic redhead. "It's Thursday isn't it? He's got soccer practice." All eyes widened.
"And you know this how?" Youji asked.
"We've met before." Ran said. "Before we knew that he's from Schwarz and I'm from Weiss. I was at the park and I saw him coach."
"Aa, Ken-kun does coach a group of kids soccer." Omi said, nodding his head. "But he should be resting! What is he thinking? He's a target!"
"Lets not waste any more time." Crawford said just as he headed out the door. Omi sighed as he followed.
'I wish that he'd at least TELL me when he goes off.' He thought.
"Great job Kyosuke!" Ken shouted, clapping his hands as he cheered his kids on. A beautiful raven-haired girl stood beside him, shouting encouragements at the team along with the brunette. Her amethyst eyes sparkled with excitement as one of the boys scored a goal.
"Yeah! Go Sei!" She shouted, clapping excitedly, then tugging at the blue cap that Ken had placed on her head minutes before. "They're really improving, aren't they, Ken-kun?" She said to the brunette. Ken nodded, whistling loudly.
"Thanks to our resident assistant coach." He said, winking. The girl blushed and waved her hand.
"Ken-kun! Don't tease me!" She exclaimed, pouting. Ken laughed at her reaction, feeling absolutely relaxed every time he's near the shorter girl. At the age of 18, Naoko was at the top of her class and had volunteered to help Ken coach the kids. She was a soccer fanatic like Ken and often the two would swap stories and their opinions on the latest matches. Naoko shared Ken's enthusiasm for both the kids and the sport.
"Ne, Ken-kun?"
"Hmm?"
"You look a little tired." Commented Naoko. "Daijoubu ka?"
"Daijoubu, Nao-chan." He said, ruffling her hair slightly. She beamed at the nickname, though there was still a trace of the blush on her cheeks.
"KEN-KUN!" A voice shouted, Ken looked up and groaned.
"Busted. Damn." He muttered.
"Nani?" Naoko said, just as she peered over her shoulder to see the newcomers. She noticed Ran first, having seen him before. "Your friends?"
"Hai." Ken sighed dejectedly. "I don't know how they found me, though."
"It could be the redhead, Ken-kun. He's been here before, hasn't he?" Naoko asked.
"That's true. But I thought he wouldn't care less. Well, unless Crawford threatened him of course. Darn it."
"In trouble?" Naoko grinned impishly. Ken gave her a look.
"Don't get me started, Nao-chan." But he couldn't even scold her, Omi had reached them by this time.
"Ken-kun, what are you doing out of bed? You should be resting, not running around!" The usually genki teenager exclaimed, worry etched in his features. Ken felt slightly guilty to see his best friend so frazzled. After all, it really wasn't Omi's fault. Omi didn't know what Ken's reason for taking off.
He wanted a breath of fresh air. Anything to get away from Fujimiya. But instead, he pasted on his foolproof mask and grinned at Omi. "Maa, maa, gomen ne chibi." Ken said lightly.
"Ken-kun, you're ill?" Naoko asked in alarm.
"It's nothing, Nao-chan." Ken said reassuringly. There was an exchange of looks from the group and Ken had noticed too late that Schuldich and Youji were there too. Youji had tried to get some information out of Ken, mainly about his preferences. No such luck for the older blonde though.
"Mind introducing your little friend to us?" Youji asked, his tone teasing. Ken rolled his eyes.
"Naoko-chan, these are friends of mine, Omi, Youji, Schuldich, Crawford and Ran." Ken said, naming them off one by one quickly. "Minna, this is Aoi Naoko."
"Hajimemashite." Naoko said, bowing politely. There was an exchange in sniggers from the two sociable Weiss members, but was quickly hidden after Ken sent a death glare their way. Although Ken might not be an expert in death glares, when Kenken glares, woe befalls those who piss him off.
"Nice to meet you, Aoi-san. Although I'm afraid we have to leave, we have to get Ken-kun back." Omi said apologetically. Ken gave him a look, but didn't say anything. What a perfect way to end a perfect day.
Ah, sarcasm. It's the way of life.
"What the hell was he thinking?" Muttered Crawford as he drove the car. He was stuck with three Weiss members while Omi rode with Ken on the brunette's motorcycle. The day Ken was injured, his teammates were forced to bring his bike to the Weiss home because they knew the brunette couldn't part with his prized possession.
When they finally arrived, Crawford stepped out of the car and stalked over to where Ken and Omi were, getting off the bike themselves. "I want a full explanation to this stunt you pulled, Hidaka and I want it now." He snapped.
"Easy does it, Brad. Remember your blood pressure." Ken said lightly, smiling at the older man.
"Schwarz cannot afford to lose a member with such an important case in line. Do you understand that?" Crawford demanded. Ken's eyes darkened at his words.
"Of course I understand. Schwarz and Kritiker can't afford to lose a prized assassin." He said calmly, but it was a calm before the storm. And seconds later, the storm was unleashed. "Do you think I fucking care?" He exploded, jade eyes stormy.
"I'd thank Kami if someone actually comes and kill me, at least it beats hanging around here, getting my mind fucked up." He shouted. "I'm tired of all this! I don't fucking have a past, Brad, I don't have anything to turn back to. You all have something left, I don't fucking have ANYTHING! I'm stuck in this endless cycle forever."
"Ken-kun," Omi said hesitantly, trying to calm his friend down.
"I'm a person, damn it! I'm not just a telekinetic! I'm not just a codename! I'm not just another of Kritiker's assassins! I can't live behind a mask for the rest of my life! I can feel! I'M NOT A FUCKING TEST SUBJECT!" The brunette's tirade ended there, his breathing haggard, his body shaking. He looked down, bangs shielding his eyes. Without even a moment's hesitation, Omi threw his arms around the older male.
"You're not a test subject, Ken-kun!" The blonde exclaimed. "You're Ken, you're my friend! You're a part of Schwarz!" Blue eyes looked at Crawford. Even the usually uncaring American had a flicker of emotion in his eyes. After 12 long years, Ken finally broke down.
"We're not in Rozenkreuz anymore, Ken-kun." Omi said soothingly. The brunette shook his head, bangs shielding his eyes.
"No, we're not. But it follows me everywhere Omi." He whispered. The three members of Weiss could only watch with mixed horror and fascination at the unfolding events. Slowly, Ken looked up, revealing for once unmasked eyes. The pure intensity of the anguish seen in the brunette's eyes was enough to send even Omi stumbling backwards. "You weren't consumed by the flames, Omi. You weren't left there to die."
"We came back for you, Ken." Crawford said finally, after a long pause. "We didn't leave you behind."
"Not then, not now and not ever." Omi broke in, nodding with determination.
Ken shook his head, letting out a bitter laugh. "Don't make promises you can't keep, I taught you that, Omi. Don't forget."
The next morning
"Anno, Fuji...Ran-san?" Omi said quietly. Ran was sitting on the couch of the living room, leaving Youji to watch over Ken and Schuldich and Nagi in the shop. Crawford was in the shop too, on the phone with someone.
"Hn?"
"What did you say to Ken-kun?"
"What makes you think I said something to him?" The reaction was too quick for Omi's liking.
"Ken-kun doesn't react like this unprovoked. I know him too well." Omi said, looking at Ran not with accusing eyes as Crawford had done. It was more of understanding. "Will you tell me? For Ken's sake?"
"It's personal."
"Are you getting back at me for what happened between Nagi and I?" Omi asked carefully. Ran glared at the younger boy. Yes, he knew too well what had happened between Omi and Nagi. He had heard them talk the day after they shared their kiss.
Apparently, there was mutual attraction between the two young assassins. And both wanted to find out more about where this could lead them. It was all Ran could do, he had found the temptation to get his katana and practice it on the young Schwarz member almost irresistible. But for some reason, he didn't do it.
What scared him about it was that, he didn't do it not because he was worried about what Kritiker or Schwarz would think. He didn't do it because he thought Ken wouldn't be happy about it.
"Well, we can do it the easy way or the hard way, Ran-san. It's up to you." Omi said with a shrug.
"Damn you Schwarz." Hissed Ran. Omi's eyes hardened.
"Yes, I am a Schwarz member. Yes, I am of a rival team. But right at this moment, my BEST FRIEND is in pain because of you, asshole! So are you going to talk or do I have to use my powers on you?" Ran was taken back by the venom in the words from the usually genki assassin.
Grudgingly, he finally said, "What do you want to know?"
So, will Ran tell Omi the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so Farfie'll hurt God? Oops! Sorry, wrong line. ^_^
Omi hears what happened between Ran and Ken. Weiss, Ran especially, learns a pissed of Omi is not a good thing. Ken slips out again and in his aimless wandering, he was captured. How to find a missing Siberian?
Next time in Chapter 5 - Into the darkness
Review please!
