The Council of AMC 30:

Only three people attended from the beginning: Jenn—who was still tempted to buy some glitter herself, Priya, who wanted to start another fight with her dangerous sprays-of-certain-death, and Andy, who was hoping for some good food and a chance to gloat about his gorgeously Percy-ish photograph (and of course, the other information on the license, mainly the height, which was sure to earn him a swift kick in the shins).  Jessica was expected later, along with Daniel B. (who only came in hopes of meeting Beth and showing off his "skill" with computers, which was mainly because he was too stupid to learn anything else) and Staci, that paragon of artistry, at least when compared with the rest of her highly lacking friends.

Jenn came bearing an enormous poster of Orlando Bloom dressed as Legolas in half, and as a pirate in the other to offer the group.  Priya rolled her eyes and wondered about the best and most ravishingly evil way to destroy the thing, while Andy giggled girlishly as he slashed a 'sword' about on some cheap video game that could be played by anyone with an I.Q. of at least 20i squared.  Staci looked blankly at the wall for a minute, and remembered to pull out the plans for the deadly Midget Trap, which would hopefully release their formerly good midget friend from the clutches of the deadly glitter.

Jess snuck up behind Jenn, who was sighing longingly at the semi-ugly elf/pirate loser, and poked her.  Jenn squeaked loudly (at least for her), which set off a chain reaction of evil laughter from Priya, Jess, and Andy, and of course follow-up attempted pokes, repeated 'ni' included.  When Daniel finally showed up, he saw what he thought of as Beth's immature friends, and wondered if he could take the Charlie's Angels cardboard silhouette as a gift for her.  While no one was looking, he instead ripped an arm off of Lucy Liu and stuffed it inside a large sack he'd brought to steal computer parts with, causing him to not download the AMC database and give Beth free movie tickets for the next 87 years, 6 months, and 24 days.

"Why are we here?" Staci wondered out loud, trying to prevent the insanely giggling children from noticing that she was ticklish too.  Although she found Jenn's situation amusing, she highly doubted that she would want to end up in it too.  "Um…wouldn't Lifetime Fitness have been a better place to meet?"  Staci didn't know what had made her think of such an absurdly random thing, unless it were just an excuse to change locations before the friends had to go in and watch The Core.

Before anyone could say anything, Priya screamed, "ROCK CLIMBING!" and pushed everyone over to Lifetime, where they had a pleasurable hour climbing.  After Andy managed to convince himself that the auto belay wasn't going to kill him (the silly leprechaun had found his way to the top and now needed a method to reach the bottom that didn't involve scattering grey matter and brilliantly red blood all over the strange rubber-pieces-covered floor), the friends snuck into the clubhouse of Village Green, Priya's old apartment.  It actually wasn't that difficult; someone had managed to break the flimsy yellow-and-black striped gate off for the seventeenth time that month.  They had had to leave Daniel behind at AMC 30 because he was acting strange, but tied him up and made him promise to distract Beth so she wouldn't understand their plans to bring her back to normal.  After all, if Beth knew about the Midget Trap, then she would have been able to prepare herself to avoid it.  Not thinking of what the friends' real mission was, Daniel was almost overeager to perform this job; he planned to show Beth the arm he'd taken from one of Charlie's Angels, but his mother came and picked him up before Beth showed up.  He was quickly shut in his room, bribed by the lure of having a new, faster computer with software that produced pickup lines for every occasion.  It wouldn't hurt to have a backup plan in case Beth didn't have the time to download the 34,992 songs Dan had found supposedly describing their "relationship".

In the meantime, the friends had started to plan out Staci's trap, discussing what materials they would use for the chainsaw, butcher knife, and Samara poster.  "Guys…why don't we just use a chainsaw, butcher knife, and Samara poster?" Andy asked exasperatedly, trembling with the fear that some of the guys at Wheaton-Warrenville South would come in and notice that he was hanging out with a bunch of girls, even if some of them were actually more violent than most men with criminal's syndrome.  Priya, Jess, and Staci were on their 400th round of pool, with no intentions to stop although the cue ball had taken a leave of absence and there were no sticks in sight.  Staci suddenly turned around, being the first to notice that Andy hadn't left a long time ago, and nearly stepped on Jenn, who had been sneaking a quick look at the Victorian Maxim's 2003 Bare Ankle Calendar and who quickly stuffed it inside her purse, accidentally bending one of the precious ankles (when she finally noticed what had happened, Jenn re-ordered the magazine, inadvertently funding Priya's mission to gorify all Victorian pornographic magazines; there was nothing like dead bodies on every page to really impress people, in Priya's rather twisted opinion).

Jess looked up from throwing a red ball at the 8-ball (she was actually trying to sink a blue ball) and said with wide, horrified eyes, "But that's too easy!  I mean, like, there's nothing remotely entertaining about an actual chainsaw and a butcher knife—or even a Samara poster!"

Priya's eyes glinted evilly in a very un-glittery sort of way.  "Why don't we just, um, dress Andy up as Samara?  That should work even better than a poster, and I'm sure Andy would enjoy it!"  Andy snorted and clearly indicated no, this was not the sort of thing he'd like to spend summer break doing—wearing women's clothing and long hair just wasn't on Andy's to-do list.  "If you do this, we'll let you, like, gloat about your driver's license," Priya bribed.  Andy sighed.  Well, it would be an excellent chance to brag, even if his parents assumed he was homosexual; they were beginning to doubt his heterosexuality after he came home smelling like a fruitcake….

"Back to business," Jenn 'shouted' in her squeaky little voice, somehow managing to catch everybody's (even Priya's, although she was laying out plans to take over the larger part of Asia) attention.  Some of those Victorian tricks with an open fan could really draw attention.  "Does anyone know about the, um, evil weapon of Beth's choice?"  Jenn shuddered slightly, unable to imagine something so horrifyingly…well…evil.

Andy flushed, making his freckles nearly disappear.  "I—I found one on the floor…after…you know…".  Everyone gasped.  Andy with an unbroken glitter bottle?!  Oh well, stranger things had probably happened before.  Or maybe they hadn't—it wasn't really relevant at the moment.  Shaking slightly, Andy pulled on a rubber glove that had somehow materialized out of one of his pockets and drew it out of a Bath and Body Works bag he had in one of his other voluminous pockets.

Everyone gasped again, enthralled by the sparkling of the object Andy held in his hand.  The glass bottle contained millions of tiny and extremely shiny green-blue-purple-pink particles, which looked as if they desperately needed rolling on to someone's skin.  Jenn, the first to recover from this magical sight, shook her head to clear her vision, and had to slap the other two girls.  Priya screamed, horrified at being taken away from something shiny, but thought about the makeup part and shuddered, imagining the forces that had perverted shininess into some evil creation.  She actually was suffering inner turmoil; on one hand, it was makeup, but on the other hand, it was shiny, but it was used to decorate people's faces, but it was such an effective weapon…and so on.

Staci made a face at the immature little midget children and proceeded to improve her drawing.  Jess, who still hadn't heard the full details of the Danada incident, poked Andy, nearly eliciting an overtly girly squeak from him, and demanded information.  Andy sighed, but acquiesced to tell his sad story.  For some reason, Jess hadn't chose to poke Priya (perhaps it was the look in her eyes as she imagined Orlando Bloom's violent murder), nor had she poked Jenn (maybe because Jenn looked so confused over why she still existed), nor had she poked Staci (then again, Staci was staring at a picture of Mana, her favorite transvestite rock star…).

No, it really didn't make much sense as to why Jess had chosen to demand information from Andy, although maybe she just enjoyed tormenting oversized leprechauns.  Andy had been trying to surreptitiously sneak a few cookies from a gleaming black tray on the granite counter near the small kitchen without drawing the girls'—who would definitely end up on deadly sugar highs—attention.  The way they were behaving might have tipped Andy off that they'd already had sugar, but he was too befuddled by the concept of a fireplace, kitchen, exercise center, pool table, and management office all in one location to question anything else at the moment.  Either way, he commenced to describe the fateful events that had set the scene for the War of the Glitters.