A/N: Please review!

Chapter 5 - Help

Xander had been sitting in his apartment all day, trying and failing to

forget about Anya. Even though it was very late he couldn't sleep.

Now he really wished that he hadn't run away on their wedding day but now it

was too late. She was gone, disappointed and angry. Of course he could have

gone to her, she was probably at the Bronze, but he still felt like the

coward who left her on the day that was supposed to be the happiest day in

her life.

"I'm such an idiot!" He whispered to himself.

There was a demon for everything, why couldn't there be one to turn back the

time and make stupid mistakes undone? But he knew there was no way, he had

done something wrong and he had to live with it.

Maybe one day he would be able to convince Anya that he truly loved her,

with all his heart. But until the time had come he would just sit there and

wish that all this hadn't happened.

The last year had been horrible enough, one catastrophe after another. First

Joyce had died, which had been a terrible shock to everybody, then Buffy had

died, then they had brought her back, unfortunately pulling her out of

heaven, then she had had problems in dealing, then Spike had died to safe

her life, which had made her feel even worse, Dawn had also suffered and

still wasn't over it yet, and to make it all perfect two weeks ago he had

had to make Anya unhappy as well.

Great!

Sometimes he wished everything would be as it was when they had still

attended High School.

This had been such a great time!

And now everybody had worse problems than getting an F in history or

fighting some vampires or even stopping an apocalypse.

His musing was disturbed by the telephone. He took he receiver and said,

"Yeah, Xander Harris."

"Xander, it's Giles. I need to tell you something."

"What is it? Forces of evil threatening to destroy the whole world?" He

nearly hoped that it was something like that. What he really needed now was

a distraction and he wouldn't get it by sitting in his favorite armchair,

thinking of the most horrible year in his whole life.

"No, not really. It's more about something Dawn has done."

"Oh, come on, what can she do which is so terrible?"

"Well, it's not all bad. Not... not really. You have done it once, too. She

had brought someone back from the dead."

Without thinking Xander knew who it was. "Spike!?"

"Yes, he's with us again."

Xander and Spike had never been friends but somehow he was glad that the

vampire wasn't in hell anymore. After all he had done he didn't deserve it.

Wait, if he had been in hell, didn't that mean that he was as Angel had been

after he had come back?

"Was he in hell? Like Angel?"

"Yes, I fear so. But he doesn't behave like Angel did, not like any wild

animal. But he's confused and afraid. They have hurt him terribly and they

have starved him. If you come over tomorrow would you please bring some

blood with you?"

"Sure, how much?"

"As much as possible. He really needs it."

Xander nodded, even though Giles couldn't see it. "Don't worry, I will get

you something very early. I will call sick at work."

"Ok, thank you. And... uh... do you know where Anya is? She should know,

too."

He hesitated a moment, then nodded again. Maybe this would be a chance to

talk to her. "Yeah, don't worry, I'll tell her."

"Thank you. See you tomorrow."

"Yep, bye."

With that Xander stood up and made his way to the Bronze.

**********

Anya sat on the bar, watching the band, listing to the depressing music and

nipping on her drink.

Of course she had thought about going back into the vengeance business, but

she didn't have the heart to do so. Probably she was too much a human

already.

All she could think of was Xander.

Why had he done this to her?

Was it her fault?

What had she done wrong?

She wanted to ask him all this but she didn't dare.

"Coward", she thought for herself. "I'm such a coward."

Suddenly he came in, looked around, found her and came towards her.

She wondered what he wanted.

When he stood before her he smiled a shy smile, not like him at all. She

found that cute but dismissed the thought immediately. This was the man who

had hurt her terribly, he had left her on her wedding day, and because of

him she suffered.

Why should she now smile to him?

There was no good reason.

Except that she loved him more than anything in this world.

But right now this wasn't enough.

"What do you want?" She asked coldly. 'He may have given me the greatest sex

of all my life but this doesn't give him the right to do what he has done!'

She decided silently.

"Well, Giles wanted me to tell you that Spike is alive."

She looked at him as if he had completely lost his mind now. If this was

some way to get to talk to her it was a lame trick and even she knew that it

was more than insipid. "Have you gone insane? That's nothing to joke about!"

"No, I know that. But if it's a joke you must tell Giles that it's a bad

one. He really called me about half an hour ago. He said Dawn has brought

him back."

"Like she did with her mother?"

Xander just nodded.

"And what can we do now?"

"Giles asked me to bring him some blood in the morning. Maybe you want to

come with me?"

Anya thought for a moment. Actually she had planned to stay as far away from

him as possible. But this seemed to be impossible.

She sighed sadly and then finally she asked the question she had wanted to

ask him all the time, but until now she hadn't had the strength to do so.

"Xander, do you still love me?"

**********

"Xander, do you still love me?"

Those few words had taken him completely by surprise, but he didn't need a

second to think about the answer. "More than words can say."

He saw the tears in her eyes. "Why didn't you come then?"

"I don't know." He sighed; he knew if he wouldn't tell her the truth now he

would he would lose her forever. "I guess I was just afraid."

"Afraid of being my husband?" There was so much disappointment in her voice

that t nearly broke his heart to hear it.

"No, never. Being married at all seemed kinda scary suddenly. Well, I think

I was just stupid. If I could change it I would be happy to do so, but I

can't. All I can do is ask for your forgiveness." She raised an eyebrow.

"And look at you with large, sad puppy-eyes which could melt the hardest

stone," he added quickly.

**********

Anya couldn't help but laugh at this.

Yes, this was her Xander. Couldn't stay serious for five minutes.

Maybe it was stupid but she believed him.

"Did you plan anything for tonight?"

"No," she answered a little surprised.

"What do you think about cinema then? I'll pay the tickets and you the

popcorn."

Again he showed his large, sad puppy-eyes. "Sorry, I don't have enough money

for both and I still have to buy Spike's blood. Giles said he would need

much."

"Ok, cinema sounds good."

She didn't care about paying the popcorn, she was just glad that she had him

back. Now she realized that he meant much more to her than all the money on

the world.

**********

"What about Willow and Tara?" Dawn asked after Giles had called Xander.

The former librarian shook his head and smiled. "Don't worry, I will call

them as well. I first have to look for the number of Willow's parents."

After that he took the receiver and dialed the number.

**********

Willow and Tara were lying in a not so large bed. "I'm so sorry, honey," the

red haired Wicca said again.

Her girlfriend rolled her eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry about, Will.

It's not your fault that your mother is a little..."

"Unnerving? She didn't even want us to sleep in the same bed! And no kissing

outside the house! That's so stupid! I think she's still ashamed that I'm

lesbian."

Tara sighed. "Again, it's not your fault. You don't have to apologize. I'm

just sorry that your mom can't accept it."

"Me too."

Suddenly the telephone rang.

Willow rolled her eyes. "I'll go."

She went out of the room and took the receiver. "Hello?" While she was

talking she walked back into the room she shared with Tara.

"Willow, something happened tonight."

"What is it, Giles?" She asked and sat down on the bed again, very close to

her girlfriend.

"Dawn brought Spike back."

"What?" Willow nearly yelled and jumped a little.

"Yes, he's back. But he's in a bad state, I think we can be sure that he has

been in hell."

"Oh my god! Are you in your apartment?"

"Yes."

"Ok, Tara and I will be there as fast as we can."

She didn't give him time to reply. Actually she was even glad that they

could brake up the visit sooner.

"What happened?" Tara asked.

"It's Spike, he's back."

"What? How?"

"Dawn, she did a spell."

"Oh god!"

"I promised Giles that we would be there soon." She smiled brightly. "That's

something good, isn't it? I mean, we don't have to stay here any longer."

Tara couldn't help but smile back at her. "Yeah, I guess that's good."

**********

"They'll be here soon."

"I thought it would be enough if everyone came in the morning?" Dawn seemed

a little curious.

"Yes, but Willow didn't wait for me to tell her. I think she was glad to get

away from her mother."

"Is she that bad?"

"Well, it's a nice lady, but she can be a little unnerving at times. And she

doesn't accept Willow's relationship with Tara."

"Oh."

"Well, you should get some sleep, Dawn. Is it alright for you to take the

sofa? Willow and Tara will need a little more space and so I thought that

they can have the guest room"

When she nodded he started to prepare the sofa for her, knowing that she

wouldn't get too much sleep after a night like that.

**********

Dawn had just fallen asleep when the doorbell woke her again.

She sat up tiredly and Giles, who had, without wanting it, fallen asleep in

the armchair, stood up and walked towards the door.

"Try to go back to sleep. That must be Willow and Tara."

Dawn didn't fall asleep once more, though, but watched the two witches enter

the apartment.

"How is he?" Tara asked worriedly.

"He's asleep, Buffy is with him. We can't do anything tonight, you two

should go to the guest room and get some sleep. Dawn and I will stay in the

living room."

"Ok, thanks," Willow muttered and the two of them went to the guest room.

**********

"Good morning!" Giles said as Dawn opened her eyes.

"Morning," she murmured.

"Do you want some breakfast?"

"Sure." She sat up and yawned.

"You didn't sleep well, did you?"

"No, I dreamed of him." She looked to the ground while she was sleeping. "I

dreamed of how he has been tortured in hell. I could hardly stand it."

Giles sighed, took the egg aside and went over to the sofa. Gently he laid

an arm around her.

"I saw how they chained him up and beat him, burned him, didn't give him

blood and whipped him. I heard him scream, Giles - and... and I couldn't

help him."

She sobbed. "I tried to get to him, but I couldn't move, I had to watch and

listen to his screams."

"I know it's hard, but you brought him back, Dawn," Giles tried to comfort

the distressed girl. "He will be fine."

Again the doorbell rang and the watcher had to smile when he saw that Dawn

hastily wiped her tears away. She didn't want anyone to see her cry.

He stood up and opened the door.

Xander and Anya were standing before him. The watcher was slightly surprised

when he saw those two together, but the woman didn't give him much time to

be surprised. "Hey, is he really here or is this just some kind of sick

joke? You know you would be perverse then."

Giles rolled his eyes; this was just like Anya. As always, she was very...

direct.

Xander just smiled at him a little embarrassed.

"Don't worry, Anya, it's no sick joke. He's here. Do you have the blood?"

"Sure we do." Xander smiled and held up the bag. "We have more in the car,

it's in the car but it was too much to carry it all. Boy, the butcher was

surprised when we bought so much blood."

"Well, I guess he was. Come in, you two."

**********

Ten minutes later they sat together in the living room and ate a little

breakfast.

Then Buffy came out of the bedroom.

"How is he?" Giles asked immediately. "Is he awake?"

"Yes, he is." She looked tired, which most likely meant that she hadn't

slept all night. "Did anyone bring some blood?"

"Yeah, Anya and I did."

"That's good. I think he's very thirsty."

Giles filled some of the blood into a cup and handed it over to Buffy, it

was cold but the watcher could imagine that the vampire wanted it as fast as

possible. "Thanks," the slayer said with a small smile. "Could you warm up

some more, please? I don't want him to wait until this here is warm enough.

You know he likes it better when it's warm and I don't think this is

enough."

"Of course, just go to him and give him that to drink. Someone will bring

you the blood as soon as it is warm."

"Thanks," she said in a small voice and walked back into the room where

Spike was waiting.

**********

He blinked slowly, to his own surprise he had slept very well. He had

thought that the pain and the memory wouldn't let him rest, but he had been

wrong.

Because of the exhaustion and, which was even more important, the hand that

had been holding his all night he had been able to sleep dreamless and

peaceful.

But now that he was awake again the memories were coming back, memories of

torture and pain.

And he needed the blood so badly!

He could easily tell that he must have looked like a skeleton. When he

looked at his hand he could see every bone through his pale skin.

"Hey, sleepy-head." He heard a gentle voice next to him. The hand that was

holding his squeezed it a little.

It was hard for him but he turned his head to see the face of his beloved

Buffy.

As always she looked beautiful, a little tired maybe, but still beautiful.

She smiled down at him and carefully stroked his hair. "How are you

feeling?"

He tried to smile reassuringly but failed. It was still impossible for him

to smile, too much had happened.

And for some reason it was as hard for him to talk, as it had been the day

before. Again he couldn't bring himself to say a word, even though he so

wanted to tell her how glad he was that she was there, how good it had felt

to sleep undisturbed for hours and that the thirst was nearly killing him.

But his throat was so dry that it was impossible to get a word out of it.

"Spike, can I do anything for you? Do you need something?"

He sighed and touched his throat. With all the strength he had left he

formed one word. "Blood." Then he looked up at her with pleading eyes.

"Of course, I should have thought of that myself! Just a minute, I'll be

right back. I'm sure the others will have bought some of the stuff by now."

With that she let go off his hand and quickly left the room.

Immediately all the reassurance he had had was gone and he felt terrible,

like a child that was lost in the woods. That made him feel even worse, he

remembered a time when he had been strong, emotionally and physically, but

this time was gone, and he doubted that he would ever be strong again.

Only two minutes or so after Buffy had left the door opened again and she

came in once more.

In her hand she carried a cup, which he had seen before. There were a few

words written on it: KISS THE LIBRARIAN.

Yes, this was Giles' cup; he had drunk from it before, when he had first got

the chip. This seemed like an eternity ago now.

The slayer sat down on the edge of the bed and carefully lifted his head.

Again he felt so utterly helpless, but he let her help him drink. It was

cold, but he didn't care at the moment. But it wasn't much. He hadn't had

anything for years, how could a cup of blood be possibly enough then?

"Don't worry," Buffy said as if she had read his mind. "Giles wanted to warm

some more up before you drink it. We know you don't like it cold."

"Thanks," he whispered hoarsely. Now that he had drunk something it was a

little easier to form words but still it wasn't as easy as it should be.

"That's ok. We'll have you back on your feet very soon. You'll see."

He wasn't as optimistic as she was but he was very grateful nonetheless.

In this moment Dawn entered the room with another cup of blood in her hand.

"Good morning," she said with a small smile on her lips and he couldn't help

but smile back - his first smile for such a long time (even though it had

been a very, very small one) - but Dawn was like a younger sister to him and

it was so good to see her again.

The girl handed the cup over to her older sister and then told Spike, "Be

careful drinking it. I think it's a little hot. Giles says it's not but I

don't believe it."

Again Buffy lifted his head and let him drink. Dawn had been right, it was a

little too hot, but not that bad.

"Giles wants me to bring him the other cup so he can warm up some more," the

teenager said.

"You can have both," Buffy replied and handed the empty cups to her sister

who left with them.

"She's worried about you," the slayer said. "She loves you like a brother,

do you even know that?"

He looked at the blankets for a moment. "Love her, too."

Buffy couldn't hide a smile. "I know you do, and Dawn also knows." She took

his hand again. "Are you feeling a little better?"

He only nodded and it wasn't even a lie. He really did feel better but he

knew that it would take him a long time and much more strength to lead a

normal life again.

TBC