2,000 hours ago in the distant land of Danada Town Square:
The good midget Beth was headed to a delightful lunch with her friends at Noodles & Company when she saw a strange glow from a nearby store: BATH AND BODY WORKS. The sign glowed evilly, emanating a strange green light that seemed to pulse with every movement. Beth sensed something was wrong, but naïvely—and stupidly—suspected no evil could be at work within the deep recesses of Bath & Body Works. She edged closer to the entrance, feeling a sudden desire to step within and sniff all that was shiny. However, Beth felt a sudden sense of wrongness; perhaps it was the cloaked figure with cadmium blonde hair standing outside the entrance. Before the midget had time to react, someone stepped out of the sinisterly darkened entrance and smiled at her warmly, inviting her to sample a new product created out of dark and distant factories in the east. Unable to say no to anything that looked like it was alive—another consequence of having a haywire maternal instinct—Beth allowed her feet to lead her into the store, and consequently into the evil of those terrible eastern lands.
Beth was impressed by the scented varieties and shininess of the product the minions (a.k.a. salespeople) called glitter. She sniffed some again and felt an odd, yet pleasant, sort of head rush that made her mind immediately shut down and allow the extreme girly (and thankfully generally repressed) side of her to take over all mental and physical functions, particularly those involving shopping and thinking—or rather lack of it. Unable to resist the call of the evil product now that she had the urge to buy all things makeup-related, Beth pulled out her money and spent more than half buying the scented glitter, fortunately saving enough to buy some food for a starving evil midget. Making the purchase felt oddly pleasant; the salesperson smiled at her in a manner that indicated she had done something extremely good, so Beth knew she would be coming back for more. Her hands kept desperately reaching to unscrew the cap on the substance of evil (a.k.a. glitter), but Beth managed to resist the desire until she reached a safe distance from the looming eyes of the many people inside (most likely lured just as she had been). When she opened her very own bottle, a gargantuan yellow light engulfed her and brightened the speckles she was rolling on her skin, causing her to squint slightly but then stare hungrily at the play of light illuminating her pastry—pasty (though non-Victorian) skin. After all, Beth had just stepped outside.
Meanwhile, the mostly kind and helpful friends of Beth were becoming worried about her fate. After all, Priya was threatening to eat them unless they ordered quickly, and Jennifer and Andy were afraid of having large chunks ripped out of their skin and swiftly entered into someone's digestive tract (Priya was hinting this fate very strongly). Actually, Andy didn't really want to hear any more detailed descriptions of how he would have his epidermis, dermis, and finally the subcutaneous layer—along with several million cells—painfully torn off and skewered on a fork unless they found a table to sit at. Feeling slightly nauseated, Jennifer decided they had to do something to prevent Priya from describing just how delicious eyeballs could be; the friends had already heard quite a bit of how Jell-O ish eyeballs could be, except with a stronger, richer flavor of course.
Jennifer sighed. "I'll go check outside," she acquiesced. Priya finally smiled, although a glint of I'm-going-to-roast-your-eyeballs (along with I'll-savor-every-bite-I-take-of-your-mortal-flesh) remained in her diabolical and highly satanic brown eyes. "Don't take too long, Jenn," she advised in an unnaturally kind tone that seemed to hint at further death threats. Andy merely ignored the two semi-midgets and stroked his beautiful, shiny, and fingerprint-obscured driver's license, pretending he couldn't see how much he resembled a Percy. Truthfully, he was trying to pretend none of them existed, but as he still couldn't bend a spoon, Andy felt safer just staring brainlessly (not that he ever stared intelligently…) at his gorgeous little driver's license.
Walking outside, Jenn shut her watering eyes away from the terrible ultraviolet glare of the midday sun, and managed to squint across the narrow street to another line of shops arranged in a 'U' formation like a cul-de-sac. She wiped tears from her unhappily streaming Victorian eyes, and turned to the eerie green glow of BATH AND BODY WORKS when she noticed a short (not to her, but to most humans) figure with brown hair staring at something sparkly. "There you are, Beth!" she 'shouted' eagerly, running towards her midgety friend. However, little did she suspect what had taken place inside that bastion of evil also known as a store. After all, Jenn currently had no defense against the cruel sparkling power of the glitter; she'd even left her purse (stuffed with Victorian pornographic magazines and catalogues, naturally) behind.
Beth smiled, wishing to give the semblance of normalcy—the evilness slowly permeating her mind made her far more scheming than before—and shouted in her midgety voice, "Let's eat! E-e-e-e-he-he!" Jenn sighed thankfully and they headed back to Noodles, unaware of the ensuing war….
The aftermath turned out to be quite interesting. Andy, whimpering and unable to leave the chair he'd taken inside Noodles & Co., sat there; he was blissfully unaware of all the strange stares the other patrons were giving him. Or, rather, had been giving him; most of the other customers had walked out when Beth had unleashed the first blast of glitter, causing Priya to pull out several weapons (mainly rubberbands), and Jenn to threaten death-by-purse, which (obviously) ended up in everybody dancing to the Oscar Mayer bologna song.
